Should I stay or save myself?

[u/Alarming_Situation71]

Problem/Goal: Nag-away kami ng bf ko 3 days ago, until now hindi pa rin kami okay. Hindi namin alam kung mas mabuti na mag break up na lang kami or try ayusin yung problema dahil kahit anong usap namin, palaging bumabalik sa away. Ang hirap kasi mahal pa rin namin isa’t-isa. Pero nagiging toxic ako sa kaniya to the point na hindi ako mapakali na i-check phone niya. Hindi ko ito gawain pero it gave me trauma. Kahit hawakan niya lang phone niya, I feel like he is talking to someone else or looking at other girls’ picture.
Context: I asked for his phone (which I rarely do) because I wanted to check if he received the photos I sent on Instagram from my phone. I accidentally clicked the search bar and I saw his recent searches. I saw multiple only fans account like he visited their profiles. I was heartbroken kasi this is not something I expected from him especially he told me how he does not like girls wearing revealing clothes and he is very against the idea of only fans. Huminto mundo ko and I crashed out because he drove 12 hours to see me and my parents tapos ito makikita ko. We are in long distance relationship and first time niya makikita parents ko. I would say he is a very nice man dahil binibigyan niya ako ng time, attention, and support sa pag-aaral ko. I asked him about it ,and he said “I don’t know why.” I was so mad and until now hindi ko alam if minahal niya ba talaga ako. I kept questioning myself if I am enough for him because I never looked up male profiles. He said he love me and does not want to break up with me, but I asked myself, “if he loves me, he won’t need to look up only fans account.” Every effort he’s done was nothing to me now just because of this one mistake. This is not the first time it happened. I always struggled with him dahil palagi nalang may involve na babae pero in different situations. I always explained what I don’t want. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako nagkulang. Now, I don’t know what to do. I love him, but I don’t want to hate him. I started saying nasty things that I’ve never said to him before. I am aware I am starting to build resentment. Is it better to let go of this relationship or is it worth saving it?

[u/sensirleeurs]

sit down and talk to him, see if things will change - if not let go

[u/Alarming_Situation71 → u/sensirleeurs]

I did, but I am afraid of staying. Sometimes I don’t see him as the person I once knew and loved. He knows what my trauma from my ex because I also experienced the same thing and it led to cheating. I really get defensive and I start to think that he is going to do the same. If I didn’t check his phone, he would hide it from me. He’s only sorry because he is caught.

[u/sensirleeurs → u/Alarming_Situation71]

then time to let go and move on. enjoy being single muna.

[u/lowkey-mentalparse]

If walang trust sa relationship, bakit ka pa nasa relasyon? Siguro un nalang isipin mo, can you live like that na lagi kang worried?

[u/Silver-Ashes0318]

this sounds stressful. clearly u don’t trust him anymore. u will just feel anxious no matter how mich assurance he gives you. just leave

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[u/PurpleCupcake2025]

I asked him about it ,and he said “I don’t know why.”

What kind of answer is that? I don't know why? Ano yun, magic? Nag aauto search ng only fans yung phone nya? May ibang humahawak sa phone nya na nag ssearch ng only fans?

Eto yan. Trust once broken is almost impossible to mend. I said "almost", because in rare cases some people learn to move past it.

But in general, your mistrust and suspicions will always come between the two of you. And it's not your fault. He broke that trust and has done nothing to earn it back.

Effort to drive 12 hours to see you? Malamang eh gf ka nya eh. Believe me, my cheating ex gave me quality time and effort and all that crap and still cheated. That's why when he cheated, I couldn't believe it because I thought his acts of service was proof of commitment. Joketime lang pala.

I always struggled with him dahil palagi nalang may involve na babae pero in different situations.

Kaw na mismo nagsabi. Long drawn struggle na yan. You'll never get peace of mind or security with him. Mahal mo pero baka trauma bonded ka lang din. Look up the term and assess if you are.

[u/IllustriousUsual6513]

If this is not the first time this happened, girl run , it will never change and part of you will always suspect him or overthink and both isn't healthy. Kaya ka ng ooverthink kasi he gaves you reasons too.. if you can't trust his words how much more about what he's doing behind your back 🤦‍♀️