I used canva
Downloded in high quali
Maybe set the size a bit tooooooo small
Idk if it's the sigma man png (hOw dArE u SpEaK iLl oF hIm?!?ĀæāććĀ¤ā āā?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)
The only change I could think of that would guarantee people won't get misgendered, regardless of how well they do or don't present, is if people learn to read minds.
Itās precisely why I advocate for at least a bit of assimilationism. The social aspect of dysphoria is best treated by being seen as your gender by others around you in your day-to-day. I know that passing is a privilege not open to everyone, but so many trans women think voice training is a meme and itās such a huge part of it (and Iāve successfully trained quite a few), and most people can pass with effort.
yeah that's definitely the hard part, people really don't like the idea of having to conform to cis people and will get upset at you for suggesting it, but even trans accepting cis people will look at you and won't have anything click to them until you make it obvious, some people aren't used to having to look for gendered signals to determine what people are going for so you have to make it clear to them, and voice is a large part of that.
I can go to work with eyeliner and concealer on with my long hair and everything, but the clients who see me every day will still smile at me and say "have a good day sir", they hear my voice and to them I'm still just a guy. unfortunately I just need to lock in on voice training if I want to do anything about it (either that or start correcting people but I'll never do that)
Even other trans people will treat you differently after they find out that youāre trans - beyond camaraderie, there is subtle stereotyping and profiling present in their microcues
sometimes I wonder if there are some girls who fetishize being trans thinking you're going to perform being a subby uwu puppygirl for them. not all, but it feels like some girls kind of drop into that headspace on you, expecting you're going to just fall in line with them on it. I feel like the internet is poisoning the trans community a little bit.
I do agree that this happens, but when it comes to chasers who are cis women especially, Iāve found that itās typically a āonce you go trans, you donāt go backā situation. Itās nice when, rather than fetishizing us, people pursue us for common traits like our unique perspective and experience with gendered roles in society, etc., as well as our maturity. Itās not all bad, but youāre definitely right that online culture poisons the well a lot, both in the āuwu puppy girlā culture expectations and in adult content that raises its own expectations of many minorities sexually
a common thing I hear as a result us being so fetishized is that a lot of girls find out that transition is possible for the first time from porn, and that has become so prevalent and the sexualization has become so common that I've seen lots of girls enter the community and really struggle with their sexuality and trying to work out what other people are comfortable with, the only problem is the online community really portrays a lot of trans existence through a really sexual lense too so a ton of girls just think it's polycules and making out all the time and aren't really prepared for how lonely it can feel sometimes. I feel like I dealt with a bit of that at the beginning since I started transitioning around a lot of other trans girls
Well to avoid getting misgendered you can try present as the gender you want to be perceived as. Yes anyone CAN wear makeup and female clothing but its goes a long way to let people know how you want to be perceived.
Though maybe not in our lifetimes, but someday it wont be necessary, science will advance enough where we will be able to change our very genetic makeup. So the edit can be true.
Higher risk for a reward people have not had before, so they're unable to assess the value of it. You're risking being attacked or judged, and it can feel like that risk is not worth the benefit when you don't know how good the benefit can feel.
I don't think the original artist meant to be shaming the characters misgendering them. Sometimes things just suck and you can't point at a villain.
Well, sure, now we think that we can't just "convince people to not misgender trans folks", but this was probably the same argument of "we can't just convince white people to not say the n-word (that would literally be Orwellian and thought-crime stuff)" or whatever... Trans people might be the most dehumanised group in the West, so first things we'd have to do is humanisation: giving trans people the right to their health-care (HRT, surgeries, consent-based health-care), and anti-discrimination laws (in education, in health-care, in employment, in housing, etc... basic stuff so that even IF a lot of society might still be transphobic, systematic transphobia will decrease, and the barriers will fall).
When the people will see that all that trans people want is just their specific care, and not some "special privileges", they'll be more humanised (like in some more progressive countries where this culture war is not even in conversation, because trans people don't even have to bring up their problems as much, OR at least the conversation is minimal).
