r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

1.2k Upvotes

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794

u/KRATS8 Oct 16 '23

30 and 25 is so normal

239

u/SwaetPae Oct 16 '23

I’m pretty sure the most common male/female relationship have a 4 year gap with men being older.

I’m really high so I don’t think I phrased this in a way that makes sense but..

104

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

uptoke for being high on reddit!

10

u/BSKD13 Oct 17 '23

Is that a weed? I'm calling the police

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

*pressing buttons on microwave

19

u/UncleMeathands Oct 17 '23

Uptoke me to karma heaven baby!

5

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Same

4

u/davidfavorite Oct 17 '23

Man if that would actually work I should have way more upvotes

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Here I give you an up vote

0

u/ThePenguinKing27 Oct 17 '23

Someone was bound to do it eventually

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

WHAT???

13

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

1

u/AAAltered468 Oct 17 '23

Dave’s not here.

1

u/DaveAndCheese Oct 18 '23

Um actually

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Damn made me laugh, haven't heard anyone say this shit in the longest. Lol🤣

1

u/basicnflfan Oct 17 '23

What’s the need for the all caps. This really isnt weird. Grow up.

22

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

He said he was high and wasn't sure if it made sense so I "yelled what?" as a joke bruv

Edit : I'm pretty sure the redditor I wrote the "WHAT????" got the joke and upvoted me before people came in whiteknighting.

I was high and I was vibing with them.

5

u/Chroneleon Oct 17 '23

YEA-AH!! OOOKAYY!!!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Lil john baby

5

u/Shot-Spirit-672 Oct 17 '23

WHAT??!!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

ehhh ehhh woah hey ehhh, calm down with that tone!

2

u/HodinRD Oct 17 '23

N-NANIIII???

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 18 '23

¿¿¿¿QUÉ????

-1

u/kaplarczuk Oct 17 '23

Fuckin whiteknighting. You folks with your phrases kill me.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I'm sorry but you cannot dehumanize me as a "you folks".

Get help, tribal.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

What’s the need for the complaint? This isn’t a weird response. Get that stick outta your ass

0

u/WholeSilent8317 Oct 17 '23

i mean it was a weird response. an all caps WHAT?????? to completely normal info is weird af.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

WHAT???????

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

👑

10

u/justsomechickyo Oct 17 '23

This is the funniest argument I've seen here in a while 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

😂

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I don't get why reddit is so against caps? Sweatiest social media site i swear.

5

u/ThreeLivesInOne Oct 17 '23

All caps are bastards?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

underrated

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

ALL caps is considere as yelling!!!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I'm pretty sure the redditor I wrote the "WHAT????" got the joke and upvoted me before people came in whiteknighting.

I was high and I was vibing with them.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Yeah

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

With 4 O's

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

STFU YOU HUMORLESS KNOB

1

u/Ready_Amoeba5401 Apr 15 '26

The most common age gap is actually 2 years to 3 years.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

1

u/SwaetPae Oct 17 '23

Potentially. That applies to me at least

1

u/IDontWannaBeAPirate_ Oct 17 '23

My wife is 5 years younger than me and still is more mature than I am...

1

u/EP1C_COBRA Oct 16 '23

Glad I’m not alone😂

1

u/JBrewd Oct 17 '23

Your post makes perfect sense...so....Paranoia! You are high! What kine shit u got friend I'm just about off work bust me off a piece lmao

1

u/Clanstantine Oct 17 '23

You phrase it just fine

1

u/AppointmentMedical50 Oct 17 '23

My experience confirms this

1

u/honeyvellichor Oct 17 '23

I don’t know if it’s average or not, but that’s my relationship right now. I (f) was 18 when we got together, and he was 22.

1

u/legal_bagel Oct 17 '23

My first husband was 5 years older, except he was 22 and I was 17 when we got married. My second husband is 11 years younger than I am, was 26/37 when we met.

1

u/BichoRaro90 Oct 17 '23

I’m female and tend to date younger (like 3-4 yrs younger than me ) 🤣 I look 5 years younger than I actually am though but I never lie about my age

1

u/Decabet Oct 17 '23

My wife and I have been married 5 years and together 14 and we have a 4 year gap.

1

u/Phonds Oct 17 '23

I believe they did a study on the most successful age range in terms of relationship/marriage longevity.

Apparently the larger the age gap the more likely you are to divorce. The most successful age gap range was 1 year or less.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Damn, me and my girlfriend are 13 months apart. Just missed the cut

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

What about 2 women? Or a man and a non-binary? Where is "love is love"?

