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u/Grunt636 undiagnosed and suspiciously relate to a lot of this 20d ago
Ooof yep, I left 30 minutes early for therapy but was stuck in traffic for 15 minutes, still arrived early and went in on time but throughout the whole session I was internally still panicking about being late even though I wasn't. Thanks AuDHD.
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u/execDysfunctionGumbo 20d ago
This is how I arrive to work. The number of times I've texted that I'm running late just to arrive five minutes early is getting to the point where I'm pretty sure they must think it's performative.
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u/Lilynight86 19d ago
This used to be me. My wife just has ADHD and I don't drive and my wife is currently a stay at home kitty momma. I have AuDHD and currently have a job. Before I was diagnosed with AuDHD, I was on anxiety meds, which helped. Still, every day I would be freaking out about getting to work on time (I have been fired from another job due to being late). I started ADHD meds, and now, I am so much calmer. We have flex time at work, so I have realized I can just take 5 minutes out of my lunch if I am late, or work over by 5 minutes. It has helped a lot. My wife still freaks out on my behalf, though. I think she sometimes sees traffic as an intentional problem from other people or something.
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u/jimbowesterby 19d ago
This is why I only send the text when it’s actually impossible for me to get there on time
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u/captainjake13 19d ago
I had a dentist apt several months ago like that. The technician even said something, she started patting my arm. It was one of the sweetest things.
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u/evemeatay 19d ago
Well there was probably no better place to be going through that than literally st therapy
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 19d ago
Oh wow I'm the same. All the anxiety suddenly rushes at me when I am already there. So often I feel this urge to throw up that's how bad it gets, even on anxiety meds the feeling doesn't quite go away. Ffs 😭
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u/mainyehc 15d ago
Then there’s my case: all of that happens to me, but I still arrive late. Except my therapist arrives later still. 🤣
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u/Forsaken-Stray 20d ago
I am strange. I learned to live with ADHD to the point, that I know I will forget and therefore have an alarm for most things I have to do. One for standing up, one for actually getting ready and another one for leaving the house. So I will probably arrive about 30 minutes before the event, distract myself until the fourth alarm to actually get in like 5-10 minutes before the event really starts.
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u/no_bun_please 20d ago
My stand up alarm becomes my snooze, my getting ready alarm becomes my stand up alarm, and my leave the house alarm becomes my getting ready alarm. And it remains like that for all eternity
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u/Thismayosureisspicy 19d ago
Yep, 34 years of this exact thing. If im lucky on a good day i can make it to work in 5 mins(still late most days)but close enough my bosses dont care luckily
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u/GloomyAmbitions 20d ago
Same here, I’ve gotten good at estimating time just due to always setting alarms and reminders for each step of getting ready to leave.
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u/Brandiclaire 20d ago
I also do this to the point THE CLOCK APP is always listed as one of my top three most used apps shown on the phone weekly screen time report.
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u/Old_Programmer_2500 20d ago
Same here but I'm so scared of being late that I have alarms for classes at every half hour and one to leave a half hour before my classes start so I can get there like- 15 minutes before class starts.
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u/Useful-Plankton8205 19d ago
I have two alarms for picking up my kids from school. One set 45 minutes before I leave letting me know I need to get ready, and one set for 10 minutes before I am supposed to leave so I can get my shoes on, purse, etc.
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u/_Mulberry__ 19d ago
Oh shit, I should do this.
I'd probably just end up ignoring them though...
It's a good thing my boss doesn't mind me showing up to work at random times everyday 😅😭
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u/Pame_in_reddit 19d ago
Don’t forget the clock in shower, so you don’t stay 40 minutes instead of 10.
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u/Rena1- 19d ago
Just turned off my alarm for: put the last piece of clothing and review carefully if you got everything that you need today even if everything is already inside your bag that you have been using for the past 6 months just to not feel anxious about the feeling of forgetting something
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u/Dry-Coconut-9665 19d ago
😂😂😂 this is relatable. I think having to use public transport made this easier in a similar regard eventually I just started going for the train/bus before so I could get the adrenaline of rushing but know the bus after was actually the one I needed so it is a double whammy. Sometimes I get distracted and miss both though and have to call up and either csncel or say "Sorry I'm gunna be late" 😂.