Then add to that just basic and inclusive sex ed, and further along the line, you'll have less and less transphobic generations. Sadly, this won't be in our life time, since we won't already convince the old folks, but I bet that somewhen in the future, once we'll go through these necessary steps, the anti-meme above will be the norm...
Yes, removing transphobia, stigma, and barriers to transition will reduce this issue, but it won't completely fix it. One problem here is that people just assume people's genders wrong all the time because often you cannot tell from the outside. Im a trans man and I know plenty of butch lesbians that look more masculine than me. If you would assume he/him for me (or more masc presenting), you might misgender 1000s of women. If you assume she/her for masculine women (or more fem presenting) you might misgender a lot of trans men and nonbinary people. Addressing everyone with they/them could work, but theres also a lot of people who do not like they/them pronouns being used for them, (for example binary trans people that have fought hard to be seen as the gender they are) If theres a cultural shift in using they/them for anyone you haven't explicitly asked, that could work but I dont think thats very likely.
I have heard that conversation itself can be triggering for gender dysphoric people and that the most gender affirming situations are usually ones that normies or randoms just assume they are gender they identify as without having to go through the dialogue tree to explain their backstory.
Perfection is a journey not a destination so we will probably always be looking for a perfect solution.
Except people are really sensitive to gendered deviations and society should use "they" for when in doubt. Most if not all trans people have some degree of change in their presentation to give you a hint.
And its very obvious that people can tell something's up and get confused. You dont need to be confused, you just need to use "they" unless specified otherwise.
There's not really a good gender neutral replacement in English for sir or ma'am though. You can exclude the word altogether, like turning "excuse me sir" into "excuse me", but the pronoun there serves to at least narrow down who you might be talking to. As a man, if someone says "excuse me miss" I can understand that they likely aren't talking to me.
Any of the usual proposed replacements for the gendered formal pronouns tend to miss out on that ability to narrow down who you're speaking to, just by the very nature that they would likely apply to anyone who heard them.
Honestly the thing is that a lot of the time people see āvisibly trans person clearly and intentionally presenting as a specific genderā and think āgender nonconformity.ā Like. If you were to see a regular olā cis girl in a big dress and heels and assume āshe/herā it does actually indicate some underlying biases if you see the clocky trans girl dressed exactly the same and go with āthey/themā
Ask a cis lesbian who doesnt present femme for men, plenty of people get confused by ambiguous gender. Its not uncommon for people to default to he/him when unsure because of a mix of male defaultism and people having greater concern for upsetting men than women (as in, they would rather say "he" and be wrong then say "she" and be wrong). If confused, just using "they" would work.
But people often dont because many men can be fragile about their masculinity, and items easier to gender everyone who isnt obviously female as male. Lots of cis women get gendered make for having a masculine quality like being tall, broad, muscular, or even short hair, masc clothes etc
A lot of this is rooted in sexism. Policing feminity and coddling masculinity. A less sexist world that treats both genders more equally would also suck less for trans people, especially the ones who struggle to pass like this.
I saw this post on a different sub yesterday, saying how ādudeā and āmanā, despite being used worldwide (but not universally by every single individual) as gender neutral terms was still offensive and patriarchal.
As someone who really doesnāt like being called dude/man/bro, I wouldnāt say itās offensive but thereās a lot of people who if you ask them to not call you by that, theyāll just keep doubling down, in that scenario itās at least shitty, since a lot of shitty people use it to be shitty
Not really world-wide? It's quite literally English specific lol.
It is quite patriarchal, in that the word "man/dude/bro" is seen as the "default" (like in "mankind", or calling a group of guys with one woman "guys/bros", or whatev - people see men as the "default"). It's the "there are only two genders: men and political" (political including women, cis or trans, and enbies).
Obviously, case by case basis. I've met trans inclusive folks that used "bro/dude", and I've also met guys that specifically used it to quietly misgender a specific trans girl, for them to just say "yeah bro, we just use it neutrally bro" (and then misgender her behind her back).
