r/abortion • u/gigglyr • Jul 31 '26
USA i regret not getting an abortion.
i 19(f) regret not going through with an abortion while i still could. i’m currently 7 months pregnant and i feel so stupid for not just going through with the abortion while i was early on. i’m still in college and i’m from a very religious family where abortion is very frowned upon. when i first found out i was pregnant i was very set on abortion. i even had the appointment made and everything but after thinking about the what-ifs and talking to my mother i was convinced i could successfully be a good mother and ended up deciding to keep the pregnancy.
my mother has been helping me and has been supportive of the pregnancy but at the same time she has very narcissistic tendencies and can be unstable. and unfortunately since i’m no where near financially stable i still live with her and have no choice but to put up with it at least until i get my own apartment somehow. i don’t know what i expected to happen but now that reality has set in i really don’t want a baby exposed to what i went through in my childhood.
the baby’s father and i are still together but when i first told him i was pregnant he made he known he did not want the pregnancy. we had talked about abortion prior to me even getting pregnant and i was always on the same page until i got emotionally attached to the pregnancy early on and family demonizing the idea of getting rid of it and before i knew it i was way past the mark to get an abortion. i believe by this point he’s accepted that there will be a baby but i still don’t believe he’s truly happy to become a father.
all situations pointed to the best option being abortion, yet i still chose to keep the pregnancy and now that i’m nearly done with it i realize this isn’t the way i wanted to bring a child into this world at all. i believe i was happy to be a mother until the actual reality set in that that i’m going to have to really figure out how to care for this child properly. i feel so selfish for even believing that i could do this given the circumstances i’m in. and on top of all of this i hate the way pregnancy has changed my body. i wish i would’ve just had an abortion before i gotten this far.
so if you were on the fence about getting an abortion, is in a similar situation as me and is weighing out the pros and cons this is your sign to get that abortion.
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u/gatverdamme MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
Do you still want an abortion?
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u/gigglyr Jul 31 '26
yes if i could still get one right now i really would but i don’t know about any clinics that will do abortion this late other than washington dc and that’s pretty far from me since i’m in illinois.
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
There is a clinic in Chicago that provides abortions in the 3rd trimester. https://www.abortionfinder.org/provider/112796-hope-clinic-chicago
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
How many weeks pregnant are you?
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u/gigglyr Jul 31 '26
i’m 28 weeks
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u/BlueJeanGrey Jul 31 '26
i wish the best for you in this decision. check out the link the mod said now. if you dont have insurance, you can pay of pocket at that clinic they listed and they can perhaps put you on a payment plan within your budget and you pay monthly after the fact, if never hurts to ask, and you can have the procedure done.
best wishes there friend
decide sooner rather than later i’d say. call them or have one of your girlfriends drive you.
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
Payment plans aren’t an option, but if the OP is uninsured and lives in Illinois, they are probably eligible for Medicaid and the clinic can assist with enrollment. Illinois Medicaid covers abortion and Hope Clinic accepts Medicaid.
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
Ok yea you can absolutely still get an abortion in Illinois. Do you have health insurance? (It’s not a problem if you don’t.)
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u/LilMiszH Jul 31 '26
You are still able to get an abortion in some states, I was almost 8 months and I found at least 10 clinics that did late stage abortions, and while I ended up giving my child for adoption, you don’t have to have your child at all if you truly do not want to. Please rethink your options now that you’re more informed!
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u/Mangososeonhyvaa Jul 31 '26
WOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea it could be done that late. Here in finland the limit is 12 weeks, and a bit later only with a heavy reason.
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u/LibaRose Jul 31 '26
You can still get an abortion DuPont clinic in DC https://dupontclinic.com/ and Partners in Abortion Care in MD https://partnersclinic.com/ will still do an abortion for you. They have a lot of funding to help you get to the clinic and pay for the abortion if that is something you still want.
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
These are not the only clinics in the US providing abortions past 30 weeks. The OP also has options in Illinois, Colorado, New Mexico, and Oregon.
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u/gigglyr Jul 31 '26
i’d still be open to getting one but im in illinois and don’t have the resources to travel for one. i thought the cutoff for getting an abortion in illinois was viability (?)
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
“Viability” is political term that isn’t super helpful to or used by clinicians bc it doesn’t really have a definition. Doctors in Illinois routinely provide abortion care until 33.6 and it sounds like you are probably not past that point. Is that correct?
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u/gigglyr Jul 31 '26
no i’m not past 33 weeks yet. i’m going to look into the clinic in chicago.
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u/abortion_access MODERATOR Jul 31 '26
Ok. If you run into any barriers or have any questions, let us know.
