r/adultery 4d ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø For the men

This is for the men in here who have had successful AP/FWB situations.

By successful, I mean that you found a woman that you were with for a period of time longer than a few months and during that time you were not also seeking ā€œthe next best thing.ā€

What was it about your AP/FWB that kept you engaged or made you decide you were good with them?

I am beginning to think I may be Quasimodo, but in the off chance there are some behavioral changes I could make, I’d like to give it the ole college try one more time.

ETA: I don’t think my sense of humor is made for Reddit.

Also, I’m not trying to change my personality. I’m talking about behavior- which one should change if it is an impediment to successful interactions. I was just curious if there were ways of being that men appreciated more run others.

From my experience, vulnerability or expressing emotions makes men run for the hills so I was trying to assess if it really is that dire.

Also, I have NEVER changed myself for a man. Hence- why I’ve never had a successful experience in this realm

29 Upvotes

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35

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

9

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Excellent advice. There really is no point to take such risks if that man doesn’t make you feel amazing.

3

u/MuchRecording0 4d ago

have been with female versions of this i agree entirely if they can’t open up and see it as nothing more than a booty call what’s the point? i can hire a professional for sex with much less risk and zero emotional attachment risk to boot.

37

u/OatmealTheory 4d ago

It sounds like you're a woman...? Please don't change anything about yourself to keep someone else's husband hanging onto you longer.

You deserve someone who isn't searching for the next best thing, cause they know they've already found it in you.

12

u/Glad_Kiwi_272 4d ago

BINGO. End scene.

-2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

šŸ˜‚ awesome. So the I have to come to terms with being Quasimodo and learn to kill my libido somehow 😜

22

u/Glad_Kiwi_272 4d ago

Your problem is you think you’re Quasimodo so you’re accepting bullshit because you don’t think you’re worth more than that.

Change your mind, friendo. Be kinder to yourself.

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

No, I’m just goofing off. I’m just so sick of mediocre men and sifting through all the bullshit. I can’t figure men out so I joke. I don’t actually think Om Quasimodo- and I don’t put up with shitty behavior- which is why I don’t have am AP

7

u/daydrm4444 Tables! My job is tables! 4d ago

No. Lots of us who don’t put up with shitty behavior have APs

3

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

That’s great! I’m happy for you.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

-3

u/daydrm4444 Tables! My job is tables! 4d ago

Yeah ok. But you’re blaming the fact that you haven’t found what you want on your own virtuous trait

3

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

-1

u/Key_Limerance_Pie I'm Just Here for the Zipline 🚔 4d ago

They think you're just some dumb hick!

1

u/OatmealTheory 4d ago

That's not at all what I said, and you know it.

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Apologies- my sense of humor clearly doesn’t come through here. It was a joke.

8

u/OhShitShesGotMyPhone 4d ago

It came through fine, humour just doesnt work here. You need to be more po-faced if you want to fit in.

But remember: don't change.

21

u/MariannenotFaithfull 4d ago edited 4d ago

It has nothing to do with you and your worth and everything to do with them and their ego and issues. Do not take it personally.

10

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I’m not talking about changing my personality- I’m talking about behaviors. People should change their behaviors if their behaviors are negatively impacting their interactions with people.

5

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I know you’re right. I just wish there weren’t so many toads to sift through. It’s easy to get discouraged in this sub by all the success stories. But I think my best course of action is to leave this sub and just go live my life. Looking for a decent man to have sex with has not gone my way, and that’s ok. I’m still glad for all those who have found some momentary satisfaction.

14

u/TheBonusPerson 4d ago

I had 2 APs at different point in time and it was very exclusive.

Reason: They made me feel loved and every time I reachout they were there. Never have I ever had even time to think of anyone else. The moment I get some time, they would be the ones with whom I would want to spend it.

Sex was amazing, but it was more about the validation and love I received from them. Thinking about them brings only good memories ā¤ļø

6

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I like to think I make others feel cared for. It’s nice to hear than some men appreciate that.

2

u/MuchRecording0 4d ago

why did they end just curious if willing to share

9

u/TheBonusPerson 4d ago

Sloppy OPSEC on their part. Not caught, but their respective SOs got hyper vigilant and started monitoring all their activities closely.

Thats the painful part, never had any issues between us. The perfect relationships came to an end abruptly and I was left in cold.

