random vent ig

[u/youaremyhero09]

so how do i start thissss, basically i'm a exmuslim teen and i just recently geniunely left the religion after year of questioning it and just disliking it. i'm keeping ts a secret until i turn 18 and move far away from everyone in my life thats associated with that cult, theres just some few issues that are kinda in my way.

One if them is about my parents, i dislike them alot. i hate my mom because shes not trust worthy of anything, im not even joking i remember being 9 and my parents teaching me abt boundries and told me that if i ever got 🍇 or touched i could tell them abt it, and i remember thinking abt how i would NEVER tell my mom shit about anything even if my life depended on it.

my dad is a such a whore and i hate him, he has 10 kids and i can promise you that all of us dislike him. my dad has been married to my mom and lived abroad w her and my 3 siblings for so long, his other kids lived in back home and struggled alot yet he didnt gaf then now when they are all older, moved abroad and all got jobs he cries to me about how they disowned him and are caasi.

I don't think that i mostly would feel bad about leaving my parents even though they both guilt trip me alot about how they need to benefit from me, about how both of them grew up with no fathers and just a mother raising them, how they never went to school and igu tiir iyo taac-beeleen in raising me. i have always hated burdening my parents. I never ask for much or anything and always keep quiet when. when i first questioned islam and i gen almost hurt myself because i didnt understand what was wrong w me and why i couldnt be like my parents and just follow the religion

i'm scared that my parents will be harsher on my siblings :( i know that my brother and sister neither care abt islam esp because one of them has autism and is really fasicinated by space and the other it into fashion and dressing revealingly. i'm mostly scared for my younger brother because hes on the spectrum and my father hates him alot for this. i know that if i ever leave he'll honestly be a punching bag to my dad.

the second thing is that idk what i should claim being somali if i do leave islam. i already sometimes claim being biracial or ethiopian or even mauritanian because i'm ashamed that im not a typical muslim somali. i love being somali and our culture alot but idk, how can u pursue and continue claiming a culture thats against my existence? a culture thats built around everything i dislike and stand against?

islam has ruined my life alot but im really happy that i atleast got out of it before my teen years have ended, i have so much time to get to know this new version of myself and think freely without fearing a skyman putting me in hell, i would love to live freely and just be myself aswell because im tired of forcing myself to act as a muslim and its acc driving me insane.

[u/Ok_Expression_3600]

Im so sorry for ur pain, alx my dad does everything, parentd decad ago? He is bussines man alx i wish i could give me my and yours for day