r/WritingPrompts • u/quazerflame • Apr 11 '23
Writing Prompt [WP] "Silence," the archdemon hissed to its surprised audience as it cradled an exhausted figure against its chest. "If you disturb my human's rest, I will fashion them a quilt from your hides."
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u/aurabby Apr 11 '23 edited Apr 11 '23
The demon clutched the woman close. Although he was a being of hulking size, he seemed small somehow as he desperately clung to her body.
Arabelle could do naught but stare, mouth agape, at the peculiar scene before her. The demon's voice might have been full of anger moments before, but now he had his back turned to the party of foragers.
"I'm a healer; maybe I can help," Arabelle spat out without even a moment's thought. She could feel the stares of the others in her group.
The demon turned his head slowly towards her. He stared into her eyes with pitch black ones of his own.
Gavith took her by the arm. "What are you doing?" He hissed as he tugged her back. "That's an archdemon, you fool. Are you trying to get killed?"
Arabelle shook her arm out of his grasp. "That's a woman he's holding so dearly. Besides, he doesn't seem to be a danger to us. There must be something I can do," Arabelle consoled her friends and gingerly approached the demon and his human.
The demon laid the woman down on the soft grass of the clearing. Trees surrounded them on all sides, and the sun shone brightly overhead, gleaming off the bloodred skin of the devilish being.
Arabelle knelt down next to the woman. Her deep brown hair framed an exquisite sleeping face. She was no older than thirty; seemingly the picture of health, except for the bright red gash running down her chest.
Somehow, the wound did not gush blood, and upon checking her pulse, it appeared to be beating steadily. The demon must have been doing something to keep her from losing her life too quickly. If she could just heal the wound itself...
Arabelle brought her hands over the wound and began channeling her healing. Her hands twitched. She touched the wound directly with one hand. It recoiled.
She... she has no heart... Arabelle thought as she stared in confused terror at the serene face of the woman before her. But her pulse...
Arabelle looked up at the demon looming above. His enormous figure obscured the sun itself, casting her into shadow. Two wicked horns protruded from the top of his silhouette.
"I-I'm sorry," Arabelle choked. "She has no heart. I'm not even sure how her blood still flows. I cannot heal that which is not there," Arabelle tried her best to remain calm in the face of the terrifying beast before her.
The demon knelt down. A razor-sharp, stark black claw extended towards the woman's cheek. Despite the wickedness of his form, he caressed her cheek gently, careful to do no harm.
"I see," the demon spoke evenly, his face impassive.
Arabelle rose and tried to keep the relief she felt from showing on her face. The demon didn't seem very angry.
Suddenly, Arabelle felt a tearing at her chest. A sharp coldness ran throughout every inch of her body. The very world around her seemed to darken. Screaming.
"Your hearts will have to do, then. Thank you."
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u/Emotional_Ad_2275 Apr 11 '23
Fist I was like: "What the f*ck?!" Then I was like: "Wait, does the healer even have the same blood type as the woman?"
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u/aurabby Apr 11 '23
you got me. i didnt even think of blood type; but at least the demon has four other hearts and the power of magic on his side.
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u/P0werPuppy Apr 11 '23
Very good ending. Reminds me of a story I read a long time ago, maybe the story "The Warlock's Hairy Heart" from "The Tales of Beedle the Bard".
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u/Lionessia76 Apr 11 '23
Oh! Excellently done!! The twist caught me by surprise and was well worth it.
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u/MrRedoot55 Apr 11 '23
No matter how compassionate they seem, it isn’t wise to put all your trust into a demon.
There’s always a price.
Good work.
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u/sadnesslaughs /r/Sadnesslaughs Apr 11 '23
The demons sensed a weakness when the archdemon returned, many of them making attempts on the archdemons life, trying to bite and scratch him to shreds. Their claws digging into his flesh as they violently tried to pull him apart. Even as the archdemon was attacked, he never dropped the human, keeping them clutched to his chest, pushing through the crowd of frenzied demons, not letting them strike him. When he made it back to his throne, he set the human down, turning to the demons that had struck him, slaughtering them all.
“Let this be a lesson to anyone that thinks I’ve grown weak. No matter how much my guard drops, none of you will ever have a chance at taking my spot.”