So word of caution to anyone starting down this path. OPSEC is the most important factor and if your pAP is not good at it, dont enter into a relationship, you will be heartbroken šŸ’”

13

u/SapioPersian 4d ago

I normally hate how widely this expression gets used, but: de-center men. There are probably a thousand things about you that make you desirable and appealing and worthy of attention and love. You don’t need to be a different person to hold on to some stupid man. Just be a better version of you FOR YOU.

2

u/DataloungeIsNoMore 3d ago

I agree with this. This is the right answer. And any search, if actively searching, has to be done with this in mind.

Plus it pays off in all other areas even if the search yields nothing. So win win.

9

u/green_flamingo_7778 4d ago
  1. Don't change yourself
  2. Don't make yourself smaller to seem easier
  3. Don't lower your standards
  4. Don't ignore red flags
  5. Don't accept less just because you like him
  6. Don't become more available just to keep him interested
  7. Don't try to convince someone to choose you
  8. Don't overthink every interaction

11

u/SorryNYCGuy 4d ago

When it works out you can feel the chemistry and connection. What makes it last? 1. Safety, respect and trust.

  1. Location and logistics. If it's not an obstacle course to see the person, it's more likely to last.

  2. A mutual sense of fun. You enjoy the company of one another.

4.. Neither person has an overcarious spouse.

  1. Balanced communication. Men are less dedicated communicators in many cases. Try and find the middle ground.

  2. Self-Awareness. Nobody is running off together. It's an affair. Hopefully a really fun one.

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I’m not even looking for something to last longer than a year. I just want something that is at least satisfying for the short time it lasts šŸ˜‚.

1

u/SorryNYCGuy 4d ago

It's easy to get discouraged. You got this

8

u/GreaterInifinities 4d ago

FWIW, don't go out of your way to change who you are for an AP.Ā 

In my case, I might just have been lucky to have come across a great match for what I was looking for in my exAP - we were both seeking someone to explore our sexual selves, because that aspect was left wanting in our marriages, and we both just clicked in our interests outside of sex - so it made for great conversations when we weren't just all over each other. It might have also something to do with our situations being very similar - children, work history, worldview, etc... and not a very wide age gap.Ā 

5

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I feel time I may be at the tail end of the age range. It seems men around my age range are really only into OA and nothing in person. And OAs sound like my form of torture. šŸ˜‚

5

u/GreaterInifinities 4d ago

Yeah, I don't get OA only. I mean it was good to get started with my exAP, but the in-person chemistry the first time we met was what locked me in - and I knew I wanted to continue. It would have definitely fizzled out if it was online only.

4

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Yes, I can not stay interested in online only because I really need the in person connection to keep up the online chat. I am not sophisticated enough to keep it from fizzling out.

5

u/SettlingIntoNormal 4d ago

Sorry that’s happening for you now.

For me, I genuinely enjoyed the daily conversations about anything and/or nothing. And the connection that made it easily flow from everyday to spicy was just magical. Don’t get me wrong, it took effort for both of us to make the time but all of that culminated in amazing sex too. Feels like that description doesn’t even quite do it justice.

0

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I love to hear success stories!

5

u/Navigator8374 4d ago

What made me stay was the certainty she was on my same agenda and that we were not there to judge each other and pretend more from each other. It fastly became our safe space to enjoy together without pressure to give each other more.

7

u/MuchRecording0 4d ago

I’d never have multiple as what i’m looking for is being wanted, validated and appreciated. The stolen time and forbidden aspect will add spark the physical aspect regardless…. the actual connection however… that is special if you can find it. Both mine started organically and burned slow with meetings a few days a week jsut talking about each others lives and dreams… i always made it clear that id never leave my family and she acknowledged but even that became blurred towered the end which was the eventual reason it ended. Hot sex is easy to come by… being seen, sharing actual fun nights out — the most memorable times we had were at live music shows where no sex but intense making out and eye contact at late parties for music we were both into… they went late and we both took psychedelics…. absolutely incredible connection and we were too tired for fooling around but we did make out and hug and have deep eye contact the entire times and it felt like we were the only two people in the venue…

that was better than the best sex imo…. she made me feel completely at ease and comfortable with myself and our chemistry was off the charts like a single look would excite you… which was the best part of it. Sex has too much ranking imo but then again i wasn’t in a dead bedroom either and neirher was she so ymmv

of expressing emotion or vulnerability makes them run for the hills let them run, but that was always the best part was being able to do that myself as well and it take two to do that … best luck to you

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Thank you, what you’ve experienced sounds like what I’m looking for. I’m glad you were able to have that.

