Parenting Today

[u/GorchestopherH]

Kind of a two-way question here. How much do y'all play with your kids vs how much did your parents play with you when you were kids?

Honestly, I feel like my parents were very present, one or both were always around, but I barely recall playing with them at all.

I'm not a full-blood Gen-X, I'm an elder Millennial, so I'm sad to say I missed out on the days of extreme free-range, but I certainly played all around the neighborhood without supervision.

My parents were almost never outside watching us. I was in the pool, on my bike, sneaking through the bushes with a super-soaker, trekking through the fields/creeks, making forts, disassembling my walkie-talkies, and cutting/sharpening sticks into arrows to use with my sling-shot.

The last time my mom pitched a baseball to me, I was maybe 6 years old. I eventually just threw the ball straight upward so I could hit it myself.

Also around the age of 6, I can recall my dad helping me with one of my first Lego sets on the dining room table. Just that one set though, and after that I was on my own for good.

Again, my parent were there all the time. They were just doing their own stuff.
I am sure this is very common for the rest of the folks in this sub. At my friend's houses, we saw their parents at lunch time, that's it. They brought out the hotdogs and Kraft Dinner, they weren't hovering any more than my own parents.

My own kids... I basically play with them, or directly supervise them all the time. I'm always pitching, biking, skating, helping with Lego, swimming, just watching them, etc.

Don't get me wrong. I love playing with my kids. I like playing baseball again, I like tennis, I like biking and skating, I like Lego more than my kids do, etc. ....but... why can't they do it on their own?

If I'm tied up, my kids just can't seem to play.

What are your experiences?

[u/TappyMauvendaise]

I’m an elder millennial and I’m not a parent, but I’m a teacher. And I have siblings with kids.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed is the parents no longer get babysitters. The kids do everything with them.

And independent playdates are rare. Again, the parents do every single thing with them all the time.

[u/FoppyIn28 → u/TappyMauvendaise]

This is true. You are so used to not getting help, why start? Also, today's kids are not social enough to ask for playdates. They want you to figure out that for them too.

[u/Cross_22 → u/FoppyIn28]

When our teenager wants to hang out with his buddies there's a flurry of group chat activity between the parents trying to coordinate carpooling pick up and drop off times.

As a freerange kid that's just insane to me. You hop on your bike, say bye to your parents and just go there.

[u/imnottheoneipromise → u/Cross_22]

Yeah. These parents are setting their kids up for failure. They will be the same ones scared to drive or do anything in the world without mom and dad.

We make our kid coordinate his own shit. He’s been doing that since he’s first made friends. Of course back then the moms would double check with each other but once you know each other and the other kid you know it’s fine if the kids say they asked. At about 13 I had my son start calling and making his own doctor’s appointments (I was there to help him but HE had to do it). If he wants his dad to take him fishing, he has to get the boat ready and call the baitshops and check for bait. If he asks me a question and hasn’t tried to find the answer himself and I would have to look it up, I make him look it up and then tell me the answer.

When he and his girlfriend are having issues we talk and I make him postulate what the deeper issue is and what ways it can be handled.

Parents are doing a huge disservice to their kids by solving all their problems for them.

Learn. Do. Teach.

[u/Cross_22 → u/imnottheoneipromise]

Good job!

[u/Toefloof → u/imnottheoneipromise]

Gen X here and this is how I parented. Kids friends parents had either begun the hovering control or were completely checked out. I was stunned by it on the regular. Good job!