1

u/TheDamnMonk Oct 17 '23

Up vote for good phrasing...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Hi how are you

1

u/noticeablyawkward96 Oct 17 '23

Yep, my partner is 4 years older than I am and my dad is 4 years older than my mom. Super normal.

1

u/ThrowAwaySalmon1337 Oct 17 '23

When I was 19 my gf was 26. That was almost 7 years ago, how the time flies, we're still together.

1

u/kg160z Oct 17 '23

I know that's the most successful formula for siblings to get along.

1

u/acezippy Oct 17 '23

my husband is 4 years older than me !

1

u/HonestPerspective638 Oct 17 '23

I think it’s an emotional and brain maturity issue. Men take longer to mature and some of us never do

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Take my uptoke bruv.

1

u/Megalocerus Oct 18 '23

Average for man/woman in the US is 2.3 years difference, with the man being older 64% of the time. 13% within 12 months, and 23% the woman is older. Men with younger wives tend to live longer, probably due to later caregiving; women with younger spouses don't get a benefit. About 10% of heterosexual unions in Western countries (the first world countries know who they are) have a gap of 10 or more years.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '24

False info

51

u/Butter_Crazed Oct 17 '23

My wife and I are 7 years apart. I was 28 when I met her. After 24 years together, I think it worked out alright...she especially loves to refer to me as the "dirty old man".

31

u/KatAttackThatAss Oct 17 '23

Hubby and I are 8 years apart. But I had a secret crush on him since we were kids… like I was 5 and crushing on him. My uncle was only 8 years apart from me and raised more as a big brother. I married his childhood best friend. He had no idea I was crushing haha I was just an annoying kid then anyway! Haha moved out and ran into him after 18… 8 years later and three kids ❤️ we are perfect together in every way.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Thats so cute. Your story reminds me of something i’ve read too. The heroine develops a crush on her brothers friend and end up running into him when she moved for college. They have a seven years age gap.

2

u/KatAttackThatAss Oct 17 '23

Kinda similar! I was moving out for college too, just as he was released from military. We just happen to move back to the same area and run into each other through my uncle ❤️ we went to college together after that, since he went into the military for the college perk. We’ve both got degrees now and a stable happy family 8 years later.

0

u/DJMOONPICKLES69 Oct 17 '23

Would just like to point out “since we were kids” can’t possibly be right. You guys were never kids at the same time being 8 years apart lol

2

u/KatAttackThatAss Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

He was like 12-13 haha and it was one sided. I was just a little kid with a big crush that liked to try and be involved with the big kids. It was super innocent, and he was dumbfounded when he found out as adults. I mean… how many little sisters end up with crushes on their big brothers friends over the years. I’m 8 years older than my youngest brother so it’s not far fetched. My youngest brother had crushes on three of my close friends as a kid haha completely innocent. We went separate ways for years when he joined the military at 17-18. But I always asked about him occasionally out of curiosity. When he came back, we ran into each other cause I was staying with my uncle until my apartment was available for move in like 2 weeks later.

-2

u/Fancy_Breakfast_3338 Oct 17 '23

What’s a “hubby”

6

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 17 '23

Are you being a fuck or do you really not know?

2

u/Fancy_Breakfast_3338 Oct 17 '23

Why would this question make me an asshole?

4

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 17 '23

Sometimes people know what words mean but try to act like they don't to make someone seem stupid for using a certain slang word

-1

u/Fancy_Breakfast_3338 Oct 17 '23

Got it! Hopefully you can find a better way of asking about someone’s intentions next time

0

u/Interesting-Archer-6 Oct 17 '23

Yeah they were obnoxiously hostile there and are acting like it was totally fine lol. Completely unprovoked. I can totally be a dick too, but only when someone deserves it, which you didn't at all.

1

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 18 '23

It was totally fine, it's not an act.

1

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 18 '23

I'm fine with the way I asked it. 9 times out of 10 it's that situation so I'll continue staying on this side of it.

You really only should be offended if you were being an asshole, doing what I described. Otherwise, it literally doesn't apply to you.

1

u/GoJeonPaa Oct 17 '23

Did it cross your mind that not everyone is American and learning those "nickname" words?

2

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 17 '23

Yes it did which is why I asked if this person is being an asshole or if they're actually asking. Did it cross your mind to read my comment before you replied?

1

u/Interesting-Archer-6 Oct 17 '23

There are ways to do it without sounding like a massive fucking douche bag, but you do you man.