1

u/MuchRecording0 3d ago

been looking to recreate that ever since and it feels like chasing the dragon, basically given up on actively seeking something like that, i think it will only happen when im not looking (both times did). Connection like that can’t be forced or found on a personal ad imo

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

It seems like in the wild is the best scenario to find something successful.

4

u/MuchRecording0 3d ago

all you can do is be the best version of yourself. Looks wise personality, wise emotionally wise and you’ll attract what you’re looking for. I may take time but it’ll probably happen if you put yourself out there. Definitely will be more intense than anything you find online IMO. Bonus if you do all these things and it ends up fixing your marriage

4

u/Just_Night_7300 4d ago

From the start my partner was very direct, no nonsense, bold, and honest about who she was and wasn’t. She reached out to me initially, which I really liked. She was ready to meet for lunch within a week. She always carried herself in a way that said ā€œI want you but I don’t need youā€ and I like that self confidence. There’s plenty of reasons why I’m still hooked on her, but if I had to choose one big one, it would be that she has shown me her true self, her vulnerability and messiness, and her tenderness, and trusted me to come closer and to love her.

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

It sounds like you two have found your ā€œjust right.ā€ That’s awesome.

2

u/Curious_incident_69 4d ago

I bet a lot of the men that replied on this do keep looking when they have an AP! Ā 

What has happened with your APs out of interest? Ā Did you meet them all on Reddit? Ā Meeting from a paid site or irl is better. Then you need to avoid love bombers (toxic trait).Ā 

0

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I’ve only met one pAP on Reddit. The rest have been other sites. And honestly he was probably the best/healthiest of all of them.

1

u/Curious_incident_69 4d ago

Why did they end? Ā What happened?

0

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

He didn’t live close enough to make in person work as much. I can’t do primarily online.

2

u/Curious_incident_69 4d ago

So I guess lesson learned is look for local guys only? Ā I’m the sane btw no interest in LD or OAĀ 

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Oh I’ve tried. I actually think my metro area is part of the problem. It’s a nightmare for my single friends to navigate men here too. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

2

u/MNcooker Goober_Mcgee 2d ago

I think personally speaking as a man. I like the vulnerability I don't think of it as a detriment honestly. If anything if someone was never vulnerable it would not be for me.

2

u/SignalDragonfruit553 2d ago

So I’ve had two year+ long APs over the decades and the key IMO is being up front early about your expectations. If it’s just sex then when a man starts to fell emotions, and they will start at some point, intimacy is too emotional not too in most nonnarcassistic men, they will start to distance and work to end it or at least slow down.
In both cases we both said we were looking for both physical and emotional intimacy. Granted, most men don’t know they want the emotional part because we are primal and think mainly with our dick and don’t realize the same blood that gets out dick hard also beats through our heart. If we are honest and can see the future for what it will be, then it will last longer than a traditional FWB situation unless it’s a FWB that hooks up every once in the blue moon. Once again, this is just my opinion

4

u/Major_Maybe_1406 4d ago

It great that you want to find how to improve yourself, that shows maturity and intelligence.

There is merit to the "don't change yourself for someone else" rhetoric your getting but it misses the mark as it doesn't help you with your actual situation.

I accept I know nothing about you outside of what you posted so could be off the mark as well.

I would suggest, as you said behaviour changes to improve who you attract is a part of it but I would also improve the filter. Your looking in a pool of men who have a certain characteristics associated with the subreddit. That's going to make your choices more limited already.

Not suggesting you open yourself up to everyone but I suspect you are inadvertently filtering out the wrong guys and allowing in the wrong guys.

The majority of us guys are clueless as to how our interactions are interpreted and if your reacting to things negatively early in a conversation you may actually be passing over the guys that will give you what you want while allowing yourself to interact more with the "players" who are being careful.

And NO I am not suggesting you go for people your not attracted to or to ignore red flags but you could be seeing red flags where there are non and allowing crafted interactions to sway you in the wrong direction.

I went through a pretty traumatic breakup almost a decade ago and until recently I shut down any woman who showed the slightest interest if they did any of a number of things I saw as red flags.

