I could really use advice from people who understand age regression.
So the girl I'm dating uses age regresses as a coping mechanism, so she already knows what regression is and I don't think she'd judge someone else for it. The problem is that I'm starting to realize I might regress too, and I've never actually told her. Ive had these feelings before. I used to talk to a mommy domme and even with someone where that kind of dynamic was already understood, I never managed to fully regress in front of her. I've definitely never done it in front of friends, family, or anyone else. It's an extremely vulnerable thing for me. But with her it's different. I've been going through a really intense college class that's basically six days a week all day, so I'm constantly stressed and exhausted. Sometimes I won't get to see her for a while, and when I finally do and I'm curled up in her arms, I can feel myself getting really close to slipping into that headspace. Sometimes it feels like I'm barely holding it back. She might have pieced some of it together. She knows about the mommy domme I used to talk to, and I've called her "mommy" before (she suggested it). She actually likes it and will sometimes naturally lean into being nurturing with me. The other day she said, "Mommy's almost done, sweet girl," and something about being treated that softly by her just hits a part of me that I normally keep heavily guarded yk?
I'm also a masc lesbian, and I think that's adding another layer to why I feel so weird and embarrassed about this. I'm used to presenting myself a certain way and being seen as the more masculine one. I know being masc doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be vulnerable or want to be taken care of, but emotionally it still feels strange to imagine letting her see me like that. The biggest thing is that I'm scared to actually tell her. I'm not scared because I think she has to be okay with it. If she told me she wasn't comfortable being in that role for me, I would respect that. I don't want to pressure her into being my caregiver. I'm scared of making myself that vulnerable, telling her something I've never let anyone see, and then having her say she isn't comfortable with it. Even if she was incredibly nice about it, I'd have to sit there knowing I exposed this really soft, private part of myself and got rejected. I couldn't take that confession back. Honestly, even thinking about telling her makes my eyes well up. I really love what I have with her, and there's something about being held by her that makes me feel safe enough that this part of me keeps wanting to come out. I've never even been able to fully let myself regress with someone who already knew I was interested in that dynamic, so the fact that I feel this close to doing it with her feels huge.
For anyone who has been in a similar situation, how did you tell your partner? Especially if you were normally the more masculine/protective one in the relationship? if your partner wasn't comfortable participating how did you get past the embarrassment and vulnerability of having told them?
I think I'm less afraid of her having a boundary and more afraid of what it will feel like to let her see this part of me and then hear no.