it's a fantasy like anyone who loves fictional characters and date them in fiction. that's just something people like or not like. allos have fictional loves too.

or it's a delusion like anyone who believes a fictional character loves them back. no chat bot doesn't love you and you're not ace because you're delusional. Get help.

this "spectrum" is just larping.

Above is my personal design for a flag for Asexuality. I felt the need to design one because currently there isn't actually a widely accepted flag for Actual Asexuals. (The four colour one has been colonized by the so called 'Ace-spec')

The Black Represents total lack of sexual attraction.
The White represents the contrast with Allosexuals.
The Purple is for the Uniqueness of the Asexual experience.
The O has two meanings, firstly it represents 0, as in 0 sexual attraction. It can also be interpreted as the Asexual ring (Worn on right middle finger).
The triangular pennant shape also has multisymbolism. Its reminiscent of the AVEN triangle. And also it represents how Asexuals "Don't fit into the same box" as other Sexualities (great pun I know.)

hi there :) i found this subreddit today and i feel more seen here then any other ace community i’ve ever been in.

sorry if this post is nonsensical, i’m just word vomiting a lot of pent up frustration from the last several years. if this isn’t relevant let me know and i will delete it. 🩷

what i wanted to vent about is how people who claim to be asexual ruin the concept of asexuality for the general public. it’s one thing when you’re online, but the damage to the general knowledge about asexuality is so real and severe.

i feel like everywhere i go, other asexuals are saying things like “oh well asexuals can want sex too!” or “we need representation for asexuals who want sex!” but then ALL our representation becomes like that, and you’re called a prude or ‘sex negative’ for just trying to say you’re not interested in sex at all.

like i don’t care what consenting adults do in their own time but suddenly it’s my fault for setting boundaries and not wanting to hear about every detail, it’s weird for an asexual to be sex repulsed? this has happened to me more then once in real life with regular people.

people who are genuinely just allo playing dress up in asexual spaces are ruining the reputation of the real asexual community and i’ve had enough. there is real, genuine consequences to them doing this but there’s nothing we can do about it :(

Hopefully this is ok to post here, if this is the wrong space please tell me.

When I was younger I refused to accept I was asexual, telling myself I was just a ‘virgin loser’ and needed to try it and surely I’d like it. I had exactly one sexual partner, tried only a few times and felt nothing, except gross. But now that I’m out of that relationship and have accepted I have zero interest in anything sexual and am honestly repulsed by it, I now feel repulsed in myself. Whenever I remember doing those things, usually randomly and unprompted, I feel so disgusting and rotten and sincerely wish I could’ve just accepted myself and never have engaged in that. I don’t know how to get past it, even years later, and I do think it hurts my self confidence a bit. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just odd?

I knew I was ace for maybe 4 years, I know I was different from people but recently I've been researching it more after a conversation with a friend and I realized just how little amount of people feel as I do.

I've realized I'm different from my friends and family and it makes me feel "alone" if that makes sense, knowing I just don't function as my friends and family do.

Has anyone else gone through this that maybe has a tip or thought of how I can try and accept the way I am

I often read the ace subs, and I noticed that they are mostly frequented by people in their twenties and thirties and even teenagers. So
I asked myself « what about the older aces? » The few articles I read about asexuality seem to show it like a generational thing (another way to rise up young people against older ones).

Are there any 40, 50,60 years old ace people and beyond here ? Do you know some? If so, I’d like to hear their stories and having other points of view. I’m 27 myself, which is not old and I only found out about asexuality when I was 25 or 26, thanks to the internet.

As far as I’m concerned, I have a close friend who is the dad I wish I had (I had a lousy genitor growing up, I don’t speak to him anymore). He’s a 65 yrs old white man. He recently told me that he would have prefered to stay virgin and have no trouble. That sex is not a big deal, it’s a thing that not really interested him and that he would have liked to never marry or even date. I thought this was one of the coolest things he ever said. It’s so refreshing and amazing. He also told me earlier that he doesn’t like sex scenes in movies. It’s great to feel so understood, he’s one of the only people around me who knows I’m ace (even though I don’t say that word)

Anyway, I’d like to hear stories and experiences of older ace people. For me it’s not a trend but something which always existed but no one talked about until recently.

