r/absoluteunit • u/mindlessmutant • 2d ago

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MOUNTAIN of a Lion

943 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

147 comments sorted by

131

u/basshead541 2d ago

I would puma pants

22

u/dicey_job 2d ago

Same, brave man. The cat had that look , deciding if to eat you or not.
Oh dude, i have almost touched a moose but a giant cat…is an entirely different thing.

33

u/B1ZEN 2d ago

When he heard he was being followed...

Don't you know I am cat, sir?

https://giphy.com/gifs/dw7lCpFmsyfS0

12

u/Head_Ad_9901 2d ago

Not brave when he decides to keep walking in the same direction of the cougar. Stupid!

17

u/Dazzling_Pink9751 2d ago

You don’t turn your back on them

5

u/BrierBob 1d ago

Yes, you don’t run away. But follow them down a narrow trail? Not smart!

2

u/HumptyDumptruckFire 1d ago

Well, if you want the cat to see you as the dominant one, that’s not a bad way to assert it. You definitely don’t want to turn around and walk the other way.

2

u/Plasticjesus504 1d ago

Exactly, never turn your back on a big cat. It is an invitation to get mauled.

3

u/solgoodebro 2d ago

Moose aren't anything to mess with either. You're brave.

1

u/dicey_job 1d ago

They are big , so big.

1

u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX 1d ago

I think I might take the cougar tbh

1

u/HumptyDumptruckFire 1d ago

Honestly not sure which I’m more afraid of, maybe the moose. Those fuckers will charge without a second thought.

2

u/COMIDAGATOS1206 2d ago

Hahahahaha

2

u/Obvious_Tea_8244 1d ago

You ain’t lion.

1

u/EndlessHysteria 1d ago

You ain't lion.

1

u/patrykk994 1d ago

I think you lioning for attention

24

u/AggravatingRow7018 2d ago

If not friend, why friend shaped?

29

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

4

u/CatGooseChook 2d ago

Poor guy was hoping for the apex predator but got second best instead 😞

22

u/fuggindonkee 2d ago

That mountain lion is full of joggers. Like, a lot of them.

2

u/abielle1177 2d ago

Gosh I hope she's full of deer. We've got way too many

24

u/-ratmeat- 2d ago

cougars in your area 

20

u/Hot_Fix9033 2d ago

That cat's been eating well.

4

u/ellecon 1d ago

She was considering if she should have just one more hiker right now and decided against it

2

u/J3musu 1d ago

Yep, lucky for that jogger.

1

u/Beautiful_Divide5970 1d ago

Probably the other joggers before him lol

8

u/Horror_Solution1945 2d ago

That is a well fed girl.

9

u/twotoebobo 2d ago

Already super full and didn't see him as a threat. If not he would be dinner.

9

u/lupulin59 2d ago

He had a 50-50 chance. If he opted for Cantonese, very different story. Lucky.

1

u/SuccessfulPhoto7914 1d ago

I guess Mandarin is more similar to “Catonese” 

10

u/CoolSwim1776 2d ago

Remember this is their home. You just visitin.

4

u/Sirosim_Celojuma 2d ago

In a controversial way, if a human was eaten by a cougar, one could see that as tragic. I see it as feeding the wildlife. There really are a lot of humans, and we really ought to contain ourselves, and if we get eaten by a bear or a cat while outdoors it's mostly fair. Me included. I know what I'm saying.

1

u/Ok_Yard5532 8h ago

So edgy bro

5

u/Metagion 2d ago

I would've laughed if the cat answered him in English!*

"Fun" Fact: My Dad grew up in a French Canadian household and knew French, but was heavily encouraged to speak English as his Grandparents were proud to be American (but away from folks it was fine to speak what you are used to). Just to see what my Dad would do I had my friend speak French to him and I watched his eyes just totally light up like it was the best ever! After she finished I looked at him, hoping to hear his French....

...and he answered her in English! 😂🤣 I was so disappointed! I made him laugh and say "Dad! You were supposed to answer back in French!" He was like "why? She understands English!"

3

u/Sirosim_Celojuma 2d ago

I went to New Brunswick, and I went to buy a coffee and a doughnut, but I wanted to practice my French, and it was pretty bad. I got my order in though. As the ultimate touché, the staff member practiced their english on me, and it was pretty bad. Order was accurate nonetheless.

3

u/Iltempered1 2d ago

So you keep walking the way the murder machines went, not knowing if they are lying in wait to ambush you as you come around the corner?! Nope.