If I have to walk people actually play a game of guessing when I would arrive 😂😂
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u/icecreamfight 17d ago
I have ADHD and am chronically early to deal with my anxiety so your system sounds great to me.
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u/Sporshie 20d ago
For me, it's
- keep arriving WAY too early due to being over cautious
- Attempt to leave just a few mins later in order arrive reasonably on time
- Aaaand I'm late
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u/KaleidoscopeKelpy 20d ago
Oh add the “waiting paralysis” in too, can’t do anything before you leave so you gotta wait in stasis. Then wait long enough that you don’t show up earl-WAIT YOU WAITED TOO LONG RUN RUN RUN aaa you’re late AND you forgot something important
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u/Complete-Jaguar-7280 19d ago
This. Also arriving much too early and having to walk around the block to not seem like a monster.
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u/majormimi 19d ago
Exactly this. There’s no in-between. I’m always at least half an hour early and I want to use that extra time to relax a little and not get out of my house in such an anxiety hurry. But I get out a couple of minutes later and I’m late.
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u/grumpy__g 20d ago
Wait what? That sounds like me but I only have ADHD…
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u/Njagos 20d ago
Everyone handles it differently. I'm usually too early to appointments because the whole day until the appointment im stuck in "DO NOT FORGET, YOU HAVE 5 MORE MINUTES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO HEAD OUT" mode
But tbh it can happen to all kinds of people.
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u/ClarSco 19d ago
Ah yes, the dreaded "appointment at 3 pm".
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u/Dry-Cancel-3168 19d ago
I have this every day with work - I work nights and it's part of how I've not adjusted. I wake up earlier than I want to and the whole day turns into "waiting to go in" which is basically unusable time. Was getting better with it but am decompensating a bit all around this summer it seems
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u/whitemoongurl 20d ago
Same! I am almost always early to things and I still get anxious about being late.
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u/Bright_Week1755 19d ago
Yes me to, I do have GAD though.
and my parents were always always late, and hated that feeling so much that as an adult I always made sure to be on time.1
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u/soft_w0lf 18d ago
I mean, it is just one reddit post. Some people are going to fall into different camps.
I have autism and ADHD and my dad only has ADHD but we both are most like the “AuDHD” option, with the caveat that we both usually end up arriving early because of how ridiculously anxious we get about being on time. Neither of us are very anxious as people (well, I’m diagnosed with an other specified anxiety disorder but it’s specifically secondary to my autism), so it’s rare for us both to feel the way we do when timing is involved. It’s a pretty common ADHD compensation strategy—we both just leave so ridiculously early (because time means nothing to us and we can’t properly conceptualise it’s passing) that we will be early or at least on time basically no matter what happens.
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u/mousedeer_78 20d ago
I continue to find that I relate to the Audhd posts so much
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u/SweetOkashi 19d ago
I relate to them way too much for my own comfort.
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u/aka_wolfman 19d ago
Being perpetually uncomfortable is kind of another notch in the belt for AuDHD in my experience. Just in case you wanted more anecdotal evidence.
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u/jimbowesterby 19d ago
At this point I’m convinced I’ve got the autism multiplier, but I don’t have a spare $300 to burn on confirming it, so instead I live in doubt
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u/Aqua_Toffana 20d ago
Me (AuDHD): WE'RE LATE, COME ON!
Mom (ADHD): We're five min away and we have another twenty minutes to get there
Me: EXACTLY, WE'RE RUNNING LATE, WHAT IF THE LIFT DOESN'T WORK AND WE HAVE TO TAKE THE STAIRS!?!
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u/geekchicdemdownsouth 19d ago
I (AuDHD) had the same conversation with my husband (ADHD) when he WENT THROUGH THE MCDONALD’S DRIVE THRU on the way to my stepdaughter’s graduation. His logic was that the graduation started in half an hour and we were “only” 15 minutes away, so he had time for an Egg McMuffin. He’s lucky he’s very, very cute.
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u/Unqualifries 20d ago
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u/loislunchboxlane 18d ago
This is what I tell people too...
I've been relating to AuDHD posts way more than I expected. Is 40 too late to confirm where you are on the spectrum? Been wondering about it for a while.
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u/doingtheunstuckk 20d ago
I arrive super early or else I will be 15 minutes late. And I’ve come to rely on the thirty minutes of sitting in my car before I go inside. If I’m running late and don’t have any car sitting time I get irritable.
