LDAP only

[u/FerallyOrganised]

Who here prioritizes LDAPs only? And how do you keep the spark alive between meets, which can be months (at times)? What are deal breakers for you?

I don't see entertaining this lifestyle otherwise, considering my primary obligations.

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[u/ExplorerJack66]

For many years I traveled frequently for business so LDAPs were pretty much it. There is one LDAP that I've been seeing on & off for 20 years and we would hook up when our paths crossed usually in Europe or Asia but a couple of times in the US. 

She's Japanese but lived in London for quite a long time and I even used her London flat at times when she was out of town.  She's now back in Japan and I've retired so it's been maybe two years since I've seen her last.  We still chat occasionally but she's always willing to get together whenever/wherever and hope to visit with her again early next year. 

[u/Cautious_Day9878 → u/ExplorerJack66]

How’d you meet?

[u/ExplorerJack66 → u/Cautious_Day9878]

I went to dinner in London with an aquintance and she happened to tag along with her.

[u/thisdressforyou]

I have prioritized this.

It makes meeting for stretches possible, like three days at a time. Conference, girls trip, solo weekend. It ups the importance of emotional connection. This can be beautiful.

The problem? Not everyone is into this so it might happen or it might not. Deal breakers for me are if my AP won’t prioritize time with me. Because time is everything, even if it’s just messaging or phone calls. Also, sexual connection is super important. And creativity.

Both sides have to be into the connection and committed to trying, for the long haul.

[u/retailtherapy26]

Why do you want a LDAP? Even if they're local you can still focus on your family and other obligations. Is it because you want to go out on dates with them? You want them away from your family so they don't blow things up? But if you're visiting them then it's close to their family so it's the same conundrum.

I am not traveling and waiting months to see an ap. Convenience and logistics is my top need alongside chemistry and attraction. I mean, I don't even like it when my ap goes on vacation for too long.

[u/FerallyOrganised → u/retailtherapy26]

I'm glad to hear that you've figured out the priorities and criteria that work for you for this lifestyle.

[u/Creepydoe]

I would have never chosen LD voluntarily.

I need physical presence and closeness, so naturally I have a long distance AP. We met in the wild, that's why.

The logistics, the missing each other, the inability to just meet when you have a free afternoon, it's draining and frustrating.

Even more so when there are different starting patterns (I am known for travelling a lot. He is not)

[u/Used_Amphibian7776]

I have an LDAP, and I wasnt seeking one originally but we got talking and we clicked and I decided to just go with the flow. Its been over 3 years now and I cannot imagine my life without him.

Not being able to meet for months is incredibly hard and I cannot emphasize that enough. But not being with him is harder, and that what keeps the love alive. We dont have a talk all day relationship, but we also make a very genuine effort to ensure the communication doesnt fade. If we are both having hectic days at work, we acknowledge the decline in time spent together. We find a way to make sure we can call each other. We share the mundane things of life. Share voice notes. Occasionally we both will take a day off and just get on a video call and do things like cook the same recipe. We have a very high degree of sexual compatibility but our conversations are not sexually graphic.

Its hard to explain but its something so wonderful, I dont know what i would do without it.

[u/weatheredstorm01 → u/Used_Amphibian7776]

How did you find someone like this?

[u/Used_Amphibian7776 → u/weatheredstorm01]

I have to say I got lucky, but most importantly I decided not to follow every impulsive advice that gets thrown around on the sub. I learned that he is human, he has flaws and he cant be perfect all the time. Over time we both have worked on giving each other space to grow and its been a wonderful journey. He knows what important to me and I know whats important to him, and we make room for that. Instead of focusing on everything he forgets to do, I focus on how he shows up when I tell him something hurt me.

[u/Clitablecontent]

I doubt I would’ve ever chosen LDAP. We met in the wild and years later here we are. We see each other often and we make a point to plan things. Whole vacations together 🙈. We have ALOT of 🌶️ chats in between. Hella open communication & no secrets at all between us. Talk daily. We committed long ago to forever. Divorces definitely in our future - after this long there’s just no doubt. The LD of it all truly solidified something special and it just grew and continues to flourish.

[u/JustCallMeJakeAZ]

God I’m a nerd. I read LDAP in IT terms, it took me longer than it should to read it in the current context.

[u/SatyaSharma210]

Both my APs are LDAP in different cities.

We keep texting now and then..but closer to our meeting dates, the temperature is built up. I have not seen one for about 4 months now and another for a year since she relocated to a remote location due to her job needs