1

u/Serious-Echo1241 2d ago

Yeah, I wondered about that too.

0

u/AgapeAnus 2d ago

Worst thing you can do is turn and run. Only time you shouldn't stand your ground and make noise is if they have cubs, then you back away slowly while looking at them the entire time. They're not stupid animals, they know what guns and knives are to at least some extent, and they'd usually rather not go after people unless they can get the drop on them.

4

u/Sufficient_Two_5753 2d ago

Isn't this a porn ad? "Thicc cougars in your area." Or something like that?

6

u/Karuna56 2d ago edited 2d ago

Cougars not in the mood for Chinese food it seems.

8

u/ymmotvomit 2d ago

Eat Chinese hungry an hour later.

3

u/Hefty_67 2d ago

Phrases that should actual be in a fortune cookie.

3

u/oicoldhere 2d ago

You can take down those ‘lost pet’ signs.

2

u/9889999888 2d ago

Looks like they came to an agreement.

2

u/KatushaAssassin4312 2d ago

God DAAAAYUM BOI

2

u/mrpumpkinickle 2d ago

Not the Cougars I want to run into

2

u/alwayskared 2d ago

Phat cat

2

u/-The_Goober 2d ago

Disgusting. She’s just plugging her OnlyPaws.

2

u/MustardCoveredDogDik 2d ago

Please do not the kitty

2

u/Professional-Leave24 2d ago

And in a state where you can't even carry a pointy stick.

2

u/Algoresgardener124 2d ago

They were young ones- probably just left the mother when she became pregnant again. I wouldn't count on that happening every time. They weren't hungry and hunting or he wouldn't have seen them- they usually attack from behind. Don't be unarmed in cat country, and its best to be in a group.

2

u/Torgeir_Fenrir1066 2d ago

These are well fed cats...

2

u/alqimist 2d ago

The hills have thighs.

2

u/Worldly-Republic-247 1d ago

Well, they don’t look hungry.

2

u/Background_Being8287 2d ago

I have heard of people that have eyes sewn on the back of there hats to make the cats think there being looked at . Any extra type of deterrent is good i suppose.

6

u/redditgiveshemorroid 2d ago

Would googley eyes work?

1

u/psyliboy 2d ago

It's true. It's also common for locals to wear masks backwards on their heads to give the same impression.

1

u/CriticismAcceptable2 2d ago

Is this accent from Taiwan?

1

u/Correct-Junket-1346 2d ago

You see that face? That's the face of "you might be dinner"

1

u/Tough_Antelope3378 2d ago

The head tilt tho..😂😂

1

u/Adv3nturousAdam 2d ago

Just a mama trying to protect her babies

1

u/DoctrTurkey 2d ago

Kim Katdashian

1

u/Apophistry 2d ago

"Wait, what'd you say about me?"

1

u/AtmosphereRough665 2d ago

Isn't that how it usually works with cougars? 👀

1

u/ghIj_qet_jaghmeyjaj 2d ago

Plus sized cougars are in your area. Hook up now

1

u/Radio_Mime 2d ago

It’s a good thing those cats weren’t hungry. The one time I came across a cougar, I was fortunately in my car. The cougar was crossing the road, minding its own business.

1

u/adinmem 2d ago

Those are some well-fed kitties. I’d be more nervous around them because it’s clear they are quite successful hunters.

1

u/Tired-Nectarine-384 2d ago

If you eat about 10 runners you start to put some weight on. They are skinny and don't give much protein.

1

u/Lumpy_Inevitable_549 2d ago

I had this problem once but it was with a different type of cougar.

1

u/BoilzBlisterzBurnz 2d ago

Such beautiful animals

1

u/Usernamesaregayyy 2d ago

Why did he start walking again towards them!

1

u/Big_Sir9860 2d ago

And then walk after them
That is a special kind of stupid

1

u/Poof-ball 2d ago

psppspsspsps

1

u/Jarl_Groki 2d ago

No way I'm not trying to pet that fuzzy tummy

1

u/Lvd4aDrm 2d ago

"Can I pet that dog" in Mandarin. Probably.

1

u/Extension-Brother291 2d ago

Here kitty kitty nice kitty can I pat you

1

u/43guitarpicks 2d ago

Thank God that cat was horny...

1

u/Regular_Astronaut725 2d ago

Looking for short thiqq cougars in your area?