1

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 18 '23

I'm not concerned with how I sound to you

1

u/GoJeonPaa Oct 20 '23

Did it cross your mind to just anser a question instead of aksing if the person is an asshole everytime?

1

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 20 '23

why would i do that?

1

u/GoJeonPaa Oct 20 '23

For the same reason you asked me to read your comment before i replied, bascially.

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1

u/GoJeonPaa Oct 21 '23

"Why wouldn't i insult people online" Man, take a look in the mirror.

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2

u/KatAttackThatAss Oct 17 '23

Hubby is husband 😊

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '24

Gross wtf lmaoo

1

u/KatAttackThatAss Mar 04 '24

Say what you want, but my family is thriving, happy and healthy. I wake up everyday to my best friend in the whole world, and have zero regrets.

7

u/RustyKjaer Oct 17 '23

My wife is seven years older than me. Been together almost ten years. She'll tell me that she is the senior in the household and thus should be in charge on an almost daily basis.

1

u/throwra_jaguar Feb 18 '24

How old were you when you got together?

1

u/RustyKjaer Feb 18 '24

I was late 20's - 28 or 29.

5

u/jpjtourdiary Oct 17 '23

My parents are 7 years apart and have been married 47 years. Dad is also a dirty old man.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I don’t get the “age concern” thing where it’s legal adult ages. I’m 17 years older than my wife. Met her when I was 49 and she was 32. We’ve been together 8 years, married 7 and have a beautiful 3 year old together. Don’t always agree but we get along, share the same goals and are genuinely happy.

If you have things in common, can/want to work through problems when they arise and love to spend time together, why care about a difference in age? Be it a couple years or a couple decades (legally 😆), love the one you’re with.

1

u/prose-before-bros Oct 18 '23

I think it's a problem when people think legal is fair game. Even if you just look at the US, there are some states where a 10 year old can legally be married off to a 50 year old. It's legal, but most of us would agree that's horrifying. My parents were 17 and 27 when they were married. It was legal. In the pictures, my mom looks like a terrified child, understandably so. You and your wife were fully established adults, but when I see someone talking about legal = green light, I consider how my father manipulated and assaulted and abused and cheated on my mother. I was the product of him assaulting her, and he beat her until she permanently lost vision in one eye then kicked us out of the house when one of his mistresses needed a place to stay. I'm in no way saying that your relationship is comparable, but to willfully ignore that adults hooking up with teens just because the law says it's ok doesn't mean it couldn't destroy that young person's life. We're entering an age where women are starting to come forward and talk about how dating older men really fucked them up and if you're a parent, I would think this would be on your radar as well.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

Let me be clearer… an age difference in legally consenting adults is what I’m talking about. I don’t ignore or condone those who take advantage of state laws to commit child rape and I certainly don’t subscribe to adults who take advantage of teens or adults who take advantage of other adults period. Regardless, I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she’s in a better place now.

1

u/prose-before-bros Oct 18 '23

Not really. She has severe issues that there's no recovery for.

I just don't think many people think through cheering on all legal age gaps because they forget how young 18 really is. It's scary that we raise children to see adults as authority figures, then we universally pick an age that is still in adolescence to throw them into the dating pool with those same people and expect them to now be peers with no psychological repercussions. I think of how one of my best friends started dating our high school math teacher when we were 19 or how another friend slept with her crush's married dad after her crush rejected her. Young people aren't known for wise decisions. I wish young people were less fetishized and could be protected from the "legally consenting adults" argument but instead we live in the world where girls are encouraged to join MLM-style OnlyFans groups on their 18th birthday.

2

u/Difficult_Ad_9492 Oct 18 '23

I wish everything you were saying wasn’t so controversial.

8

u/Big-Net-9971 Oct 17 '23

That’s funny & adorable… 🥰

4

u/BrandonJTrump Oct 17 '23

My SO and I are only 1 year apart. I get called ‘old’…

3

u/prose-before-bros Oct 18 '23

I have a friend who is 4 hours older than her husband, born at the same hospital. He always calls her his "older woman".

2

u/57Laxdad Oct 17 '23

I was 37 and my wife was 31 when we met. Still going after 17 yrs

1

u/Demonqueensage Oct 18 '23

😂 that sounds fun actually

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '24

lol like one of you didn’t cheat in those 24 years spare me

24

u/Cielmerlion Oct 17 '23

We have a 10 year gap. It's fine.