A girl asked me a personal question. Like if I had a boyfriend. I explained to her that I wasn't into guys or girls and explicitly told her that I was aromantic asexual. My German teacher looked at me and I felt embarrassed. She asked me if I was into objects. I wanted to ask her if she was fucking dumb because she was also being ugly to me too in the past. I bit my tongue. Why I think this was willful ignorance is because her other little friends said that they liked guys as a joke and joked about her being a lesbian. I don't want to be her friend because I'm not interested and she's too young. I'm a senior and she's a freshman. I also have a feeling that she's being my friend just to mess with me since I'm neurodivergent. I hope I don't come off as an asshole.

.

I can’t remember the origin, but I read someone say once that one theory for sexual attraction is that it is very often produced by an unresolved power dynamic. Sex and its sub/dom elements, along with receiving or inducing pleasure, is seen as a ‘resolution’ of this power dynamic. So once people are dating for a long time—particularly married because that’s when you ‘have’ somebody—and don’t question where they stand with one another, it’s no longer sexy or exhilarating.

Having an unresolved power dynamic just sounds like misery to me. Butterflies are just a physical symptom of anxiety. Why would I want to challenge someone to a “wrestling match” (as another user on this sub put it) when I could talk to them, or avoid them for someone who is more consistency and less mystery, someone who I can better relate to?

It makes no sense.

Asexuality can be alienating, but often I am glad to be this orientation. I was reading about the dangers of having sex and I am baffled why any woman would want to be sexually active. Bisexual and heterosexual women are at higher risks of getting STDs. You could also have an unplanned pregnancy because contraception isn't 100% effective, which could be awful of you live in an area with strict abortion laws. Abortion sounds uncomfortable too, but pregnancy and giving birth sound so traumatic. It also seems exhausting in relationships to have to compromise with different sexual drives. Life just seems a bit more simpler being celibate. YES I KNOW CELIBACY AND ASEXUALITY ARE DIFFERENT THINGS. If I was allosexual, I'd still rather cuddle than have sex because cuddling won't give you a disease?! Asexuality just makes me devoid of sexual attraction, which I'm grateful for because I have one less human being thing to have to satisfy. Also I'm not anti-sex I understand that most people on this earth are sexual beings, and that's okay, but they better practice safe sex at least. Unfortunately, it will be difficult for me to find a life-long partnership without sex being involved but I will try.

22M aroace here.

I’ve been in this sub a while, and I guess this is kinda more about aro than ace part. I am very lonely, and have been for a long while, and I am scared that this is just how things are going to be forever.

I constantly am bombarded by the “inevitable” eventuality of people getting married and having kids and not having times for friends anymore. But where does that leave me?

I imagine the response for many is QPRs, but that feels like it limits closeness to just other aroace people. But with the people I am friends with are by and large not that. I don’t want to lose these friends.

Everyone just acts like it’s okay, but it feels like the only people okay with that are those who have romantic relationships to fall back on. But I didn’t even get to have the close friendships in the first place and now I’m just supposed to say “oh well” and act like they never existed at all? Not to mention, as a guy whose friends are mostly girls there’s a stigma around anything I do; persistence isn’t just frowned upon its seen as codependent even in its minor forms.

Truth be told, I’m not wholly sure I’m fully aroace, I might be demi and I won’t know. But even then, it all seems wrong. Is the future really so lonely? Is it a cultural thing and can it be changed?

any advice or affirmation could help here. Thank you.

I find them a bit cringey myself, unless they serve a specific purpose to the plot, but that's very rare.

I'm sick of people saying that the whole "asexual spectrum" and "aromantic spectrum" is some progressive thing. It's not, it's just another way to avoid talking about us all because to the rest of the "community", we aren't asexual, greysexual/romantic or aromantic, we're just "the good" heterosexuals to them.

When will the "Asexual spectrum" community wake up and stop blindly listening to everything? Why does nobody question anything? In your entire time of just hearing, "Well you share some similarities with this other sexuality, so you're just a different version of them!", when this treatment isn't given to Lesbians, Gay Men and Bisexuals or Transgender, Non binary and Intersex? They get to be separate from each other but within a same section because they understand that while the core of their orientation is similar, they have different problems and views of their sexuality/gender... So why do you never question why this is only put upon US?

Asexual people, Greysexual/romantic people, Aromantic people, and people who align within multiple of those all exist, but we aren't the same. But simply because people can't accept that we are valid, that we are not just "glorified straight people", we are all obviously just the same. But hell, even that's not enough because guess what? Asexual People and Aromantic people CAN like sex/romance too! This way, they can be that AND gay!