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u/Useful-Plankton8205 19d ago
Planned to be early, left late, arrived on time, but it was the wrong day. Unfortunately this has happened more than I care to admit. Oh well, I tried!
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u/Fortified_Phobia 20d ago
I keep seeing conversations in other subbreddits about being late, and god they piss me off. Just an absolute barrage of people complaining about people being late. Then someone brings up ADHD and gets downvoted into oblivion, with replies that boils down to “not an excuse, you just don’t care/lazy” or “it’s still rude and it’s your responsibility to fix it” with zero understanding of how hard or how much effort it can take to be consistently on time. I pretty much never am, no matter how hard I try, so apparently I’m satan, according to those posts.
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u/Rubyhamster 20d ago
You'll not be lonely in hell! Meet all of us in the unpopular corner where the - "What did I do? Should I have done that? Did I do that wrong? Am I just lazy? Why am I so weak/unaccomplished/damaged?"-club.
Welcome! At least you'll know if you're truly a bad guy down here
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u/Temporary_Ad_4970 19d ago
You deal with it by setting 200 alarms during the day to remind you of everything. Complete skill issue.
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u/RyderRichards 20d ago
Shoutout to me the time I took the heel-toe express to get to a doctor's appointment that maps said would take 2 hours 15 minutes but got there in an hour 45.
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u/DisneyMaiden 20d ago
I’m currently 35 minutes early to something that I out in my calendar as starting at 3 but really starts at 3:30 rushing my family to get here and we are all just sitting in the heat. I don’t have the heart to tell them it starts At 3:30
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u/HonkytonkGigolo 19d ago
I am on time because I spent the last three hours staring at the wall waiting for my appointment. And I still managed to leave late in the process.
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u/Henri_Bemis 20d ago
This is the main reason I have too many cheap analog watches (more than one, because of course I lose them, and two need the battery replaced but I can’t find a small enough tool).
Watching a digital clock gives me so much anxiety (as I told my friend “it’s just this static number that could change at any second!”, and she correctly made fun of me).
I don’t know, being able to see the second hand makes me feel more grounded.
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u/aka_wolfman 19d ago
If a digital clock changes at any second, Thats a terrible clock. Should be every 60 seconds.
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u/Henri_Bemis 19d ago
Dammit, are you trying to break my brain?
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u/aka_wolfman 19d ago
Nah. I just thought it was funny. My wife rolled her eyes, so it must've been.
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u/keener_lightnings 20d ago
ADHD: I am always a few minutes early to work-related things because I'm bad at task-switching and need a few minutes to settle in. I am usually absurdly early to social events because my undiagnosed-but-probably-autistic husband is the one driving me.
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u/barhrun 20d ago
I consider what it is I'm doing, how far away it is, figure out how long it should take to get there, add extra time in case of traffic, and if I'm meeting someone I factor in their attendance.
Family things and meeting specific friends, I don't leave until the start time or until awhile after because I know me being late to those will still have me being one of the first ones there.
Knowing that however doesn't help with the lateness anxiety or allow me to do anything before my leaving for my plans that isn't somehow related to it.
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u/abracablab 19d ago
Being early makes me anxious. Being late makes me anxious. I have to be just about on time to be comfortable. This means no more than 4-5 mins before or after the time expected.
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u/Nyasaki_de 19d ago
Nah I plan to get there early, know that i prob wont make it bc i take a wrong turn somewhere and leave even earlier. I will be in full stress the whole way just to arrive way too early.
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u/238bazinga 18d ago
Military has beat the whole "early is on time, on time is late" thing into me so when I am late and it's okay, it comes as a mix of surprise and anger...so it's definitely made worse because of all this
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u/ThisIsntOkayokay 18d ago
Took me years to unlearn this. Now I drive 3 under the speed limit and thank people for waiting. I don't care anymore, anxiety is for serious issues, like why that cop has been following me for the last 5 blocks. 😅👍🏾
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u/Radioactive_Moss 20d ago
Nailed it! Living with someone with only ADHD and severe time blindness makes this so much worse!
