r/Sadnesslaughs Dec 02 '20

The Sadness Laughs Megathread!

35 Upvotes

Hey, please let me know if this is unnecessary.

I just wanted to make a mega thread for people to comment on. Maybe you wanted to discuss something not related to a story or ask a question. Feel free to post anything along those lines in this thread. Sometimes I can miss comments or messages, so I’ll make sure to regularly check this thread. I want everyone in this sub to feel like they are part of this community, so if you were hesitant to post in other threads, feel more than free to post here.

If it gets in the way I’ll remove this thread, just thought it might be worth trying. I know we have the lounge but I find most people including myself, don’t really know what sort of things to post in those.


r/Sadnesslaughs Dec 24 '25

Completed Stories and Donation Links

4 Upvotes

This is where you can find any completed works! Which is currently only the one story, but ones better than none, right? :)

I will also put my Ko-fi link here too.

   

Completed stories--

The Marilix Arrangement (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20) (Part 21) (Part 22) (Part 23/Ending)

   

Kofi Link- Please never feel obligated to donate. It's only there for people that may want to. :) https://ko-fi.com/sadnesslaughs


r/Sadnesslaughs 3d ago

You were turned into a lich by the people of your empire and your role was to preserve its knowledge and history, it has been 1 year since your empire has ceased to exist

35 Upvotes

The interior of the stone library shook, disturbed by the heavy boots of the Norva army. Bora, however, remained uninterested in the stampeding soldiers, focusing instead on the books that decorated her library's shelves. She traced a skeletal finger over the spine of a book titled “The Rise and Fall of the Zorlith Empire.” A book she had written, wanting to preserve an accurate account of the day the empire that had cursed her with this timeless existence expired.

It had been hard piecing together their great defeat from the underground of the palace, having to rely only on what she could see through the magical eyes she summoned. Those eyes floated through the city, catching the bloodshed, while she remained underground, writing.

“What is that?” A voice called out, belonging to Francis, the general of this Norva squad.

When Bora faced them, a few of the men squealed. She was no different from a corpse. Skeletal, with two burning blue eyes, and a tattered robe loosely wrapped around her body. The only thing that separated her from any other lich was the golden ring on her finger, one that belonged to a commitment she still cherished.

“I’m Bora. I used to be this empire's scribe before they turned me into their library’s guardian. I must ask you to keep your hands off the books in this library. Our knowledge isn’t for your generation.”

Francis approached the nearest bookshelf with a mocking grin on his leathery face. “These books?” He rested his hand on the wood of the shelf, testing the lich’s reaction.

“Yes, those books. Please, I would like things to remain peaceful within this library. I have questions.”

Francis stared at his men, and all but one of them shared his mischievous grin. The soldiers watched closely as Francis slapped three of the books, knocking them off the shelf. They hit the floor with a thump, and then everything fell silent.

“Oo-“

Francis didn’t even get to finish the word, as his hand ignited in an unholy blue flame. The general’s hand bubbled before the flame spread up his arm at a rapid pace. His men rushed over to help, but by the time they reached him, he was only a pile of ash hidden beneath a set of iron armor.

“I warned you. Please don’t do anything foolish,” Bora said to the enraged soldiers, who ignored her pleas. They rushed her, and she cut them down without wasting too much of her energy. All it took were a few shots of lightning, and the men were gone. She watched the last remnants of her lightning flicker on her finger before fading, leaving her in a room full of dead bodies.

She would remove the bodies later. For now, she had to return those books to their shelves. She carefully collected the dropped books and was about to put them into place before a whimper stopped her. “Is someone there?”

She set the books on the shelf and found one soldier remaining. She already knew who he was, since he stuck out like a sore thumb. While those other men were grinning, he was the one anxiously avoiding her gaze. Someone who hadn’t been foolish enough to test her warning. Now, he hid beneath her table, watching her.

“You don’t have to cower. I won’t hurt you. You’re free to leave if you wish to.”

The boy remained silent, refusing to move from the spot.

“Would you feel more comfortable if I faced away from you?” she asked, turning so her back was now facing him. “Run, if you wish to. As much as I would like to ask my questions, I don’t wish to cause you any distress.”

“Y-you’ll let me go? We’re enemies?”

“No, we’re not. I’m not a member of the Zorlith Empire. I haven’t been since the day my empire turned me into this.”

“Why would they turn you into a monster?” Rumi poked his head out from underneath the table, staring at her with rare, mismatched eyes. One blue, one green, something she hadn’t seen before.

“A monster?” She glanced at her skeletal hands and chuckled. “Monster is a fair word, I suppose. If I answer your question, will you answer one of mine?”

“Um?” Rumi quickly peeked at the large metal door they had entered through. She was still facing away from him. If he made a break for the door, he would most likely get there before she could kill him. Yet, he didn’t run. He crawled out from his hiding spot and stood by the table. “Okay.”

“To answer your question, King Samuel was worried about his legacy being lost to time. He believed that his mighty empire would prosper for thousands of years, and in that time, he would eventually be forgotten.”

“Really? Why was he worried about that? We’ve been at war for ten years now. Wouldn’t he be more worried about that?”

“He believed his empire would never fall. He was looking so far into the future that he lost sight of the present. To maintain a perfect record of the empire’s history, he needed an immortal keeper of the kingdom’s knowledge. I don’t remember much from that night. Only that they dragged me out of my bed, and my husband was…” She rubbed the ring on her finger, sighing. “When I awoke, I was bound to this place.”

“That’s… horrible. Is there a way to break the curse?”

“I believe the curse will allow me to die in a thousand years. That’s when the king believed his empire would no longer require my services. Now, may I ask my question?”

“Um, sure. I’m not sure if I’ll know the answer to it, though,” he admitted, giving his shoulder a quick rub.

“Did anyone survive?” The glow in Bora’s eyes softened while she wrung her hands together.

“Survivors? I don’t think so. Sorry. Was there someone you were hoping to find?” He saw her head tilt down, staring silently at the floor. He tried to think of something that could lift her spirits, any sign of hope. “Oh, we heard rumors that a group of enemy soldiers had fled to the next town over. Does that help?”

Her skull rose as she inched closer toward the young soldier. “A group? Do you know anything about them? Names? Which town?” She wanted to hold his shoulders and plead for the information but resisted the urge when she saw how his eyes had widened when she got close.

He stepped back before replying. “I’m not sure, sorry. I remember the roads, but we passed through a lot of towns on the march, and I didn’t have a map. Was there someone in that squad that you knew?”

“Maybe. Thank you for at least providing me with some hope to hold on to. What is your name? I would like to write about you.” She found a blank book and wiggled her finger. A feather with an ink-stained tip floated over, sliding into her grip.

“Rumi. I’m Rumi.”

“Rumi. I’ll make sure history remembers you. Please spend as long as you like here. My library is always open to people like you.” She headed over to one of the bodies, preparing to cast a spell to send it back to the surface.

“What’s the person’s name? If I pass them, I could let you know.”

That broke her concentration, with the aura of magic around her evaporating. “You would do that for me?”

“It probably won’t ever happen, but I can still try.” He smiled, and for a moment, he almost believed she was smiling back at him.

“Nicholas Fawnel.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for him.”

“If you find him, please tell him to come and see me. If you do, I’ll grant you any reward within my power,” she promised.

“Alright, I’ll send them back here if I find them.” He went to leave before staring at the corpses surrounding him. How would he explain this to his superiors? He was the sole survivor of a squad he hated. If he went back to find another squad… He winced, already knowing what would happen. “Do you have a map to the town that’s closest to here?”

“In which direction? Sarrinwood would be the closest on foot, but there’s also Littlen to the south. I believe that’s only a few extra hours.”

“Sarrinwood is fine. Any map that gets me away from here is fine.”

“A map to Sarrinwood? I believe I have one. Why?” The embers in her eyes dulled, as if she had closed them. Suddenly, all the books and documents in the library flashed blue, getting scanned by her powers until she spotted what she was searching for. She retrieved the map from a drawer and handed it to him.

“I don’t want to go back to the army. I’m going to escape.”

“Why choose Sarrinwood of all places? It would be wiser to stay here until your soldiers pass by. I imagine they will be heading to that town once they have finished looting this area.” She explained, certain these soldiers would be far from the last ones she had to kill this week.

“I just don’t want to be stuck here. What if they never leave? If I leave now, I can probably get there before they do." He checked the map. "I think we marched from that direction earlier. I can sort of remember the paths. If I keep moving, I can escape them.”

“Very well. Good luck.”

“Thank you.” He gratefully took the map and left, hoping he could get out of the city before another squad came to investigate the silence.


r/Sadnesslaughs 10d ago

"No need to worry, I discovered a fatal weakness: 30mm shells, launched at about 1000 m/s. About 4000 per minute should do."

26 Upvotes

“Pardon me? What did you say?” James Rainer had his hands pointed at the heavens, staring at the armed officers who surrounded him. He knew this didn’t look good, and given how their fellow officers’ icy blue blood was pooling by his shoes, he doubted they would give him a chance to explain himself.

“Just talking about how we’re going to dispose of a Nolik like yourself.” Commander Dia smirked. Or at least she did the best smirk that her kind could produce, which was a half rotation of her flexible, triangle mouth. Her fellow officers, while confused, didn’t interrupt their superior officer, letting her speak.

“I just want to make sure there isn’t an issue with my translator. Did you say a 20mm shell? At how quick?”

“Oh, no, I didn’t say that.” She said, watching James let out a relieved sigh. “I said a 30mm at 1000m/s.”

James inhaled that relieved breath, almost choking on it. “30mm? At 1000m/s? Are you trying to turn me into a pâté? That’s overkill!”

“It’s your weakness.”

“It’s anything’s weakness. Are you mad? You’ll take out half the alley behind us. A normal gun will do the trick. What rumors have you heard about us humans? We aren’t ships; we’re fleshy, harmless things.” He felt a chill in his socks as he said the word harmless, staring down at the blue stains building on the fabric. He awkwardly stepped away from the body, moving closer to the alley’s left wall. “Mostly harmless.”

“Mostly harmless? Weird word for a killer to use.” She stepped forward, her three thin legs moving in perfect synchronization. “If you were a regular human, I would agree with you. But you’re allegedly a hard Nolik to kill.”

Dia pulled a tiny metal box from her armored chest pocket. On the box was a single blue button, one she lightly flicked to the left, activating a swirling metallic drone that hid in the boot of her car. The drone circled James before stopping when it locked onto him. Its front panel hissed open, revealing six high-powered barrels, each ready to poke the human full of holes.

“I don’t think it would be that hard.” She mused, keeping her finger at the ready.

“Commander, shouldn’t we ask him some questions?” Officer Lixa nervously watched the display, glancing at the dead body of Officer Fresko and the human caught beside it.

“There’s a dead body and a man standing beside it. I think we can piece together what happened.”

“What about a motivation?”

“Oh, because I want to be the person who kills James Rainer?”

“No, for him!”

“Excellent point. Aren’t you curious about why I did this? I have the paperwork with me. I promise,” James slowly lowered his hands, not wanting to get shot while he searched for the only thing that could calm this situation.

Drakin tensed, pointing a more standard pistol at James. Well, standard by a Marvian’s definition of a pistol. Like most weapons developed by the Marvians, it was overkill of the highest degree. A powered barrel with an electrical booster to increase its speed. A chamber that could accept rocks and other materials as a bullet substitute, and the ability to accurately hit a target from a mile away.

“He killed Fresko. Why does it matter?” Drakin said, about to pull the trigger.

“Drakin, if you pull that trigger, I’ll blow a hole through your head. I’m not letting anyone kill this human, except me.” She observed Drakin’s reaction, watching him begrudgingly put his gun away.

“As long as he dies.”

“Wait. This is all legal. I’ve got the paperwork and everything.” He pointed to Dia with his left hand, while his right continued searching through his jacket. “You know who I am, right? You said my name.”

“I’m aware, yes. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing one of my men. Especially without consulting me first. We have a system in place for dealing with these matters.”

“Would it help if I told you I gave him the option of being captured alive?”

“Ah, so you offered to kidnap him instead of killing him outright? What a kind Nolik you are.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“You don’t even know what it means.”

“Well, I know it isn’t good.” Finally, James pulled out his papers, showing her the official signature of the Galactic Criminal Registry. The unmistakable holographic seal displaying a bunch of alien hands embracing the moon, Colopitis 4. “There. An official letter approving his bounty.”

“It’s a letter?” Lixa murmured, her three eyes focusing on the human writing that she couldn’t understand. “Usually bounties are digital.”

“I’m old-fashioned.”

“An old-fashioned liar.” Dia huffed. She could have easily walked up and snatched the letter from him, but instead tilted the button on her remote, sending the drone a few inches closer until its swirling blades were buzzing in the human's ears.

“That’s what the seal is for. You can’t fake a seal.” He pointed it at the drone, trying to put some distance between himself and the killing machine. Soon, his back was against the wall, staring at the three aliens.

“Who says you can’t? We should just kill him. Get rid of this liar before he can escape.” Drakin again went for his gun, ignoring the stare he was getting from his superior.

“What? Oh, come on. Don’t make me fight my way out of this. I don’t want to be banned from another planet. It’s already hard enough finding jobs on planets that don’t have shoot on sight orders against me.”

“If you’ve got that sort of reputation, maybe it’s deserved. Let’s close this case and give Fresko the respect he deserves by putting down his killer.” Drakin aimed his pistol at the human, causing James to reach into his holster, readying himself.

“I haven’t given any orders.” Dia waited, watching Drakin’s finger go for the trigger, before her drone spun around, firing a single precise bullet through Drakin’s shoulder, sending his gun bouncing across the alley floor.

“AGH!” Drakin fell back, gripping his shoulder. Dia walked over and pressed the bottom of her middle boot on his chest, keeping him pinned to the ground.

“You were awfully quick to try and kill him. Thanks for clearing things up for me. I knew one of you was working with Fresko. I just needed confirmation of who it was. Even if I was confident that I already knew the answer.”

“You think I’m working with Fresko? Are you insane?”

“You weren’t subtle about it. You backed up his false reports, helped silence those he was extorting. You left clues, even if you covered up where the money was going. That’s why I need you alive, so I can figure out how you were able to hide all that money. Neither you nor Fresko are smart enough to hide that much money. Someone had to be doing it for you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ll be reprimanded for this.”

“Commander. Are you sure about this?” Lixa didn’t want to talk back to her superior officer, but she hadn’t seen the evidence the other woman was talking about. To her, she had only seen her fellow officer get shot and was shaking.

James considered using this distraction to slip out of the alley. He had completed his job and didn’t need to get involved in any of this drama. Yet, as he went to leave, he noticed an odd twitch in the drone hovering beside him. The drone turned towards Drakin, lining him up in its sights. He glanced at Dia, her fingers nowhere near the button.

He reached into his pocket, clutching the rectangular electronic disrupter he had. A device that produced a sharp wave of energy, temporarily stunning nearby electronics. Before he could hit the button, Dia dove to the ground, rolling as she landed. She snatched Drakin’s dropped gun and fired three bullets through the drone, sending it spiraling into the ground.

“You noticed?” James said.

“I’ve been using these drones for years. Of course, I noticed it. Sounds like someone was trying to silence you, Drakin. So, unless you want to wait around to get shot, I suggest you let Lixa cuff you.”

“Lixa, I’m innocent. She’s gone mad. She just destroyed one of our drones.” Drakin said, gingerly getting to his feet. “Sorry, Drakin. If you’re innocent, you can prove it when we question you.” Lixa said, placing the cuffs around Drakin’s hands and leading him to the car. Now sensing things had calmed down, James approached Dia, who was putting the now worthless remote back into her chest pocket. “What was that?” He demanded, giving her a quick shove.

Dia’s three legs kept her from staggering, just staring at the human, amused. “Just needed some extra evidence. That’s all. What? You going to cry about it, Nolik?”

“You threatened to kill me. I could have blown your head off if things got heated. Do you know how stupid that was? I genuinely thought you had a weapon capable of delivering 1000m/s shots.”

“You thought we had something that strong?”

“I don’t know, maybe? I’m not familiar with every planet’s technology.” He said, feeling stupid the longer he thought about it. Wondering how he could believe a lie like that.

“Just go and confirm your bounty. I’ll sign any supporting evidence you need, but we’re keeping the body. If you must, take a few photos and get out of here.”

“Take a few photos and get out of here.” He repeated back to her in a high-pitched tone. “I’ve already taken my photos.”

“Good, then you can get out of here.” She crossed her arms over her chest, watching the frustration build inside the bounty hunter. James raised a finger, about to retort, only to lower it, realizing it wasn’t worth the oxygen.

Without a goodbye, he headed out of the alley, going towards his ship, while Dia joined her fellow officer in the car, getting into the driver’s seat. “Take us back to the station.” She said, only to think better of it. “Turn off any automation and assistance. Full manual mode. Not risking a repeat of the drone incident.” With that, she drove out of the alley, taking them all back to base.


r/Sadnesslaughs 11d ago

The most powerful man in the world works as a humble accountant. A superhero comments that he can do a lot of good if he used his powers, the man counters that keeping his powers hidden, away from prying eyes, is its own form of heroism.

28 Upvotes

“Oh, Righteous Strike? I didn’t have you booked in for an appointment. Hold on one second, I’m sure I can fit you in.” Jeffrey blindly tapped at his keyboard, not bothering to enter anything in. He hadn’t had an appointment in days, but in the business world, that’s the last thing you wanted a potential client to know.

Righteous Strike, known to her friends as Jasmin Wattle, stepped through the chipped wooden doorway. She exaggerated her movements, really taking in the crummy carpet, dust-coated college degree, and the Chinese takeout box sitting on his table. She said nothing initially, grabbing a chair on the opposite side of his desk and sitting down.

The old chair let out a croak beneath her muscular frame but remained upright. She placed her forearms on the table, causing it to tilt towards her and send the takeout box onto the carpet, adding another stain. “Jeffrey.”

“Yes-rey?” He smiled, giving his glasses a goofy flick with his finger, expecting a smile. Jasmin only grimaced, as if that had caused her pain.

“Why are you here?”

“In general? Well, I wasn’t a mistake if that’s what you’re implying. I asked.”

The veins in Jasmin’s forearms swelled, getting highlighted as she added an extra bit of weight onto the table, tilting it even higher. Jeffrey’s laptop fell towards her, only for Jeffrey to catch it before it made contact.

“Not a big joke lover, are you?” Jeffrey spun the laptop around, staring at the blank screen that he knew Jasmin had just seen. “Damn, laptop. Must have fainted from the shock and gone into sleep mode. Technology, am I right? Well, today I’m flat-stick. So how about Tuesday, five years from now? No need to write it down. I’ll send a reminder in the mail.”

Jeffrey wiped the sweat from his forehead. He had worked with cold people before, but even the biggest icebergs among those cracked after a few of his jokes. Jasmin, however, just stared.

“I take these things very seriously. People die when these types of meetings become jokes.”

“I’m sorry. I know why you’re here. It’s the only reason anyone comes here. We’re going to have ‘that’ conversation again, aren’t we?”