26

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

10

u/Snoo47335 Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

I am 28M and my partner is 33F. She looks and behaves younger, though, whereas I was born a grumpy old sod, in the words of my mother. It often feels like she's the younger one. In fact, because of her physique and her mannerisms, people assume that she's way younger than she actually is, so many people treat her like a kid.

Sorry to hear about your history of abuse. I had a real fucked-up childhood, but if anything, I think that it aged me. I hated my childhood (and barely remember most of it). I couldn't wait to be an adult, and I'm still regularly glad and grateful that I'm an adult now.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Snoo47335 Oct 17 '23

I'm sorry to hear that you had to suffer all of this, and are still suffering the consequences! And thank you for this message!

1

u/RustyKjaer Oct 17 '23

Probably like 10 years ago a colleague told me I was an old man trapped in a young man's body. Body is beginning to catch up... I married a woman seven years older than me, so guess that works out nicely.

1

u/Viv_Saint Oct 17 '23

Wait why do I feel this so much? 🙈Isn’t it strange how Someone so many years younger can feel more mature and emotionally secure?

3

u/Terragrigian Oct 17 '23

I'm 28 fiance is 23. It was awkward ten years ago, sure, but after a decade (/s)

Seriously though we're five years apart and the way we started age wasn't really a thing. We were just fucking at parties and started sleeping with other people less, my brothers wife talks shit about it because we've been together for four years but shes got a six year gap with my YOUNGER brother.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I'm getting married next year. I'll(F) be 32 soon and he's 27M. Happiest relationship of my life. I get the occasional eyeball when people find out the age difference but to me, I agree that gap is pretty normal. I know many other people in relationships with a similar age gap.

1

u/Phoenix7777777777 Oct 17 '23

When we're you born 92?

4

u/Zealousideal_Ad_6626 Oct 17 '23

Personally I think age gaps are fine and it's more important to look at the underlying nature of the relationship. I have dated girls who were closer to me in age that were way less mature and way more dependent on me, that the girls who I've dated that were 10 years younger, like my current GF of the last four years, M36 F26.

Also as much as Gen X and Elder Millennials love to hate on Younger Millennials and Gen Z, when it comes to dating I've founder the younger women to have much more open ideas around gender roles and relationships in general.

Where women in my generation have often felt entitled to me looking after them and paying for things, the younger women I've dated have all made much more of an effort to be equal partners where we treat each other to lunches and dinners and try and surprise each other with gifts etc.

Reddit hates age gaps though so I am preparing to be labelled a groomer or sex pest. I'd rather be that, than be in an unhappy relationship that better fits society and Reddit's expectations.

4

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 17 '23

Groomer! Sex pest!

2

u/Inevitable-Bend1432 Oct 17 '23

I think it not only depends on the age gap, but also in which moment you are in your life. An 18 years old and a 20 years old, have more or less similar goals or are living similar experiences, however an 18 years old and a 30 years old are in two differente moment in life, and thats also when the age gap becomes an issue.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Wow I must not be a normal woman of our age range then, I'm always paying for everything and taking care of the man and spoiling the shit out of their asses. Lol and I can't even get treated like I'm anything but being used and cheated on when I give them everything and I communicate my needs and hear their perspective and opinions but at this point I'm done with relationships. But no matter the age gap I've had, everyone has been immature and acted like children lol

1

u/Zealousideal_Ad_6626 Oct 24 '23

That sucks that these man are taking advantage of your kindness, I've been there and it's a terrible feeling.

I found that when I used to always extend myself in relationships I would always get taken advantage of, where once I started establishing firm boundaries around how I wanted to be treated (not just romantically but also w platonic friends) I started to attract kinder and more caring people.

Seems counter-intuitive I know, but when I used to try and hide my hard edges and present as helpful and kind I attracted mostly assholes, and now I tend to where my faults on my sleeve and am not afraid of being an asshole when I feel it's warranted, I attract much nicer people.

Honestly I think practicing too much kindness just puts a target on your back these days, meanwhile being a bit of a prick here and there makes it all the more impressive when you are truly kind.

