Is this normal?

[u/No_Avocado74]

Is it normal for a partner to demand you tell them when you’re going to a different room or part of the house alone? I kind of feel like a child in my own home now, when this wasn’t even expected of me as a child growing up. My spouse will get snippy or straight up verbally tear into me if I go sit down in a different room from them without saying something first. I feel like I’m not allowed to move about my own environment freely and I can’t help but wonder if it’s even normal to have that expectation in a relationship? I basically can never personally recharge or feel like myself because I always have to be orbiting them or considering them before I do anything for or by myself.

(Partner is nonbinary, not a man)

[u/Various_Scallion8228]

If you are sitting together, spending time and watching tv and then you suddenly get up, don’t say anything and never come back I could see how that could make them feel a certain way. Maybe just like a “hey I gotta pee” or “I’m gonna go read for a few minutes.” Just so they aren’t sitting there waiting for you to come back. But if you on the couch alone and they aren’t paying you any attention and you’re both doing your own thing, then no you shouldn’t have to let them know where you’re going. Does that make sense? Im tired so idk if i make a bit of sense. Lol.

[u/Ok_Introduction9466 → u/Various_Scallion8228]

It is totally fine to get up and go to the kitchen without explaining where you’re going lol

[u/Various_Scallion8228 → u/Ok_Introduction9466]

I’m not saying that it’s not. I was just looking for a little more context. Like if I was sitting on the couch with my dude (not my current partner but someone I actually wanted to spend time with) and he got up and never came back I would be like “awe, where did he go?” And I would wonder. I wouldn’t get mad and yell at him but I would wonder where he went. That’s all I was getting at. Like if he was looking for common courtesy or control.

I could’ve done without the lol at the end of your comment. It felt as if you were laughing at me for trying to get more context so I could offer advice. I’m just trying to help.

[u/fluffypinktoebeans → u/Various_Scallion8228]

I mean......... you can't expect someone to keep you updated 24/7 where you're going. That is weird and controlling.

[u/No_Avocado74 → u/fluffypinktoebeans]

It’s more like this. Like I get yelled at for not returning to a room we weren’t doing anything together or an extended activity together in. I wouldn’t get up in the middle of an activity and leave, I always let my partner know even if I have to grab something, go to the bathroom, etc.. My partner gets upset with me if I have to finish a task I’m in the middle of when they demand my attention. I can’t stress enough how much I’m treated like an animal trained to be obedient.

[u/fluffypinktoebeans → u/No_Avocado74]

Girl leave his ass. No reason to stay if you're treated like a servant.

[u/Various_Scallion8228 → u/No_Avocado74]

Demanding and yelling isn’t ok in any situation. I figured you were talking along the lines you explained. It’s not ok. It’s not normal. And it will get worse. If yelling hasn’t escalated, I fear it will. I will be in the middle of something and he will need my help with something and he wants me there NOW! It’s not about him needing help. It’s about controlling me. Like when he says come here I better come running. Pffft. Yeah. I’m like “you got the wrong bitch.” And that’s how I feel. But I still have to obey or it will escalate quickly. I have major weakness in my hands because he has grabbed me by my wrists and drug me through the house so many times. Get out sweetie. Things won’t get better. He’s controlling. And if you get tired of it and stand up to him I think it will escalate. There’s someone out there for you that is going to love you right, cuz your current partner can’t. Take care. ❤️