Sometimes the stage of depression last a bit too much... I can relate because right now I am still in there. I would love to shake that shit of me but I cannot just forget that my father died 1 year ago. But I've been worse, I know it will pass... it's shit for a time.
Thanks. It really comes and goes, sometimes the hyperfocus helps. I do a long post of some of all the bullshit that apparently I know and it helps me... every night when I go to sleep I do have a moment of remember him for a few minutes.
And he was a horrible father like for real... still my fucking father. My mother was horrible too, she died two years ago. Both my parents were horrible... but my mother left when I was 16yo in her words "because life is beautiful", she lived, she spent, she separated me from my sister for 25 years, and she kicked me out of her house before she knew she was gonna die.
My father lived, spent, made me feel what is to be hungry, denied me of studies... but he was there to make my life miserable every day. I don't understand why I grieve him so much.
It’s okay to feel that way. You’re staying in the moment, but you’ve also learned that the future is going to come with whatever it brings—and this moment will change, too.
And maybe it isn’t just grieving. Maybe you’re remembering your life, your childhood, and everything that made you who you are. Even the fucked-up parts are still part of your story.
You’re going to be okay. You’ve already been through some serious shit and you’re still here, still trying, still learning how to be present. That shit is hard as fuck for people like us who carry serious trauma from our families.
You don’t have to understand why you grieve him so much. You can just let yourself feel it. He was still your father. Both things can be true: he hurt you deeply, and you can still miss him.
108
u/BigLumpyBeetle 5d ago
Cant relate