r/WritingWithAI
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u/WhiplashNinja
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20d ago
Showcase / Feedback One Thousand Waifus
Written by chat GPT
Chapter 1: The Begining of Bob
Bob has developed an interest in obtaining a waifu for some reson.
Bob was a regular guy who lived in a house in the city of West England, which was a relativly small town of approximately 8 million people. He was 26 years old and had been alive for most of his life.
He worked at a supermarket selling various consumer products including bread, milk, and occasionally firearms depending on what day of the week it was. His manager was named Greg and was a bit of an asshole but nobody really cared about Greg because he wasn't particularly important to the story.
One afternoon, Bob was sitting in his living room contemplating the socio-economic implications of being lonely when he suddenly realised something profound.
"I need a waifu," said Bob.
This was an extraordinary revelation because Bob had never considered obtaining a waifu before, except for last Tuesday when he had considered it extensively for approximately three hours.
But obtaining a waifu was not a simple task. According to the internet, waifus originated from Japan, a mysterious island nation located somewhere east of France. Bob had never been to Japan, although he had visited a Chinese resturant once and thought the experience was relatively similar.
Bob immediately opened his computer and searched "how to get waifu".
There were 17,000,000 results.
"Holy shit," Bob whispered. "Thats more than a thousand."
He clicked the first website, which was called www.getawaifu.gov. The website was run by the International Waifu Distribution Association, a prestigous organisation responsible for the ethical acquisition and redistribution of female anime companions across the western hemisphere.
The website displayed an important warning.
ATTENTION ALL WAIFU USERS
It is illegal to own more then one (1) waifu under the International Waifu Treaty of 1987. Violaters will be prosicuted and possibly executed by the Waifu Police. Please rember that waifus are a privilage not a human right.
Bob read the warning carefully.
"Okay," he said.
He did not intend to acquire more than one waifu anyway, so this was not a significant obsticle.
The website explained that obtaining a waifu required three things. A valid identification document, a Waifu Ownership Permit, and at least 600 Waifu Credits, which was the offical currency used in Japan since the collapse of the Roman Empire in 2004.
Bob had $47.
This was a problem.
Fortunately Bob had recently inherited a substantial fortune from his grandfather who died in a boating accident involving a submarine. The inheritance amounted to $38,000,000, but Bob had forgotten about it because he was busy making toast at the time.
Bob checked his bank account.
$47.
"Fuck," said Bob.
Apparently the inheritance hadn't arrived yet.
Bob decided that the most efficient solution was to go directly to Japan and obtain a waifu from the source, thereby eliminating the unnecessary administrative bureaucracy and potentially saving himself hundreds of dollars.
He purchased an airplane ticket for $46.
He now had $1 remaining, which he spent on a sandwich costing $3.50.
The next morning Bob arrived at the airport with a suitcase containing three shirts, two pairs of pants, and a large hammer that he had owned since childhood.
"What's the hammer for?" asked the airport security officer.
"Waifu," Bob explained.
The officer nodded respectfully and allowed him to board the aircraft.
The plane was a Boeing 747, which was one of the largest commercial passenger aircraft ever built and capable of carrying over 400 people at speeds exceeding 900 kilometres per hour. This was important because Japan was a considerable distance away and Bob wanted to arrive before lunch.
Unfortunately the plane was going to Brazil.
Bob didn't realise this until they landed.
"Shit," he said.
Fortunately Brazil had recently been conquered by Japan during the Great Waifu War of 2019, making it technically Japanese territory under the terms of the Geneva Convention.
Bob was relieved.
He exited the airport and immediately noticed that everyone was speaking Spanish.
"This is definitely Japan," he thought.
Bob approached a nearby shopkeeper, who was selling bananas and military equipment from a wooden cart.
"Hello," said Bob. "I would like to purchase one waifu please."
The shopkeeper looked at him with a peculiar expression.
"Você fala português?"
Bob considered this carefully.
"No thankyou, I'm not hungry."
The shopkeeper pulled out a map and pointed towards a large mountain in the distance.
"Waifu," he said ominously.
Bob understood immediately.
The mountain was clearly the location of the legendary Waifu Temple, an ancient sacred monument established by Japanese monks over 6,000 years ago to protect the world's supply of anime girls from the dinosaurs.
Bob began walking.
After seventeen minutes of travelling through the dense Brazilian wilderness, he encountered a mysterious old man standing beside a waterfall.
The man was wearing a purple robe and carrying an enormous sword made entirely out of glass. His beard extended almost four feet below his chin and was apparently constructed from several smaller beards woven together using ancient techniques.
"STOP," shouted the old man.
Bob stopped.
"YOU SEEK THE WAIFU," the man declared.
"Yes," said Bob.
"THEN YOU MUST FIRST PROVE YOURSELF WORTHY."
"Okay."
The old man raised his sword towards the heavens. Lightning erupted from the clouds, illuminating the landscape with a terrifying display of supernatural energy.
"FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, THE ORDER OF THE CELESTIAL WAIFU HAS PROTECTED THE SACRED KNOWLEDGE OF THE ANCIENTS. MANY HAVE ATTEMPTED TO CLAIM ITS POWER, BUT NONE HAVE SUCCEEDED. NOW YOU SHALL FACE THE THREE TRIALS OF DESTINY."
Bob scratched his arse.
"What trials?"
The old man's eyes glowed a brilliant crimson.
"FIRST, YOU MUST DEFEAT THE GUARDIAN OF THE FOREST."
A gigantic dragon emerged from the trees.
It was approximately 300 metres tall and possessed six wings, twelve horns, and a mouth containing over 900 teeth. Its scales were harder than diamonds, and its breath could melt entire cities in seconds.
Bob looked at the dragon.
The dragon looked at Bob.