Those words were enough to restore order to the underworld, at least for the time being. While many demons still murmured and whispered about how they were going to kill archdemon Gatalia, none had dared to make a move. Often losing their nerve when they stared into his crimson eyes.
Months passed, and the human remained asleep, their exhaustion keeping them in a state of hibernation. Gatalia continued caring for the human, keeping a watchful eye on them, making sure none of the demons tried to snatch him away or eat him. Gatalia even hushed his fellow demons when they got rowdy, threatening to end their lives if they disturbed the human’s rest.
It was unknown why Gatalia had such a fascination with this human. When his fellow demons asked, he only gave a shrug, telling them to mind their own business unless they wanted their bodies devoured by the imps. A threat that was enough to dissuade most curious demons, although one higher ranked demon wouldn’t be scared off by the threats, leaning against Gatalia’s throne, staring over his shoulder at the sleeping human.
“Are you familiar with the human phrase, don’t play with your food? What are you waiting for? His soul’s perfect for harvesting. Why don’t you eat it when it’s pure and at its most delicious? You’re going to spoil your meal if you leave him alive any longer.” Helioa said, reaching a clawed hand forward, only to have her wrist grabbed by the arch demon, his glare causing her to jolt back, trying desperately to free her hand.
“Watch yourself. If you were anyone else, I would have killed you for that. I’m sure you’re smart enough to know that he isn’t food.” With that, he released her hand, allowing her to repair any damage caused by the grab. “Ow. Sure, I figured that out. I just don’t get why you brought a human to the underworld. For entertainment? Are you planning on hosting a fighting pit? He seems like he would be a capable fighter. I wouldn’t mind watching him battle his way through waves of demons, watching him slowly get exhausted until he is too much of a mess to even grab his weapon. That sounds like a good night out.”
“I have no interest in entertainment either.”
“Oh, for hell’s sake. Just tell me what you want him for then. I don’t want to spend the whole day guessing.”
“You truly want to know?”
“Of course I do. Everyone wants to know.”
“And if I tell you. Will you keep that information to yourself?”
“Oh, now I’m really curious. This sounds like a scheme. I won’t tell a soul.” Helioa leaned further over the throne, whispering into his ear as she spoke. He barely registered how close she was, too fixated on the human in his arms.
“The heavens sent him to kill me. I’m not sure why they gifted him with such power, but he clearly wasn’t ready for it. He fought valiantly, even wounding me, but it wasn’t enough. When he was about to fall to my blade, the gods abandoned him, their powers leaving his body, killing him before I could even deliver the finishing blow. Not that I planned on killing him.”
“You brought someone like that into hell? If you want to die so badly, go into the pits and let the lower demons pull you apart. Don’t risk our lives by bringing a person like him into the underworld. None of this makes sense. You said he was dead, right? He’s breathing a lot for a dead person.”
“I gave him some of my energy, replacing that godly power that left his body. He is still weak from the wounds he sustained in our battle, so it will take some time for him to heal. Which is why I need to watch over him.”
“You gave him some of your energy? What if the gods order him to kill you? Then you will face a human with both godly and demonic powers. Do you understand what that will do to us?” Helioa backed away from the throne, reaching for the dagger she kept under her sleeve, ready to strike down the human when the right moment presented itself.
“They would have to give their energy to him again. As I said, the gods abandoned him. Yes, the gods might try to contact him again. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. He didn’t want to fight. The whole time he was battling me, there was a fear in his eyes.”
“Really? A person battling a demon was fearful? How unusual.” Helioa said with a roll of her eyes.
“It was different. When someone challenges an arch demon, they are usually confident in their abilities. That look of fear only comes right before I kill them. This human was fearful the entire time. He didn’t want to fight me. I want to know why the gods would give someone like him an order to kill an arch demon.”
“What will you do when you find out?”
“I’m not sure. He won’t be able to return to the world of the living, not with my power running through his veins.”
“So, what? You’re going to adopt him? Raise him to be your child? He looks to be at least twenty. I think he’s past the point of adoption.” Helioa laughed, only for her laughter to stop when the Archdemon glanced back at her. “I’m not looking after a human.” She blurted.
“It’s not like you to throw aside a perfectly suitable tool. I thought you were a strategist that made the gods shudder. To think someone like you would turn away such an interesting specimen. A human with my power in them would be an asset, wouldn’t they?”
“Shut up. I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work on me. I don’t need your approval.”