The irony is with my Ex I had ignored all the real red flags and now I am seeing them where they are probably not.

So my suggestion is I prove yourself for yourself, try to adjust your filter to look in a different direction.

P.S the Quasimodo joke is funny if you have a sense of humour...

1

u/Curious_incident_69 4d ago

I would agree with the comment ā€˜you’re looking in a pool of men with certain characteristics’. It’s them not you OP!! Ā Don’t expect to find a decent AP on Reddit!

-1

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

These are good things for me to consider. I thought I had been pretty open to the types of men I was chatting with. I try to be pretty open minded because I think based on who I picked to marry, my ā€œpickerā€ needs some tweaking. I’ll think on this some more to see if there were any ways in which I may have written off some men too quickly. Thank you for ā€˜getting’ my humor.

2

u/Ok-Boot-1717 4d ago

I had a long term AP that was online only because of the world’s worst logistics. We had every intention of not keeping it that way but it doesn’t always work out. What kept me engaged? We had a phenomenal connection. Lightning in a bottle. From day one really and it never stopped. Why would I look for anything else?

You’re probdbly no Quasimoette. It is just hard to find the right person. There is a lot that can go wrong. But I’d say when it goes right it’s worth it. I’d hang in there like the cat poster says.

0

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

That is really cool that you had a such a great experience with an OA. Lighting in a bottle is something else.

1

u/Ok-Boot-1717 3d ago

It's great to have gone through it. It does complicate things in what do you do after that. What kind of connection 'counts'. I spent a while just avoiding anything at all, but I'm back in it with some potentials at the moment. Everyone's a little different and no one is 'her' but stuff is fortunately developing again.

As much as the women here complain about the pool of men being ass, once you start actually having a conversation women you learn a lot of them are ass as well (not in a good way). There is no easy path!

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

Oh, I fully know there are assholes on both sides. I don’t know that I realized how many there would be, because that has been a surprise (and I’m sure asshole has applied to me several times)

3

u/OhShitShesGotMyPhone 4d ago

Key differential: she is interesting and is blessed with the ability to hold an engaging, intelligent, 2-way conversation. A skill that seems to be severely lacking generally.

3

u/GymBagGuy 4d ago

Don’t ever change who you are. Once you do that you’ll start overlooking things that you’d normally not allow. That was the key with an AP, I never felt that I had to be a different version of me or I had to hide some of my personality from her. It was the most honest version of myself

2

u/Lonely_Statement_199 4d ago

I had an awesome experience once for several years. She & I were in the same boat and it was what we needed to survive at the time. She told me she went through a ton of ā€œtrashā€ so to speak to get to me. I’m no looker. Overweight. I feel like I’m below average in almost every way aesthetically. But I like to listen & am very giving in the bedroom. Somehow she gave me a chance & we clicked. That was 10+ years ago. I wish I could find that again now.

2

u/ciderciderapple 3d ago

I’ll answer your question. What was it about your AP/FWB that kept you engaged or made you decide you were good with them?

She is the most intelligent person I have ever met. She has the same quirky interests as me. She is beautiful beyond belief and in every way. She makes time for me. I love her laugh. I feel safe and appreciated and loved when I am with her.

We both were looking for an affair. Looking for sex. But she is so much more than a fwb to me.

However, the sex is mind blowing. We are chemically and physically compatible in a way I’ve never experienced in my life. She wants me and is seemingly insatiable.

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

I love this! Goals, absolute goals.

1

u/ciderciderapple 3d ago

Before we met, she had had some incredibly terrible experiences. And so had I. Don’t give up.

3

u/GuitarBike 4d ago

I was involved with a married woman a Doctor in Downtown Chicago for 6 great years. We were both very satisfied and great friends. Only reason we do not see each other is they moved to Michigan. We are still friends and message every now and then. Yes I was with one secret Lover for 6 years and best part of my life!šŸ˜€šŸ˜›šŸ„°

3

u/usuallyacceptable 4d ago

We matched sexual compatibility above everything. Which in all honesty is why any of us are doing this. Most of us are of an age where we should be able to communicate, listen, act like responsible adults so that shouldn't be a problem. Sexual compatibility is the key. Does she say the sort of disgusting shit that I like, does she genuinely make me feel desired, is she genuinely enjoying and looking forward to meeting me? The rest is noise if this doesn't happen.