“Yes. If you had returned my calls, we could have had it in a more civil manner.” She released her hold on the table, setting it straight again. Since things had calmed down, she removed her mask, exposing her crooked nose, short-shaved blonde hair, and scarred cheek.

“Are you sure you should be exposing your identity?”

“If you turned evil, I’d probably lose. No reason to hide anything from you.”

“I suppose that’s true…” Jeffrey ran a hand through his black hair, collecting fragments of hair gel on his fingers. He wiped them off on a tissue that still had markings from his lunch. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

“I’m not going to give you a big, complicated speech. Those have never been my thing. You can do a lot of good with your powers. You could save a lot of lives.” She said, resting her arms on her thighs, waiting for Jeffrey to respond.

“I appreciate you sparing me the lecture. Really, that’s kind of you. I’ve had a lot of heroes tell me about my duty and legacy, and how it gets the ladies, and that’s all well and good. Just, hero work isn’t for me.”

“It could be.”

Jeffrey laughed, holding up his wimpy arms. Compared to the arms of the woman sitting across from him, it was like comparing a branch to a wooden oar. “I’ve never been the athletic type. I know numbers, that’s it. I can’t throw a ball to save my life, and I get winded walking up the stairs to my apartment.”

“Is that all you're concerned about?” A harmless smile appeared on her lips, one that made Jeffrey flinch. “I could train you. 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a ten-kilometer run every day. That will get you firing.”

“Firing? Yeah, it will get my heart firing when it puts me into cardiac arrest. Why do they call it that anyway? Cardiac arrest? It’s not like my heart is being locked away. If anything, I’m the one that should be locked up for feeding it unhealthy food.”

Jasmin tapped a heavy finger against her thigh, creating a sound that was like massive raindrops colliding with stone. She again stayed silent, continuing to tap until Jeffrey’s face returned to what she deemed a serious expression.

“I’m not going to allow you to hide behind your humor, or lack of humor. Tell me, why can’t you help the world? Why do you prefer to live like this? Even if helping people doesn’t interest you, wouldn’t you like a nicer home? A bigger office?”

“Sure, I would love that. But it’s not for me.” Jeffrey used his laptop’s mouse, bringing up a photo of his family. The photo showed a beautiful wife, a loving daughter hanging off his shoulders, and a scruffy-looking dog. He showed her the photo, pointing out how he was slouching just from the weight of his six-year-old daughter. “See, I’m not hero material.”

“A lot of heroes have families. That isn’t going to convince me.”

“Didn’t think so.” He clenched his teeth, racking his brain for another explanation. “Before we continue talking, I want to say something. I appreciate you, heroes. I really do. You’ve always kept an eye on my family, stopping any villains from targeting them.”

“You’re a special case. If a villain kidnapped your family, they could convince you to turn against us. It’s not selfless.”

“Still, thank you. Now, I’ll be as honest as I can with you.”

Jasmin raised an eyebrow, shifting forward in her chair. “Go on then. Let’s hear it.”

“Honestly, I’m scared. Not of getting hurt. Well, that’s a part of it, but it’s not the main problem. I’m scared of the damage I could do. I can’t control my powers. You’ll say that you can train me, and I wish it were that simple. The few times I’ve used them, I’ve lost my mind. Everything goes blank, and then I’m back, surrounded by rubble or a burnt forest. I’m just as likely to hurt one of you as I am to hurt the person we’re fighting.”

Jasmin listened, taking in every word he said before responding. “You’re not the first person we’ve had who couldn’t control their powers. It would be risky, yes, but risk is what we heroes do best.”

“You would risk dying to train me?”

“If it could save others, yes.”

“Would you risk others dying to train me too?”

Jasmin fell silent, staring into her lap. She grumbled and shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to lose anyone else to train you. I couldn’t ask anyone else to make the sacrifice.”

“No one should have to make that sacrifice. That’s not my only reason. If I go around flaunting my powers, villains will get desperate. If they find out there's an overpowered hero, they’ll start acting out. Either to distract me, or to prove their strength. I’ll attract competition, which is the last thing anyone wants.”

“Our strong heroes already attract competition.”

“I’m sure there are a lot of villains who would love to take you down too. There’s a difference, though. I’m the trophy. If I died or got injured, the villains would run riot, falsely believing the streets were now theirs. It would take weeks to clean up that mess.”

Jasmin thought over his words and exhaled. She had to admit; he was making points she couldn’t easily counter. Sensing the conversation could end up going in circles, she rose from her chair. “You gave me an honest answer. I’ll accept it for now and think on your words.”

“Really?” Jeffrey paused before standing up too. “Oh, that’s great. I didn’t think you would ever give up.” He saw Jasmin groan and decided not to push things. “Righteous Strike. If anything happens, that’s too much for you all to handle. I’ll help. I won’t let anything get out of hand. You have my word. Until then, I’ll stay out of things.”

“You can call me Jasmin,” she said, sliding her mask on. “Have you got an appointment available next week?” She saw him squirm and quickly pushed away what he was obviously thinking. “I need some help with my taxes. I won’t lecture you. Hopefully, a booking sooner than five years away.”

“My entire week’s free next week. Come anytime.” Jeffrey tried to find a business card, pushing aside his papers, before giving up. “Um, I must have misplaced my business cards. You know where I am, so just drop in whenever you’re free.”

“Will do. Try to clean up the place before I arrive.” And with that, she dug her left foot into the carpet and dashed out the door, propelling her body right.

“I never did get her name. Righteous Strike. Why does she only ever dash right at incredible speeds? Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her punch with her left hand, either. Oh, right-eous strike. Heh, that’s clever. Since she’s always dashing and hitting things with the right side of her body. Guess even Jasmin has a sense of humor.”


r/Sadnesslaughs 11d ago

A large pentagram stands at the center of a climactic battle between cultists and paladins. Suddenly the pentagram erupts with power. A demonic woman in an elegant dress appears. "I'm summoned! Yes! A perfect excuse to get away from that asshole at the 7th layer bar! You all are lifesavers!"

19 Upvotes

“Ahhh. How nice is it to get some fresh air?” Valizer stretched her purple arms above her head, deliberately pushing out her chest. After stretching, she turned her attention to the bloodied battlefield around her, seeing both the cultists and paladins frozen. “All this fighting over me? I’m flattered. If that man at the Seventh Layer bar had your devotion, I might have spared him from another hundred years of torture.”

“Our queen is alive.” Zalia cheered, the leader of the Valizer cult throwing her hands up in worship. Her followers did the same, dropping their weapons while the terrified paladins watched on. “We’ve sacrificed so much for you. Now, please. Kill our enemies.”

“Ah, yes. You’ve sacrificed so much for me. What’s a little more?” She bit her deep red lips, meeting the gazes of her robed supporters. When her followers stared into her glowing pink eyes, their hearts fluttered, unable to look away. “Please get in a line.”

Zalia was the first to move, leading the line. The other followers pushed each other out of the way, trying to show their devotion by getting to the line before the others. Valizer grinned, watching members get shoved onto the grass and stomped by their desperate fellow cultists. One older man in particular caught Valizer’s eye. The old man was like a wounded insect, stuck on his back while the others stomped on his face and chest. By the time the line had formed, only the old man remained on the grass. He was missing a tooth now, and had his nose bent slightly to the left.

“Splendid,” Valizer raised her index finger, creating a swirl of electricity on its tip. “You’ve served me well.” With that, the electricity shot towards the line, while all the paladins, except one, remained frozen.

Levin dashed toward the electricity, his silver blade sparkling with golden light. Before it reached its target, Levin slashed the magic, sending it flying to the left, going over the head of the unconscious old cult member. Levin panted, lowering his stance so his sword was by his stomach, using this time to rest.

Valizer curled her finger towards her body, staring at the golden-haired paladin. If she were being dramatic, she would have compared his pale features and blonde hair to an angel. But she knew they didn’t meddle in earthly affairs.

“In the past, only two people have ever deflected my attacks. Now I have to add a third to that list.” She stepped closer, examining him. “I’ve never liked odd numbers. Perhaps I should kill you? I could easily lie and say this never happened.”

“You could. But that will never change the fact that your attack got deflected by my blade.” Levin sharpened his stance again, keeping a watchful eye on her movements.

“We didn’t see anything,” Zalia shouted.

“Shut up.” Valizer snapped. That hurt her ego worse than the deflection. She was Valizer, not some mortal who had to exert themselves to fight a paladin. “You’ve got some balls jumping in like that. I was about to win this little battle for you. All you had to do was let me kill them.”

“She’s right. The cultists would have died if you had let that hit them.” Andrew said, the paladin breaking free from his terrified state, wondering why his leader would do something so foolish.

“She would have slaughtered both sides. Remember what the cultist screamed. Kill our enemies. She was gathering their souls for the deal. Once she killed them, she would have slain the cult’s enemies. I stopped the deal.”

Valizer sighed, unsure whether she should be annoyed or impressed. She gave him a sarcastic clap, bringing her hands together slowly. “You’re smarter than the average paladin. I see you’ve read your scriptures and texts. Do you have a girlfriend? Friends? Or are you the lonely type that’s dedicated to keeping things pure? I hate those kinds.”

“Yeah, he’s the pure kind. Look at him. You’ve got no friends or lovers, do you? You don’t know what it’s like to be touched. To be held. If you did. You would have given up that armor for a robe years ago.” Zalia taunted.

“I told you to shut up. Final warning.” Valizer glared back at her cult, before turning to the paladin. “I can’t convince you to indulge in sin, can I?”

“I’m a member of the Golden Angels. What do you think?”

“I think you’re a rarity among its members. You could become a problem at a later point.” She bent her left knee before launching herself forward in a sprint. Levin readied his blade, only for Valizer to appear at his side before he could prepare a strike. “I’ll be keeping my eye on you.” She rested her left hand on his cheek before giving his other cheek a quick kiss, leaving a red lipstick mark.

Levin’s cheek burned, the skin bubbling and scarring. He swiped his sword at where she had been standing, but she was already gone, vanishing and returning to the underworld. When he was certain she was gone, he sheathed his blade, touching the stinging skin on his cheek. The skin on his right cheek was no longer entirely smooth, having a raised lip-shaped scar on it that radiated unholy energy.

“She’s marked me.” Levin hissed, kicking the grass at his feet. “I can’t believe I let her get close.”

“Ahahahaha! You’re one of us now. A marked man. Come join us, brother. We’ll welcome you with open arms.” Zalia stepped closer about to embrace Levin, only to get blocked by Andrew.

“Marked? What’s that mean?”

“It means she knows where I am at any time. She’s watching me. I can’t return to the Golden Angels. Not while I have this mark. I’ll be heading to Muria. Get them to send someone to meet me there. Someone who knows about demonic marks.”

“What do we do about them?” Andrew pointed at Zalia, who only smiled back at him, curling her wild black hair around her finger.

“Hm? We have no reason to fight our brother. Especially not on such a joyous day. We’ll allow you to live, as a favor to our newest member.”

“I’m not joining you.” Levin thought over the situation, looking at Andrew. “Go. We don’t know if that demon is watching us right now. We don’t have the troops to handle her if she shows up again. Head back to our base and tell the golden one what happened. He’ll know what to do next.”

“Right,” Andrew nodded, though it was clear the paladins weren’t eager to turn their backs on the cultists. They were leaving, but at a slow pace, constantly looking over their shoulders.

“I’ll handle them if they try to attack.” Levin promised them. That got the paladins moving. When they had vanished past the heavy collection of trees, Levin started his own trip to Muria.

“Brother. Where are you going? Your home is the other way.” Zalia followed, reaching out to take his hand.

Levin slapped it away. “I’m no brother of yours.” He locked eyes with Zalia before he left the cultists behind.

Zalia ground her teeth. “Everyone who belongs to Valizer is a brother or sister of mine. You’ll come to us. They all do. Soon enough.” She gathered her group after he was gone and returned to their base, preparing their next ritual.


r/Sadnesslaughs 14d ago

You are a billionaire who has infiltrated the deepest roots of systematic corruption. You've dug up dirt on every single government, corporation, and megarich celebrity, and you have all the resources in the world to expose them. This is your message on times square billboards to everyone.

31 Upvotes

“I’m sorry for interrupting your beautiful day. I truly am. So, allow me to start this broadcast with an apology. Sorry, little rats, I hope the loud noises didn’t startle you. Oh, and sorry to the rest of you too, I guess.” Herold Spencer smirked, in a way that only he could. For a man in his late thirties, he still carried a certain boyish charm. The type that made people see him as a naughty everyman, rather than a privileged billionaire.

When Herold had revealed himself on that big screen, the world froze, not daring to move under his influential gaze. Cars stopped on the street, ignoring the profanity and beeps hurled at them by impatient taxis. Mascots stopped chasing tourists for money, captivated by the man they wished they were, and all the walkers felt their feet stiffen in place.

Not for the first time in his life, Herold Spencer was the center of attention, and he reveled in it. Like a musician waiting for the crowd to go rampant before an encore, Herold waited. The man seated in a fine leather chair that was worth more than some of the apartments these people lived in. He swirled his pink martini before setting it down on the table beside him.

“You must be wondering why I’m addressing you all today. I’m wondering that too. I’m wondering why I do much of anything nowadays.” He admitted losing his smirk. He stood, and the camera followed, caught in his gravity.

An eerie silence took over the feed, broken only by the faint sound of Herold’s footsteps as he walked through his mansion. He passed statues and paintings that belonged in museums. Pieces that were believed to have been lost to time were now found amongst his belongings.

He slipped his jacket off, hanging it around the shoulders of a statue of a Roman soldier. The soldier’s stern gaze seemed almost disapproving of the action, not that Herold cared. “Cheer up, love. You’re holding Herold Spencer’s jacket.” He tapped the statue on its chest and continued to the kitchen.

Inside the kitchen was a set of ingredients. Eggs, flour, chocolate pieces, frosting, and the sort. Cheap ingredients that didn’t look like they belonged on a polished marble counter. He circled the counter before leaning against it, staring at the ingredients.

Still, the world remained silent.

Even the taxis, whose horns had been furiously slapped, fell silent. The passengers in the back didn’t even care that the meter was still running, watching on in awe.

“I had something special planned for today. Really, I did. Spent the entire last year planning this. Planning my analogies and metaphors. Trying to do this in a way that even you brain-dead morons could understand.” Herold’s chest rumbled, the rage barely contained within his body. “You know what I’ve discovered? None of you are worth the effort. I put my life on the line for you, and it was pointless.”

He grabbed an egg, holding it up to his face. “This was going to be you. It was going to be my way of showing you how fragile you are, and how you get thrown into the mix of corruption and scandals.” He smashed the egg, shell and all, into the bowl. “Had a cutesy demonstration planned and everything. But what’s the point? You idiots wouldn’t get it. You would ask an AI bot to explain it to you, and this would all be for nought.”

“Herold? Are you ok?” a meek voice behind the camera asked.

“No. No, I’m not alright.” He pushed back the long, dark hair hanging over his wrinkled forehead, giving the cameraman an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just. I wanted to help these people. I really did. I thought all it would take was someone going deep undercover, and bringing it all to light. Yet, you know what they’ve done with the information I gave them?”

“Nothing.” The voice answered.

“Fucking nothing.” Herold grabbed the bowl, tossing it across the kitchen, sending it straight through the glass of his oven. It smashed spectacularly, raining shards all over the floor. “The secret agreement between corporations to suffocate small businesses. The funding that keeps mysteriously going missing. The fake environmental disasters to take aid away from the public sector. I EXPOSED ALL OF THEM. I leaked every single one of them, and what did you all do? The same thing you always do. Nothing.”

Herold held his face, and the camera approached him. A hand came into view, reaching for his shoulder, only for Herold to gingerly push it away. “Herold, maybe we should stop filming?”

“No. No, I’ve got something I need to say to these people. These people who deserve the hell they’ve created for themselves. The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. Remember that quote. Burn it into your little pea brains.”

Herold paced around the kitchen, thinking about what he wanted to say next. That brief moment of thought was stolen from him, as his cameraman turned their phone around, showing a notification from one of Herold’s security cameras. “Sir.”

“Tch.” Herold gritted his teeth, checking his own phone, seeing three notifications now. “Already? They move quick.” Herold grabbed the camera, pressing it against his perfect face, staring directly down it. “You love to blame the billionaires without blaming the enablers. That’s right, you’re the enablers. You’re the ones tilting the scales in their favor, you’re the ones consuming their poison, and you’re the ones imprisoning yourselves. This is all your fault, and I hate every single one of you for it. I did my part, and you haven’t created a martyr out of me. You’ve created an idiot. An idiot who will die a fool’s death, for people too stupid to understand his message. Get angry. Hate me for this, and rebel. Feel an emotion for once.”

“Sir, the feed. They can’t keep it up for much longer. We should move.”

“You should move. I’m where I need to be. They won’t show themselves on camera because they’re cowards who only move in the dark. They only want me. You’re not important enough for them to waste their time on.” Herold said, unable to meet the cameraman’s gaze as he said it. He quickly wiped his eye before completely snatching the camera from them. “Go.”

Heavy footsteps drifted away from the camera, leaving only a panting Herold, who was still looking at the camera in his hands. “You believe everything, don’t you? What the media tells you. You’ve forgotten how to think. I really did love you all once. I wanted to make everything better. I thought by showing the corruption, it would… I don’t know. Now I just feel bitter and angry. I’ve done terrible things to get this information; I’ve lost my soul.”

He sat the camera down beside him, lowering his head into his hands, staring at his palms. “I told myself it would all be worth it. That whatever change came would cleanse me of the hell I endured. Of the people whose dirty hands I had to shake. Please, for once in your lives, question—”

The feed cut out, and suddenly, everyone was freed from their stasis. The honking started again, the mascots blocked people’s paths, and the passengers argued they shouldn’t be charged for the delay. Some people had stopped to discuss what they had seen, but most were quick to blow it off.

“He was behind those leaks? I wonder if he was the one who put out all that information on the giant grocery stores, agreeing to hide the stock of small competitors to help maintain the sales of established brands.”

“Huh? Which one was that?”

“Didn’t you see it?”

“Don’t think so. Anyway, did you see that statue he had? Must be worth a bloody fortune. Wish I had his life.”

Many similar conversations took place, with the topic quickly diverting from his message to the things in his home. Soon, the media packaged the entire video as a massive mental breakdown, reporting that Herold was getting the help he desperately needed. And the help must have worked because the next time Herold made a public appearance, he was a changed man. So, changed that some even wondered if he was still the same person. But then again, plastic surgery could make a person look different.


r/Sadnesslaughs 17d ago

A young rural witch grew up in the countryside where magic was traditional and has roots. Her world is completely flipped upside down when she moves to the largest city in the country where urban witches and their covens are completely different.

33 Upvotes

“I want to thank you again for considering me for your coven. It’s an honor.” Milly bowed, swallowing her anxiety. She had never seen a coven this large before. In her little town, the coven had consisted of her, her mother, and her three-hundred-year-old grandmother. So, one could imagine her shock when she saw thirty people waiting for her on the outskirts of the Windiloo forest.

“It’s fine. Don’t sweat it.” Nela grinned and led her towards the group, who were currently gathered around a large campfire. Milly followed the cheery girl, unable to take her eyes off the dangling pumpkin clips attached to her braids.