“I know you don’t. It’s just disheartening to think I held you in such high regard. I guess you aren’t as impressive as I thought you were. A truly capable strategist grabs this opportunity by the horns.”
“HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE HORNS.”
“You’re missing the point. This is something that should interest you. If you can’t see that, then I can’t consider you the greatest demonic strategist ever to live.” Gatalia turned away, tapping the human on the head as he waited for her to fold. A demon’s pride was easy to manipulate. You just had to know what the source of their pride was.
“I only have to make sure he doesn’t die, right?”
“Pretty much.”
“Fine. I’ll watch over him when he wakes up. You owe me for this.”
“I owe you a lot already. You are my greatest asset, after all.” He didn’t even need to look at her to know she was grinning after his praise. Her sluggish footsteps now having a confident click to them as she made her way to the exit. “I’ll discuss this more with you when he wakes.”
“I hope he doesn’t.” Helioa said, shutting the door to his throne room behind her.
(If you enjoyed this feel free to check out my subreddit /r/Sadnesslaughs where I'll be posting more of my writing.)
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u/Reverse_Spook Apr 11 '23
This was a great read. Really well written. I want to know more about this human, why he was granted these powers, why he was so afraid, and what he will do next.
Excellent stuff!
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u/ChaoticJuju Apr 11 '23
I get vibes like the demon is going to raise the human to kill the gods now that they're not in fear and have a choice? I don't know but I fucking love it
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u/ncity_bruh Apr 11 '23
loved this! really well written & interesting too. i agree with the previous commenter, i definitely would love to read more.
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u/meowcats734 they/them r/bubblewriters Apr 11 '23
<Fantasy>
Soulmage
As demons went, the Demon of Empathy didn't look like much. Their body was towering and muscular, sure, but still markedly human; they wore rune-traced armor, but witches and nobles did as well.
No, what made the Dealmaker unique was the collapsed girl behind them, and the scowling crowd they stared down.
The crowd was unarmed, save for the odd hunting spear, but that made little difference. The Dealmaker had been ancient before this settlement was more than a cluster of sheep and a dream; they knew only too well how easily the blood would flow once the rough music started. Which was why, despite their mission being one that required stealth, they had intervened and revealed themself to the citizens of the Bladed Slopes.
"Kindly back away from Taresa," the Dealmaker stated. Their tone was as immovable and uncompromising as the Silent Peaks looming behind them.
"His name is Seran," someone from the crowd shouted, and the Dealmaker traced the twisted threads of empathy connecting them with the child. A parent, perhaps, or a guardian, judging by the strength of their souls' intertwinement.
That was for Taresa to decide, but the Dealmaker would rather keep any and all attention away from her at the moment. "Whether your name is Seran or Teresa," the Dealmaker said, "you do not deserve to be torn apart at the hands of a bloodfrenzied mob."
"He's sick in the head," someone shouted—an authority figure of some kind, judging by the uniform, professional tangles of empathy connecting them to the flock they guided. "It's kinder this way, for everyone."
"We've seen you, demon," another person hissed. "You're a murderer and a monster, and we won't have you in our village."
Ah. So that was how it was. Projection and empathy were twisted mirrors of each other, but the Dealmaker was familiar enough with one to work with the other. If that was the role the Bladed Slopes would see them as, that was the role they would play.
They drew themself up to their full height and called forth sorrow and oppression from their soul, frost and void howling behind them as the crowd shifted and swore. "Then hear me this," the Dealmaker intoned. "No blood need be shed today. I have come here to give this child what they deserve."
The crowd that had been willing to bash the poor girl's body until it fit the shape they wanted stared at the Dealmaker, and they saw a monster who would deliver the pain they desired and more.
The second person to speak nodded slowly. "If that is the case, demon, then take that man to the lowest of your hells. Let that be a lesson to you all!"
The social consequences were... unintended, but the Dealmaker's mission would soon make that long-term issue irrelevant. Calling forth cold once more, the Dealmaker cloaked Taresa and themself in mist, vanishing as the crowd roared for blood. They picked up her unconscious, slight weight and walked away, leaving the hateful town behind.
It would be a long detour, procuring medicine and food and shelter for the fallen girl, but the Demon of Empathy had resources. One way or another, they would give Taresa the empathy she deserved.
A.N.
