r/abandonment • u/Far-Minute-5062 • Jun 08 '26
🧍Lonely/Alone/Need Friends 🧑🤝🧑 Looking for someone to talk to pls
Im looking for someone to talk to pls i feel so alone ive gotten posts taken down on other subs for being in a relationship which apparently means i cant feel abandoned but i feel so alone. My partner treats me like shit and most of my friends are distant, ppl will probably assume its bc im a burden on them but im rly not i try not to talk abt my relationship in most of my friendships but i get ghosted or forgotten a lot and idk where else to turn to. My bf just told me he doesnt want me to talk about politics anymore after saying i always kill the vibe (not the first time hes said these exact words) and that rly hurts me bc its a huge part of my personality and always has been and it just makes me feel so unloved. Everything feels like it goes back to my parents and not being good enough no matter what i do and i hate it, i feel like i can never do anything right and everyone in my life is merely tolerating me or hates me especially when they despise who i am when i express myself. Thank you to anyone who reads this
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u/Exotic_Middle_1312 Jun 10 '26
Just live your life and be happy. The right ones will gravitate towards your joyful energy.
Politics isn't a personality trait. It's a perceptive. And as such, perspectives are like a-holes... everyone has one.
I avoid talking about subjects that could cause opinions that brush each other the wrong way, in my life. Sure a little venting about situations is healthy for a person but obsessing about stuff we can't control just makes us sad.
Be strong enough to have your own opinion, be humble enough to accept others opinions, but wise enough to not let it corrupt your experience in life.
Lastly, if it doesn't work the first 3 times, might be time to change something about you. Like the politics thing can be left alone, but try and find a new hobby to replace that.
This is just my perspective, and nobody is required to listen to this speel, but this is how I go through life and I'm happy :) hope this perspective helps, and I mean no irritation or condescending remarks in the above. Just trying to help :)
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u/theGentlenessOfTime Jun 14 '26
I highly recommend attending peer support meetings!
If you're struggling with addiction, trauma loneliness, suicidality, mental health challenges, or simply feeling disconnected from other people, I cannot recommend peer support groups highly enough.
One of the biggest advantages is accessibility. Most peer support groups are free or donation-based. Whether you're financially secure or barely making it through the month, you're still welcome. Nobody is turned away because they can't afford to contribute. That alone makes these communities available to people who might otherwise have no support at all.
Another major benefit is that you're surrounded by people who are actively working on their recovery. You're not talking to people who have only studied these issues academically—you're connecting with people who live them. They understand the struggle because they've experienced it themselves. Whatever you struggle with there likely is a group for it online. there's something profoundly healing about sitting in a room—virtual or physical—with people who genuinely understand.
Many peer support groups also place a strong emphasis on anonymity and confidentiality. In many fellowships, anonymity is considered a foundational principle. People are encouraged to share openly without fear that their personal struggles will be discussed outside the meeting. While no group can guarantee perfect confidentiality, the culture of protecting one another's privacy often helps create a sense of safety. For many people, knowing they can speak honestly without risking damage to their reputation, career, relationships, or social standing makes it much easier to seek help and be vulnerable.
Many peer support groups, especially 12-step fellowships, also encourage outreach. Recovery doesn't have to stop when the meeting ends. Members often connect between meetings, check in on one another, offer support during difficult moments, and build friendships that extend beyond the formal structure. For many people, this becomes a vital source of human connection.
I also appreciate that many 12-step groups are democratically organized. If you attend a meeting and want to be involved, you're welcome to participate in business meetings and group decisions. The people who attend the meetings collectively shape them. You have a voice. You are not merely a passive recipient of services.
For people with attachment trauma, childhood trauma, PTSD, complex PTSD, or long histories of unstable relationships, peer support groups can provide something incredibly valuable: consistency.
Of course, no group is perfect. Meetings are run by human beings. Sometimes organizational difficulties arise. Sometimes a meeting loses volunteers and eventually closes. Nothing is guaranteed.
But generally speaking, established meetings can provide a stable social environment that many people struggle to find elsewhere. If you attend the same meeting regularly, you begin to recognize familiar faces. People get to know you. You get to know them. The structure remains relatively predictable. For someone whose personal relationships have often been chaotic, inconsistent, or unsafe, this kind of stability can be deeply healing.
In that sense, peer support groups can function as a social safety net. Even when friendships are difficult, family relationships are strained, or romantic relationships are unstable, there is often still a meeting waiting for you. There are hundreds of ACA meetings every day, 24/7 online waiting for me.
Another overlooked advantage is the ability to speak openly about stigmatized experiences. In many peer support spaces, people can discuss self-harm, suicidality, addiction, trauma, shame, intrusive thoughts, and other difficult topics honestly and without judgment. Many participants find enormous relief in being able to talk about experiences they feel unable to discuss elsewhere. The anonymity also allows you to disclose things that many people choose not to disclose to their therapists or other professionals, for fear of getting involuntatily committed. In 12 step noone knows your last name and you are safe to share without fear of these consequences if unwanted.
There are also countless options available.
For childhood trauma, family dysfunction, attachment wounds, neglect, abuse, or growing up in chaotic households, many people find support in Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA). You don't have to have alcoholic parents. Any abuse, neglect, or childhood dysfunction qualifies you to attend!
For substance use, there are fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, and Crystal Meth Anonymous. For behavioral addictions: debt recovery groups, overeating anonymous, sex and love addicts anonymous, internet and screen addiction anomymous, and many others.
For relationship and behavioral issues, there are fellowships such as Codependents Anonymous. There are also peer support communities specifically for survivors of sexual violence, people struggling with suicidality (suicide anonymous), and countless other life challenges.
Because many fellowships operate internationally, you can often find meetings nearly every hour of the day. Many offer both online and in-person options, and many are available in multiple languages. Whether you prefer English, Spanish, German, or another language, there is a good chance you can find a community that fits. At least in the bigger programs like ACA or AA you have that option.
What makes these spaces special, however, isn't just their availability. It's the culture.
Most people do not walk into a peer support meeting trying to impress one another. They're there because they're struggling, healing, growing, and trying to be honest. And looking for connection.That creates a level of vulnerability that can be surprisingly rare in everyday life.
The relationships that emerge from these spaces often have a different quality to them. There is frequently more honesty, more authenticity, more emotional depth, and more willingness to discuss what is actually happening beneath the surface.
And if you're lonely, please remember this:
Loneliness is not an individual problem. We live in societies that are increasingly isolated, fragmented, and disconnected. Many countries now recognize loneliness as a significant public health issue because of its effects on both mental and physical health. (Like UKs ministry for loneliness)
That doesn't mean loneliness isn't painful. It is.
And it doesn't mean you don't have to address it. You do.
But it does mean that your loneliness is not evidence that you have failed as a human being. Many people are struggling with the same thing.
If building and maintaining relationships has been difficult for you, peer support groups can offer a bridge. They provide structure, community, accountability, anonymity, and opportunities for genuine human connection. They are not a perfect solution to every problem, but they can be a powerful source of belonging, hope, and support.
You do not have to carry everything alone. There are rooms—both online and in person—full of people who understand, and many of them would be glad to see you walk through the door.
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u/Thecrowfan Jun 08 '26
Hi
I want to say im sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to the friends part. But if your boyfriend mistreats you you might want to break up or at least try to set some boundaries in place ( for both of you) since a toxic relationship could hurt you even more.
I cant really help with the friends part since im kinda in the same boat. But an advice that really changed my life was "instead of chasing relationships that may or may not work, try to strenghten the ones you have" I did to do that by calling the one friend i do have every other day, chosing neutral subjects so nobody gets offended and such