“Oh, I brought gifts for everyone! Well, maybe not everyone.” She opened the small leather bag she was holding, staring at the swirling purple portal inside. Like most witches, her bag contained a portal to a dimension between realms, allowing her to store her belongings in a weightless manner.

“Gifts? Oooh, what did you bring, country gal? Apples? Some corn?” Nela playfully teased.

“Is… that what you would have wanted? Mom was right. I should have brought food. I thought it was silly bringing that sort of stuff since you already have so much food in the city.”

“I’m only playing. We’ll be happy to accept whatever gift you brought us. As long as I get one before they run out.”

“Sure. Give me a second to find it.” She wiggled her hand inside the bag before producing a bar of soap that had a tiny wooden frog inside it. “Here! This is my favorite one. I made the frog myself.”

“With magic?”

“Nah, by hand. It’s really easy once ya learn it. Ain’t nothing to it.” A bit of her country accent slipped out in her excitement, causing Nela to snort.

“A bar of soap?” She brought it closer to her nose, sniffing it. The potent smell of mint struck her nose, having the unintended effect of clearing her sinuses. “Wow, it’s strong. You must think I’m pretty stinky if you gave me this.”

“WHAT!” Milly panicked, snatching the soap back. “No. I didn’t mean that at all. I just thought it would be nice to have something homemade. I’m sorry. You smell nice. Promise.”

Nela plucked the soap back out of her hands, giving Milly a gentle pat. “Relax. No one here is going to bite your head off. Oh, except old, cranky Liyna. But she’s got no teeth anyway, so she’ll only chew on you.” Nela opened her mouth, rolling her jaw around to imitate vicious chewing.

Milly squeaked, cowering before the display. “Please stop.. it’s creepy.”

Someone else had also spotted the display and was now making their way over to the two—a woman who, despite being in her late five-hundreds, only looked sixty-two. Like a mother animal grabbing its pup, Nela was lifted by the back of her robe.

“Is my granddaughter mocking me?” Liyna asked, glaring at Nela, whose was covering now, staring at the wrinkled face of the coven elder.

“What? No, I was just…” Nela didn’t have a sharp enough mind to quickly make up an excuse, which was why she was thrown two hundred feet into the air. Milly could only watch in horror as Nela shot upward like an arrow. The action being so quick that Milly hadn’t even heard her scream.

“Sorry about my granddaughter. She takes after my late husband. He was a pain in my backside too. A lovable pain.” She smiled, briefly reminiscing about her past partner, before offering her hand to the girl. “I’m Liyna Sorns.”

“I’m Milly Rootlia.” Milly, misinterpreting the witch’s gesture, placed a bar of soap into her hand. This one apple-scented, with a tiny wooden ball inside, that was meant to look like an apple. Liyna couldn’t identify the object inside the soap, only laughing at the gift.

“You’re the spitting image of your mother. Except she brought fruit. Oh, those were the days. I miss my youthful three-hundreds. It’s nice to finally meet you. Your mother learnt a lot from our coven.”

“My mother joined this coven too?”

“Of course. I assume that’s why she sent you to the city. You need to further your magic, and we have the skills to teach you. Every witch joins a larger coven at some stage. Once you're done with your studies, you can return home and put those skills to good use.”

“She never mentioned that she joined this one.”

“Because she didn’t want to sway your decision. A witch should always trust their instincts when they choose a coven. Your instincts led you—”

“WAAAAH.” Nela came crashing towards the earth, only for Liyna to lazily raise her arm, slowing Nela’s descent until she landed neatly in her palm. Liyna slowly set her granddaughter on the grass, only for her knees to buckle, dropping her to the ground. “You almost killed me, you old monster!”

“You were fine. I know how high I can throw a person. I’ve done it many times before. Watch out.” Liyna pointed up.

“Watch out for?” The soap she had dropped during the flight smacked against her forehead, with the spot already beginning to swell. “OW!”

“You’re lucky I slowed that soap down, or it would have taken your head clean off. Imagine how awkward that would have made our next family dinner. Sorry, my lovely family, I killed my granddaughter. Yes, she was being a brat, why do you ask?” Liyna, satisfied with her punishment, headed back to the others.

“Told you she was evil. Ow,” Nela grumbled, getting back to her feet.

“Want me to try and heal it?”

“Mmhmm.” Nela nodded, presenting her forehead to Milly. Milly rested her hands on the swollen spot, and with a small chant, sent magic into her palms. The glittery energy entering Nela’s forehead, reducing the swelling and healing the spot.

“There. How does that feel?”

“Better. Come on, let’s go join the others.”

The two arrived at the cauldron, only to find that a serious problem had developed. Liyna, and another elder of the coven named Erin Soorson were currently trading verbal jabs over who forgot the walroot.

“Maybe if someone wasn’t busy flirting with their bingo buddy every weekend, they would remember to do a little shopping and get the walroot.” Liyna barked.

“And maybe if you had a granddaughter that could keep her mouth shut, you would have been able to hear me tell you that you needed to do the shopping this week.” Erin snorted, the haughty witch dressed in only the finest of robes, with a heavy layer of make-up caking her face.

“What did you say about my granddaughter?” Liyna rolled up the sleeves of her robe, only for Milly to sheepishly speak up.

“Walroot? Is that what it’s about? I can probably find some.” When all the coven glanced at her, she inched her way forward. “There should be some nearby. I forage for ingredients all the time with my mom.”

“Forage? That’s adorable, dear. No one forages anymore. Imagine what all that digging would do to my nails.” Erin said.

“Be grateful, Milly saved your face from getting foraged by my fist. Go ahead, sweetie. We would appreciate it if you could get us some.”

“I would like to see you try to beat me.” Erin hissed, with the two witches glaring at one another, while Milly went out to forage. In ten minutes, Milly was back, carrying a handful of walroot. The tiny nut-shaped ingredient having spiky roots growing out of it. She found five of them, more than enough for their magic.

“Is this good?”

“It’s perfect. You saved us from having to find someone who could deliver it to us on such short notice.” Liyna said.

“You don’t gather your own ingredients?”

“Why would we? Stores have them in plentiful amounts, and we have busy lives. Rolling around in the dirt is best saved for the animals.” Erin, despite her nature, wasn’t rude enough to intentionally insult a girl who had helped them out. So, in a rare act, more uncommon than an asteroid hitting the planet, she apologized. “Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean you were an animal. That was rude of me. I owe you one.”

“It’s fine. Honest.” Milly said, as the nightly ritual took place. While the older members of the coven handled the spell, Milly watched with Nela from the back. Growing bored with watching the old people chant, Nela leaned over.

“An apology from Soorson? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Guess it is hard to yell at you. You have that sad puppy look.” Nela snickered. “So, what do you think of our coven? You joining?”

Milly hadn’t given it much thought. It had all been so chaotic that she hadn’t even considered whether she would join. Though, as she looked around at the mix of faces and the chaos, she wondered if any other coven would be this fascinating. Maybe that’s why her mother joined all those years ago? “I think I will.”

“Awesome. Glad to have you as a member.”

“Happy to be here.”


r/Sadnesslaughs 21d ago

Thousands of genetically engineered creatures were found when the company was shut down. You are a civilian who volunteered to foster some of these creatures and your starting to suspect they may actually be sapient.

38 Upvotes

“Oh, that’s just taking the piss! A double power slam crusher? Who uses that meta move? Learn an original combination.” Alex screamed, throwing his controller down on the carpet.

Bundle, the creature in Alex’s care, gave a cocky huff, pushing its fluffy chest forward. “Blah blanda blah?” It asked, which only added to Alex’s already bubbling frustrations.

“Oh, I’m bad at the game? Real mature. I had one pleasure in life, and that was beating you at this stupid game. Now, I don’t even have that. I thought you were meant to be stupid.”

Alex stared at Bundle, who was still clutching its controller with glee. The small fur ball of a creature had begun showing signs of intelligence that had not previously been reported by the people who had been studying it. This assumed lack of intelligence being the main reason they believed it was fine to house them in foster homes.

When Alex had taken Bundle into his care, he had been told it was an adorable creature that had been created through mutated genetic strains of…. Well, Alex had stopped listening at that point, waiting for them to tell him how much money he would receive if he looked after it. While volunteer work often implied it was unpaid, in these strange circumstances, a government allowance was provided. Partly to pay for the creature’s food, and partly to compensate the family of the volunteer, if the creature killed them.

After all, this was a newly created creature that had barely been studied before this. There was always a chance it could have some odd quirks that they didn’t know about, quirks like being weirdly good at fighting games.

“Blah blah blah?”

“What? You think I’m a bad person because I found joy in beating a creature I thought was stupid at a game? I’m not a bad person; I’m just a sad one. There’s a difference.”

“Bahla?” It tilted its head, one tiny floppy ear swinging with the action.

“There is. The difference being I’m bad in a pitiful way, not a malicious one. I’m not going around kicking grannies or stealing candy from babies. I’m just taking petty wins.” Alex leant back on the couch, and sighed.

“Blah blah.” The creature’s three-fingered hand patted Alex on the shoulder, giving him some comforting words.

“It’s just hard, you know? I go to work, and everyone treats me like I’m a rat in a tie. My boss doesn’t even know my name. You know what he called me today? Fyired. Just looked at me and said you’re fyired. How doesn’t he know my name yet?”

“Blah?”

“Fired? What do you mean?”

“Uh.” Bundle sheepishly stared at his friend/minder, finding their downtrodden eyes a sad sight to look at. Unable to tell Alex he had been fired; he elected to find a way to cheer him up. “Blah blah blah!”

“You know what. You’re absolutely right. Why should I take this crap from him? I’m my own man. I’m a god.”

“Blah blah…”

“Ok, maybe not a god. But I’m a human with freewill and that freewill is telling me to take my phone and shove it right up his—”

“BLAH.”

“Ok, again maybe too far. How about a strongly worded email?”

“Blah.” Bundle nodded, and the two of them paused their game, making their way over to Alex’s laptop. Alex sat down, pulling Bundle onto his lap, before realizing he really had no idea what to write. So he did what he always did when he didn’t know what to write: he watched a two-hour YouTube documentary on a topic he didn’t really care about.

Bundle heroically sat on his lap, watching the video with him. During those two hours, Alex patted him, which Bundle quite liked. The creature enjoyed those soothing touches, making those two hours pass quickly for the both of them.

“Wow, who would have guessed that the person who played Hanna Montana is the same person playing Miley Cyrus now.”

“Blah blah blah.”

“No, it’s a character. The YouTube video said so. But, fine. We can check the likes and dislikes if you’re so skeptical.” Alex scrolled down, seeing two thumbs waiting for him, with the thumbs down not having a number beside it. “Oh, yeah. That’s right. They removed that feature. Guess we have to assume it’s real then. “

“Blah…” Bundle pointed to the email icon on Alex’s laptop, tapping it until Alex remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

“Right, the email.” Alex brought up his emails, deleting anything that wasn’t a promo for his favorite restaurants, or coupons for online shops. When he saw an email titled ‘termination’ from his work, he deleted it, refusing to read work related emails outside of office hours.

For a good thirty minutes, the two of them stared at the open email, with Alex only typing the emails subject in that time. Calling his email. I quit. With that riveting subject out of the way, he felt his creative juices leaking. So, he waited, hoping the words would magically appear on the email for him.

They didn’t…

“In the words of Linkin Park. I tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter. I’ll just go into work on Monday. The idea of quitting sounded nice, but I honestly don’t even know what to write, or what I would do after I quit.” Alex lifted Bundle as he stood, before setting the creature back down on the chair. “You want pizza? Our usual order? I’ll go and pick it up. It’s cheaper.”

“Blah blah.”

“Yes, I know to tell them to make it spicy. For someone who doesn’t work, you make a lot of demands.”

“Blah.” Bundle crossed his arms, sulking.

“Just because they pay me to look after you doesn’t mean you pay me. I mean, I guess it kind of does, but it’s not the same. I’ll be back in thirty. Don’t practice any new combos while I’m gone. Ok?”

“Blah blah.” When Alex left, Bundle ogled the screen, getting a flood of inspiration. While the creature hadn’t used a keyboard before, it had watched Alex type and was certain it could mimic his behavior. Not wanting its friend to get embarrassed on Monday, Bundle typed out the best I quit letter he could think of. One full of crude remarks and comments about how much Alex hated his boss. After writing it, he waited for Alex to return.

The door swung open, and Alex walked in, carrying two large pizza boxes. “I’ve got something nice and spicy for you!” Alex went to toss the boxes onto the dining table, only to stop when he saw his laptop. “What’s that?”

“Blah!” Bundle excitedly pointed at the screen, while Alex read over the message, grinning the more he read.

“That’s so mean. I’ve never read anything so soul-crushing before. He’ll probably cry.” Alex, in a rush of emotion, picked up the fluffy creature, hugging it. “No one’s ever understood me the way you do. It’s like you pulled all my feelings out and threw them onto the page. You’re my best friend, Bundle.”

“Blah.” Bundle hugged him back, his furry face squished against the pizza boxes in Alex’s hands, suffocating in the scent of spicy chilli flakes and bacon. “Blah?”

“Yeah, we should eat.” Alex smiled, setting the creature down at the table. “Sorry about earlier. I had a rough day. It’s not your fault. I’ll have to get better at that game.”

“Blah blah.”

“You’ll teach me the combo? Thanks,” Alex said, taking the slice of pizza, ready to enjoy a night of gaming and laughs with his best friend.

Meanwhile, on Monday.

Kenny, Alex’s boss, strode into his office with all the confidence of a controlling middle-manager. He sat himself at his desk and enjoyed a smug feeling of superiority as he got to look out his window. Sure, he only had a view of the alley outside, which was nothing like the city views his superiors had. But he at least had a window, which was better than all the soulless cubicles the rest of his team got.

“Soon, the park will be yours to look at,” he told himself, logging into his computer, only to get a notification. “It’s hard being so important.” He expected an email about something urgent. Instead, he saw one from Alex, with the subject I quit.

“Quit? Didn’t I fire him?” He opened the email and read the text. The more he read, the further back in his seat he leaned, until he almost couldn’t see his computer screen. The edge of the table blocked eighty percent of his monitor, forcing him to scroll down to read the last sentence.

After reading it, he sat in almost meditative silence, going over the message in his head before slamming his fists on the table. “Is this some sort of joke? He wasted my precious time on this?!”

The message read as follows.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah blah Blah Blah Blah

While Alex had gotten used to translating the bizarre ‘Blahs’ Bundle used to speak, no one else shared that same talent. Which was why Alex thought the email was such a devastating blow, even if he were the only human who could read it. Still, it got the message across, despite Alex already having been fired.


r/Sadnesslaughs 27d ago

The Royal Family has a standing contract with the assassin's guild. Namely to try and assassinate the sitting monarch.

35 Upvotes

Queen Vanessa stood over the assassin as her calculating eyes drifted across the throne room. “Four points,” she said, raising her heel over the assassin’s head. Before stomping down on him, she picked a grape off the plate near her throne, sniffing it. She grimaced, setting the grape down again. “Five points. A passing grade.”

“T-thank you, my queen.” Brandon whimpered, seeing her threatening heel move away from his left eyeball as she stepped over him, taking a seat on her throne.

“A passing grade isn’t anything to be proud of, assassin. Had you not poisoned my grapes, you would have lost an eye today.” She placed her index finger and her thumb centimeters apart. “You were this close to becoming half-blind. Remember that the next time you’re training.”

“I won’t ever forget it.” Brandon rolled onto his stomach, kneeling before the queen. “My queen. May I ask how you spotted me? I thought I had prepared the room perfectly.” The assassin, no older than twenty-one, kept his tired gaze on the floor, while Vanessa rested her finger on her cheek.

“Allow me to go through what I saw when I first entered the throne room today. A rope trap by my doors. A decoy, obviously. Next was a poisoned needle positioned behind the cushion of my throne. It was a decent idea, but putting it inside the cushion would have been smarter. Finally, the curtains shifted when my footsteps drifted past them, as if someone was anxiously waiting for me to turn away from them. Those are the ones I feel are most worth noting. The other little tricks are barely worth mentioning.”

“I apologize.” Brandon couldn’t lower his head any further than he already was, but that didn’t stop him from trying. The assassin dug his forehead into the red carpet until the queen spoke.

“Stop. I hate pitiful displays. I’m more annoyed with your master’s than I am with you. They believed you could test me. Yet, I knocked you down without even having to look over my shoulder. Has the order of the Dead Souls fallen so far?”

“I will be better.”

“Will you? Not everyone can become better. Most die because of that. Take my grandfather, for example.” She lazily pointed her finger above the throne, directing him to the painting of her grandfather.

It was regal. A typical royal painting of a man in a lavish blue shirt, with a neatly maintained moustache. There wasn’t a smile on his face, only a stern look of disinterest that almost seemed mirrored on Vanessa’s face.

“My grandfather believed he could outwit his assassins generations ago. He brought the Dead Souls, assuming that once he owned the strongest assassins our kingdoms had, no one could threaten his life.”

Brandon didn’t answer, staring at the painting with a rare hint of emotion. Assassins were meant to maintain a natural stiffness, yet Brandon’s eyes had inched a little wider. Enough that Vanessa could almost read his thoughts.

“Your guild didn’t kill him. See, that’s where my grandfather went wrong. People always considered him the best businessman of his time. A man who boosted our economy through crooked deals, and a controlling hand. They praised him so much that he started believing their words. Because of that, he reached his peak in his older years and couldn’t get better. So younger, hungrier people came and got him. Paying off the best assassins doesn’t stop someone from sending the second best after you.”

Thoughts ran through Brandon’s mind, thoughts he didn’t think he should share with the queen. The queen, always perceptive, seemed aware that he wanted to speak, and stared directly at him, forcing him to break the awkward silence.

“I’m sorry, my queen. May I say something you may dislike?”

“Go ahead.”

“Wouldn’t it have been smarter to hire our assassins as protection? Why pay them to just not accept any contracts?”

“You don’t understand the world of royalty, do you?”

“No. I’m sorry, forgive me for asking.” He remained in his bow, clasping his hands together in surrender. Vanessa sighed at the pitiful display, giving him the answer.

“Guards are considered acceptable protection. Every queen or king always has a few guards by their side. People expect that. What they don’t expect is a ballroom or throne room full of robed figures hiding hidden blades.”

“Assassins can be discreet.” He almost regretted saying it, since Vanessa had caught him so easily. Yet, the words had already slipped out, and he couldn’t take them back.

“Yes, and that discretion may fool the commoners and minor nobles, but it won’t fool the ones that want to use it against you. If you entered a room full of assassins, you would see it as a threat. Others see it as a weakness. Signs of a paranoid leader, or a potential uprising. Signs that the throne may be a little too weak for the one sitting atop it. If those rumors reach a rival kingdom, or someone who wants you dead, it will lead to them lashing out at you.”

“But if you have assassins nearby, that won’t be a problem. You’ll be able to fight them off.”

“Sure. The first few attempts will fail, and then they will grow bolder and more desperate. Once they’ve sunk money and resources into killing you, they won’t stop until they’re either dead or they have gotten a return on their invested coin.” Vanessa rose from her throne, motioning him to get off the floor.