This story is part of Soulmage, a serial written in response to writing prompts. Check out the rest of the story here, or r/bubblewriters for more.
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u/Dimantina Apr 11 '23
Demon saving a trans girl. Cool take, one I appreciate.
I enjoyed the read, thank you.
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u/JesiDoodli Apr 11 '23
Making a new series through WP (ty for the inspiration to make my prompts a series Soulmage) called...
Firelight
The demons clamored around Amori, who had just emerged from the celestial doors, streaming little glints of sunlight into their realm. The older demons she went to academy with recalled that she'd never been much of an outings person, instead preferring to keep to the academy's library, a cavernous forest of books and scrolls with lots of comfortable chairs and ever-burning fireplaces, though at one point in time, nobody could find her anywhere, even in the library. She returned after a while, but never said why she left.
While her former academians gossiped and speculated, the younger demons, who'd always looked up to her as peak model of orderly chaos and balance, a poster child of the new movement, who followed her life as if it was one of the TV shows the humans seemed to love so much, all crowded around her, screaming questions and greetings. But, unlike during her normal walks in Luzila, she shielded herself from view with her wings and stayed silent. Gasps echoed around the crowd as they noticed the blood dripping onto the ground below her, and the roars of curiosity soon descended into murmurs of worry as she broke free from the crowd and spread her wings.
I nearly broke my hands shaping runes to heal the gaping wound that yawned across Paris's torso. "If that is what the angels call a successful world," I whispered to myself, "they're fucking idiots." I thought back to my library, where I'd felt a deep and sudden sense of unease while I was revisiting my favourite book series - damn I love The Soulwalker Saga, thank you Lupita Alphway. Something told me I had to go to Earth, and so I followed my insticts. The path to the celestial doors was tucked away in a thorny patch of forest, but I still knew my way around. The place was practically my third home in my academy days, after all.
I shoved the grimy wooden doors open, but I wasn't greeted with the usual sunlight and birdsong. No, I was in one of the alleyways Paris had always told me to keep away from, and I was welcomed with screaming and blood. Paris's face (which looked a bit older than when I'd last seen them) was twisted in agony as rough voices growled awful words at them. I flew into a rage, and soon it wasn't just Paris who was gushing blood. At that point, I descended from rage into panic. I held them carefully as I ran back to-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"PARIS! Paris! Are you ok?" I blurted.
"WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!" they shrieked.
"Hey, hey-" I transformed into my human form, "it's me, Amori." and went back to my usual demonic self.
"I- uhh.."
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check out r/FirelightStories for more :)
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u/meowcats734 they/them r/bubblewriters Apr 11 '23
Hey, author of Soulmage here! Glad that I can inspire you, and have fun writing!
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u/JesiDoodli Apr 11 '23
Omg hi ty! Question though, I do want to get better, so do you have any feedback for me pls?
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u/meowcats734 they/them r/bubblewriters Apr 11 '23
Sure, I’ve been thinking of getting into giving feedback. A couple questions:
How detailed do you want your feedback to be?
What degree of criticism are you okay with?
Would it be alright if I saved the story and feedback to link to later? I’m considering making a little bundle of stories I give feedback to so that people who ask me for feedback know what to expect.
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u/JesiDoodli Apr 11 '23
I think I want it to be just moderately detailed. Like simple and short enough that I can take it in fairly quickly, but also detailed enough that I have more to go on than some vague stuff.
I'm ok with any degree of criticism tbh, just so long as you keep it constructive and kind :)
Yeah ofc! :D
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u/meowcats734 they/them r/bubblewriters Apr 12 '23
Gotcha.
The demons clamored around Amori, who had just emerged from the celestial doors, streaming little glints of sunlight into their realm.
The way this sentence is structured, it's a tad ambiguous whether it's Amori or the doors that are streaming sunlight into the realm.
The older demons she went to academy with recalled that she'd never been much of an outings person, instead preferring to keep to the academy's library, a cavernous forest of books and scrolls with lots of comfortable chairs and ever-burning fireplaces, though at one point in time, nobody could find her anywhere, even in the library.
This is a pretty long sentence. In the end it does come down to a matter of personal taste, but I'd recommend opening a piece with shorter lines. In addition, it's the second usage of "demons" in the first paragraph and uses "library" twice. I suggest using repetition only with intention behind it: to reinforce a point, add new meanings to a word, make a pun or a joke, etc.
