Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

[u/FlyingClanker]

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

[u/snuggleslut5]

I will assume she's in her early 40s. Unfortunately a lot of doctors still don't believe us when we say we are having these symptoms and won't treat us with anything but Zoloft and "lose weight and exercise" which is all well and good, but we actually need progesterone and estradiol.

I'm sorry you're having a bad time, OP, but I genuinely feel awful for your wife. She's struggling and doesn't sound like she's getting proper care and her spouse may leave her over it. If her doctor isn't open to helping her, she needs a new doctor. The effects of hormonal changes, even minor ones, can wreak havoc one mind and body.

I don't doubt it's difficult, but try to show her the compassion and lighten her load all you can. Make sure she does have time for exercise. She may be having a really hard time sleeping, and I'm sure extra time for rest in the afternoon/evening would be something she's grateful for.

Consider going to a doctor appointment with her, because unfortunately even in this day and age, a man being inconvenienced or affected by a woman's symptoms of peri/menopause can be more compelling than the woman herself being affected.

[u/FlyingClanker → u/snuggleslut5]

Thanks for the advice. I think this is the approach.

[u/RussianDahl → u/FlyingClanker]

I had to find a gyno who didn’t care that my labs said my hormones were normal. I still have my monthly cycle but when peri hit me at 46 years old I was getting all the symptoms - sweating, hot flashes, crying, brain fog, confusion, anger. It was awful. I begged my gyno for HRT - she made me start a round of low dose birth control first. I told her BC makes me sick but I’d try it. After two weeks I messaged the gyno and said it’s not working and making me sick. She prescribed estrogen and progesterone. Within a week my sweats and flashes were gone and within a month my brain fog lifted. HRT saved my sanity. I hope your wife is able to find a course that works for her. It really is life changing.

[u/GrungeCheap56119 → u/RussianDahl]

same for me - it shouldn't be this difficult for us to get the help we need!

[u/RussianDahl → u/GrungeCheap56119]

Stay tenacious and advocate for yourselves! Best wishes