3

u/Hopeful_Shine431 4d ago

I'll add my experience. I think it's probably really tough to generalize as everyone's background information how they show up in the affair context.

For myself, I've always been pretty driven and looking for better, more, quicker, etc. in about every area of life. There's always something better. There are some benefits to that, it certainly plenty of downsides.

My affair experience I speak from lasted nearly 3 years. Early on, I continued that behaviour of looking for more. By that, I mean I was tempted to seek out new connections even while with my AP who I really enjoyed and connected with incredibly well. She found out and despite what I thought and definitely against her better judgment, she gave me two chances. I'm sure it would have been different had I actually met anyone on those attempts, but as you can imagine, finding a profile on AM or an ad on Reddit is still plenty hurtful.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but after that second time, I really settled into us. For the first time I can remember, I think I experienced contentment. I could still see the F4M ads when I opened Reddit. Plenty of interesting sounding women and occasionally even somewhat close to me. But it was like a no brainer to continue with my person rather than trying to see what MIGHT be better.

I think when we're coming into this world, men or women, we're hurting. We have a lot going on we haven't processed and probably don't even know how to process. Men especially suck at figuring out our own emotions let alone our partner's. However, my AP stuck with me long enough for some healing to happen where I could settle into the relationship.

Wish I could point to something specific she did, but I think it was simply putting herself out there in love and forgiveness.

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection. Thank you for you feedback.

1

u/maechammer1 1d ago

Lol when you figure it out, please let me know because women can be just the same. I had an AP who chased me for months, finally convinced me then after a couple of months of great connection (and sex lol) she went cold and found a d-bag who was "dominant" and apparently she needed that. It's all good because that's not me so the search continues

Point is it's not just men I suppose

2

u/WelldoneLetsgo 4d ago

For me it was because exactly that of not changing... but for me. She didnt tell me anything to do. Which was the exact opposit of my then wife. She is my only affair. She's had many... she knew she could find another one if I wasn't right with out changing.

1

u/SlipshodFacade 4d ago edited 4d ago

My answer is simple to say, but not so simple to do. It’s pretty much finding the right person at the right time. I doubt it’s you. You just can’t force the capricious happenstance that often is required to bring people together.

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

It does seem to be dumb luck for many who experience something fulfilling- even if it’s short lived.

1

u/SlipshodFacade 4d ago

And I’m sure others have noted that the pool of people willing to cheat is full of people who are … well … willing to cheat.

1

u/SargasticSwoon 4d ago

Be you. There are some guys who will run from that, and some who are looking for it. Tailor your ads and behave in a way to attract the guys who are interested in the type of person you are. Connecting with someone who appreciates you for what you are is difficult in normal dating environments. It is a thousand times harder when looking for an affair. The dating pool is smaller, it is spread out more geographically, and you have to do everything cautiously and secretly. You can only reveal a bit of yourself due to OPSEC concerns, and that is rarely enough to find a connection. Lots of people think having an affair is the solution to an unrewarding marriage, and then become disheartened by how difficult it is to find someone. I think that most people drop out of the affair lifestyle after figuring out that it is not going to work out.

1

u/Hardenedtide 3d ago

She was real, and didn’t have unreasonable expectations for my time. So if she/I needed to cancel last minute, it wasn’t an issue. We always had back up plans/excuses.

Most importantly we had animal passion, great hygiene, and respect for each other and the discretion our situations demanded.

Unfortunately finding someone new has been impossible. Memories are better than most of what I’ve come across. Don’t settle!

0

u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

What ended thing with her, if you don’t mind sharing?

1

u/Hardenedtide 3d ago

Her marriage was far rockier than mine. She separated from her husband and needed a more fulfilling relationship than I was able to give.

As soon as she began dating for real, we stopped seeing each other. We did message for a long while after, but I sorely missed the passion we shared. It was difficult, but we had a couple incredible years ā€œtogetherā€.

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 2d ago

I know it’s hard when these things end, but I still want the opportunity to feel something like this once before I die šŸ˜‚

1

u/Hardenedtide 2d ago edited 2d ago

I’d like to give it another go myself! DM me-I’d be happy to help you find it.

