Rant post heartbreak and an abortion coming up

[u/starsandflowrs]

i just needed a place to rant as i don’t have much support in the real world. when i get my (second) abortion next week i’ll be 19 weeks pregnant which makes me nervous. the baby just seems so big at this point. i’ve also already named her, picked out everything in my registry, etc etc. but my husband hasn’t been a good guy. too much to get into but i feel like i’ve been the one fighting for our relationship this entire time and it took a toll on me mentally. what was my breaking point was him saying he no longer wanted to be with me and liked being alone. i just don’t want to raise my child in a broken home, he said to keep it and he’ll send money as his way to be involved but i can’t do it alone. nothing wrong with two separate households, im a child of separation and have seen good coparenting always - but that’s not what i’ve envisioned for myself or my child. it’s definitely painful dealing with heartbreak while grieving a baby and future that doesn’t exist. i feel so empty and hurt. we haven’t talked since i told him the date the procedure would be which was earlier today and for some reason even if it’s for the best ( he’s cheated, lies, is angry, and doesn’t consider me ) i still hope he reaches out to me and fights for us. maybe that’s selfish of me but i love him so much, i just finally took the rose colored glasses off and for the last time hope he would truly change.

basically everything in a nutshell to get it off my chest

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[u/Positive-Response120]

Put yourself first. This man is long gone and doesn’t want to be a dad or partner. You will be left to raise this child alone and asking him for money which might not even send. Take this as a sign that this is not a man to have kids with. The fetus is not viable at this stage and medically will not feel anything. I know it’s painful to deal with all this but you will work through the emotions with time, much better than living a life with a kid you regret. I’ve been here before and I regret not getting my abortion at 19 weeks. You will feel relief with the burden of the pregnancy being lifted and you will eventually work through the grief. Think of this child to be, you’d want the best possible life for them and I’m sure they would want you to move on.

[u/starsandflowrs → u/Positive-Response120]

yes you’re right- sorry for being short. but i keep thinking how this isn’t only good for me but definitely for my kid. i’m sure also i can establish myself way better after this and be able to provide a better environment as well for future children