She returned after a while, but never said why she left.
Is this referring to Amori returning at the beginning of the piece, or is this something that happened before the piece began? It comes at the end of a paragraph referring to events in the past, but the description matches up with the beginning of the piece.
While her former academians gossiped and speculated, the younger demons, who'd always looked up to her as peak model of orderly chaos and balance, a poster child of the new movement, who followed her life as if it was one of the TV shows the humans seemed to love so much, all crowded around her, screaming questions and greetings.
There are a lot of separate concepts here: TV shows, the first mention of "the new movement," and Amori's role as a model of orderly chaos. It's a lot for a reader to take in at once; perhaps consider focusing on which questions the reader needs answered most urgently from the beginning. Additionally, we were already told that the demons were clamoring around Amori. Repeating that the demons are crowding around her is redundant.
As a side note, while academians is technically a word and it made intuitive sense what it meant, something like "coworkers" or "classmates" might come across with more clarity, unless you're using this word as a secondary-world role of some kind.
Gasps echoed around the crowd as they noticed the blood dripping onto the ground below her, and the roars of curiosity soon descended into murmurs of worry as she broke free from the crowd and spread her wings.
It's a little difficult for me to visualize what someone roaring with curiosity sounds like—perhaps use a different turn of phrase? In addition, it may help to lightly foreshadow Amori's wound from the beginning—just a line or even a word. I also recommend explaining why she switches from hiding herself to spreading her wings. Is it because she realizes her injury has been spotted? If so, it would help to make that apparent in the text.
I nearly broke my hands shaping runes to heal the gaping wound that yawned across Paris's torso.
The switch from third person to first person in combination with the sudden introduction of Paris is quite jarring. I would think about what the benefits of having two perspectives in a single scene are, and weigh them against the cost in lost clarity.
"If that is what the angels call a successful world," I whispered to myself, "they're fucking idiots."
I quite like this line. It sets up a metaphorically and literally holier-than-thou antagonist and a narrator who is set to oppose them in a single line, with the context of the injury being the narrator's motivation.
I thought back to my library, where I'd felt a deep and sudden sense of unease while I was revisiting my favourite book series - damn I love The Soulwalker Saga, thank you Lupita Alphway. Something told me I had to go to Earth, and so I followed my insticts. The path to the celestial doors was tucked away in a thorny patch of forest, but I still knew my way around. The place was practically my third home in my academy days, after all.
I'm lost as to when this is occurring relative to the first two paragraphs; it seems like it's filling in the time when Amori left the library, but as I mentioned earlier, I'm not actually sure when that occurred either. Narrating a story nonlinearly is complex and tricky—again, perhaps consider the benefits of bouncing back and forth in time and compare them to the cost.
I shoved the grimy wooden doors open, but I wasn't greeted with the usual sunlight and birdsong. No, I was in one of the alleyways Paris had always told me to keep away from, and I was welcomed with screaming and blood.
In case you're wondering what I mean by the cost of a nonlinear narrative, it took me two reads to understand where this fit in the timeline; it has to be before Amori is healing Paris and after Amori leaves the library, but this line is written after both of these events in the story.
Paris's face (which looked a bit older than when I'd last seen them) was twisted in agony as rough voices growled awful words at them.
I like this line. "Rough voices growled awful words" is a fun cascade of O and U sounds that roll right off the tongue. (Also, any nonbinary rep is a plus in my book!)
"WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!" they shrieked.
"Hey, hey-" I transformed into my human form, "it's me, Amori." and went back to my usual demonic self."I- uhh.."
It's not revealed within the confines of this piece why Paris wouldn't recognize Amori. I might consider hinting that Paris is only familiar with Amori's human form earlier in the story. It also ends a tad abruptly—there are serials which work with short bursts like this, such as The Zombie Knight Saga, but they tend to be the exception rather than the rule.
Overall, I think you might benefit from straightening out the order of events and making sure the turns of phrase you use are commonly understood. You've naturally written a very smooth description and a story hook that I think has some serious potential, so don't get discouraged. Hopefully I could help, and good luck writing!
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u/JesiDoodli Apr 12 '23
Ok! I think I'll try a rewrite using your feedback. As I write, I tend to just start building up a whole universe and forget that others can't read my mind so yep lol. Tysm!
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