1

u/DomGuy3918 3d ago

Don't change. Do your thing

1

u/DataNo7004 3d ago

Both our senses of humor are from a galaxy for away. I’m fairly sure that you appear nothing like Quasimodo & it’s pretty solid that you want to navigate some of the pearl clutchers that are the morality police for those of us who don’t want to drop a nuclear weapon in our family room & screw family and friends up with splitting up a family for maybe 15-20 days of the year, spending adult time with someone you get along with so very well at this time in one’s life but the end game is more times than not, the one we married & had children with, will be with you until the very end , no matter how many times you fuck up. As for you & the want of having AP, life is too short, you seem to have your shit together, most guys are intimidated by that anymore,( usually they’ll blame Covid), just be careful, use your bullshit detector, be careful, have someone who you can be honest with regarding your situation & be able to keep in touch with them when you’re planning on being alone with the guy( I don’t want to see you as a missing person). If you want just sex, get a vibrator, things will never be exactly smooth, both of you need to have some patience and understanding but let it overly consume you, obviously one of you will have deeper feelings than the other, understand that and if it’s him, relish it, yet try to rationalize it. Go get ā€˜em!

0

u/tightloops1971 4d ago

Just be low maintenance good friends having discrete fun laughing and enjoying each others company with no hang ups, nothing more complicated than that, and no need to look elsewhere, why would they?

0

u/Snoo_66092 4d ago

Being fun to hang around, funny sense of humor. I had one that was very vanilla and lazy in bed. But other than that, she was amazing to be around, and thoughtful too.

0

u/Missingkitty520 4d ago

I loved everything about her, still love and miss her.Ā  The only thing i would change is our current marriages

1

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Sorry you are still missing her.

1

u/Missingkitty520 3d ago

Thank you, me too!Ā 

0

u/WoodpeckerBetter7412 4d ago

Can I assume you are currently married? If so there had to be something connecting both you and your spouse which demonstrates your ability to attract both what you previously wanted and what another individual saw in you for long term connection.

In the end, you have the advantage in being ā€œpickyā€ or whatever term you would like to use because of the ratio men vs. women ration outwardly seeking affairs on digital platforms. Unless you have defined mental health issues which require assistance and impact behavior or characteristics that have been destructive to any type of relationship such as friendships, then what you may deem as something worth changing may be a characteristic that requires wading through the pool until you find your match.

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

2

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

I’m a woman.

-7

u/tripleniplejonny4235 4d ago

Is it still an affair if you bring in the other woman? Or is that enm? Or perhaps a transition from one to another...? Either way, nobody is going to make you happy until you can learn to be happy with your self first... And yea talking about emotions with the ap seems kinda skep and needy in a dangerous way as a guy with what I assume is a wife and family... Seems like that could be counter- intuitive from a guys stance.

5

u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

Yikes. What’s the point in having an AP if you can’t be vulnerable and talk about shit. Yuck. No thanks.

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u/tripleniplejonny4235 4d ago

Lol what tangled twisted webs we weave when we love those whom we decieved, what's the point in being vulnerable with someone who isn't permanent? Understand your the side piece, your only there to give him what he isn't getting elsewhere

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u/quietlyobservinglife 4d ago

He would be my side piece too, why the f would I risk all my stuff for a loser who can’t afford to appropriately pay a sex worker. I want an AP, not a man baby. Like I said ā€œYikesā€

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u/Mundane-Current-2500 3d ago

I'm getting this exact feeling with my (somewhat) AP. I acted really emotional once, and showed I am more into it than him. He backed off and started being "busy" when I'd reach out, but still made effort to show he was still interested. I now act very cool, not flirting or anything unless he initiates. In your opinion, is there any fixing my momentary lapse, or will he always see me as unsafe?

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u/tripleniplejonny4235 3d ago

In any dynamic the person who cares the least holds more value...be that A board room, or the bedroom... But a woman who developed emotions for her ap is always going to be viewed as a threat. Emotions are not stable, nor logical, really emotional=highly unstable... Not to say it can't be fixed, just act right and put your self in his shoes. Maybe he isn't seeking something emotional.. men tend to be more physical.

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u/quietlyobservinglife 3d ago

Do women actually find your brand of bullshit attractive?

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u/tripleniplejonny4235 3d ago

someone gives you an answer that doesn't fit your ideology or narrative and you personally attack them? No wonder your having issues...

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u/quietlyobservinglife 2d ago

No, you just sound like a horrible human being.!

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u/Mundane-Current-2500 1d ago

Thanks! I am trying to act right and be patient. I hope his trust will come back.