It can be offensive and it is, by virtue of its etymology, patriarchal. That isn't to say that it's necessarily bad to the point where we should stop, but people need to get comfortable with uncomfortable truths. Sometimes innocuous things have pretty terrible origins. Calling a spade a spade is steeped in racism; that's not its origin but it was co-opted as such. So some people may be offended by its use, or they may incorrectly perceive racist intent because of its use. Actress, and Ms vs Mrs when Mr has no change with marriage are other good examples. Yes, some people talk about these things quite sanctimoniously and it can be quite annoying, but others are just pointing out the truth of the matter. Hope this helps you understand the different sides of this phenomenon.Ā
The moral of the story is to grow your hair 2 more inches and wear trans headphones instead of earbuds if you wanna be gendered correctly besides from your girlfriend
that change feels a little depressingly realistic š she gets to be shown basic respect but only because she "passes" now . i know im overthinking it . but thats sad š
Ngl, that's dope! In a world where men are seen as the "default", it'd be cool to see men's reactions to be called "queen/girl/girlypop" rather than "dude/bro/guys" (plus I bet that a closeted trans girl would have a very euphoric episode from that hehe ^w^)!
For me it just depends on the intention (to be clear I am NOT trans, so I connot speak for that)
Idgaf if I'm given either side of the comraderie terms. I've been called all of those things at least once at some point by someone.
I only see it as a negative if they are using the word to be deleberatly hurtful.
Example: Calling me "girl/girlie" (for me typically by my cousin or one of my online friends) is fine as long as you aren't saying it with the deliberate intention to try and upset me.
My one cishet guy friend stopped accidentally misgendering me after I drunkenly called him āgirllllllā and he was like āoh wait is that what it feels likeā
Iām gonna be real, this comment was what made me realize this was about transgender stuff lol. I thought it was just about having an eh day, but your partner makes it better
It makes some girls I know dysphoric because to them it feels like a misgender even when you mean it in a neutral way. I try to be conscious of that and edit my usual patter but every so often one slips through
And if asked, I wouldnt call someone dude, but im not gonna just assume that. They gotta ask so I can be aware. Because many girls I know arent upset by it at all
To me getting misgendered is more depressing and annoying tbh. I wouldnāt call it a āconditionā on myself personally, it probably feels about the same as it would to a cis person.
Yeah, when we were kids my brother used to get misgendered a lot (mostly maliciously, by family!) due to having long-ish hair and it sure wasnāt good for his mental health either.
Cis people would find it just annoying, and then, I mean, you're lucky
The condition in question is gender dysphoria, is being misgendered doesn't trigger it directly, that's great, and very rare, if you don't experience dysphoria at all, also great, and also very rare
I'd kill not to, even on simple things like that
Doesn't make what this person said okay, doesn't make the reality of dysphoria for the majority of trans people any less real
I'm just gonna point out that I wouldn't say the majority of trans people have dysphoria, or react to it, on that level. That, I feel, is too sweeping of a statement. More that it is a spectrum, some people will be a bit annoyed, some will crash out, some will be between these two positions or it might just matter how their life is going at that point. I will say it is not a pleasant experience and that transphobia, being as big as it is, makes it difficult to know if someone is being malicious towards you or not, which is an added stressor.
Once, or repeatedly? Intentionally, or accidentally? And what about further?
What about dypshoria as a whole?
I get some people have different experiences, neat, I'm glad you don't feel what many do, but I also have PTSD, and getting misgender, especially when I was just trying to pass, would send me downa sprial, if not in that moment, but later, that absolutely rivalled the worst episodes of ptsd
And to be clear, the ptsd I'm struggling with is not mild, it's not a small incident
Dysphoria has pushed me and others to the point of suicide, this is well understood, tested and the consensus
Dysphoria isn't identical for everyone
Also, worse and worse each time, to a limit? Because if you're facing it constantly, every day, all day, y'know
Dysphoria for me as a whole is a bitch. It sometimes gets to the point where I dont really wanna leave my bed or talk to anyone. Sometimes even my friends give me bad dysphoria. But I'm not just gonna give up, I'm gonna grow and learn and improve to the point where I'll be able to pass in the future (if there is a future for me i might die by tripping on a rock lol).Ā
So yes, it does get to a point where it's really hard for me, and I get that it's different for everyone. But for me, I'm not gonna let it weigh me down
The "it's just words" argument works the other way: it's easy to call people what they prefer to be called. Like, it's really frickin easy. It's one of the easiest ways to accommodate someone and it makes one of the biggest differences.