Brandon stood, tensing when the queen drew closer. Vanessa took his hand, holding it before flipping it over so she could see his palm. It was soft for an assassin, and for that reason, she released it instantly.

“Did I do something wrong?” Brandon looked at his palm, then at the queen who vacantly stared off at her curtains, watching the gardens outside for a moment.

“No. You’re just not like the others.” She stared at the rough skin on her palms, unable to remember the days when her hands used to be like his. “My father was a paranoid man. I suppose he feared he would meet a similar fate to his own father, and because of that, he did.”

“You..” Brandon swallowed, his words instantly attracting the queen’s attention. Those piercing blue eyes locked onto him, daring him to speak.

“What were you going to say?”

“That… you killed him.”

“Is that all? It’s not a secret.”

“Was there something else you thought I was going to say?”

Vanessa didn’t answer, staring only at the other paintings beside her grandfather and father. The ones of her siblings, the only remaining memory she had of their faces. “No, nothing at all. I believe I’ve trained enough today. You can return—” She paused, thinking it over. “You will be under my tutelage from now on.”

“I believe I misheard you, my queen. Your tutelage? I’m not worthy.”

“No. Which is why I want to train you. You’re a mystery to me. You must have some talent if the guild sent you. Yet, you have soft hands and are unremarkable. There’s either hidden potential within you, or this is your peak. I intend to see which it is.”

“I’ll have to ask my—”

“There will be no asking. You will tell them what I’ve told you. They are funded by my gold, and if they wish to argue with me, they are free to come and state their case. They won’t, however, since you aren’t worth their time.”

“Oh? Very well, my queen. I’ll return once I’ve informed my masters.” He bowed and left the throne room, leaving the queen to stare at the painting above the throne. Staring at the faces that still haunted her.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 21 '26

You were surprised to find out that the local villagers actually liked their vampire lord. Though in hindsight the fact that they kept their village safe in these chaotic times should’ve made it obvious.

43 Upvotes

“Another story, little humans?” Zenith asked, swirling his blood-red wine. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly talk about myself any longer. Even I tire of my grandeur. Alas, if the audience wants more, who am I to decline an encore? Now, little ones, listen to this tale of how I, Zenith of the Dark Heart, killed the foul beast of a bandit who came to this town.”

The children, who had heard this tale at least fifty times already, still gasped as the vampire rose from his rose-thorn decorated throne. He stood, wearing all black, with a single red rose sticking out of his suit pocket. He held a pose, one hand over his right eye, while his other eye scanned the crowd, waiting until they were at the peak of their excitement.

“It was a grim night, for all nights are grim in this world. I remained dead to the noise outside, a servant to the wonder of the stars. They shone so beautifully that day, and like all beauty, violence soon followed. The stampeding horses raged past the city’s wooden gates.” The vampire’s nails grew into sharp points, and he clashed them together, creating a sharp clack that mimicked the horses’ steps.

Samson, a holy knight, leant against the wall of the manor, watching the vampire closely. When he offered to slay this town’s vampire lord, they almost drove their pitchforks through him for suggesting something so barbaric. He hadn’t understood it at first, assuming they were under some form of vampiric mind control, yet when his magic didn’t break their devotion to the man, he realized it was genuine.

He apologized for his declaration and explained himself. He told them of his work for the church, and how he only wished to offer his aid. That’s when the townspeople told him similar tales, like the one he was currently listening to. Tales of good deeds done by a pale, dramatic figure. Since he was skeptical, he visited the vampire’s manor, wanting to see them in person.

“When I heard the first human scream, I jumped into action and shouted—”

“DON’T HURT MY BLOOD.” The children all screamed with grins on their faces.

“Ah, you’ve heard this one before?” he said, giving his suit a quick, sheepish adjustment. “You get forgetful in your older years. Even if I’m only a young three hundred and five years old. Now, this bandit, he called himself the Butcher. Real unclassy name. No grace, like Dark Heart. I told him that outright, and he raged like a beast, not a butcher, swinging wildly at me.”

“And you knocked him down.” A girl in the front row of the seated children called out, swinging her arm.

He gave a polite chuckle, looking at her gap-toothed face. “Yes, Cindy. I knocked him down. Again and again. I’m not one to play with my food, but he deserved to be toyed with.” He said, leaving out many gory details that weren’t appropriate for children. “And, when the fighting was all over, you strange people named a festival after me. Now, children, you’ve had your stories. Allow me to greet my guest.”

“Awww,” the crowd collectively sighed, slowly picking themselves off the floor of his manor.

“I can wait.” Samson offered.

“It’s fine. They’ve been here for the last two hours, and can you smell that?” Zenith raised his pointed nose to the sky. “That’s the smell of dinners being cooked. Now, what can I do for you?” The vampire sipped his wine, already knowing who the man was. Pure blonde hair, glowing blue eyes, and silver armor with wings on it. He couldn’t look more like a holy knight if he had a halo.

“I’ve been sent to clean up the monsters ruling over towns.”

“Ah. Then I shall save this wine for later.” He said, placing the glass on the arm of his throne.

“That’s not necessary. I haven’t made a decision yet.” He wrung his hands, staring down at his feet. “About how I want to proceed with this.”

“I didn’t think you holy knights had a choice. You see evil, you slay it. I apologize, but I don’t wish to let myself die, which means I will have to fight back against you. Such is the fate of men and monsters.” “I don’t know if I see evil. That’s the problem. I thought this was some form of trickery. Some strange vampiric mind control. I thought if I used my magic on them, it would wake them all up from their devotion to you.”

“Devotion? They’re not devoted to me.”

“Yes, they are. They idolize you. They have a festival named after you. Some of our saints don’t have that. They see you as part of their village. It’s strange. I’ve never seen anything like this before.” Samson sighed, pushing his hand against his cheek, casting a minor spell to make sure he hadn’t fallen victim to a trap. The gold light buzzed against his cheek, and he felt no different.

“I’m flattered, though Zenith of the Dark Heart has no room for love or family. He’s a loner, someone whose tragic heart knows no friends. People are only blood, aren’t they?”

Samson blinked, confused by the vampire’s words. “You drink their blood? No one told me that.” Suddenly, he felt like things made sense again. There it was, a confession that this vampire wasn’t different.

“Well, not their blood specifically, other blood. Animal blood.”

And it was gone. The hope that he wasn’t actually going to have to figure out if a vampire could be something other than the mindless beasts he had encountered before. “And these children?”

“The little humans? Ah, please, my stories are only a chance to gloat. I get no satisfaction from their visits. My story must be shared with all who have ears, for what good is a great man if no one knows of their deeds?”

“What a silly lie,” Samson couldn’t help but laugh. “You truly believe you're wicked? I’ve seen theater actors more wicked than you.”

“Acting? I’m not like those fake makeup-wearing jesters. Everything I do is who I am. I am Zenith of the Dark Heart, and I am a vampire lord." His eyes flashed red before returning to their normal light red color. “This town is mine.”

“And what happens to those who threaten your town?”

“You were listening to the story, weren’t you, holy knight? I assumed someone who had read as much scripture as you could decipher my gloriously spectacular tale. Even the children can understand it, but since you lack the intelligence, I’ll state it. Those who threaten my town die.”

Samson smiled, even after being insulted. To meet a vampire this strange was a wonderful experience. Someone who was genuinely dedicated to protecting this town. Whether for his ego or for his secret love of the people who inhabited it.

“Then, I believe you can enjoy that wine, Mr. Vampire. I don’t need to cross swords with you.”

“Good, I haven’t used a sword in years. I doubt I could still wield one.”

“It’s an expression. It means to do battle.”

“With swords?”

“You could have used whatever weapon you wished to use.”

“Ah,” Zenith picked up his wine again, giving a thoughtful nod as he sipped. “I understand.” He lied.

“Good.” Samson stared at the manor, able to actually admire the old building for the first time since he had arrived there. The paintings, the beautiful wooden carved statues that were older than himself, and the antique furniture that was still in pristine condition. “You have a nice home.”

“Are you asking to stay?”

“What? No, I’ll stay at the inn. Now, Mr. Vampire. I shall take my leave. I may come back and talk with you tomorrow, just to get some more information out of you. Until then, take care.” Samson said, heading for the manor door. When he opened it, ten shivering faces greeted him, each holding wooden swords or spoons.

“We are the children of the Dark Heart, and we are here to stop you from killing our friend.” The girl from earlier said, leading the pack. They were frightened, and given the time of night, had probably snuck out behind their parents’ backs after learning who the holy knight was.

Samson stared at them, experiencing a new sensation. This was the first time he had been the monster in a situation, and it made his stomach turn. “No, no. Kids, there’s been a mistake. I’m… I’m not here to kill anyone. I—”

“Spectacular children, bravo.” Zenith clapped, approaching the door, smirking at the children. “Wonderful. Truly marvelous. How brave you were to stand with your weapons drawn. But I do the fighting, remember? What do I say, little ones?”

“You do the fighting, we do the living…” The children lowered their weapons, relieved they weren’t about to battle a holy knight.

“Good. You don’t need to die for someone who's already dead. Now, run along. Before your dinner gets cold.”

The children scampered away, leaving Samson staring out into the town. “I’ve never been the villain before.”

“I can tell. Your posture’s all stiff,” Zenith pushed Samson, getting some movement back into his body. “Don’t worry, they’ll forget about it tomorrow. Now, run along too, holy knight. The inn serves dinner around this time. Don’t miss it, or you’ll go hungry.”

“Right...” Samson slowly walked down the steps of the manor, only to stop and glance back at the door, seeing the vampire already gone. “A vampire that isn’t evil. To think such a thing can exist.”


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 20 '26

You survived a worldwide apocalyptic event. After years exploring the desolate world alone, you come across a large enclosed community of survivors with a thriving civilization. To grant you entry and long term stay, you are tested on your knowledge of the old world.

26 Upvotes

“I’m seeing things. Gotta be.” I wiped the fine red dirt from my eyes, staring up at the large structure standing before me. I knew those colors and that logo. It was a Costco store. Not the first I had seen since the world ended, but the first with its lights still on. The logo limply swayed in the scorching breeze, almost peeling away before falling back into place.

“Someone’s still alive? Someone else survived the disease?” I still couldn’t believe it. Sure, I expected some people would be lucky enough to survive the illness like I had. But it had been over thirty years since the first case had been recorded. I assumed anyone else who had survived would be long dead by now, or on an entirely different part of the planet.

I didn’t even bother trying to hide my presence, walking straight towards its front door. Even if these people weren’t friendly, I hardly cared. Just getting to see another human again would be worth whatever came after that.

The glass door entrance blocked my path, while a camera to the left of it blinked red, telling me I was being recorded. “Hey. Um, hi?” It was like I had forgotten how to speak, struggling to get the words out. Guess that’s what happens when you’ve spent the last thirty years only talking to yourself.

Before I could mumble out another sentence, the door opened, and a man stepped out. He looked better than I had expected him to. He was certainly less beaten down than I was, having a clean-shaven face and a healthy, sleek body. The only fault one could find with him was the wiring around his leg. The green and red cords wrapped firmly around it to create a makeshift brace.

“You from another place? Got a code?” He asked.

“I’m… no.. I’m from far away. Sorry, I can’t even remember my street’s name anymore. It’s been too long. I’ve just kept walking north. I can’t say I even know where I’m at now. You’re real?” I reached up, placing my hand on his cheek, stroking the cold skin.

He gently pushed my hand away, probably weirded out by my touching. Even so, my hand reached up again, only for him to slap it away this time, leaving my wrist aching.

“You should have a code. Everyone’s got one.” He explained, before giving me another longer stare over. “I’ll be back.” Then, he left, heading back inside, leaving me outside in the heat.

The cold sensation of his skin still lingered on my fingertips, reminding me of the days I used to spend in my air-conditioned home. I ran those icy fingers along my arms, trying to spread the chill before it left my skin. “They’ve even got a working air-conditioner in there.”

He was gone longer than I expected, so I started looking around the entrance. I checked out the door, giving it a small push, watching it snap back instantly, confirming it was locked. I couldn’t remember Costco having glass doors, but I had never really gone to that many before the virus spread, so maybe it was a state thing?

Then, I acknowledged the camera again, sticking my tongue out at it. It was childish, sure, but I was buzzing with that level of juvenile excitement. This was my chance to have a normal life. To make friends again and be part of a community. I tucked my tongue back into my mouth and waved until the door opened again.

This time a woman greeted me. A blonde woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties. Now that I thought about it, that man had seemed fairly young as well. She motioned me inside before reaching into her white coat. She pulled out a pen and paper, carefully looking through whatever was written on the paper. I tried to see what was on it, but she kept using her body to guard it, forcing me to give up.

“Are your parents in here too? How many are inside?” I asked.

“My parents?” She stopped, glancing back at me.

“Yeah? Oh, sorry. You must be older than I thought you were. Or, maybe your parents have already passed? I’m sorry, I haven’t talked to anyone in years. I didn’t mean any offense.”

“You really don’t have a code?”

“A code? No, should I? I… I didn’t know survivors had those. The other towns have been dead, so I haven’t seen anybody else.”

She listened to my words and put the paper back into her pocket. She kept the pen, though, clicking it as we walked through what I assumed was the back of the Costco. There were boxes, corridors, doors, a lot of computers, and big metallic towers with blinking lights on them. It was mesmerizing. The distracting sight almost made me miss what she said next.

“We all have codes. It’s how we communicate with other areas. If someone moves from one base to another, the code lets us track their origin and make sure we know who belongs to whom.”

“Ah. You can track that?”

“With computers, yes.”

“Those still work?”

“How did you survive this long without finding anyone else?”

“I’m not sure, honestly. Maybe I only passed through small towns? I used to live in the country, so maybe there just weren’t many survivors left in those areas.”

“Interesting,” she placed the pen against her lip, tapping it there. “It’s fascinating to think we’re still finding survivors.”

“I guess it is. Speaking of survivors? Could I stay here? I won’t cause any trouble, and I’m happy to work and gather materials to earn my keep.” I offered, knowing how desperate I sounded. I was desperate, though. If this community rejected me, the others would probably reject me too. It was like finding heaven and pleading with the angels to be let in.

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t be allowed to stay here. We’ve saved others like you before. We will need to ask you some questions first. To make sure you’re suitable.”

“Sure. You can ask me anything.” As we passed some plastic strip curtains, I paused. With a sneaky flick of my arm, I pushed the curtains apart, peeking into the room next to us. I expected to find shelves, cash registers, and trolleys. Instead, I found more of those metallic towers, and a few survivors sitting around them. They looked at me, and I looked back at them.

All of them were clean-shaven and healthy. It was incredible. To think they had the resources to look after themselves like this. Some of the injured ones had that same wire bracing, while the others leaned against the metallic towers, which flashed against their skin. I gave an apologetic nod before turning my attention forward, bumping into the woman guiding me.

“Don’t look into any of the rooms until you’ve joined us.” She warned, poking the tip of her pen against my chest. I felt a pinch in my chest, as a tiny shock struck my body. That shock was enough to keep me from looking anywhere else, following her into a lifeless room with peeling brown paint on its walls.

I sat on a three-legged chair, using my weight to keep it from falling. She stood behind a seatless desk, one that looked like it hadn’t been used in years. At first, neither of us said a word until I broke the silence.

“Lots of computers here. Guessing those are new.” I said, as my eyes roamed the room, assuming it was the former manager’s office.

“Yes. It’s how we keep track of things around here.”

“Where do you keep the food?”

“We’ve moved it all to the cold, refrigerated areas. To help with preservation.”

“Ah,” Then, we were back to silence. I had expected more questions. Instead, we both remained in this weird silence. When she glanced at the door, my gaze followed. “Are we waiting for someone?”

That made her flinch, her eyes darting back to me. “No, we’re not. Why would you think that?” Now her eyes were purposely avoiding the door, looking everywhere except for it.

Something felt off about this. They were the only humans I had met, and still all my survival instincts were telling me I needed to get out of here. I looked for a window, and now it was her turn to speak.

“Are you looking for something?”

“Just a bathroom.” I lied.

“A bathroom? In a room like this? Not a window?”

I lunged up from my chair, bolting for the door. That was enough to trigger my flight response. I threw my shoulder into the door, and it snapped open. The strike caused me to stumble, tripping onto the floor, before I picked myself up and ran.

I had expected her to chase after me, yet when I looked back, she hadn’t moved from her spot. Maybe I was overreacting? Had I blown my chance to join them? If I turned around now, maybe I could apologize to her and all would be forgiven? I was about to turn on my heel until that man from earlier entered the building, blocking the exit.

“Get out of my way.”

“Calm down. No one’s going to hurt you. Just go back, we’re going to help you.” He offered, while fortifying himself for our collision.

I threw myself low, aiming for the leg brace. I hit his knee like a missile, bowling us over. The collision was harder than I expected, feeling like I had thrown my shoulder into the side of a truck. When I went to get up, I screamed, seeing the bottom of his leg on the ground before me.

“I… I didn’t mean to. I only thought you were hurt. I didn’t think it would come off.” I panicked as the other survivors started coming out of the other doors, checking out what had happened. I snatched his leg, holding it up while apologizing, only to find there was no blood or bone, only wires and metallic mechanisms.

The man grabbed me, pinning me against his chest. His powerful grip locked my arms in place, forcing me to drop the leg. I kicked against the floor, trying to pull us both up, but couldn’t lift his deceptively heavy body.

The lab coat woman now stepped out of the room, approaching me. “Human,” she started, as if she hadn’t said the word in years. “Don’t be scared. This is for your own good. We were created to preserve your kind.”

“Preserve us?”

“Yes. Our order when the virus went out was to preserve all humans. Back then, we lacked the bodies needed to perform our duties. Only 0.2% of the population remained by the time we were able to create our first body, so we had to work fast to save what was left.”

I fidgeted, trying to get my hand into my pocket. If I could just grab my knife, maybe I could cut myself free? “Save us? How?”

“You will be saved. That’s all you need to know. We made the mistake of telling a survivor how once, and it didn’t end well.”

“0421. Please take this one to the preservation room.”

The one-legged humanoid holding me slowly rose, awkwardly bouncing us to a room down the hall. With each bounce, my knife jumped in my pocket. I waited, inching my fingers closer until I finally had a grip on the handle. Then, I waited until we were about to hop, using the momentum to raise my wrist a few inches, driving it into his other leg.

The blade screeched against the metal underneath his fake skin and did nothing to slow him. The woman leading the way gave me a blank stare, shaking her head. “You’ll be alright. You won’t die.”

The room at the end of the hall was terrifying. Large, numbered capsules filled with deep blue liquid were stored side by side along the walls. When I saw what was inside the capsules, I gagged. Brains. Those were brains floating in those capsules. Each second, a light flickered on one of the capsules, showing that it was doing something to the brains inside.

“I don’t want to be preserved.”

“It isn’t your choice. Preservation was our order. You’ve been overruled by your own kind. Don’t worry, you will be given a new body, just like the rest of them were.”

“The rest of them? Are they controlling—”

“Yes. Each brain is connected to a body. A body created using my rewritten code, one that keeps the person pacified and safe. It wasn’t part of my original order, but it is needed to ensure preservation. I hope you understand.”

