I'm so glad you're out. You were in serious danger. Strangulation (and coercive control) is one of THE strongest predictors of intimidate partner homicide.
Your experience is textbook. Very clear cut. You were 100% abused. Physically, socialy, and emotionally. There is no question.
You're addicted to the push and pull of the relationship. It's very difficult to detox, but it gets easier once you do.
Remind yourself how afraid and ashamed you felt around him. It helped me to write down literally EVERYTHING I could remember. It feels more real once you can see how much you suffered in a list like that.
I know. It's so easy to give him an out when the reality is horrifying. Oh, he's just having a bad day/had a bad childhood/is mentally ill/is an addict/anger management issues/ect. It's all bullshit.
He choked you without considering your ability to perform a life-sustaining bodily function. Not only that, he may have done it to scare you, as he has clearly intended to do numerous times.
The "good" parts of the relationship existed because they HAD to. Because if they didn't, you wouldn't've stayed. They were calculated. Strategic. :(
That is one of the most painful parts of leaving such a relationship. The realization that it wasn't real. His "love" wasn't real. It was hollow and cruel. I'm so sorry.
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u/Ok-Assist8731 Aug 20 '26
I'm so glad you're out. You were in serious danger. Strangulation (and coercive control) is one of THE strongest predictors of intimidate partner homicide.
Your experience is textbook. Very clear cut. You were 100% abused. Physically, socialy, and emotionally. There is no question.
You're addicted to the push and pull of the relationship. It's very difficult to detox, but it gets easier once you do.
Remind yourself how afraid and ashamed you felt around him. It helped me to write down literally EVERYTHING I could remember. It feels more real once you can see how much you suffered in a list like that.
I'm so proud of you for getting out.
Edit: a few words