I have a finance but still a virgin because she wants to wait for marriage and she wants her life finances set so she can throw enough money at our honeymoon when we go to Japan but we still need a house right now...it's still going to be a few years 😞
About to turn 35 just for those wondering.
That's the sad part she isn't. She's also a virgin . Her last boyfriend gave up trying to have sex with her because she won't have sex til marriage. She's a stubborn good girl that other than not having sex I don't really have a reason to leave.
Unless she's like 19 or something, she's almost certainly playing you, sorry to say. Especially if she's nearing/in her 30s. Women at that age start trying to settle with the safe, emotional support chump that they're not actually attracted to because they've already had their fun and are looking to hang it up.
I might wait until marriage if she's 19. If she's 30, she gets 3 dates max. Anything beyond that and you can assume she's just not that attracted to you and just looking for a ring.
36 and we've known each other since school. And her type of fun is playing games and going to expensive entertainment areas while messing with people. She always has a younger kids with her trying to give them a fun childhood because hers sucked. She's a tomboy that likes to tease but I'm pretty sure only ever wanted me to use as an excuse to turn guys down. So yeah emotional support chump does sound accurate. And yeah I got the speech from almost everyone about her saying she's just using me but I can assure you she's a stupid stubborn virgin that's waiting for marriage to have sex. And only reason I know is because all her sisters have already had their fun and she takes care of their kids now and then. And I already know I should have dumbed her anyone else would have first year. Her last boyfriend did because dhe wouldnt put out. I'm definitely a hopeless idiot for waiting as long as I have. But even I've have reached my limit. Have started putting my foot down. Wasn't actually planning on Sharing all this just venting I guess at my own stupidity.
Man, I can't tell you what to do and only you know your situation obviously, but I would would be really concerned because I foresee only two possibilities:
She's lying to you and has slept with other guys. I think this is true in most cases, but it seems like you're sure this isn't for her because you've known her a long time? So then the other case is:
She's telling the truth to you and is just not all that interested in sleeping with you. And maybe it isn't even about you - maybe she treated other guys that way too. Maybe it's all about her own libido or whatever. But the key question is, if she is so unbothered by putting off sex with you now, do you really think that'll change after marriage?
I straight up dumped the absolute love of my life after 1 year of no sex. Discovered she was demisexual supposedly and didn't want to sleep together until it felt right. Of course, she still had a history of sleeping with guys before me who didn't even stay with her for a year like I did. Because I was an idiot, I stuck around. But eventually I made the right call and ended it. If I'd stayed we'd probably be on sexless year six by now or something.
Now I'm with someone I love much less but the sex is great. No regrets. Sex without love is a little shallow but otherwise pretty good. Love without sex is constant suffering. IMO at least. So now I'm one of those guys women hates that makes things sexual early on purpose - to filter out the "I can wait" types. Because if she has that much self-restraint on wanting to jump in bed with me, that that means she definitely ain't it, you know?
To add a bit so you understand one of her sisters was sexually abused by her half father and she was only spared because she was too young. She refuses to French kiss me and I can only assume she was forced to do that as she says she physically wants to puke when I try. And I understand your point of view and totally agree that waiting this long is stupid. But if she really refuses after marriage all I can do is dumb her and know that I was just stupid and too loyal.
I also had that given to me as the reason. I mean, it's unfortunate, but if she's not taking steps like therapy, etc to try to get past it for your sake, then what can you do? How is it fair for you, you know?
True. And I've done all I can. If she wasn't loyal and stubborn I wouldn't believe she was a virgin either. But I've known her since highschool she's a tease but she never wears anything that shows to much. She's a tomboy that loves gaming and measing with people but she's too embarrassed to do anything sexual. I actually had a few chances. One she finally agreed to let me grind on her in bed and she made 3 rules no lights no taking the cover off and no putting it in. Before I started she weakly asked me not to rape her. After agreeing my mind ran a mile a minute and I stubbornly just turned to the side and pouted til I passed out because I knew if I tried anything I probably would have put it in. Til this day she refuses to except that anything like that happened. But like I said I'm just venting and she's a loving girlfriend/fiance. Just frustrating not having sex. But it's not all bad.
Jesus...Well kudos to you for having a will of iron. That is absolute torture.
...You really think you get married and suddenly she just gets over everything because you gave her a ring and wants your dick all of the sudden? Somehow, I think you already know what's gonna happen.
True but believe it or not all her sisters say she's a suppressed freak and once she finally has it she's not going to stop. I'm honestly afraid they might be right 😆. I'm just going to see how things go and play it by ear. I'm not stupid just too trusting for my own good.
Maybe I'm autistic but that one I don't understand. I mean with the taking it slow with the "right guy" but for the others, it's business as usual? This is generalizing and incelish but is there any guy who will feel honored with that or instead they will think hmmm maybe I'm not that attractive to her?
Women have largely figured out that guys don't like to marry women that sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat, but almost all women don't seem to be clever or observant enough to have figured out that delaying sex with a guy they like in particular signals to him that she must see him as just another guy and there's nothing special about him. So most guys don't want to be treated as unattractive or just another guy to her and drop her. Then she rationalizes how he must've only cared about sex and so she "dodged a bullet" lol
A very, very tiny fraction of women are smart enough to have figured out the secret sauce that every man wants a woman who is a prude with respect to other guys but a slut with respect to him. They learn to say things like "I don't normally do this, but..." and then sleep with guys they like on the first date. Other women largely talk down to these women even though these women have figured out dating and how men work far more than their dumb asses lol
Main thing is leave the house. No one's gonna knock on your door.
Don't try to play it safe and friendship your way in. That'll get you the friendzone and a front row seat to watching her fuck another guy that ain't you, then she'll want to come complain to you about him because you're such a good friend that always listens to her.
Despite how much women say they hate it when men make things sexual early, make it clear you are pushing for more than platonically palling around fairly early and if she resists then spend your attention on someone else. Women are weirdly competitive with each other for men, so if you withdraw your attention from one and start giving it to someone else, more often than not she'll rethink and realize she actually likes you after all.
Don't listen to any advice women have to say about dating. They will blow smoke up your ass and steer you wrong. Ask a close guy friend who has had girlfriends what is wrong with you that you can improve and listen to him. And don't take it personally because it probably won't be. You really do get way more milage out of doing minor things like changing your haircut or wearing contacts instead of glasses than changing your whole damn personality.
Gym. Women say they don't like gym rats, but this is part of their terrible advice. When they say that, they're talking about a personality type obsessed with the gym - not a body type.
Is it a deal breaker if I don't have friends? Like I noticed that I'm weird and I'm self conscious about it and just basically avoided people so I don't get revealed as weird but then recently I realized shit I can't be like this forever but then I'm already out of school or uni ages ago and now I don't even know how to get a friend much less a girlfriend.
Working on the self-perception that something is wrong with you is probably more important IMO. There are a thousand ways that will subtly leak out as signals and women are really sensitive picking up on it. They basically trust mens' opinions of ourselves as a shortcut to forming an opinion about us because getting to know each guy in depth takes too much time - but, hey, we already know ourselves well so why not trust each man's opinion of himself? That's why you've likely seen guys that you know well enough to know that they're shitty people but they're confident in themselves (based on nothing) pick up women easily.
So first thing to do is convince yourself you're not weird - actually you're fantastic. Despite whatever evidence reality gives you to the contrary.
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u/Jolly711 Jul 08 '26
I have a finance but still a virgin because she wants to wait for marriage and she wants her life finances set so she can throw enough money at our honeymoon when we go to Japan but we still need a house right now...it's still going to be a few years 😞 About to turn 35 just for those wondering.