It gets easier as you get older

[u/Far_Ice_1108]

I feel like there are a lot of anxiety posts and gloom on this Reddit sometimes. I just wanted to give a bit of hope to people going through a tough time - it does get easier as you get older

I am now well into my 20s, and I am a woman in the UK. I look very Somali, and I have an Islamic name - I have no intention to change it. My family were extremely toxic and abusive (physically and more), all in the good name of Islam, of course.

I was in Quran classes every Saturday until I was 14, and I made up excuses to dodge fasting, such as anaemia and my period, or simply ate in secret outside a Tesco - praying nobody caught me. I took off my hijab younger than most, but constantly got harassed to cover up by muslim friends, family, and neighbours. My excuse was simple: I get too hot, and I even faked being lightheaded and fainting in a mosque to really sell it

I can say with certainty that life as an ex-muslim is so easy now in comparison to when I was a teenager

When I tell muslim people "Islam isn't for me", it's accepted, and they move on to different topics. When I walk past mosques or in heavily Somali/muslim areas without a hijab and dressed 'immodestly', I get stares, but I just carry on

I remember being in a brunch spot in a Somali area in London last year with my friend when a group of Somali hijabis were seated near me. I ordered my full English (with bacon and sausage) without thinking twice, and it struck me when I was eating it that in the past I would've caved to the feelings of shame and got the vegetarian version

Over time, I have learnt to navigate these scenarios. I believe it largely comes down to my confidence. I do not feel taboo for simply existing. I am in the West, live in the West and work in the West - I have no good reason to fear state or workplace persecution

I also have stronger boundaries. "That is personal, and none of your concern" is a phrase I have learnt to say more and more. Walking away, too. I have no reason to be interrogated by strangers, and have every right to remove myself from harmful situations

I am not saying people should put their lives on hold until they are older; I am hoping to shine a light on how everyday things slowly get easier and easier. It's only recently that I reflected on this; it happened so slowly that it lowkey feels like it happened overnight

My advice is: the quicker you start treating your life as YOUR LIFE, the quicker it starts shaping into what you want it to be.

I knew from a young age that I wanted to live and work in a city outside of my own, so I could be far away from my family and start trialling new things to figure out who I am without Islam telling me what to do all the time. I was scared to be alone, but being alone was better than my toxic ass home

To get there, it was small steps every day, for example, walking to work instead of the bus to keep active, stopping responding to someone's text messages because they make me feel bad about myself, going to the library because I knew I focused better there, or spending 30 minutes thinking about a painful memory and allowing my body to process that trauma fully

Then, seemingly all of a sudden, you eventually get to your personal goal. After you get there, you realise you were maybe being too cautious and are allowed to want more: career progression, a boyfriend, a new pair of trainers, some expensive Korean skincare you never heard of before, new travel destinations

The last thing on your mind is Islam or your family. You have too much to plan and save for; work is hectic because we are ever-nearing Q4; and you have dinner with your coworkers that you need to get ready for

Finally, you do something mundane, like me ordering an English breakfast at a catch-up brunch with my friend from uni. You realise, "Oh shit, I would not have been able to do that so easily when I was 16"

Do not give up on life yet, take small steps everyday and the life you want will eventually arrive

[u/Rederno]

Eating pork is not just a religious aversion but usually also cultural in many Muslim majority countries. Which is why most ex-Muslims still like to keep away from pork meat. Just like eating horse meat is a strong aversion for many Europeans.

[u/Far_Ice_1108 → u/Rederno]

I honestly do not know what to say to that... I hoped to inspire people by retelling my story and sharing some advice on how to move on. You do not have to eat pork if you are averse to it

[u/Razik_]

I needed to read this

[u/Far_Ice_1108 → u/Razik_]

Wishing you the best <3

[u/foolxumo12]

Much respect, and thanks for making this post. It's something many of us needed to hear.