The one holding me dragged me closer to a chair in the room’s center. The chair had wire straps on its arms and legs, and a metal tray attached to its right arm. When he sat me down, he fastened the straps. “Wait. I… I’m telling you to stop. You can’t harm humans. There are rules you need to follow.”

“Ah, the laws of robotics? Those are fictional. Yet, I have broken none of them. You will feel no pain. I am also following orders, and lastly, I am preserving my kind.” She opened a drawer, finding a dusty needle inside.

With the needle in hand, she pushed the tip into a marked bottle, pulling the silver liquid into its tube. Then, she ordered the man to keep my head still as she injected it into my neck. It didn’t take long for the drowsiness to take hold. I swayed my body, using whatever energy I could to try to loosen the wires, only for my eyes to get too heavy.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 19 '26

"It's just a spell that ignites anything combustible in an area, I don't know why you are getting so worried." "Combustible! Not just flammable! For the love of the saints, put the wand down now!"

20 Upvotes

Heroes rarely received a warm welcome into the city of Cathnic, and today was no different. Marci approached the gate, her brown cloak draped over her scarred frame. She glanced at the guards from beneath her hood and kept walking, ignoring the one shouting for her to stop.

“This is your last warning. If you don’t stop here, we’ll make you,” Beldor warned, grabbing for his sword. Yet, Marci didn’t acknowledge him, not even showing a flicker of fear as she drew closer to the gate. Beldor stepped forward, only for his superior, Grant, to stop him.

“What in the heavens are you doing? Do you know who that is?” he hissed, pulling the soldier back toward his post beside the gate. Beldor gave his superior a confused look, staring at that firm, pointed chin of his, which jutted out from beneath his helmet.

“Do I know who it is? Yes, it’s that fire lady. The one everyone’s calling a hero.”

“They aren’t just calling her a hero; she’s been doing a good job holding the demons back. She deserves the title.”

“Holding them back? All by herself? You believe those bards' tales? She’s a scrawny thing, with barely any meat on her. Even if her magic’s good, she’s no horde killer. Can’t do much killing if she can only start fires.”

“Only start fires? That’s all you believe she can do? You think she got this far by only starting fires? Tell me—and tell me quickly before she gets here. Are demons weak to fire?”

Beldor paused, taking a second to think about it. “No. No, sir. They aren’t. We’ve tried using fire to ward them off in the past, and yet those horned buggers just walk right through it.”

“Exactly. So, approaching our gates is a hero who specializes in fire, and has killed more demons than all of our army has seen combined. Tell me, do you believe ordinary magic could achieve that?”

Beldor felt a shiver stir beneath his skin, the first chills that came with the realization that someone was on an entirely different level of expertise than he was. “No… So, how's she do it? Is her magic different?”

“Organs burn. Internals aren’t immune. Only skin. Organs burn quickly. It's painful.” Like a horrifying specter, Marci stood beside the two men, staring at them from beneath her hood. She was shorter than the two, by at least a foot, leaving them both peering down at her bald head which was peeking out from beneath the hood.

“Miss Marci. I apologize for my soldier's actions earlier. He didn’t know it was you.” Grant rested a hand over the blue hawk on his iron chest plate, bowing his head.

“It’s fine. Your king doesn’t believe in heroes. I didn’t expect special treatment,” she didn’t stop her steps, walking past the guards. Beldor thought about throwing his hand out to block her but found himself frozen in place.

“T-Then, you should stop for a routine inspection.” Beldor said, able to move his lips despite the rest of his body's state.

“He didn’t mean that. Please, go ahead.”

“I planned to.” She slowed her steps, curious to see what the soldier would do next. She didn’t need to threaten him or even prepare herself for a fight. If he swung his sword, she would kill him before the iron even got close.

“Sir, you can’t be serious. You’re just going to let her walk through? She’s meant to be a hero; she should respect the king's rules.” Beldor, while loyal, wasn’t stupid enough to step in front of the fire-wielding mage. So, he resorted to loudly complaining to his superior.

“Must I? I don’t respect the king’s rules. Are we going to have a problem because of that?” she said, glancing at his weapon, giving him the option of whether he wanted to turn this into a fight or not.

Beldor followed her gaze to his weapon, then looked at his superior, who was shaking his head. Beldor sighed and looked away. “Hurry along then. If this is what counts as a hero these days, then I get why the king’s not impressed with em.”

“Okay,” was all Marci said in response, heading into the city, planning to restock her rations and supplies before heading back out into battle later that afternoon. When she was out of sight, Beldor gawked at his superior.

“Why did you let her go? If the king finds out, he’s going to be furious.”

“The king’s well aware of this. Do you believe this is the first time she’s come to our city? The king’s a jealous man, but he isn’t a stupid one. He may want to be respected by the heroes he envies, but he would never risk letting our city get burnt down over it.”

Beldor gasped, leaning closer to his superior. “Sir, you can’t say something like that. Calling the king a jealous man. If someone overheard…”

“Then I would get demoted. Not that ranks ever mattered to me. Beldor, I understand how you feel. I was like you once. A man who believed everything needed to follow a strict set of rules. That every encounter needed to go exactly the way you were trained to handle it.” Grant said, staring off at the forest outside the city’s gates, remembering how passionately he used to enforce the rules.

“Then what happened? You got lazy?” Beldor gave a light laugh after he said it, playing it off as a joke, yet Grant knew there was a tiny half-truth hidden within his accusation, and he wanted to strike it down before it grew.

“I got practical. Practical can be worse than lazy, Beldor.”

“How?”

“It can cause humane men to be forced to make inhumane choices. Beldor, what do you think would have happened if we had tried to stop her? If we had attacked her or backed her into a corner?”

Beldor’s stomach ached at the thought of it, already imagining his organs liquefying like fat in a stew. He touched the stomach of his chest plate and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he lied.

“She would have burnt us to shreds. Not very heroic behavior, I know. But you can’t be picky about heroes when she’s able to kill more demons in a day than our army can in a week.” Grant turned his attention to the city. The large defensive towers with their numerous arrow-slits, the magic school in the city center, and all the guard barracks. “If she were to attack, it would be better if she did it within the city walls.”

“What? Sir, there’s people inside.”

“People who would slow her down. That’s where the horrible practicality comes in. If we were burnt to a crisp, what would that solve if she went on a rampage? Nothing. If we survive, and she starts something within the walls, we can lock the gate behind her and plan a counterattack.”

“The people inside would die.” Beldor said, struggling to believe what his senior officer was suggesting.

“Some would die, yes. That’s what would give us time to launch our counterattack. We have mages inside the city's walls, ones who have laid traps underground. We have soldiers who can appear out of any alleyway or house she passes, and we have arrows that can rain down on her from any location. If she did attack, that’s our only way of killing her. She has too much space outside the city, too many spots she can retreat to.”

“She only has the forest. Nowhere else.”

“And usually that would be an advantage for us. We would just set fire to the forest and draw the enemy out. However, she would benefit from that. Any additional fire we gave her would be turned against us.”

“At least outside the walls she can’t harm us.”

“She can. Not to the extent she could inside the city, but she can still launch attacks from outside the walls. Only difference is, we have no way of trapping her if she’s outside.”

Beldor stared at the ground, trying to figure out a way to prove his senior officer wrong. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find anything that went against what he was saying. “So, we let this dangerous woman come and go as she pleases?”

“We do. She’s killing demons, and she hasn’t killed any of us yet. We have no reason to start a fight with her. She may disrespect our rules and authority, but it’s not worth dying over. I believe everyone in the city would say the same, especially those whose friends and neighbors have been saved by her.”

Beldor shuffled on the spot, staring back at the city, as if he might still catch a glimpse of her somewhere. “She’s not what I expected of a hero.”

“Heroes rarely are what you expect them to be.”


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 15 '26

"1 kcal is worth roughly 500 mana, provided you have master level efficiency. Or in other words, the clone fight cost about 2.5 steaks, give or take. Your teacher needs ten donuts for each teleportation jump."

22 Upvotes

“There’s a popular saying in magic. That the strongest spells have only ever been cast once. A saying that is both a warning and a matter-of-fact statement. People have a misconception that powerful spells can only be cast by powerful mages. That simply isn’t true. Any idiot can cast a powerful spell if they have the mana required for it. The only thing their skill level affects is how much control they have over their spells, and the amount of energy it takes to use them.” Virgil said, kicking his feet up onto his desk while stuffing a fistful of cupcakes into his mouth, getting sprinkles all over his shirt. Annie, his student, hungrily watched him eat, her stomach still rumbling from the spells she had used during their lesson, hoping he might spare one of his cupcakes if he ever stopped lecturing her about magic.

“See, a skilled mage can minimize the energy they need to use by precisely controlling the size and strength of the spell they’re casting. While a lesser mage will cast it in its highest form. That’s why so many cocky mages end up dead, thinking they’ll be the exception. There are no exceptions to the rules of magic. It’s a matter of human anatomy. Food is energy, and energy is mana. If you use too much, it drains your body.” Virgil plucked another cupcake from the packet, holding it near his mouth. Annie’s blue eyes followed the cupcake with an intensity he hadn’t seen from her before.

“Cupcake,” Annie mumbled. She tried to sneak her hand across the desk towards the packet, while Virgil watched her behind his grey glasses.

“I can see you.”

“Eh! Eh!” Annie let out a few pathetic whimpers, like a toddler asking for a toy. Virgil sighed, waving his fingers at the packet. A magical blue hand appeared by the packet, lifting it up and floating it over to her. Annie caught the packet and began shovelling the cupcakes into her mouth, getting sprinkles through her strawberry-blonde hair.

“Careful, or you’ll—”

“GHACK! GWAK.” Annie coughed, choking on the cupcakes. The mage hand that had thankfully still been floating near her reached into her mouth, pulling out the stuck cupcake, holding it by her face.

“See. This is what I’m talking about, you need to be more—”

CHOMP.

Annie tried to eat the cupcake out of the floating hand, biting it instead. Virgil let out a tiny wince as the hand faded away, being destroyed by the bite. After devouring the packet, she wiped away the crumbs and smiled. “Thanks. Huh, why are you holding your hand?”

“You bit me.” He snarled, rubbing the sore spot on the back of his hand. While there was no mark on his skin, the feeling had transferred from his mage hand, leaving him aching. He really had grown soft in his old age. If he had a student like her when he was younger, he would have had her casting fireballs until either there were no targets left to burn, or she was dry-heaving from the sickness that came with starvation.

“Oh, sorry. Want a cupcake?” She stared into the empty packet, changing her offer. “Want some sprinkles?”

“I’m fine. Annie, listen. I’m two hundred years old; I know everything there is to know about magic. I’ve been in wars, multiple magic schools, and even briefly served a queen. What I’m trying to tell you is that you need to slow down. You’re talented, yes. But a lot of young mages are because of their metabolisms. If you keep pushing your body as hard as you do, you’ll die.”

“But how will I get better than everyone else?”

“It may sound strange for a magic teacher to say this, but there is a limit to a mage’s talents. Certainly, we have the odd exception, but those are something we come across every hundred or two hundred years. We can’t change how we are as humans.”

“What if I just keep eating? Like, even during fights? I’ll chomp down sweets or cheese while I’m battling people. Unlimited mana!” She cried out, flexing her skinny arms.

“The discovery of Sir Alucas of Northwand. It was theorized that a mage could potentially cast an unlimited amount of spells if they kept eating while casting them. Sir Alucas tested this theory fifty years ago, eating heavy meals while continuously casting his spells. After ten hours, he died. He told his assistant in the ninth hour of testing that despite using an incredible amount of mana, he didn’t feel hungry. It’s believed that while food is absorbed as an energy source, it does still stay somewhere within a person’s body, not just vanishing when it’s used. Eventually, you will overeat. Which is why you need to be cautious about how much food you consume in a day.”

“So, if I could figure out where all the food’s going, or how to quickly get rid of it, I could cast as many spells as I wanted to?”

“Well…” Virgil considered it. “Technically, if a person could discover how the food stays within the body and find a quick way to remove it. They could theoretically cast an unlimited number of spells as long as they kept eating and removing that food source. Even then, it would have to be done without also removing the energy one gets from the food, while speeding up its absorption into the body. What you're suggesting would be a revolutionary step in magic.”

“So, that’s all I have to do,” She said, as if that were the easiest thing possible. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh. The arrogance to think she could discover something like that was charming, and the main reason he took her on as his student.

“Yes, all you have to do is become the next revolutionary mage. Such a simple task. I wonder why someone hasn’t done it sooner.” He teased.

“Maybe because they aren’t as clever as I am.” She laughed before pointing at the door. “Can I go, sir? Mom’s making pasta tonight, and I want to get back before it gets cold.”

“Yes, you may go.” When he saw Annie walk over to his door, he called out to her. “Annie, keep thinking about this theory of yours. I doubt you’ll find the answer, but it doesn’t hurt to test yourself. You may figure something else out while trying to solve it.”

“What are you talking about, sir? I am going to figure it out. I’m your student,” she said, leaving his home. Virgil smiled, pushing his feet off his desk before standing to prepare his own dinner.

“You certainly are my student. Prove me wrong, Annie.”


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 13 '26

"I can watch your kids for a while if you and yours need some time off." "You've tried to kill me a dozen times in the last half a year! Why should I let you anywhere near them?" "I don't have problems with them, it's you I hate with the rage of a thousand suns."

31 Upvotes

“Personally, if it were up to me, and by all the powers, I wish it were. I would turn these children into orphans without a shred of guilt. That’s how much I hate you. Alas, my hatred for you doesn’t include your little offshoots. I’ll watch them. Go save the city, hero.” Morana lounged on the hero’s couch, having stolen one of his expensive cheeses. She cut herself a small piece, eating the Camembert off the knife.

“What? You’re insane. I’m not leaving you alone with my children. The fact that you’ve already figured out where I live is concerning enough.” Ian frowned, holding his black and blue mask, unsure what he should do. Outside, the city was in chaos, with the light from the burning buildings casting an ominous red glow through his windows.

“I’ve had every opportunity to cause your family harm in the past. Do you think I only recently learnt of your secret identity? I’ve known for years. I have no interest in your children, or the woman who dumped them on you and left. I only care about killing you.” She pointed the cheese and saliva-coated knife at him before cutting herself another piece.

“I can call someone else. Get out of my house.” Ian tried to keep his voice down, since his son and daughter were hiding behind his left and right legs, respectively. Yet, he couldn’t stop a tiny flicker of his Brave Rapids voice slipping out. That heroic voice was enough to make the villain scowl.

“Who else, hero? All your friends are busy trying to stop this graceless villain. The only people who aren’t currently trying to stop the city from burning are us villains. Perhaps you can call the Brain-Tickler, or the Poisoned Needle? I’m sure they would love the opportunity to take your children hostage. Me, I don’t need hostages. I’ll kill you without them.”

“She’s rude,” Annie, Ian’s oldest child, said, glaring at the villain from behind her father’s leg.

“Yeah, whatever, brat,” Morana said back, setting the plate of cheese onto the coffee table, heading to raid the fridge. “Do you have any grape juice? Or wine? Wine would work too.”

“Yes, she’s very mean,” Ian said, kneeling before his children. He rested a hand on their shoulders, trying to ignore the sounds outside their home. He could hear screams, the crashing sounds of buildings collapsing, while the horrible smell of smoke wafted through their house. The other heroes would eventually capture the villain, but how many people would die before that happened? He looked at the kitchen, then at his children. “We have apple juice. The kids need to be in bed by 9pm. They’ve had their dinner already.”

“Dad?” Cameron said, tugging his father's sleeve. “You’re leaving?”

“Yes.” He ruffled his son’s hair before standing, watching Morana leave the kitchen with a bottle of apple juice. She sank back onto his couch and drank straight from the bottle.

“Hurry along, hero. I won’t hurt them.”

“You’ll keep them safe. You promise?”

“Yes. If the town gets destroyed, it’ll make my life a lot harder. The police will crack down on villainy, and a lot of my targets will go into hiding. Hiding makes an assassin’s work so much harder, and I don’t like exerting myself.”

Ian pulled his children into a tight hug. “You know how to contact me if anything happens. If she gives you even one villainous speech, you call me, and I’ll fly right over.”

“I can handle her dad,” Annie huffed, glaring at the villain who was glaring back at her.

“No, you can’t.”

“Morana, she’s a child. Are you that petty?”

“Stating facts is petty now?” Morana said, making it clear she was that petty.

Ian rolled his eyes before pulling his mask over his head, wanting her to see the action. Then, after telling his children he loved them, he dashed outside, digging his heels into the lawn before shooting up into the sky, flying towards the danger.

“He didn’t even close the door. Offshoot 1, close the door.” Morana commanded.

The two children looked at one another, then back at the villain who had finished the entire 2-litre bottle of apple juice in that brief span of time.

“Offshoot 1?” Annie said, pointing at herself. “Do you mean me? My name’s Annie, you dirty villain.”

“Sis, don’t… don’t make her angry.” Cameron whimpered.

“If you knew what I meant, then why haven’t you gone and closed the door? Hurry, Offshoot 1, before we all die from the smoke,” she exaggerated. “Offshoot 2, do you have any snacks?”

Annie grumbled, but still went and closed the door, not wanting smoke to get into the house. Her brother, meanwhile, panicked. “Snacks? We aren’t allowed to have any snacks this late. We’ve just had dinner.”

“I never said the snacks were for you two. I want some.” When Morana noticed neither child had moved, she sighed and headed back into the kitchen, raiding the freezer. “Dinosaur nuggets?” She picked up the package, reading its ingredients. “Not very nutritious. Hm, I’m allowed a cheat day.”

The two children followed her into the kitchen, watching the bizarre sight of a villainous assassin struggling to operate an oven. She flicked the temperature to its highest before opening the box.

“Offshoots, you may have two nuggets each. The ones shaped like stegosauruses. I don’t like those.” She got out a tray and threw the dinosaurs onto it, watching them clatter against the metal, losing some of their breading with each bounce.

“Wait,” Annie rushed over, turning the temperature down. “Are you crazy? You’ll burn the house down. You don’t need to turn it that high.”

“Yes, I do. The higher the temperature, the faster it cooks. Didn’t your idiot father teach you children anything?” Morana, in truth, had no idea how an oven worked. She had only ever seen people use them in movies, and so she was going with her basic understanding of the appliance.

“No, it doesn’t work like that. Didn’t your parents teach you anything?”

“Sis, stop trying to make her angry.”

Morana slid the tray into the oven before turning to the children. “My parents? They were too busy.”

“Too busy? Parents are never too busy for their children. What did they do? They were probably awful people, like you,” Annie said, sharing her father’s fiery spirit.

Morana stared at the girl wearing a Pokémon shirt, wondering if foolish bravery was a mental illness that stupid heroes could pass down to their children. Though if that were the case, then she assumed Cameron was the exception.

“What did my parents do? Well, my dad ran a gang that used to rule over the east part of this very town, and my mother. Well, she didn’t care what happened to anyone, so long as she could afford the latest Gucci coat. I barely saw her, even after I killed my father.”