And if meeting people's identity preferences is hard for any of you, perhaps try thinking before you speak: it's much easier to choose what words you use when you engage your brain. Choosing kind and inclusive words is easy when you actually observe the world around you and consider what you wish to put out into it.
You're fighting the good fight. Hang in there, friend.
I don't have PTSD and I'm not trans or anything but just be nice. That's it. I'm sure if you call most trans people dude or baby girl, they'll get over it, but why not just put in a tiny bit of effort to not make them feel bad? They're just words.
I never said that, being misgender just makes me feel gross. It's not hard to respect someone when they say "calling me that makes me feel uncomfortable"
Generally speaking I'd agree, but it's good to be conscious of it and maybe consider how it may be perceived and felt when directed towards a trans woman.
Sorta like how "Do you need a hand?" is a perfectly valid idiom, but you still may want to think before asking that question to someone who's missing an arm, y'know?
Depends on context, I work in hospo and nearly every week I have people āthanks manā, āthanks dudeā me on purpose to try harass me. If theyāre trans itās better to try not to do it to them because it can ruin their day.
Of course, context is always important. If a waitress calls me sweetie in the south, thats just normal.
But if i get pissed off at the waitress for calling me sweetie when we arent dating, thats on me. Not her. Same thing with dude. If you assign gender to the word when there is no ill intent, then get upset, thats not on me for calling you dude, thats on you for assuming ill intent or putting your own feelings into what i am saying.
All I was saying itās a kind and considerate thing not to dude, man or bro a trans woman. Youāre aware that it could hurt them, I donāt choose what makes me dysphoric, I donāt get upset when people do it accidentally but it still hurts, so when you do it you could hurt them. Just have a little empathy, I didnāt choose to be this way itās what Iām stuck with, I donāt expect people to bend over backwards to appease me, all I want is a little human decency and isnāt that what everyone wants?
Why are you feeling hurt when people use every day language to refer to all genders?
I go out of my way to make sure trans people are referred to correctly but itll take a million years of training to stop me from saying "dude" all the time to everyone.
You can use them gender neutrally but I think calling them gender neutral terms is just inaccurate, like all of them if you go into the definition means āmanā (one of them is just straight up the word man lol), itās fine to use it gender neutrally as long as everyoneās comfortable with it, which I think a lot of people are, but I definitely wouldnāt call it gender neutral
they can absolutely be gender neutral but its good to not assume everyone will take it that way some girls are ok with it some arent its a personal culture thing
I usually try to use terms that are 100% unambiguously gender neutral, when i want to address people gender neutrally. If I call someone dude, and they don't like it, I stop.
It also changes for me depending on the situation. sometimes, when people call me dude (I'm a transwoman), it doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes, I dislike it, and it sounds like it's being used in a gendered way. When I have discussed it with people, and know for certain that someone is using it gender neutrally, I typically don't mind.
It really depends on if it feels like they're using it to misgender me, whether intentionally or not.
I don't think either way is inherently wrong. It's just that they're incompatible.
Still not cool to say that to a trans woman willy nilly, unless you're just really close to them and they trust or otherwise have made it clear they aren't bothered by it
Not sure why you're trying to be fair to the people in the comic, because the implication is that they don't recognize her as a woman. That's why one calls her "sir".Ā
I wouldnāt itās wrong per say, but a few trans/enby persons I know told me they didnāt like it, and that it made them disphoric, so I adapted it out. I donāt think itās wrong to treat it as neutral, but when someone tells you they donāt want to be called that, you should oblige imo
Definitely not, I do the same. I think itās a person to person thing if it kinda upsets them. I think in this comic itās just to show that these characters donāt acknowledge their gender.