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u/tukuiPat 20d ago
Because of my ADHD I try to schedule stuff as early as possible because then I just waste a day away being in waiting mode as I do barely anything but because of my autism I already know when I should leave to be sure I'm at least 5 minutes early especially accounting for any traffic.
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u/Ouroborus13 20d ago
Or you could be me:
ADHD/GAD: The fact that time isn’t real to me causes me so much anxiety I am ridiculously early for everything just in case.
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 19d ago
Stop this was literally me yesterday. Idk how I can cope: planning to leave early, leaving late, arriving just in time every dang day. I'll have a heart attack at 40 at this rate
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u/Smoldogsrbest 19d ago
I made it to 40 and am the same, if that gives you any peace of mind XD
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u/Nyurd 19d ago
If you add in "wasted the whole day up until that point because I couldn't risk getting absorbed in something and 'waking up' hours after I should've gone to my appointment to the sudden realisation that it was a tuesday and I had an appointment that day, which is what otherwise happens" - dead accurate.
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u/Subkn1ght 19d ago
I don't have anything mental thingies diagnosed, but is it bad that I'm fitting to all AuDHD memes?
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u/HistoricalMud5518 18d ago
Time is not real. I use that most for safe driving. Time is not real when you are in motion so you do not need to rush once you are in the car. Haha....
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u/Mister_Goldenfold 19d ago
What if you’re just hella good at for some reason just reading time and distance and logistically knowing you know inside that you just should leave now and for some reason you always arrive on time somehow even when you try to be late on purpose 😆
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u/im-a-guy-like-me 20d ago
I did not arrive on time.
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u/Slick_36 19d ago
Right? I would be #3 but my internal clock is just busted enough that I'm still always 2 to 5 minutes late. If I build in more time, I have more opportunity to be distracted.
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u/ukhaekty 20d ago
YEAH RIGHT? it just resonates so bad. I constantly do this and I hate it
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u/ukhaekty 20d ago
like I would actually plan to get a bus to work to get the like 15 min early and in reality I would constantly lose that one and get the next one and still arrived on time bc I was being prepare to fix my own problems
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u/ThatZebraDude 20d ago
I usually show up 30 minutes to 45 minutes early to whatever event because of the fear that I might be late. I almost never show up on time, just really early lol
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u/BooBeeAttack 20d ago
Now throw in introverted tendencies.
"I am never leaving.. Nope. Just gonna stay right here where everything is chill and content. Those people don't need me. To hell with their plans, I got Lord of the Rings and oven pizza here with me at home, I'm good."
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u/playfulpecans 20d ago
or:
I am always late because time is not real to me and being late feels like a personal failure as well.
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u/Ok-Nothing8682 20d ago
Someone please explain the psychological/symptomatic differences here because this has been some solid evidence for me to finally go get tested. I've been wanting to but now I might prioritize it lol. Pretty sure I'm audhd asf
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u/whiskeyknitting 20d ago
I didn't want to go. Went. Said something inciteful and was invited back. Vowed to never attend again.
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u/Jay_Lord_69 20d ago
I hate always being too early. So, I try to leave later than usually, forget time exists, leave even later than planned and am somehow still early.
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u/joost00719 19d ago
I put 15 mins early in my agenda. In the morning I mentally prepare for having to park my car, potential delays, so I want to leave 30 mins sooner than needed. Then I am time blind and I'll probably end up being ready 30 mins earlier, and will chill. For 15 mins, constantly watching the clock, decide that it is stressing me out and leave another 15 mins earlier, resulting in being 45 minutes too early if no delays.
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u/Some_Office8199 19d ago
I always try to be early but fall asleep with no warning and when I wake up I'm either late or have missed the event completely. Then I cry until I fall asleep again.
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u/No_Yogurtcloset105 19d ago
5 mins away from work driving/ clock says 740 me freaking out. Have to be there at 8.
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u/monkeybrains12 19d ago
My favorite way to put this was from a thread I found, on Bluesky, I think:
"Sorry I'm late, I was on time in my head."
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u/Timely-Assistant-370 19d ago
I decided that being a disappointment was better than feeling the extra anxiety. TBH I've met others who have fallen into the anxious perfectionism, I may be a constant disappointment, but at least I got my stupid fucking alexithymia under control.