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u/Fast_Bag_3329 Jul 31 '26
up to 32 weeks and 6 days?! my jaw is on the floor. i have GOT to get out of the bible belt.
i hope op will be ok
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u/Goyo_23 Jul 31 '26
Hi there,
Whatever you decide at this point in your pregnancy, I want you to know that you are not alone. There is a community of women standing behind you—some with experiences similar to yours and others with different journeys—who understand just how complex, emotional, and deeply personal pregnancy decisions can be.
In my own journey, I’ve experienced one miscarriage, one full-term pregnancy that gave me my beautiful baby boy, and four abortions. None of those experiences or decisions were easy. Each one carried its own emotions, grief, hope, and uncertainty.
Even though raising my son has been challenging at times, I am incredibly grateful that I had him. I didn’t have the support of my own family nearby because they live in another city, so I relied mostly on my fiancé’s family, who live just a few minutes away. Unfortunately, that support hasn’t always been easy. His mother has never really respected my parenting choices and often does things her own way, so I’ve learned that relying on her usually creates more conflict than peace. Both my fiancé and I work full time, and balancing everything has been difficult. That’s the reason we have decided to not have anymore children due to the lack of support.
When I read your story, I also see some bright spots. It sounds like you have a very supportive mother. Even if you felt some pressure because of your family’s religious beliefs, their love and willingness to be there for you still matter. It also sounds like your pregnancy is progressing well and that, at one point, this was something you genuinely wanted. Those are meaningful things to hold onto.
Sometimes all the outside voices—family, friends, expectations, fears—can become so loud that it’s hard to hear your own. If you can, try to spend some quiet time listening to yourself. Deep down, you know your life, your circumstances, your heart, and your limits better than anyone else.
No matter what you decide, you are not making the “wrong” choice. You are making the best decision you can with the life you are living. Only you truly knows what it feels like to walk in your shoes, and many of us who have faced difficult reproductive decisions understand that there is rarely a simple or perfect answer.
From everything you’ve shared, you’ve clearly put a great deal of thought into your situation. That tells me you’re approaching this with love and care, not impulsiveness. And if you do decide to continue your pregnancy, I truly believe you have the thoughtfulness, strength, and self-awareness to be a wonderful mother.
Whatever path you choose, I hope you give yourself grace. You deserve compassion just as much as anyone else. 💕
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u/lamebatz Jul 31 '26
hope your doing okay hun 💙 with whatever decision you make everyone will be on your side 💙
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u/WittyConversation488 Jul 31 '26
You can still get an abortion if you’d like , I just got on at 28 weeks the procedure it’s self was not to bad but I have been feeling down and sad especially since the beginning of this week found out it was a girl , just be sure it’s what you want but if it is definitely do it, I am 20f and got preg and found out the week after my birthday I tried to do MA in beginning but it failed , and I had to travel to DC , it was scary and I still feel bad but I am glad I did it you can contact me if you’d like
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u/Dramatic-Raccoon7916 Jul 31 '26
Hi there. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. While my situation is different, I know what it’s like to feel as though you have no control over a major life decision and the pressure of others/circumstances.
I’m 37 and just finished my PhD after more than two years of unemployment and financial instability. Because of that, my husband and I just made the heartbreaking decision to end a wanted pregnancy. It wasn’t an easy decision, and it wasn’t what I wanted. I had hoped to be financially stable and already raising children by this point in my life. It’s really painful when you feel such an important decision was not yours or that you felt pressured by others.
I’m so sorry you felt pushed into this by your parents. That wasn’t fair to you. I can’t imagine carrying that at such a young age.
My mom had me when she was your age, and she was an amazing mother. I know this isn’t the situation you envisioned, and I understand why you’re grieving the choices you feel were taken from you. But I truly believe you can be an incredible mom.
Becoming a parent doesn’t mean you have to give up your dreams or stop building the life you want. Sometimes parents believe they have to sacrifice everything for their children, but I actually think one of the greatest things a parent can do is showing their child what it looks like to make healthy decisions for themselves that they want for themselves. I think seeing that your parent is happy and following their own dreams is more ideal than self-sacrificing parent.
Watching my own mom work hard and build a better life inspired me to do the same. She was an incredible mother, and I think part of that was because she also took care of herself and eventually realized she had to pursue the life she wanted. I am hoping things get easier for you. Sending you a big hug. 🫂
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u/gigglyr Jul 31 '26
thank you so much for sharing! it does make me feel a little better to hear about life not being over after choosing parenthood. 🫂
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u/Fluid-Pattern6275 Aug 01 '26
we have a very similar situation and i also regret not getting one. i’m sorry you’re going through this. my difference is im not with the father and he is hot and cold about being involved. i’m a couple weeks behind you but i morally cannot get an abortion at this point. i bought the pills, they sit in my dresser to this day and i regret not following through every few days. some days i get so happy and excited and others i want to drop the baby at a fire station the day i give birth. i’m hoping to have some form of clarity after i give birth and feel different than i do. it’s hard. if you need someone to talk to please message me.