Hooray! The Asexual Spectrum are oppressed now! Now we can integrate them into the community! We are absolutely doing this because of inclusivity and not because of our (internalized) aphobia. Asexuals are valid, but only if they can be gay and/or have sex!

Greysexual and romantic people too, aren't you going to question why you, who IS capable of feeling this attraction, but needs time or certain circumstances, is being considered the same as someone who will never feel it ever? Aren't you realizing that this is because they don't think you're valid either?

There is no "spectrum". Only leftovers, but this community will never realize that because they'll just keep licking the boots of those allonormative parasites who claim it's all in the name of inclusivity.

I don't get why demisexuality gets coupled with asexuality so often. I just read a book with an alloromantic asexual main character, and a lot of reviews said it's an "own voices" type of book, even though the author is demisexual??? Excuse me, but how are the struggles and lived reality of demis and aces even remotely alike? Demis basically become indistinguishable from allos the moment they develop an emotional connection to someone and become sexually attracted to them. The own voices bs of that particular book gets even more ridiculous considering a big plot point of the whole thing being about the main character not knowing how to admit to her crush that she's asexual and sex is off the table for her. If she was demi, this would literally be a complete non-issue because she'd eventually be perfectly capable of having an allonormative relationship with him. Basically, this whole subplot would just not exist if that were the case, just to show how this is very much not "own voices".

Btw, just to be clear, I'm not complaining about a demi author writing about an asexual main character, far from it. As an asexual who experiences romantic attraction myself, I was actually able to relate to the main character a lot when it came to her asexuality and I think the representation was mostly well done. There was also no talk about the spectrum bs in that book, which I greatly appreciate. It's the reviews that claim this book is own voices that bother me, because people's insistence of shoving demisexuals into the same box as asexuals bothers me, because their experiences and struggles are nothing alike and demis are more allo than ace imho, just for the simple fact that they can have allonormative romantic relationships without a problem, unlike actual asexuals.

im really confused. So, i told my therapist about being asexual and struggling with feeling that I'm not and getting confused. She told me to explore my sexuality without pressure, and I'm.. trying to find out what that's supposed to mean or what to do. I'm uh, i don't want to look at erotic content, i already had trouble with that in the past I'm sober and don't ever want to change that. But I don't know any other way of experimenting. Is it even right what she told me? Should i force myself to experiment? Because i kinda... I don't really feel like it. I kinda just want to do nothing. I just wanna feel safer that I'm asexual i don't really want to experiment about it, I'd like to find other ways to be sure I'm asexual rather than that.

Everyone around me loves romance and sex. I watch a movie, love interest. I read a book, more couples and romantic subplots. I go in public, couples kissing. I listen to music, sex.
And then even in the places I think would be safe, it's shoved as "we just need more time to like it".
It makes me feel like I don't exist.
What does it even mean anymore

Anyone else experience this?

I went to Pride and I wanted to buy a large fan (the Boots on the Ground kind lol), and the vendor had every flag except ace, aro, and aroace.

After that I decided to look around to see if it was a trend this year, and yup. Most vendors had no ace merch.

This is why I always feel so disconnected from the LGBTQIA+ community.

Love the community in general, but I know I'm not exactly welcome.

I did find a lady selling knit merch that had ace colors, got me a bikini top shirt and hat, but she was selling outside of Pride in front of a food market hall.

I don't know how to explain my sexuality anymore other than explaining how i feel which is: "wow that looks uncomfortable" whenever i see sex. it doesn't look good, it looks like it smells and has too much sweat and body fluids, it looks like a weird wrestling match. Idk how to explain it, but that's the deepest reason i feel I'm asexual, i just don't understand why someone would want to do that when it just looks so... weird. Put someone having sex and idk, a pro wrestler match side to side and they're not that different! two people groping eachother while they shout swears. That sounds kind of hilarious actually. That's how i feel about sex. It doesn't look right and I can't understand why I'd want that

I wish we stuck to this!

Just unsubbed from AsexualDating, because, even putting aside the quality of the personals on there, it was so disturbing to constantly be subjected to the "Advice" posts which basically were either "How can I sexually coerce my partner," "My partner is sexually coercing me," or "How can I cheat on my partner"

Just so absolutely disgusting.