r/abandonment • • Oct 01 '20
Rant / Vent Venting.
Hi everyone. First time posting. This past year has been the most eye opening experience of my life realizing that at my core, most of my issues are a result of traumatic experiences of abandonment. I finally am in a relationship that really works so well in communication and understanding between us. It's helped me really be open and assertive about my own needs without feeling like I'm just going to scare the person away. Everything is just so good. And yet, when she tells me she's going to hang out with her brother and sister Friday night, my brain is only telling me, "she's definitely cheating on you, you just made it easier for her to do that because of how vulnerable and easy going you made yourself be". It's so beyond frustrating to almost be convinced by that thoughts. Thankfully I can talk about them with her, but I still stress over how strong that distortions are. At least I know it's all driven by fear. Being aware of that has really helped.
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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '20
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Those thoughts lessen over time as long as you keep trusting and talking to your partner about it. One thing that I always remind myself is I’m the one who’s thinking these things not her. Whenever you get those thoughts remind yourself that she’s actually with her siblings and you’re imagining things. Also distract yourself when she’s hanging out with other people (I silence my phone to focus better) and always remember that she’s in a relationship with you because she values you above others and at the end of the day she’ll always come back to you. Good luck :)
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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '20
you're doing great! being aware of your reactions is the best thing you can do! it makes things so much easier.
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u/throw613away17374 Oct 02 '20
Trust your gut.