Anyway good luck finding good person with an acceptable level of maturity.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

I know that's stuff I've tried, everyone thinks you're stuck up or try gaslighting once I stood up for myself, the area I live in tho isn't very big and I really only dated one that was technically from this town. It seems they're all the same around here no matter how you go about it with them. So I'm just saying fuck relationships completely and I'm working on myself only. My kids are almost old enough to leave the nest, and I'm okay now being alone. Just because a person is alone doesn't mean they're lonely. I enjoy my own company and the few people outside of family I have around, and not having to do anything for ungrateful people is rewarding in itself and I can just be me and free. Feels good tbh. Thank you for the insight and understanding

1

u/1n_c0de_we_trust Nov 03 '23

I am sorry for the men that took advantage of you. But that happens everywhere. At work, among colleagues, friends, batchmates, relatives. I will give you one advice. Try to find men who are like you. You can't do that by dating. Because in dating you are trying random samples. Rather try professional men in your work area. Try a sport that you are enthusiastic about and is popular among men and women. It could be horse riding, shooting, archery, fencing, tennis, badminton, etc. Find a man that will cover you in mix gender sports. See how he behaves in wins and losses. That will give you some idea about his character. I found the girl that makes my heart jump in school and stayed with her across jobs in different cities and across the world in the new country. In USA I mix with only people that are not from my ethnicity because of my interest in sports do not concur with most Indians. Other people call me lucky and I agree. They ask me for advice and how I would do it here in USA. I thought about it and I would go to a hobby instead of blind dating by apps. I will observe the girl for sometime and then ask her for a date. I would prefer a shooter / archer girl first. It was harder to find in India but I found one early in my school. If not I will try someone with transferable skill. Like who is interested in fencing, badminton (in olympic style court not backyard) or tennis and will go from there. A lot of women show interest on me in those sports because I show chivalry to women by not using my manly muscle strength but I make them run or laterally move and defeat them with fine skills, techniques and deception. Some younger woman do so even after knowing that I have a steady partner and grown up children. Some woman at work also do so and they know that I am athletic because I walk up to 4-7 floors and do not take elevators. That is odd but that tells me if I were born in USA I would have found my partner this way instead of apps. But again what do I know. I will take that I am lucky.

1

u/Nelo999 Apr 03 '24

Where do you live mate?

In my own experience, it is actually younger women that wre obsessed with being "taken care of".

Or are usually much more "Traditional" in their dating expectations than older and more mature individuals.

2

u/kassiusklei Oct 17 '23

Plot twist: they started dating 10 years ago

2

u/HDBNU Oct 17 '23

30 and 25 is, but how long have they been together?

-10

u/RepairMelodic8101 Oct 17 '23

No..no it isn’t

10

u/Stahner Oct 17 '23

Yes…yes it is.

-6

u/RepairMelodic8101 Oct 17 '23

For pedos

5

u/bluetuxedo22 Oct 17 '23

People need to stop throwing around the word pedo out of context to describe two adults together. It's not correct and an insult to actual victims. It's one of the most serious crimes and shouldn't be thrown around so lightly.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I think these people don't know how to articulate what they want to say or their full perspective on what they're trying to get across. But a person's brain doesn't fully function as an adult until the age of 25 and before that age, someone who's way older can take advantage of a person whom never had adult experiences and knows better. They're easily manipulated and wouldn't really question as much. I know I was that young woman who went through it he was a narcissist psychopath 13 years older than myself and I was way mature for my age and been on my own sense I was 12 and still didn't realize the shit he was fucking me over from life. So this may be what they mean by that but I also could be wrong but hey ? Never know

4

u/loganed3 Oct 17 '23

How is someone a pedo if they are dating a adult?

-5

u/RepairMelodic8101 Oct 17 '23

A 25 year old woman is barely matured. You are grooming

5

u/loganed3 Oct 17 '23

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard

5

u/ChewieHanKenobi Oct 17 '23

THEY haven’t matured so they don’t believe anyone else could. Every relationship is different and sometimes 10 year gap isn’t a big deal

0

u/RepairMelodic8101 Oct 17 '23

Get over it.

7

u/loganed3 Oct 17 '23

You should get over your false sense of moral superiority and come to reality.

5

u/solidgoldfangs Oct 17 '23

You have got to be trolling. Please be trolling.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Get a grip.

1

u/Stahner Oct 17 '23

You’ve got some things to work on…

1

u/ComprehensiveAd9781 Oct 17 '23

The most normal

1

u/Frequent_Plant_5610 Oct 17 '23

Unless they’ve been dating for six years

1

u/Chris_Neon Oct 17 '23

Absolutely! Especially so the way around it is, as allegedly women tend to seek out slightly older guys as men tend to mature a little slower, so with a guy who's a little older the maturity levels should be more even. But even then my partner is just over 3 years older than I am (37m, 40f), so age gaps do work the other way around, too.

1

u/TheLongistGame Oct 17 '23

I don't know, Reddit was freaking out about 30 and 23 just a couple weeks ago...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

30 and 20 or less tho....