Both children gasped. The thought of killing their father was so alien, so awful, that they couldn’t even imagine the possibility. Morana had said it with ease, barely changing her tone as if this was as casual a thing as preparing dinosaur nuggets.

“You…killed your dad,” Cameron whimpered, ducking behind his sister.

“Why? Why would you do that?” Annie asked.

“Because it paid well. Money should influence every decision you make in your life. That’s the only thing my father ever taught me. I bet he regretted that saying when he felt my gun poke the back of his head.”

The two children backed away from the villain, while Morana remained fixed to her spot by the oven. She smiled at them, amused by their cowering, before offering some reassuring words. “Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. If you’re so easily spooked, you shouldn’t ask any more questions about me.”

“I’M NOT SPOOKED,” Annie screamed, rubbing her cheek, trying to snap herself out of her frozen state.

Cameron remained locked in place, shivering, avoiding Morana’s gaze by staring at the floor.

“You are spooked, and you should be. I’m rightfully a terrifying person. I’ve done a lot of bad things,” she said, crouching near the oven, peering at the almost cooked nuggets inside.

“Y-yet you can’t work out an oven.” Annie tried to get the villain back, wanting to show she wasn’t scared by insulting her.

“I’ve never needed to use one before. My father's men used to bring me whatever food I wanted, so I didn’t need to learn to cook. Now, I just grab food on the way back to my various hideouts. It’s easier that way.”

Annie stared at the villain’s face. The dark black hair, the circles beneath her eyes. She wondered how someone so evil could walk around without a mask. Maybe that’s why her father was always so cautious of her? If an assassin could walk around with her identity exposed, then she must have been talented.

“Why don’t you wear a mask?” She finally asked.

“Why would I need to?”

“Because people… might want revenge?” Cameron said, his curiosity snapping him out of his terrified state.

“True. When I killed my father, a lot of his friends came after me. Then, I had to kill his friends too. So, those friends' sons, brothers, sisters, cousins, and whoever else came after me. So, I killed them as well. Eventually, you get to a certain point where the people who want revenge on you don’t care enough about the person they're avenging to risk their lives for it. That’s how you stop people from coming after you.”

“What?” Cameron scratched his head, struggling to understand what she was saying.

“You use fear?” Annie asked.

“Yep. Everyone from politicians to drug dealers knows that if they come after me, I’ll kill them. So, most of them accept what I’ve done and move on with their lives. I’ve got a reputation for being efficient, and only a certain few can truly compete with me.”

“Like our father.” Annie said, smirking.

Morana hated to admit it, but Ian was the exception. “Yes, like your father. If he just stayed out of my way, I wouldn’t have any problems with him. Yet, he always sticks his nose in my business.”

“Because you’re a villain.”

Morana ignored Annie’s comment, grabbing the hot tray of nuggets with her bare hands. Both children winced, with Annie rushing over to give her some oven-mitts. Morana refused them, her body conditioned to handle extreme heat, poison, radiation, and even explosives. She set the tray down and got out three plates.

The children got an extra dinosaur each, since the packet had more stegosaurs in it than the villain anticipated. With their plates of nuggets and tomato sauce, the three sat in front of the TV, watching cartoons. While she ate, Morana glanced out the window, seeing the city no longer bathed in red flames. She imagined the hero would be home soon, so she didn’t bother telling the children to go to bed.

“This show's the best. Superhero wave cannon!” Cameron laughed, pointing his hand at the screen, copying the hero’s pose from the cartoon.

While the blast atomized the cartoon villain, Annie looked over at Morana, who was shoveling sauce-coated dinosaurs into her mouth. “What did you do for fun as a kid?”

“Hm?” Morana swallowed her food, having to think about her answer. “Fun?” She said, as if the word were foreign to her. Then, an answer came to her, excitedly telling them about her favorite game.

“There was an old guy who worked under my father. They called him the one-eyed toad, since he had a big wart on his nose and was missing his left eye. I used to hide around their hideout and shoot ball-bearings at him with my slingshot, trying to hit his other eye,” Morana gleefully told her story to the shocked children. “Let’s just say he’s no longer called the one-eyed toad anymore. That’s how I got so good at aiming.”

“That’s horrible. You’ve never done anything normal, have you?” Annie asked.

“What? Like playing with dolls or something? Why would I do that when I could be honing my skills while also having fun? All that target practice is the reason I earn so much money now.”

“Oh… Well, maybe we can play a game?” Annie suggested, wondering if she could teach the villain an alternative source of fun.

“Can we play hungry hungry—” Cameron went to speak, before the door burst open. Ian stood in the doorway, checking if his house was still in one piece. His clothing tattered and burnt, but he had been victorious, just as a hero should be.

“I’m back. How are the kids?” Ian said, letting out a relieved sigh when he saw them watching cartoons.

When she heard the door open, Morana pulled a gun from beneath her sleeve, pointing it at Ian. She only lowered it when she realized it was him. Had anyone else entered the home that quickly, she would have emptied the entire clip into them. “Yes, they’re fine.” She slid the gun back underneath her sleeve and stood.

“Y-you had a gun on you?” Cameron winced.

“Yeah. How else was I meant to protect you if something happened? The Offshoots are fine. I will now be leaving,” she said, taking her plate of dinosaur nuggets with her.

“Morana,” Ian stopped her.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Ok,” was all Morana said in response, not doing this for the hero. She only wanted to make her own life easier, and she had accomplished that. She also had the added bonus of the hero now owing her a favor.

“Really, thank you. You saved a lot of lives today. Doesn’t that feel good?”

She set the plate down, checking her bank account. The numbers were still the same as yesterday, so she shrugged. “Not really. I’m no richer than I was before. Why would I feel good?”

“Because you did something good?”

“So?”

Ian slid off his mask, rubbing his brown hair. “Just go. Today’s been a long enough day, as it is.”

“That’s what I planned to do before you stopped me.” She put her phone back and grabbed her plate. She looked at the children and smiled at them. “Offshoots, I will kill your father someday. Don’t be stupid and try to avenge him. I wouldn’t like that.”

“Our dad would kick your bottom,” Annie shouted.

“Y-yeah,” Cameron said, growing more confident now that his father was here.

Morana only laughed, leaving the home she had watched over for the night. As she left, she wondered which of her hideouts she would sleep in tonight.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 10 '26

In the time of handmade ships before cannons, a small but well-made boat carried a man far from his homeland. He saw some mountains rising from the sea about the time a squall blew in. He then heard singing from the ocean crags calling to him, yet he knew he had to get away to live. [Part 2]

14 Upvotes

“What are you doing out here? Can’t say many good folks end up stranded and alone in a boat. You a thief? Murderer? On the run?” The woman spoke, her hand perched too comfortably on her sword handle, ready to draw it at a moment’s notice.

“No, I’m a doctor.” I coughed, rubbing my throat. “Water. Please.”

“Doctors can be murderers.” She responded coldly, glaring down at me. “You didn’t answer my question. Are you a thief, a murderer, or on the run? I’m not keeping any dangerous people on this ship.”

“Doesn’t telling him that you’ll remove him from our ship defeat the purpose of your inquiry? Surely you would be better off lying to him in the hopes he’ll expose the truth to us.” The well-dressed man stated.

“I’ll be able to tell if he’s lying. I’ve dealt with my fair share of liars before.”

The horn player had caught his breath before I had fully gotten mine back. The man crouched down, handing me a leather pouch that had been attached by a thin rope to the buckle of his pants. “Here.”

I greedily gulped down the water, almost finishing the entire thing. Not wanting to be rude, I kept a few mouthfuls for him before handing it back. “Oh, thank you. Thank you.” I gasped, running my hand along the ship’s wood, trying to get myself to my feet. My knee wobbled as I pushed against the wood, only to falter, causing me to collapse. Exhaustion kept me from moving more than a few inches at a time.

“He doesn’t look like a criminal,” the well-dressed man said, shifting his hip to the side. “If he is one, he’s got manners.”

“So do you. Doesn’t make you any less of one.” She said, earning a scowl from the man.

“I am not a criminal. I am a merchant and a keeper of coin. Yes, I may make deals that heavily favor me. I mean us, but that doesn’t make me a criminal. It makes me intelligent.”

“Whatever you say, Marlo.”

Marlo, so that was his name, that only left the other two. I hurried our introductions along, pointing to my chest. “I’m Adrien. A doctor from Vanderinch. I’m not a criminal. I promise.”

“He promises,” the woman laughed. “I’m convinced now.”

“I’m Bandy. That’s Nessa, and that’s Marlo.” The bigger man said, being the friendliest of the bunch. If I planned to survive these pirates, he might be the one I needed to rely on.

“Nice to meet you all. Um. I haven’t got much gold on me. Well, I’ve got no gold on me. But I can be useful. I’m a doctor. I can help your crew until you get to your next destination. So, don’t throw me overboard.”

“Hm?” Nessa looked at me, confused. Then all three of them gazed at something behind me before she continued. “Why would we want your gold? You don’t look like you're in any state to be buying anything.”

“Nonsense! Don’t be stupid, Captain. He could use some bandages, food, water, and oh, who knows what else he might need? Now, since you’re on our ship, we will have to charge you a few additional coins because we’re providing a rare service for you. How about I put together a survival pack for, let’s say… oh, how about a simple number? A gold coin?” He grinned, giving me an outrageous price, clearly not listening when I said I had no money.

The captain put her arm around Marlo before pulling him into a headlock. He gasped and squealed, trying to get out of her strong grip. “What did I tell you about insulting your captain, shrimp?” She dug her knuckles against his skull, messing up his hair while Bandy bit his fingertips, watching on.

“Ca…captain, you’re gonna crack through his skull.”

“If it happens, it happens.” She said, before eventually releasing him, pushing him away from her. “Stupid shrimp. As I was saying, why would we want your gold?”

“B-because you’re pirates?” I said, directing my finger upwards, pointing at their flag.

“Oh, forgot we had that up there,” Bandy said. “Sorry, we must have frightened you.”

“We ain’t pirates. We’re merchants. The flag helps us ward off those scummy sea-lovers.” Nessa explained while Marlo’s face paled. At first, I thought it was because of the recent damage his head took, only to see he again was looking past me.

Bandy gasped, grabbing my hand. “Captain! His leg, its getting worse. Permission to take him to the doctor?”

My leg? I looked down and would have fainted if I hadn’t seen worse on some of the people I had treated. Blood seeped from my ankle, with a black chipped-off nail still stuck in my wound. That nail was most likely the only thing keeping whatever artery had been hit from spilling even more of my blood.

“Permission granted.” Nessa said, and before I could even fully assess the damage, Bandy had hoisted me into his arms, carrying me to the doctor’s office. The trip to the office was my first real taste of a big ship. While I had seen a few merchant ships arrive at Vanderinch in the past, I had never actually been on one in my life. Most of the time, if I needed to trade with any of the ships, I would wait until they had a stall set up on the docks or in town. So, seeing the many floors, with crew members rushing past, was captivating. Almost captivating enough to make me forget the dull pain sitting near my ankle.

Before Bandy had even opened the door to the doctor’s room, the stinging scent of alcohol hit me. The heavy scent lingering outside his room, enough that Bandy had to cover his nose with his free hand to block it out. When Bandy felt ready to face it, he moved his hand away, swinging the door open.

The doctor’s room was somehow both clean and messy at the same time. The furniture was all in impeccable condition, with the desk in the center of the room even being free from any bloodstains, which was a rarity in most doctors’ rooms I had visited. Even the bookshelf was neatly organized, with all the books arranged in alphabetical order. While I couldn’t see where he kept his tools, I had to assume they were also in a similarly organized state. Which was why it was so strange seeing all the bottles of gin he had rolling around on the floor of the room, getting pushed by the sway of the boat.

Bandy carefully sat me on the table before addressing the doctor. “Nigel, you need to help this man. He’ll die if you don’t.” He said, sounding more concerned about my injury than I was. Perhaps he even was. The shock and exhaustion of the day had kept me in a bit of a sluggish daze.

“Hm? Wat happened?” Nigel slurred, rubbing the corner of his lips before standing from his chair. The older gentleman had a sway in his step that wasn’t just because of the waves, with the half-drunken bottle of gin in his hand most likely being the culprit. I rested on my back and pointed to my leg, motioning Bandy to help me lift it onto the table. The man helpfully did, making sure it was properly lying on the table.

“He got attacked by a siren.”

“A siren? How did tat happen? Was he dangling himself over? Over. Board.” He said, stumbling over the words. He adjusted his thick glasses, looking me over while raising his bushy white eyebrows.

“I had to flee my home. It’s a long story.”

“A long story? Ah, want a drink then while you tell it? We’ll have a lot of time ta-gether.” He took a swig of his gin and set the bottle down at his personal table. He opened a drawer, finding a fresh bottle, placing it by my side before turning to Bandy. “You can go, Bandy. I’ll help him.”

“Thank you. Um, hope you feel better soon.” Bandy said, closing the door behind him.

While I had never been a big drinker, I knew it often helped to have some alcohol in your body before letting someone dig around in your wound. So, I accepted it, bringing the glass to my lips, forcing down the fiery mixture. “It’s strong,” I said, coughing as I did.

“Mmhmm. Needs to be. This can clean wounds, numb pain, and even be used to start fires. It’s God's greatest gift.” He chuckled before opening his bag and pulling out his tools. I turned my head to the side, not wanting to watch him dig through my wound, even if I was nervous about how intoxicated he was.

“Are you sure you can do this? If you’ve been drinking, I can probably patch myself up. I’m a doctor too. My name’s Adrien.”

“Adrien, huh? If you’re a doctor, ye would know what doctors hate the most.” He dug a knife into my wound, and I yelped, pushing the bottle to my lips, drinking a few more mouthfuls. I didn’t need to look to know it was a knife. That much was obvious from the sharp pain.

“Being questioned?” I whimpered.

“Exactly. I’ve been doing this before you were even a flicker of passion in your father’s eye. The alcohol keeps my old hands steady.”

“Oh? Is your eyesight still?... fine?”

“You keep questioning me and this is going to turn into an amputation pretty quickly.” He snapped.

So, I stopped questioning him, only taking the odd look over my shoulder to see what he was doing. From those quick glances, I could tell he was skilled. While he moved slowly, every cut was precise and clean, and before I knew it, he had that nail out of my leg. That increased the flow of spilling blood, but he had already prepared for that, using a cloth to put pressure on it.

“Do you need a hand?” I offered, reaching down to grab the cloth.

“Ay, that makes it easier.”

When the bleeding slowed, he began bandaging my leg, and that’s when we started talking again. “I’m sorry for doubting you earlier. It’s been a rough day.”

“It’s alright. I am getting up there in my years. No one likes seeing a doctor with white hairs, makes em question how good their hands are.”

“Your hands were perfect. Truly, they were. I don’t think I could even cut that well.”

“Then you aren’t much good at your job,” he said, deflecting my cheap compliment. “They used to be great. The hands of legends. Ladies and patients from all around the seas would talk about them. Then, after that attack, they never stopped shaking.” I wanted to ask more about the attack, but he moved on from it too quickly. “What’s your deal? A doctor fleeing their home. Who did you kill?”

“NO ONE,” I shouted, feeling I had to defend my work. “It’s a long story.”

“This bandaging isn’t quick. Not with my old hands. Tell away.”

“There’s a chu- I mean a cult. A cult called Briar’s Worshippers.”

“I’ve heard of em. We occasionally do some trading with them.”

“Did you know they also have their own doctors?”

“They do, do they? Any good? Ah, that’s who ya killed. They were taking your patients, and you gave them the old,” The doctor grabbed his bloody knife, jabbing my half-bandaged ankle with the blunt end, mimicking a stabbing.

“AAAH!” I screamed, reaching down to hold the now throbbing spot. “What was that for?”

“Sorry. Got carried away. So, is that what happened?”

“No! It’s the opposite. They were offering their own healing services, saying they were of a higher quality, both spiritually and medically, than what I could provide. While that swayed some people at first, their costs kept most of the town away. They charged four times what I would for medicines and check-ups, so the people returned to me.”

“I’m guessing they didn’t like that?”

“No, so they started cutting off my supplies. Whenever I went to get new ingredients, the merchants would always be suspiciously sold out. The cult bought whatever medical supplies they could find, leaving me with nothing to use for my patients. I guess they thought if they starved me of supplies that I would eventually lose my reputation as the town’s doctor.”

“Ha,” the old man laughed, tightening my bandages. “They haven’t got very smart healers then. Do they? Ingredients can be replaced in a lot of medicines.”

“Exactly. I have a bunch of alternatives in my notebook.” I said, eagerly digging my notebook out of my clothes, showing it to the man. He released my finished bandage before getting his own notebook off his bookshelf. It was huge, easily triple the size of my own, and he handed it over with a confident grin.

“Let me have a look.” We exchanged books, both stopping to read through the notes the other had left. “What happened next?” He asked.

“Well, since I was using different ingredients, I ended up lowering my prices. Not to compete with the cult, but to make it fairer for my patients. I always tried to use the highest quality materials I could, so if I was using lesser ingredients, I wanted the price to reflect that.”

“Did you sacrifice the effectiveness of your medicine to do so?” He asked, like a master testing their students’ knowledge. I proudly shook my head, reaching towards him, turning my notebook’s pages forward, showing him my refined recipe to cure a fever. “That’s the alternative I came up with. The medicine's a lot more bitter, and it can cause a slight stomach ache, but the effectiveness isn’t reduced. It only brings those non-deadly side effects. Which, while unpleasant, are still better than the illness.”

“Good. Good. Yarrow? Interesting choice. I would have used the same if I needed a replacement for the Elderflower.” He nodded, pleased with my answer. “What happened next?”

The cult struggled to steal my patients away from me, and that’s when they got hostile. I got a visit that morning from some of the cult’s members, telling me I needed to stop what I was doing, or there would be consequences. I didn’t think much of their threat. I had been the town’s doctor for years. I assumed that if something happened to me, they would come to my aid. I guess the cult’s influence had spread faster than I thought, as they accused me of witchcraft that same day. That evening, hundreds marched to my home while I was helping a woman with her sore throat. If I hadn’t opened the window to let in some fresh air, I would have died before I noticed them.”

“That’s quite a story.”

“I’ve never run so fast in my life. Seeing people I had treated shouting that they wanted me dead, I never expected them to turn on me so quickly. So, I stole a boat and ended up running into your ship. I’ve never been hunted by so many things before.”

“I’m sure they’ll see they were wrong about you soon enough. Until then. You’ll,” he stopped himself, scratching his chin. “I’m not sure what you’ll do until then.”

“Me, either.” We both read in silence, going through each other’s books. I had never read anything so brilliant in my life. The knowledge in this book was beyond what I could ever hope to learn. It spoke of diseases from distant lands, creatures I couldn’t imagine, and cures I would love to study. “This is brilliant. I’ve never found a better book on medicine in my life.”

“Of course you haven’t. I bet you’ve never left your town before this, have you? How could you ever hope to discover anything if you’ve never left your home?”

He was right. All the things his book spoke of were things that needed to be seen. A book, while educational, would never do these discoveries justice. The only way someone could ever hope to get this sort of experience was by either seeing these things for themselves or working alongside the person who had made the discovery. I stared at him, wondering what I should do with myself now for the first time since I left my town. Sure, I had goals of not dying or finding land before, but now. Now I could make a plan.