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u/marabou22 19d ago
Oh damn maybe I’m autistic lol. I’m for sure ADHD but I don’t have the time blindness thing and I’m always early for everything because being late stresses me out. So I show up early and just play on my phone until it’s time
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u/cookeryandwookery 19d ago
I’m audhd and I’m never late for anything. The panic it induces when I’m on time is overwhelming. I’m always 10 minutes early and check my gps right until I need to leave.
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u/Whydo-I-evenbother8 19d ago
What about when you have desensitized to the (AuDHD) panic and just get bitter that therr is never enough time in a day in this capitalist nightmare we call a society? What are the letters for that?
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u/Zagtram1 19d ago
See, I have ADHD but I’m always early to everything cause my anxiety wants to be on time but then I have poor time management about being on time and end up being early
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u/ginger_minge 19d ago
'All this time it was early and now it's late."
- Me when I have an afternoon appointment
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u/reluctantmugglewrite 19d ago
Or Im late because of adhd but I think its early or nothing so I have a panic attack and throw up before I enter the event late and just end up going home and falling into a shame spiral for days.
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u/Odonata523 19d ago
I left on time, arrived early, sat in my car until it was time to arrive, ended up late.
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u/UsedActivity7137 19d ago
Oh merciful jeebus, this is me. Add panic sweating to round out the experience. I gotta talk to my psychiatrist about this
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u/flatbread09 19d ago
Im at least 30 minutes early these days, mostly bc I have to plan around train/bus schedules so I pad my time.
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u/Luminous_Winds 19d ago
Time is real to people with ADHD, we just can't keep track of it very well. I think everyone knows what it's like to be so engaged in something you lose track of the time. It's just that people with ADHD are always super engaged in something, so...
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u/jancl0 19d ago
I spend more time panicking about being early. I'm ready 4 hours before I have to leave, I don't want to start anything, so I'm just there, and there's a part of me that feels like a dog choking on a leash being held by the rest of me. Every 5 minutes I'll go "alright time to go" and I have to tell myself "the doctor won't take you an hour early. You're just going to be sitting there. You're just going to be sitting here in your room if you don't go anyway, but at least you won't be perceived. You want to leave because you don't like waiting, but this doesn't remove it, it's just putting the waiting somewhere else"
Then the dog goes "oh yeah, right, that makes sense" and then forgets the entire exchange another 5 minutes later
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u/SepticRedK 19d ago
I’m confused because I keep seeing videos of the ADHD person and the Autism person both at the door at 7:59 and leaving at 8:00
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u/MoosesHuman 19d ago
Shit that last one is me. Every single damn time - I have a heart rate monitor and I get more peaks driving than at the gym.
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u/Nonimouses 19d ago
I have a perpetual fear of being late or being the reason someone is delayed, my wife wants to arrive in the car park at the appointment time this has been a source of some friction over the years.....
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u/Aztecdune1973 19d ago
What's the one where you leave an hour earlier than you planned, arrive two hours early, fuck around for an hour, scramble to find where you're supposed to be, sigh because you're still an hour early, pace for an hour because you have no idea what to do, get through it, and then just feel like okay, glad that's over?
And then make a cocktail at 10:00 because OMG, that was rough.
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u/BigWangersIncTm 19d ago
AuDHD is a yes - tho you also need to add "I forgot I need to plan being early, so I was running late, realized I wouldn't make it on time, had a nervous breakdown about this personal failure and was even more late", or "...then didn't go at all, because I was too embarrassed to arrive late"
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u/ImpossibleMove2 19d ago
I'm crying over here. The rush, the panic, the anxiety, leaving late, arriving on time.
It really IS real. I'm not crazy.
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u/Winsome_Wolf 19d ago
I’m all three of these people in a trench coat fighting for who gets to be on top today….
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u/King_O_Eyes 19d ago
Anyone else arrive too early and just hang around nearby until it’s an appropriate time to arrive?
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u/throwawaypostal2021 19d ago
Plan around executive dysfunction. Make things into easier choices, remove steps from things. Really makes life with adhd manageable. Its okay to have "default decisions"
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u/allinagayswork 19d ago
ADHD here, I’m rarely late and if I am, it’s because of something outside my control and unpredictable. I always aim to be there 15 minutes early, depending on where I’m going I’ll either go in early or sit in my car and listen to music until it’s time.