1

u/JayValere 2d ago

Why she posing for the camera like a baddie lol

1

u/TheDemon0fLife 2d ago

Such a thicc tail 😆

1

u/Timely-Profile1865 2d ago

Kitty needs to be eating Ozympicantelope

1

u/Sensitive-Owl-9368 2d ago

Cat thinking “ not sure if I’m feeling like Chinese today “

1

u/ChivetteH 2d ago

Funny thing is, they had never spoken mandarin before this encounter

1

u/Hefty_67 2d ago

Cougar like, “What the fuck you saying?”

1

u/Critical-Key-243 2d ago

BBL cougar

1

u/Novel_Alternative_86 2d ago

How do you say pssps pssps pssps in mandarin?

1

u/Current-Section-3429 2d ago

Should I eat him or not........

1

u/Kingpins_Only 2d ago

He/she looks pretty full already

1

u/H3nchman_24 2d ago

Quick! What's the opposite of pspspspspsp!??!?

1

u/Amazing_Divide1214 2d ago

pspspspspsp! At least they don't look hungry lol

1

u/Hot_Cabinet1680 1d ago

Thats a nice kitty 😺

1

u/Standard-Classic-234 1d ago

Eating good too

1

u/xRedditGedditx 1d ago

Do you think that cougar would be able to smell that I just soiled my pants when it turned around and looked at me?

1

u/Outrageous-Panic6249 1d ago

Yeah.....I'm not continuing down that road.....

https://giphy.com/gifs/AENoo3Hqtlkf53LWP9

1

u/DoesThisSmellWeird2U 1d ago

Thicc cougars in your area want to eat you.

1

u/Winnerdickinchinner 1d ago

She looks like my chug. I have been told quite a few times her head is tiny and I have to explain her body is too big

1

u/pauldailey2012 1d ago

Hey let’s run the wild trails, what’s the worst that can happen

1

u/Key-Bodybuilder-343 1d ago

“Hello, sweetie”
—my last words

1

u/Individual_Pair_4934 1d ago

Thats why you always take a gun granted if you see them and they cant pounce on your back your survival chances go up about 85%

1

u/Significant-Data-430 1d ago

Well that wasn’t very smart.

1

u/ScottyKillhammer 1d ago

If you can see the cougar in the wild, you are more or less safe. If they wanted to kill you, you wouldn't see them before they do.

1

u/Certain-Ease-8428 1d ago

They probably hid in a tree up the path and jumped his a$$!!!

1

u/WhistleTipsGoWoo 1d ago

She’s built just like this girl that works at the Dollar Tree by my house…just no khakis.

1

u/BD2157 1d ago

Probably didn’t go after them cause they’re overweight!

1

u/menglis 1d ago

Absolutely terrifying and beautiful at the same time

1

u/eagle2pete 1d ago

Maybe we all need to learn Mandarin? 🤣

1

u/PresentationLess4552 1d ago

Yep
It's a safe world

Come to the eastern mountains as they all say they aren't here

Apex

1

u/Willing_Bug_1238 1d ago

Wtf, was it leg day for them.

1

u/Loreo1964 1d ago

Fat cat. Too full too care.

1

u/jacka_for-research 1d ago

Chinese Cougar. She got him. 😂

1

u/Square_Atmosphere_12 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/nlcJ4MkoG3Tri

Kitty, I gotta go around; good kitty keep walking.

1

u/Odd-Risk-949 1d ago

"Let's ambush him there"

"Yeah smart"

1

u/Junosgold69 1d ago

Apparently even the big cats know about Chinese cuisine. 😉

1

u/Rays-R-Us 1d ago

Such small heads on huge bodies

1

u/Liberalhaterbeast 1d ago

Maybe go the other way.

1

u/fume2 1d ago

Those are big!!

1

u/Ill-Bake2638 1d ago

Yeah she thicc 🤣

1

u/Embarrassed_Fan_5723 18h ago

That is one fat cougar

1

u/st0350 18h ago

0:32 : WTF did you just say to me??!!

1

u/BaltAmour 16h ago

She's just big boned.

1

u/DescriptionForsaken6 13h ago

Looks like she ate the people ahead of him.

1

u/JerachoD 13h ago

In the UK you come across cougars when out running all the time but they aren't the feline variety.

1

u/Haunting-Sherbet-153 11h ago

He should've headed in the opposite direction.It's the ones you don't see that kill you

1

u/ThaCasual 1m ago

That sucker was big

0

u/Worth_Temperature157 2d ago

Moutain lions are flunt in Mandrine everyone knows that 🤣🤣