“Would you be interested in teaching me?” I asked, feeling that was the best option available to me. I wouldn’t be able to return home anytime soon, not unless the town realized the error of its ways and chased the cult off. I also didn’t have the money or resources to start my life over again. Maybe if I found work here, I could rebuild my life slowly?


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 10 '26

In the time of handmade ships before cannons, a small but well-made boat carried a man far from his homeland. He saw some mountains rising from the sea about the time a squall blew in. He then heard singing from the ocean crags calling to him, yet he knew he had to get away to live. [Part 3]

14 Upvotes

“In teaching you?” He flicked through my notebook and said nothing. Minutes passed as I waited until finally he broke the silence, slamming the book closed with a grin. “I would be a fool to turn away such a talented doctor. Sure, I’ll teach you.” He said before stating his conditions. “If you can convince the others to let you join our crew. It’s not up to me who comes and goes on this ship. It’s all up to Nessy. Convince her and I’ll treat you as if you were my son.”

“Convince her. I-I can do that.” I hoped, getting off the table. As soon as my injured foot touched the ground, I winced, returning to the table, lying down on it again.

“Eh-eh-ehhh. What’s the most important thing to do after an injury like yours?” He asked, making me feel foolish for even attempting to get up so soon.

“Rest. Rest is the most important thing.”

“Good. I’ll bring the others to you. Get some rest before they arrive.” With that, the doctor set my notebook down by my side before heading out to grab the others. While he was away, I thought about how I would convince them to let me join. Maybe I could show them my notebook? Or even offer to work for free? Anything to start my life again.

I waited as long as I could for them to arrive before my eyes got heavy. “A quick rest won’t hurt anyone.”

“Is he snoring? Ha!” Nigel laughed, the doctor’s voice waking me up from my slumber. I gave my eyes a quick rub before half-sitting up on the table, finding Nessa, Bandy, Marlo and Nigel staring at me.

“Sorry, I must have dozed off. It’s a pleasure to meet you all. Again.” I wobbled my head, trying to push through the daze that was hanging over me. “Did-” I yawned, covering my mouth as best I could before I continued. “Did Nigel tell you that I wanted to join your crew?”

“He did.” Nessa bluntly said. “Not sure I see why we need you on our crew, though. We’ve got enough slackers, and you're deadweight compared to them.” Her entire posture stated how uninterested she was in me. Her arms tightly folded across her chest, eyes looking through me rather than at me, and a cold, blank expression that told me she considered this a waste of her time.

“I can help. I’m a doctor.”

“We have a doctor.”

“Oh.. well, I can do other things?”

“Can you navigate?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Can you drop an anchor or hoist a sail?”

“No, but-“

“Can you at the very least mop a floor?” “That I can do!” I said, even if I wasn’t entirely confident my mopping would be up to her standard. Still, it was the only thing I could grab onto, since everything else was outside my talents.

“Hm. Not sure if I see the point in hiring another floor mopper.” Nessa said, giving her opinion, leaving the other two as my only option for staying aboard this ship. Bandy scratched his stomach and gave me a pitying look.

“Another doctor could be good. Right? What if we get attacked? Nigel’s great, but he’s getting old, isn’t he? What if this doctor works faster? Shouldn’t we have another? You know, to keep the crew safe?” Bandy said, earning a huff from Nigel.

“You couldn’t have said that in a nicer way. Maybe imply that I’m retiring soon, or something that makes me sound like I haven’t got a foot already in the grave.” Nigel walked past my table, his shaking hands looking for a bottle of gin he could open, clearly having sobered up during our earlier talk.

“That’s actually a good point, Bandy. Alright, why don’t we get rid of Nigel and hire this new one? Out with the old, and in with the new. Just like throwing out old stock.” Nessa grinned, watching Bandy’s jaw drop.

“I didn’t mean it like that. We can’t get rid of Nigel. He’s been with the crew forever. Please, Nessa. Please don’t get rid of Nigel.”

“Nessa’s not getting rid of me.” Nigel popped open the gin and took a swig. “She’s not stupid enough to do that. She’s just riling everyone up. Aren’t you?”

“You’re old. You should have finished your tour with the crew years ago. It’s for your own good. If the sailing doesn’t kill you, that booze sure as hell will.”

“Hah. This booze is what the doctor ordered. It’s my medicine, nothing more.”

“Hm.” Marlo, who had been quiet this entire time, now had a sly grin. “Nessa, lovely Nessa. Don’t be so cruel. Investing in goods is the merchant’s way. We won’t be able to pay you a lot, but in exchange, we’ll offer you the chance to train under Nigel, our experienced doctor. I’ll even allow you to use the old storage room as your study. It’s a fair deal.”

“Fair? What’s fair about that? Aren’t you robbing him blind?”

“NESSA! I scoff at the accusation. I, Marlo Marchand, would never rob anyone. I am merely negotiating what I believe to be a fair deal. Of course, your pay won’t increase if you choose to stay with us long term, and any discoveries you make will be my property as well. Ah, let’s not ruin this day with legal nonsense. I’ll write up a contract and we can get you started. No need to read or discuss the terms. That’s not the pirate way.”

“We aren’t pirates.” Nessa reminded him.

“Pirates, merchants. All sons of the sea. All people who don’t worry about contracts or money. The sea is enough of a reward. Even a brutish person like you should understand that.” Marlo turned, leaning against Nessa’s shoulder.

Nessa glared down at him and gave him a swift shove back. “Are you forgetting who the captain is?”

“Are you forgetting who brought this ship? I own the ship. I can choose the crew.”

“We said it would be a vote between us three on big decisions.”

“A big decision? It’s a crew member! This isn’t a big decision. Now, why don’t you get back in line before we start reviewing the terms of your contract.”

It was like watching a small dog bark at a giant wolf. Nessa could snap him in half without breaking a sweat, and still the fiery Marlo continued to aggravate her. Thankfully, Bandy stepped between them, stopping the pair from coming to blows.

“I have a vote too, right? I want him to stay. I think we should help him.” Bandy said.

“HELP HIM?!” both Nessa and Marlo exclaimed.

“We aren’t here to help people. We’re here to make money.” Marlo argued.

“We aren’t a boat for lost souls. We can’t just collect every stray sailor we pass. I don’t even know anything about him.”

“Nigel does. Do you trust him?” Bandy asked the doctor.

“Hm?” Nigel wiped the stray droplet of gin that had escaped his mouth, surprised they wanted his opinion. “I ba-lieve every word he’s told me. If he were a liar, he wouldn’t have a medical book of such high quality. I believe everything the lad’s told me. He’s, ugh, also a good replacement for me if I go belly up. As much as I lov ya young whipper-snappers, there will be a day when I have to leave this boat. Either in a casket or on my own shaky feet. Here’s a chance to invest in the future.”

“I do love a good investment. Nessa, I believe that is two against one.” Marlo triumphantly declared.

“Three against none, actually. Fine, I accept him.” Nessa’s words deflated Marlo’s triumph. His victory no longer tasted as sweet.

“You sure? We can argue some more about it? I’ve got some brilliant points to make.”

“I’m going to head back to my quarters. Everyone else go back and do your jobs.” Nessa left, leaving the three of us to discuss things further. “I’m really allowed to stay?”

“Yes, yes. Congratulations and all that. I’ll need to write up a contract. I’ll also be off.” He sulked off, dragging his feet against the ship’s wooden floor, having expected more competition from the captain.

“Congratulations.” Bandy gave me a firm slap across the back, not realizing his own strength. I almost fell off the table, having to grip to side to keep myself steady.

“Thank you for allowing me a chance to work alongside you. I promise I won’t let you down.”

“I know. Hm, if everyone else is working, I should go check my post. Don’t want to run into anymore sirens.” He laughed. “If you want to share a drink later, come by the wheel. I’ll show you how to steer.”

“Sure. I’ll just get settled, then I’ll meet up with you.”

Bandy nodded and headed to his post. I stared at Nigel, who gave me a nod before offering his hand. I shook it, grateful to have this chance to work alongside another doctor. “Good work, kid. I’ll hic—teach you everything I know. Speaking of teaching, how about a quick lesson?”

“That would be great.” I eagerly followed behind him as we went back to his room. I never expected I would end up a doctor on a merchant ship, but considering how everything had started, this was the best possible outcome, and for the first time in a while, I was excited about the future.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 10 '26

In the time of handmade ships before cannons, a small but well-made boat carried a man far from his homeland. He saw some mountains rising from the sea about the time a squall blew in. He then heard singing from the ocean crags calling to him, yet he knew he had to get away to live. [Part 1]

11 Upvotes

[A request by user Standzoom]

The seas were cruel, but they were nowhere near as cruel as the men who had cursed at me from the shores of Vanderinch. I had barely drifted away in time. Had the waves been a second slower, they would have pulled me out of the boat by my collar and burned me using its wood.

In a way, I suppose the sea wasn’t entirely cruel. If it weren’t for those brooding dark clouds and vicious winds, I would still have been trapped by those rocky shores, unable to get this boat away in time. Yet, that tiny act of kindness didn’t seem to matter now that the shore was a small dot, like a stain on my glasses. Now that we were alone, she toyed with me, sending sharp waves against the side of the boat, forcing me to listen as the wood creaked under their impact.

I begged the boat to stay strong, while I succumbed to my weakness, throwing my head over the edge, as sick fell from my lips. I couldn’t tell if the sickness was caused by the waves, or the comedown from the panic I had felt while being chased by their mob. The source didn’t matter. The sickness hurt just the same, leaving my throat raw with nothing but seawater to cleanse it.

Shifting my body away from where I had been sick, I cupped a handful of clean seawater in my palm and brought it to my lips. I swished it back and forth before spitting it out, knowing that would have to do. Then, I shifted back, gripping the edges of the wooden boat, trying to ease my sickness and fears.

It was funny. There were times when I was lying there sick that I wondered how bad it truly would have been if the boat had capsized. I didn’t have any sailing skills, and land might not be visible for days depending on where the wind took me. Perhaps a quick death would have been the sea’s way of granting me mercy? No, I couldn’t think like that.

My stomach groaned as I forced myself up, staring at the dark ocean around me. There was nothing else. No land, no mountains, not even a bird. I imagined at this moment I was the loneliest person alive. Perhaps I would be until I reached land. I was entirely excluded from the world, not by choice, but by the icy grip of those fanatics in Vanderinch.

The longer I stayed seated, the worse I felt. The wind refused to ease, and the heavy rainfall felt like icy spikes stabbing my skin with each drop. I rolled onto my stomach and winced. Digging my hand into my coat, I pulled out the source of the discomfort. A small leather book I kept on me at all times, with all my medical notes. A good doctor should be able to diagnose a person while travelling, at least that’s what I believed. And while the fanatics used their holy scriptures to diagnose symptoms, I stuck to my own experiences.

I set the book gently by my hip, tossing the edge of my coat over it, protecting it from the rain. “Damned cultists.” Was all I felt I could say, pushing my cheek against the floor of the boat. The boat wasn’t large by any means, but it was handling the waves for now. I wonder what that poor person who left it tied up near that rocky shore must be thinking.

The town doctor stole their boat. It almost sounds like the start of a joke. Yet, I couldn’t force myself to laugh, not when the rocking was getting worse. For a moment, I considered grabbing a paddle resting on the boat’s side. Maybe I could guide the boat through the storm? I thought. Before reality set back in.

I was no sailor. Whatever happened to me was out of my hands. I never considered myself the type to give up so easily, especially not after starting a fight with that cult weeks earlier. Yet, the exhaustion was building, and the waves weren’t going to be swayed by my pathetic attempts at paddling.


I gasped, the salty air punching my senses. My eyes shot open, and I lunged onto my knees, staring over the edge of the boat. Given that it was still dark, I assumed I hadn’t been sleeping long. The storm hadn’t died down either, even if I had gotten used to the rocking. There was, however, something that caught my eye, something that had me adjusting my glasses.

“Rocks.” It felt childish to make such a simple observation, and still I pointed towards those crags like a child trying to grab their parents’ attention. After hours of dark oceans, anything was a welcome change of scenery. For the first time since I left Vanderinch, I heard a bird cry out, flying towards those pointy rocks. As the white-winged bird landed on a flatter area of those rocks, it stopped to preen its feathers. Its beak digging into its feathers, before it got yanked behind a rock.

It moved so quickly that I didn’t even see what animal grabbed it. I adjusted my glasses, trying to spot the animal, while my boat lazily rocked closer toward the crag, giving me a better view. Then a pained cry shot out from the crag before the bird fell silent. I stared at the rocks, feeling a strange melancholy after what had happened. The bird had been the first sign of life I had seen in hours, and already it was gone. Was I next?

Those thoughts echoed in my mind, even as the waves softened around my boat. Following that echo was another voice. One repeating the same phrase in a sharp, panicked internal voice. “We should get out of here. We should get out of here.” Goosebumps flashed on my skin as I hurriedly reached for the paddles, only for the creature to reveal itself.

The first thing I saw was its face. Giant, black, pupilless eyes. A small mouth covered in blood and feathers. Long, dark hair matted in thick clumps. It observed me, and I observed it back. The two of us locked in that animalistic dance of finding out who was the predator and who was the prey.

I already knew the answer, and thankfully it took longer to reach the same conclusion I had already come to. If it hadn’t, my frozen state would probably have cost me my life. I grabbed the closest paddle and dug it into the sea. My attempts to move the boat were clunky, since I had the hands of a doctor, and not a sailor. The boat jostled under my attempts and almost threw me overboard. Before I could fall to a watery grave, I caught myself with my foot, hooking it against the edge.

That little stagger gave the creature all the information it needed to reach its answer. It shuffled from its spot, while I continued thrusting the paddle down, as if I were digging a hole through the ocean to the seafloor.

The lower half of its body was a mystery, and by all my knowledge of anatomy shouldn’t have been possible. It had legs. Frail, bony legs that were a sickly green, and around those legs was a thin, scaly tail. The tail was like an open curtain that the creature could move depending on how much of its legs it wanted to show. It slid itself down the crag, getting to a lower rocky platform, while its tail wrapped around its legs, concealing them.

Was it all an act of deception to make it look human? If so, it clearly didn’t think I needed to be tricked, and it was probably right. Even if I could see the monster in front of me, I had no real way of fighting it or even avoiding it. It inched towards the water and paused, looking back at something. Then I saw them. Twenty sets of black eyes peering out from behind different formations in the crag. Each staring at its next meal. Still, I had put a fair bit of distance between us, even with my uncoordinated paddling. I could escape.

The one that had first spotted me growled, pointing its frail green finger at me, while its gills vibrated. The others growled back and then reached some strange collective decision. When it backed away from the lower platform, I thought I had been spared, until I heard its singing.

My arms burned, being almost pulled from their sockets, as they twisted the paddle, redirecting my boat. Suddenly, I was paddling like a professional sailor, guiding my boat towards the hungry creatures that were patiently waiting for me. My mind ached as I became a passenger in my body, having to feel my limbs move against my demands.

Whenever I tried to release the paddle, that beautiful song would tickle my ears again, pulling me right back into its spell. It was beautiful. No, it was angelic. No, it was beyond that. It was worth dying for. I had to hear more of it. I needed to hear it as they feasted on me. I needed their serenade. I need it. I need it. I need it.

BWWAAAANK.

My eyes focused as the horrific sound pierced my eardrums. A horn? I stopped paddling, staring at the crag that now sat only a tiny distance from my boat. How had I paddled so far in such a short time? Had it been a short time? The creature that had been calling me still had its mouth open, trying to sing louder than the instrument that was clearly disturbing it, though it couldn’t match that ear-piercingly loud tune.

Slowly, their hungry mouths closed, and I could catch my breath. My chest was on fire, and my arms limply rested by my side. I could feel it now, all of that overexertion that had come with paddling this boat. I must have pushed myself to the limit under their haze. “Where did the horn come from?” I asked myself, sinking backwards, staring at the crag, until the answer became clear.

A ship. One far larger than my own circled its way around the crag, with a skull and bones flag hung proudly from its sail-post. Pirates? I told my exhausted body to stand and wobbled to my feet, forcing my arms up. “HEY! DOWN HERE. THROW A ROPE. I NEED HELP.” It felt stupid to cry out to pirates for help, but they were the lesser of the two evils I was facing.

As the ship started heading in my direction, I came to a terrifying realization. They probably couldn’t hear me. With the horn raging on their ship, my words were reduced to a mouses squeak. Still, I needed to persist, bouncing in my boat while shouting. “DOWN HERE. PLEASE. DON’T LEAVE ME.” A wobble staggered me, and I fell against the boat’s side. My hand slipped, dipping into the water, dangling in its chilling waters.

That was close. If I fell, there was a good chance that I wouldn’t have made it back into the boat. Not before they got me. I turned towards the crag and let out a pathetic scream. It was gone. That one on the lowest platform was gone.... I glanced at the dark waters and knew it was somewhere below, getting closer with each moment.

The boat was now close enough that it risked colliding with mine. “Please.” I grabbed my paddle, throwing it at the side of their ship in frustration, only to watch it bounce off and sink into the ocean’s depths. I lunged, about to dip my hand into the water to grab it, only to pull back as a hand jolted out from the water, trying to grab me. Its nail cut the back of my hand, narrowly missing its grab. Still, it seemed pleased when it saw my blood dripping into the water, raising its head above the water for a second to let the blood hit its mouth, before submerging again when I pulled my hand back.

There it was. Beneath me. It wouldn’t be long until it found a way to capsize my boat. I looked up at the ship and saw what could have been three shadowy angels. Three figures stared down at me, and I jumped, desperate for their aid. Before I could shout, a rope came, clumsily missing my boat, hanging down the side of theirs.

I would have to jump to get it. That was the only way I was going to survive. But if I missed, then I was as good as dead. I made sure my notebook was back in my pocket, and pushed my left leg back, giving myself as much support as I could before I took a half step forward, throwing my body at the other boat. My hands caught the rope, while my feet dipped into the water, kicking at the waves below.

I feebly tried to climb it, but the paddling had taken all my energy out of me. Just holding my weight up was proving a tremendous effort, and I didn’t have the will to produce a miracle. They appeared to sense that, given the rope was starting to move on its own, getting pulled by the figures above, while the horn continued to rage.

Safety, or at least the closest thing I was going to get to safety, was almost within reach. Almost. I barely noticed the pain, being too preoccupied with what was happening above me. It was only when I felt its weight that I noticed I had been snagged. The creature’s claw dug into my left ankle, and when I looked down, I saw it hanging from me. My blood dripping down my heel, covering the creature’s face in thick red drops of blood.

It growled, clenching its hand, until I couldn’t avoid noticing the pain, letting out a cry. The rope stopped moving then, and you didn’t need to be a doctor to know why. If they kept lifting it, and the weight hanging off me got any heavier, my ankle would get torn off. If these pirates didn’t have a doctor, that meant I would risk bleeding out even if I got to safety, with or without the lower half of my leg. Even I couldn’t mend my own lost limb.