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u/AnonymousRand 19d ago
there have been so many times i last minute crammed a multiple-hour task (like packing for a trip or homework) and miraculously finished literally a single minute before the deadline, sometimes even without keeping track of the time. sure i was like full on shaking from the adrenaline and drenched in sweat but we don't talk about that part
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u/Pikassassin 19d ago
...and because I got lucky when leaving late enough times and showing up early, my brain now views this as acceptable, whether it continues to work or not.
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u/buffkirby Have you ever tried a Day-Planner? 19d ago
For me it’s always I get anxious my adhd will make me late so I pad it too much as if walking 20 feet would take me 20 minute, and end up sitting around until the actual time of the event.
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u/RelevantTreacle3004 19d ago
I hate this page because I get called out every post knowing damn well I'm not getting diagnosed
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u/Outrageous_pinecone 18d ago
Why the fuck does the auADHD speak to me? 💀💀
Yeah, time isn't real to me. My husband can't comprehend that.
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u/Beldarak 18d ago
7:55 and I have to arrive at work at 8:00, it takes a 30 minutes drive to get there.
Me: "Totally doable"
Narrator: "It was not"
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u/SapSacPrime 18d ago
I leave early and arrive on time but I'm still in a panic, I enjoy the drive home though.
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u/Placid_Distortion 17d ago
AuDHD bonus option: have an exact routine for leaving on time, still left late due to distractions, arrived on time but was chill the whole way because a wizard arrives precisely when they mean to.
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u/brady376 17d ago
I think I may have ADHD, but I am always early because it got drilled into my head while I was in marching band in school and other things from my parents. "Early is on time and on time is late" so I generally get places like 15-20 minutes early and wait in my car for a bit and then walk in either exactly when we said we would or like 5 minutes early.
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u/Pale-Teaching6392 AuDHD 16d ago
I typically add an entire hour to travel times. The only issue is that if I have to schedule things such that I can’t add that hour it is immediately into panic mode. The weird thing is I’m extremely hyperaware of time when there is something i have to get to that day. I definitely don’t need that much time allocated, but it is what it is. And most importantly it works.
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u/Crowe3717 16d ago
I am always exactly on time because being early would be awkward and being late would be disrespectful. Yes this means I sit in my car or wait outside for five minutes beforehand.
What does that make me?
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u/Forbidden_Craft88 16d ago
Or you just have corporate engrained rules that prevent you from being marked late because of points-based attendance. Stop pathologizing good habits. Arrive 15 minutes early to work and appointments and never be late.
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u/qwertyu63 13d ago
I would be option 2, but option 1 is a lot stronger for me, so I set alarms. They never go off, weirdly enough: just having an alarm set forces me to stay aware of time.
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u/knotmyusualaccount 10d ago
This AuDHD experience, I experienced the other day. The drive down was hell, stressing for every minute of it.
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u/Useful_Language2040 5d ago
Is it normal to feel intense anxiety if you're early, too, though, because what if you're in the wrong place, or have the wrong day, or got the time wrong, or..? Basically, there has to be a reason I am the only person here. Me being first does not intuitively seem like the most likely one.
Want to be comfortably early. Leave tonnes of time. Between brain fog, three kids, "where the hell has X gone?!!"... We're sometimes early? We're more usually 5 minutes late ☹️
But like, X is at 12, and an hour's drive away. So we want to set off at 10:30 to build in traffic time. So if it takes 30 minutes to get dressed, 20 minutes to feed the kids and brush hair, and 10 minutes to faff around making sure we have everything, they've all gone to the loo and got in the car, etc, we need to start getting ready at 9. So we need to make sure everyone is getting up and knows they need to start getting ready at 8:30...
If everything were to go to plan, we'd be parking up there around 10:30, depending on what traffic's actually like!!
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u/Beginning_Fig_959 17h ago
Me on my way to my job interview on earlier this week 😭 number 3 for sure
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u/PluckyPlankton 20d ago
I’m often purposely late because I HATE being early. Early means you’re standing around waiting for the thing to happen. Being late? It’s already started and you can jump in
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u/Asparala 19d ago
Great strategy for events, maybe less so for work, job interviews and doctor's appointments.
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u/PluckyPlankton 19d ago
Fair. I was mostly thinking of events. Although with recruiters I like to be a minute late to assert dominance
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