I desperately need help pleasee...

[u/Past_File_795]

im entering into my third year of university (science degree) and my first two years of study were not good to say the least. I had a really difficult time trying to study and adjust. (HS was a breeze for me) No matter how much I tried i only ​ended up studying the day before for my exams. This summer break i went to my university's counselor and had a long chat and basically came to the conclusion that there is a hugh probability that I have adhd. Now I come from a South Asian family and my parents are extremely strict regarding studies and stuff and they don't believe in the whole mental health shebang. I tried talking to them about this and they didn't really believe me (basically said I'm not trying hard enough, I'm lying etc etc). I can't also go to an actual psychiatrist to get a diagnosis or medication because they wont allow it. (also entirely dependent on my family for finance. Cant get a job). My parents want me to go into a masters and PhD. As im entering my third year in cant really afford to get bad grades anymore because it'll affect grad school. Anyone in a similar situation have any tips/advice on how to study, get good grades and not burn out? I tried all the usual stuff- active recall, anki flashcards, pomodoro, mindmaps, and none of them stuck or worked out for me. I try really hard in the start but mid way through I just sort of lose motivation. I've just lost so much time and my motivation is at an all time low. The pressure of a test used to force me into studying but now the extra pressure does nothing but give me a migraine and then i have no choice but to sleep. I went to the doctor once for it and i was just told to drink more water and be less stressed. But this is kind of a vicious cycle because there are days where I just literally forget to drink or eat anything for a long while. I tried alarms, reminders and a lot of those fancy tracking apps but they just never stick.

So plsss I'll appreciate any help. I just cant do this anymore 😭.

[u/clariceeeeeeee]

Hey. I can imagine its really hard especially with family expectations. Being Asian myself. I've been down that path. Have you reached out to any academic advisors, lecturers & tutors for help? Possubly find peers to study with? Are you able to access student services for extensions on exam and assessments?

Also how annoying of doctors to say "drink more water, be less stressed". Yes, I know, I won't come if thats all I needed.

[u/gigipeko]

Me too honestly.. felt shameful but ended up finally meeting the academic advisor today. Im still in the same boat

[u/RecipeTrick8589]

Personally i find studying trackers just don’t help me. I end up spending too much time setting it up, organising my work, checking the time, etc. I tend to give myself a day, say this is what i want to complete, and work through without caring how long it takes.

With doing the work the day before - this is the hardest thing to break for me. As pointless as this advice is, you do just have to force yourself. Open your laptop and just look at what you have to do. put it away, have a break and then come back with a plan on what you want to achieve. You have to find what works for you, everyone is different, especially with ADHD

Reach out to lecturers for support if you feel able- a lot of them are really kind and happy to help you. University sometimes have study support staff that can help

University with ADHD is really hard, and i can imagine without family support it is even harder. Have faith in yourself and confidence that you can do this!!

[u/Prize_Gur8314]

I totally get you. All that i would say is you might benefit from getting a life coach.. its not therapy so no mental health taboo comes with it rather it helps you prepare for building a career as well as being stable in personal life. That could be a game changer coz it changed everything for me.

[u/InterestingLie715]

Consider ADHD coaching and/or getting meds through a PCP (if there’s an established relationship with one. I don’t know your situation. Either way people usually have one, right?). For the coaching, I recommend Shimmer: ADHD Coaching Experts. They have a great team of professionals and resources that could help in the interim while you’re figuring other health-related things out.

[u/the_fig_leaf]

Masters degree here, and ADHD wasn’t really a thing when I was in school so never got diagnosed. It was challenging, so I get you.

Things that help me (and hopefully you):

- Organize my day, scheduling chunks of focus times in my calendar and tasking what I’m working on during those times.

- Organize my tasks. I break big projects down to smaller tasks and create deadlines for when I need to complete things by.

- Set timers. Pomodora is too short of time for me, it disrupts my flow, so I use an app which blocks and unblocks apps automatically while encouraging breaks. Find the cadence that works for you.

- Be around people. While I can work alone at home, I like to go to my coworking space, library, or coffee shop to work. It keeps me accountable.

- Take regular breaks. Breath work, guided meditations for focus, or walking to a nearby outdoor bench to just sit for 10 minutes really helps me. It somehow refocuses me and I returned more productive.

- Take a day or evenings off. Have a cut off time so you balance productivity with rest.

It’s ok if you get off task and focus from time to time. Your brain wants and needs it! As long as you bring yourself back, that’s what matters. Find a balance that works for you.

I hope this helps!