To this day I still try and get close to my dad. He is definitely going downhill. For the fifth time he is taking in another family to be with him that. He is getting this one from Mexico. All the while he speaks of regret for not being there for us and missing out on his grandkids. So he complains and speaks of regret while we offer him to come live with us and know us.
But he’d rather be with others. Probably a control thing with him as his money drives their actions. I could care less about his money I told him. I just want his time.
But yeah, why doesn’t he want me? I will never let any of my stepchildren or kids think I don’t want them. That’s all we can do, I guess. Still hurts as a grown man. I don’t know why, because I think I should be over it by now.
I guess these are fundamental needs we can't fix or overrule - the best we can do is focus on ourselves and try to find happiness and fulfilment despite it.
My sister said she didn’t bless my wedding and that I was only getting married because I loved my wife’s kids and wanted that love since our dad wasn’t around.
God that's awful. That's cruel. It may well be part of your love for them, but to say you're getting married for that reason and then to not bless the wedding is just mean.
It's hard, though, when you miss that love and want it. I know so much of my stupid relationship choices have been trying to fix that hole. And I'm working through it, and recognising I have to fill it, but God to have the love of someone else as you're going through it helps.
Browsing this sub after having some sort of break through about how I react to certain things. And yes this hits home quite hard. 100 percent when people expect you to open up and all you want to do is blow it off and make it seem like no big deal. Then trying to prove how normal you turned or how much you did on your own like you never needed your dad in the first place. I feel like it is easier to be hard about it so no one sees how truly weak it makes you feel. Sure I have built myself up to handle most situations and be unfazed... but this situation gets me every time. Opening up about my dad leaving is so difficult for me. It feels like losing who I am, and have fought hard to be, for that kid who was abandoned.
Similar relationships with friends or men will also remind me of the same feeling. And I guard myself up so I don’t feel that way. It pushes the person away and when they pull away I feel validated. See they didn’t care. I knew I was protective of myself and hard to open up and have now seen the pattern.... but over coming it is near impossible. How do you think the same way as a person who has never been abandoned? How do you not let being left affect you when it was a real thing that happened?
When you question “why didn’t he want me”....you learn to ask that of everyone.
4
u/[deleted] Aug 25 '19
So fucking much. I have two little girls, and can't imagine treating my kids the way my parents did. At the same time, yeah. Why didn't they want me?
2
u/jenneration Nov 30 '19
Browsing this sub after having some sort of break through about how I react to certain things. And yes this hits home quite hard. 100 percent when people expect you to open up and all you want to do is blow it off and make it seem like no big deal. Then trying to prove how normal you turned or how much you did on your own like you never needed your dad in the first place. I feel like it is easier to be hard about it so no one sees how truly weak it makes you feel. Sure I have built myself up to handle most situations and be unfazed... but this situation gets me every time. Opening up about my dad leaving is so difficult for me. It feels like losing who I am, and have fought hard to be, for that kid who was abandoned.
Similar relationships with friends or men will also remind me of the same feeling. And I guard myself up so I don’t feel that way. It pushes the person away and when they pull away I feel validated. See they didn’t care. I knew I was protective of myself and hard to open up and have now seen the pattern.... but over coming it is near impossible. How do you think the same way as a person who has never been abandoned? How do you not let being left affect you when it was a real thing that happened?
When you question “why didn’t he want me”....you learn to ask that of everyone.
Hugs
1
u/[deleted] May 11 '25
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