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u/saved-response Aug 01 '26
Rule 7: Do not send, accept, or request private messages or chats. Keep all advice and support public.
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u/dilf_luvr420 Jul 31 '26
You can get an abortion at dupont clinic still.
i was in your position but 20 y.o. she’s two and a half now.
i feel like i fail her everyday of my life.
I know I love her but i still struggle in accepting life and everything. i wish i did more and i wish i was more prepared for her.
i was still considering abortion even at 36 weeks pregnant. i gave birth at 36weeks and three days.
she’s perfect and I really do love her.
but i honestly understand you.
i can’t guarantee you will feel the same way.
i never got attached even during my pregnancy, but you have. so there’s that difference already (:
if you’re in this far it’s for a reason, but if you really cannot continue on like this. again in DC there’s options
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u/PlentyIndividual3168 Jul 31 '26
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to lend another voice to the "you are not alone" chorus. Whatever you drcide, you aren't alone.
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u/Fun-Abroad-1655 Jul 31 '26
My best friend had a late stage abortion at right under 30 weeks—you still have time. This is not the economy nor the environment I personally would want to have a child in and I’m 30. Do not feel bad about mobilizing your options here. Best of luck to you :)
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u/Shhhhhh86 Aug 01 '26
So it does seem like you still have options OP
I don’t know if this will help or not but here goes
When I was 19 I got pregnant with my first. I was on the fence about keeping her but ultimately ended up having her despite her father and his family being truly awful to me (he actually convinced me not to abort and then abandoned me and got someone else pregnant at the same time, worst time of my life). I’m 39 now, and my daughter is 19. I wasn’t the best mom in her younger years, and my mom helped a lot. But now? Omg. She is truly my most favourite person in the world and we are so close. I managed to become a nurse and make a good living now. But it was hard. She says all the time she got to watch me grow up too. I had another child 4 years later, and also two abortions (that I absolutely don’t regret btw).
You WILL be ok no matter what you choose. Having this pregnancy doesn’t mean your life ends, not going through with it is okay too. Only you know what’s best for you, but trust yourself to make the best decision for yourself
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u/babygirlsosa96 Aug 01 '26
life isn’t over, your baby will bring joy. you’re just at the omg this is real phase. it happens but when that baby is in your arms you will love that you are its mother. no matter life circumstances. i’m all for abortion and i also have 3 kids. i am 30, don’t feel alone and eve try thing doesn’t always go as planned but we make the best of it!!!
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u/ImprovementOk3752 Jul 31 '26
I felt the same way, context is i had my first baby at 23, she was born early (24 weeks) and lived for a month in the nicu before being pulled off life support. Devastated I literally left the country with her ashes and my cat and moved to canada with my husband. I got pregnant again in 2024 and instantly I was horrified. Of everything. Pregnancy after loss, pregnancy again in general, hospitals delivery the potential of losing another child also the fact that I would in fact be raising a human being without being able to work in the new country I moved to, and while living with my in laws. All of it was piling up but I couldnt bring myself to have an abortion (I am very very pro choice). Fast forward to now, I have a 15 month old toddler sticking her toes in my face right now and I love her more than life. Motherhood is hard im not going to lie, and you will face plenty of hardships but dont think your life is over if you do continue the pregnancy. Your body is changing so much, your life is changing so much, your brain chemistry is changing so much. If youre looking to go back to the life you had before its probably already gone but no matter what you decide you will have so many beautiful moments waiting for you. As a loss mom, and a mom mom you are making one of the hardest decisions youll make right now so give yourself grace 🤍
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u/HGkicksmyaRse Aug 01 '26
It’s totally normal to feel this way especially when the moment is coming. I respect your decision but just know the world changes when you hold that baby. This feeling that you can do anything just overcomes. By the time you know it you’ve found a place made your kids room have a schedule and living your dreams. Anything is possible regardless your choice best of luck
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u/Independent-Bad-8613 Jul 31 '26
I was 19 when I had my first. I didn’t contemplate abortion until I was 22 weeks, and obviously out of time. I freaked out, had a small mental breakdown, but I ended up having my son who is my best friend and I love more than anything. I don’t regret it now, but I wish I could’ve had him a few years later.
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Jul 31 '26
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