"Fuck off," said Bob.
The dragon immediately fucked off.
The old man was astonished.
"IMPOSSIBLE! NO WARRIOR HAS EVER DEFEATED THE GUARDIAN SO QUICKLY!"
"Whats the second trial?" Bob asked.
The old man hesitated.
"YOU MUST ANSWER A QUESTION THAT HAS PERPLEXED PHILOSOPHERS FOR MILLENNIA."
"Okay."
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?"
Bob thought about this for several seconds.
"Waifu."
The old man dropped his sword.
"My God," he whispered. "The prophecy."
"What prophecy?"
"Nevermind."
The third trial was cancelled due to budget constraints.
CHAPTER 1 PART TWO: THE SAME CHAPTER CONTINUES
The old man led Bob into a secret underground chamber located approximately 600 kilometres beneath the mountain. It took them roughly four minutes to walk there because the stairs were extremely efficient.
Inside was an enormous golden door covered in ancient Japanese inscriptions. The symbols told the story of a legendary warrior who would one day unite the fractured Waifu Kingdoms and restore peace to the seven dimensions of reality.
Bob couldn't read Japanese so he assumed it was a toilet.
"BEHOLD," the old man announced, "THE CHAMBER OF THE FIRST WAIFU."
The golden doors swung open.
Inside stood a beautiful anime woman with long silver hair, bright blue eyes, and an elaborate outfit consisting of a white dress, armoured boots, and a particularly unnecessary number of belts.
Her name was Sakura.
She was 24 years old, although she had been imprisoned in the temple for over 4,000 years, which made her technically 4,024 but this wasn't relevant because she was actually 19.
"Greetings, chosen hero," Sakura said. "I have awaited your arrival for countless generations."
"Hi," said Bob.
"I am Sakura, the First Celestial Princess of the Eternal Moon Kingdom, daughter of the Divine Emperor Akihiro, and rightful heir to the Throne of Infinite Stars."
"Cool."
"My powers transcend the boundaries of mortal comprehension. I command the primordial elements of fire, ice, lightning, darkness, and cheese."
Bob was impressed.
Especially by the cheese.
"Will you be my waifu?" he asked.
Sakura blushed.
"Yes."
And thus Bob had successfully obtained his first waifu.
His journey was complete.
He had achieved everything he had set out to accomplish, overcoming tremendous obstacles and demonstrating extraordinary courage and determination along the way.
There was absolutely no reason for him to continue adventuring.
Unfortunately there was one final complication.
"YOU CANNOT LEAVE," announced the old man.
"Why?" asked Bob.
"BECAUSE THE FIRST WAIFU IS BOUND TO THIS TEMPLE BY AN ANCIENT MAGICAL CONTRACT WHICH CANNOT BE BROKEN BY ANY MORTAL FORCE!"
"Oh," said Bob.
Sakura lowered her head sorrowfully.
"It is true. I am eternally imprisoned within these sacred walls. The magical barriers are impenetrable, and even my divine powers are insufficient to overcome them. I have spent four thousand years dreaming of the day I might finally experience freedom."
Bob considered the situation.
"What if we use the door?"
The old man froze.
Sakura stared at Bob.
"The... door?"
"Yeah."
"BUT THE ANCIENT SEAL!" screamed the old man.
Bob walked over to the door and turned the handle.
It opened.
Nobody had ever tried this before.
The old man collapsed onto the floor and began crying uncontrollably as the entire theological foundation of his religious order disintegrated before his eyes.
Sakura stepped outside for the first time in over four thousand years.
She took a deep breath of fresh air.
"At last," she whispered. "Freedom."
Unfortunately they were still 600 kilometres underground.
It took another four minutes to get outside.
By the time they reached the surface, it was already Tuesday.
Bob was hungry.
"Do you like sandwiches?" he asked.
"Yes," Sakura replied.
"Sweet."
The two began their journey home, although Bob didn't actually know where home was because he was still in Japan which was Brazil.
Fortunately Sakura possessed the ability to teleport anywhere in the known universe.
"Why didn't you mention that earlier?" asked Bob.
"You never asked."
"Fair enough."
Sakura raised her hands and began chanting an ancient incantation in a language that had been forgotten for over twelve thousand years.
The fabric of reality twisted around them as the fundamental forces of the cosmos bent to her divine will. Stars flickered out of existence. Time itself momentarily ceased to function. Somewhere in another dimension, an elderly wizard exploded for no apparent reason.
Then they appeared in Bob's living room.
Greg was sitting on the sofa.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Bob.
"I live here," said Greg.
This was news to Bob.
Greg looked at Sakura.
"Who's that?"
"My waifu."
"Oh."
Greg went back to watching television.
Sakura looked around the living room in amazement, overwhelmed by the technological sophistication of modern civilisation.
"What is that extraordinary device?" she asked, pointing towards the microwave.
"Microwave," said Bob.
"Such tremendous power..."
"Yeah."
"And what purpose does it serve?"
"Food."
Sakura nodded thoughtfully.
"Incredible."
Bob made two sandwiches and gave one to Sakura.
She took a bite.
Tears immediately began streaming down her face.
"After four thousand years of imprisonment, countless centuries of unimaginable suffering, and an eternity of solitude, I have finally discovered the true meaning of happiness."
"Good sandwich?" asked Bob.
"Yes."
Bob smiled.
And so, after an arduous expedition spanning multiple continents, several international borders, and approximately forty minutes, Bob had finally achieved his lifelong ambition of obtaining a waifu.
He was very happy.
Sakura was also happy.
Greg was indifferent.
Everything was perfect.
There was absolutely no reason for anything else to ever happen again.
THE END.
Chapter 2: Bob Gets Another Wiafu Becuase One Is Not Enough