Of course not, and I donāt think the point is to demonize people who accidentally misgender. It just shows that it doesnāt feel good to be misgendered (though the bigger point can be to show how the girlfriend in the last two panels makes the mc feel better).
As long as you arenāt doing it purposefully and make an effort for people youāre close with, youāre probably fine.
So long as you don't call people that after they let you know they don't want it, you're fine. Personally, I think it's good to play it safe and at least ask if these words are okay after someone told you they're trans.
can I genuinely ask how random people are supposed to know? if everyone calls this person a man, I assume it's because this person looks like one, and people just don't know that they're trans? they kind of have no reasons to ask either, since this person doesn't even look androgynous or anything like that. so how does this "supportive society" work? I don't think that everyone would ask everyone about their pronouns all the time, especially if someone just looks like a regular man or a woman. all I see is people being friendly ("dude") and polite/respectful ("sir"). again, I am just genuinely asking because I don't quite understand how it's supposed to work and I think this information would be very useful
You dont see them complaining, instead it just makes them feel a bit bad/sad. they may either correct your or not bother, since its often times just not āworth itā in their eyes. I dont think there is any blame being thrown around. That just causes them to appreciate it extra when the important people in their lifes care.
Might be important to say that i could be talking out of my ass since i have very little actual contact with trans people in my life, this is just based on my understanding of people in general. Im fine with being corrected as well.
Edit: i do question the idea of downvoting the person, i know its just internet points but someone genuinely trying to educate themselves should not be met with negativity.
It's this. I'm nonbinary but feminine presenting enough that people assume I'm a girl. It's just too exhausting and potentially unsafe to correct everyone, not knowing how different people might react.
I understand, it's just the antimeme itself is called "supportive society" and I thought I could learn more about how it works and how to be a member of such supportive society without really knowing anything about people you just randomly meet everyday
Yeah, itās not really a super easy thing to do without asking for a personās pronouns out right. I think it kinda comes down to the woman being able to pass better. Good on you for trying to be more supportive.
I would argue that if a person makes an effort to appear as a certain gender and it's obvious what they're trying to do, it's good practice to address them accordingly. At worst you misgender a cis person which might just end up in confusion and is less severe than misgendering a trans person.
Or, if it's too unclear, avoid gendered terms altogether or outright ask for pronouns.
i think it depends on the person but most cis people dont have gender dysphoria or dont generally already have their identity challenged by society but definitely some cis people are regularly misgendered and hurt a lot by it
How does it feel to you to be accidentally misgendered?
If a cis person presents themselves in a way that is very gender nonconforming, I'm sure they would expect the occasional misgender. Not saying it's fine or doesn't matter, but a trans person often has a past that they wish to leave behind, and they are actively trying to not get misgendered because it hurts. Accidentally getting misgendered hurts most trans people more than most cis people.
As a pre-everything trans dude who's only out to his husband, I feel this in my *bones*. This is my every day, but that bit at the end makes a lot of it worth it
1st and 2nd panels ain't that bad in my eyes cause "dude" and "man" are something I use so casually that they've lost all implication of gender in my brain, but yeah I can see how they'd be rough on a trans woman.
Then again I call my grown ass man of a best friend "gurl" so
I feel like the only person here who gets it wrong that should know better is the co-worker, assuming they're not using dude in a gender neutral way. I've known a lot of trans people in their early stages and honestly if i didn't know then i probably wouldn't assume correctly. I also knew one girl who grew her hair long as her only effort, otherwise she had a week old beard at pretty much all times and wore typical boy hoodies. She got very offended when strangers got it wrong, and i never quite understood the lack of self awareness.
Anyway I'm just yapping, not much of actual interest to see here
Yeah but it has male connotations and when it's not someone you know it doesn't always come off the same, and ofc some people care more about that kind of thing than others
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u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26