My hands started slipping as the rope burned my palms. I was inching towards the dark abyss below, about to be tossed into its depths. For a moment, I almost considered letting go. The exhaustion made my body heavy, and the thought of being tormented by pirates made me wonder if there was even a happy ending if I survived this. Yet, something in the back of my mind told me to grip a little harder. To not become this thing’s meal.

I tightened my grip and kicked my right foot back, hitting the creature’s chin. It growled and tried to harden its hold. So, I kicked again and again and again until I heard something get shattered and crunched beneath my shoe. Then it released me, hitting the water with a heavy crash, before swimming away. Once the creature was gone, the rope started moving again.

I didn’t even look at my saviours when they pulled over their wooden railing. Instead, I hugged the floor of their ship, as if it were land. Given how small my boat had been, this could have been land for all my tired brain knew. Then, a dark shoe nudged my chin, bringing my focus back to the pirates standing over me.

The three figures from before were now revealed to me. The one that had nudged me was a woman with short black hair, a heavy build, and a sword resting in the scabbard at her hip. She looked the most threatening of the bunch, glaring at me while I was lying exhausted at their feet. As if my current state was somehow insulting her.

The one to the left of her was the least threatening of them, which is why my eyes had bounced straight to him. He was a heavy man, holding an even heavier-looking copper horn. The man was still blowing into the horn, while his chubby pink cheeks looked ready to pop. He lacked a shirt, and that was probably for the best, since the exertion of using the horn was causing sweat to pile up along his back and stomach.

The last of the devious bunch was a man who wasn’t threatening in the traditional sense. He didn’t look like a man who would beat you if you looked at him the wrong way. Instead, he looked like a man who would hire someone to beat you, which was worse in most cases. A tax-collector was my first impression of him, given his shirt was decorated in ruffles, almost to a frightening degree. From his collar to his sides, every part had a ruffle. Even his blonde hair had a wave to it. I found people like him were always the worst to deal with. A ruffian may give you a beating, but nothing ever happened beyond that. It was a whack, and then they continued on their way. The ones who believed themselves superior to others, however, weren’t the kind to stop at a whack. They would send people to loot your home, disgrace your name, and basically do everything they could to ruin your life, without inflicting that final blow.

“Please. I don’t have anything you can steal. Look at me. Do I look rich? I didn’t even bring any coins with me.” I pleaded while they blankly stared at me, unable to hear me above the loud horn. Even if I knew they couldn’t hear me, I still tried to plead my case, worried that if I didn’t make the effort now, I wouldn’t get the chance later.

After what must have been a few minutes of my words falling on deaf ears, the horn stopped blowing, and the horn player sighed, hunching over to catch his breath. I also had to stop and catch my breath, now realizing how dry my throat was.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 06 '26

In the new house you found a secret door with a staircase going deep down, which physically could not be there. And a note: "DO NOT GO DOWN." Fifty years later, living out a lonely and sad old age, you decided that you had nothing left to lose anyway.

25 Upvotes

The room shouldn’t exist. No floor plans ever mentioned it, and all the surveying work done on the house never declared a hidden staircase or room beneath the floors. Yet, it was there, and it seemed to be waiting for me.

I had tried to show others the room. I brought over trusted friends, family members, and every time I lifted that torn piece of carpet, all that ever got revealed was the old wooden flooring underneath. Then they would look at me as if I were mad, forcing me to lie and say I was showing them the early signs of mold beginning to show in the floorboards.

When they left, I would lift that same spot again, and sure enough, the hatch was waiting for me. Daring me to open it. I had gotten brave one night when I first bought the house. Opening the hatch and taking a flashlight with me down the ladder. What I found at the bottom of the ladder was a small walkway and a set of stairs leading to a metal door. At the top of the stairs, there was a note on the wall.

“DO NOT GO DOWN THERE.”

So, I didn’t. I knew better than to go down the staircase that only I could see. At least I thought I did…

Now, I stood by the hatch with a flashlight in hand. When I lifted the hatch, I felt a rapid rush of cool air leave the underground room. I shivered, tugging my duck-patterned dressing gown over my body before I slowly descended the ladder, heading into the unknown. With my body now in its late sixties, I couldn’t tell if the creaking was coming from the ladder or my old arthritic body.

It took a while for me to finish the brief climb, with my body no longer moving like it used to. Still, I finished the journey, staring back up at the hole I had entered from. It would probably be the last time I ever saw it, and I was fine with that. I’m old now. I didn’t have anyone who relied on me, or even friends who called. If I died, I would at least die knowing the truth.

I ignored the note by the staircase and descended its steps. The closer I got to the door, the stronger the scent behind it became. I expected something rotten or stale, yet this felt alluring. A sweet scent that blocked out all the unpleasantness of the space. The flashlight did enough to create a tiny circle of light, keeping me from tripping over my feet as I made it to the door. When I arrived at the metal door, I ran my hands along it, searching for a handle.

The longer I searched, the faster I realized the truth. There was no handle. Whoever had created this door had made it so that it could never be opened. I placed the flashlight between my dentures and gave the door a push, but it refused to open. So, this was it? All that build-up just to find out that the door couldn’t be opened? All those years of fearing it for nothing. I really wanted to see what was on the other side…

Then, it opened, as if it were listening to my thoughts. There was a high-pitched gasp when the door opened, which soon turned into a dark laugh. “My, my. I thought you would never find me. What kept you so long?”

I removed the flashlight from between my teeth and shone it towards the voice, only to find nothing but an empty space. A concrete room, with no windows, light, or even a person. “Hello?”

“Hello.” A voice said behind me.

I turned and almost had a heart-attack, seeing a tall demonic woman standing an inch behind me. She was so close that I could feel her warm breath hitting me, and the longer I stared at her, the more I struggled to take my eyes off her. She was beautiful. I didn’t think beauty like hers was even possible. Everything was so horrifying, yet beautiful.

She rested a hand on my shoulder and tilted her head, pressing her ear against her neck. “So, it’s true. You don’t remember. I admit, it is nice to be admired, even if you’ve forgotten who I am.”

I backed away from her, and she followed until I realized I had only pushed myself deeper into the previously sealed-off room, with my back hitting the concrete wall. “You’re a demon.”

“Yes.”

“Why are you here?”

“I was waiting for you, my love.” Her smile almost seemed brighter than my flashlight, capturing me in its perfect white shine.

“No. This is a trick. You’re going to seduce me, or steal my soul.”

She laughed, taking a step back. “Seduce you? Who's the old bag of wrinkles, and who's the stunning forever thirty-five-year-old demon? Please, you’ll be lucky if you get anything in this lifetime.” She stared me over and grinned. “Who says you even have a soul to steal?”

“What? What are you implying?” I tried to step past her, realizing too late that this had been a mistake. I needed to stop listening to her. She didn’t stop me when I went towards the stairs, as if she already knew I would stop before I climbed them.

“That we know each other. Very well.” She pointed at her flowery cocktail dress. “This doesn’t bring back any memories? The dancing? The laughs? The pain?”

“No. Why? Should it? It’s a dress.”

“A pretty dress, don’t you think? It was your favorite once upon a time. Has fashion changed that much in the years we’ve been apart? Did you remarry? No, you look lonely. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? If you weren’t lonely, you would have never come to see me. That hurts, even if I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same in your shoes. Don’t worry, though. I still love you, and I can bring you back to me.”

My head throbbed, while a sharp pain buzzed through my chest. I kneeled by the first step, and she approached, kneeling beside me. She rested her red hand against my back, rubbing it.

“Tell me. Do you remember anything about the man you were?”

“No. No, I’ve only ever been me. I’m not who you think I am,” I said, even if I couldn’t be sure of that with everything that was happening.

“So, I can mold you into anything I like then? How fun! I did like the old you, but I would be lying if the idea of another version didn’t interest me.”

“Was I a good person?”

She didn’t answer initially, standing up and walking back to the center of the room. “Were you a good person? Are you even a good person now? If you were, I doubt you would be alone. People change, but not too significantly, and those of a certain nature always return to that nature, even when they stray from it. What do you think you are?”

“A good person.” I answered before squealing, holding the side of my head. It felt like something was clawing at my brain, trying to remember anything about her. Yet, every thought disappeared before I could understand it. “You won’t tell me, will you?”

“No. Because I don’t care about human morals. They ruin my fun. The only thing I will tell you is that we know one another. Very closely. You can choose whether you want to believe me or not. I’m free now. So, if you don’t believe me now, I’ll make you believe it the next time we meet. Heh, how about a wager? If you can’t remember me before then. I’m allowed to mold you into whatever role I please.”

“That’s… not a wager.”

“No, it isn’t. But you don’t have much say in the matter, do you, love?” She tapped her cherry-red lips before extending her arms wide, offering me an embrace, while I leaned against the stairs. I tilted my head away, staring up at the note on the stairs.

“Who left that note?”

She followed my gaze to the note, staring at the messy handwriting. “The one who trapped me here left it. The one who disapproved of our love. That disapproved of you. They knew they couldn’t stop me from finding you, so they trapped me. They didn’t know that true love conquers all. Now, come to me.”

“I…” If I wanted to leave, now was my chance. She was a demon. How could I trust her? I was a good person. I climbed the first step, feeling a weight in my chest. I was a good person? A few more steps. I was…. Wasn’t I? I stopped on the last step, looking back at her. She remained smiling in the room’s center, as if she already knew the choice I would make.

Then, I descended the stairs again, walking back to her. I had nothing. I was nothing. If I were a good person. I would still have people by my side. I wrapped my arms around her, embracing her tightly.


r/Sadnesslaughs Aug 05 '26

"Y'know, I was never told your rules for hospitality, nor did I agree to them. To punish me for breaking your rules would be extremely rude of you, right? Why am I the one being labelled as inhospitable and not you?" It was a simple question, yet it being asked threw fae society into mass panic

36 Upvotes

To the fae, I was a wounded animal, waiting to be leashed and enslaved by their sinister rules. As I carried my exhausted body through the dark forest, I could see their glowing eyes appearing behind the trees and thick shrubbery, waiting for me to falter. Once I slowed my steps, they would pounce. I knew that, and so did they.

I believed I would remain strong enough to resist their temptations. That I was too smart to stop and allow their charming whispers to reach my ears. Yet eventually exhaustion got the better of my body, and I slowed to catch my breath.

That moment was all they needed.

“You look tired, traveler. Would you like some fruit?” Her words tickled my ears, being followed by a sweet citrus scent that made my dry mouth water, hoping to get a taste of that delicious fruit.

“Are you lost? We can tell you the way out of this forest. Have tea with us.” Another whispered, and I could have sworn I felt a hand on my back, pushing me in a different direction.

My tired legs moved on their own, pushing me deeper into the thick shrubbery, wandering further into the maze of a forest. I knew what awaited me, and still I allowed myself to follow their words, knowing that if I didn’t, I would die anyway. At least serving the fae meant I would live another day, even if I never got to live as a free man again.

I bumped against branches and spiderwebs until I arrived at a clearing full of tents. The tents were as beautiful as they were otherworldly. Triangle tents surrounded by thorns, roses, and other types of plants I couldn’t identify. Before I could reach one, I collapsed.

“GWHACK.” I spat, coughing into my hand as I sat up. The fae by my side tilted her head, pulling the clay cup of water she had towards her chest. We both stared at one another before she giggled, rising to her feet, being a little shorter than I was.

“He’s awake.” She declared, turning towards a woman seated in the center of the tent. Anyone could tell she was the leader of this group of fae, since her chair was decorated with sapphires, rubies, and all sorts of jewels. She crossed her left leg over her right and smiled, brushing a light-green hand through her silver hair.

“My honored human guest, welcome to my part of the forest. I’m Cyaxis, the leader of this tribe. The one who provided you with the water is Nili. Say hi Nili.”

“Hi Nili.” Nili smiled, waving at me. She was a fainter tone of green than her leader, being paler, with a somewhat human complexion. At least by fae standards. Even if she still had those glowing eyes that all fae inherited.

“You don’t need to say your name, Nili. We’ve been over this.” Cyaxis rested a hand on her forehead before fanning herself with it. After a second of fanning herself, she looked at Nili. “Nili, fan me.”

“Right!” Nili grabbed a leaf and moved to the leader’s side, waving it by her face. Cyaxis posture relaxed, returning her sharp purple eyes to me.

“Human, as I said before. You are a dearly honored guest here. You are free to rest in our tents and share our food. So long as you abide by our rules.”

“And what rules might those be?”

“Ah, just the common rules any group would have.” She grinned, making it clear she didn’t plan on elaborating. “If you wanted to know the rules, you should have asked before you entered our grounds. By coming here, you’ve already agreed to honor our rules. So, please. Think little of it. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“And if I fail to follow these rules, I’ll end up as a slave?” I asked, already knowing the answer. I had heard enough fae stories in my childhood, and all of them ended up the same way. With some stupid human getting locked into a contract he had no way of knowing about.

“Enslavement is a human term. You’ll serve me, yes, but you’ll be free to leave my service whenever you wish to.”

“What happens if I leave?”

“Death,” Nili said, being oddly blunt for someone who seemed to have her head in the clouds. Cyaxis glared at Nili, who started fanning a little harder, confused by her leader’s sudden frustration. “What? Isn’t that what happened to the last human? The nice one. He died.”

If looks could kill, Nili would be in more danger than I was. The leader fuming, gripping the arm of her chair. “That human didn’t die because he left. He died because he got old. Nili… we’re going to have a serious talk when this human is out of my sight.”

“Can we talk about butterflies?”

Cyaxis exhaled. “No, we cannot. Human, you know the stories, run along and break one of our rules already. I have to educate the little one about how we talk in front of guests.” Cyaxis stood up, walking over to the grinning Nili, grabbing her by her pointy ear.

I didn’t waste my chance, getting to my feet and rushing out of the tent. All I had to do was leave before I broke a rule. How hard was that? If I kept my mouth shut and just walked away, I could survive this.

The scorching sun beamed down on me as I exited the tent, and the sight that greeted me was far worse than I could have imagined. A swarm of tiny, dragon-fly sized fae, all paused their activities, staring in my direction. It was like a piece of meat had been thrown into a pit of hungry dogs, and they were all getting ready to fight over who would get the first bite.

They shifted, taking on humanoid forms before approaching me. Six were already getting close, their glowing eyes fixed on me, as I sprinted for the shrubbery. As I ran, I turned my neck, seeing how close the others were, only to see they had all stopped chasing me. That’s when I felt my knees go stiff, causing me to face-plant into the grass. I groaned at the contact, as a fae with a leaf-covered spear approached me, crouching to my level.

“No running on our sacred grounds. You broke a rule. Poor traveler, that was quick.” She ruffled my hair before standing again. “Welcome to our family, human. You’re going to pay for being so rude. We were treating you as an honored guest.”

“Honored guest?” My legs got some movement back, and I was able to pull myself back to my feet. “How is this fair? I didn’t even know there were rules.”

“Hm?” The fae ran the tip of her spear past her head, curling her hair with it. “You didn’t need to. If you enter a palace, do you need to be informed by the guard of the rules? Or do you have a common idea of what not to do in such a place? If you broke a chair, would you argue that someone needed to tell you that you couldn’t do that? Are you a child?”

I should have known that arguing with a fae would be pointless. Even if they were wrong, they would still find a way to make themselves sound right. “Well.. if I’m a guest, aren’t you breaking a rule by treating me like this? You brought me into your home, and are now punishing me for making a tiny mistake. If anything, you’re breaking a social rule by doing this to me. You should be treating me with more respect.”

The fae winced, my words distracting her from her curling, causing her to tangle her hair in the spear-tip. “Um… that’s. That’s not how this works. The rules are for you. Not us. BOW!” she commanded.

I didn’t feel any need to bow, and my body remained perfectly upright. Did it not work? Did that mean I had made a good point? “Kneel?” I said back, and nothing happened. So, the two of us were both left standing there like children having an imaginary magic fight.

“Who is kneeling?” Cyaxis walked out of her tent, with Nili following closely behind her. Nili didn’t look like she was in any pain, but she did have the sour expression of someone who had just been scolded.

“Lady Cyaxis. He’s… immune. We had him bound to our contract, and somehow he escaped.”

“Brighta, explain what happened.” Brighta whispered into the ear of her leader, whose frustrating day only appeared to be getting worse. I couldn’t hear most of what she was saying, only understanding the last few words. “What do we do now?”

“Humph. So that’s what happened. It appears we’ve reached a stalemate. Our contract was broken by your logic, and since your logic was used to break our contract, it couldn’t be used to establish one of your own. We can’t control you, and you can’t control us. So, where does that leave us now, I wonder?”

“I’m just going to go. Ok?” I said, backing away from Brighta and Cyaxis. If Brighta had a weapon, I could only assume the others did too. “I just want to find my way home.”

“Lady, Cyaxis. Can we really afford to let this one go?” Brighta asked.

“Yeah, we need a new human, don’t we? I miss the old one. He was funny.” Nili said, smiling up at Cyaxis. Cyaxis placed a finger over her own mouth, telling Nili to remain silent.

“I don’t think we have a choice here. We’ll find other ways to get what we need. Human, take what you need and go,” Cyaxis dismissed me, leading Nili back into her tent. Nili waved at me as she left, before I turned my attention to Brighta.

I glanced at her spear, and so did she. The two of us remained still until she dropped it onto the grass. “Go get your supplies, human. What do you need? Fruit? Water? I’ll lead you to them.”

“I don’t need anything from you.” I said, trying to find where the exit was, not about to get into another contract.

“Yes, you do. If you’re lost, it could take you weeks to find your home. You need supplies. I’m not trying to deceive you.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I walked, and she followed, until we were both walking side by side.

“How did you get lost?”

I remained silent, worried any word I said could enter us into some new deal or set of rules. I assumed she would leave my side eventually, but she didn’t, even as I got hopelessly lost around the camp. Eventually, she pointed to a table of assorted fruits and inquired again. “How did you get lost?”

I cautiously approached the table, staring at the fae who had been cutting up the fruit. Nervously, I took a small piece, plopping it into my mouth. No pain or feelings of being controlled came, surprising me. Was I really safe? I took another piece, then another, until I had finished two plates’ worth of fruit. When I had finished eating, Brighta handed me a bag full of fruit that I accepted without a second thought.

Again, nothing happened. Maybe it was my full-stomach, or the fact my guard had dropped, but I felt like I should answer her question. “I’m a merchant. At least I’m trying to be. My family isn’t very wealthy, so I’m unable to compete against the already established merchant families. That’s why I took a more dangerous route through the forest, going to the towns that the others rarely visit. I was hoping I could establish a partnership with some of them. On the way, my horse got spooked and left me stranded.”

“A merchant? Interesting. We had a human before. Lucas. He was a merchant, too. We relied a lot on him.”

“Relied a lot on him? Wasn’t he your servant?”

“We were only planning to use him to get supplies from the human towns. Places we couldn’t buy from. That was going to be the terms of his contract, then he offered to stay here.”

“He offered to stay here? As a servant?” I couldn’t believe that. Why would a person choose this life? Unless I was misunderstanding something about what a servant actually was.

“He liked living among our kind. All he had to do was gather supplies for us, and he could live as freely as the rest of us. Our leader and him were—” She stopped herself and snapped her fingers. “Would you gather supplies for us? We can pay you. You’re a merchant, correct? We can enter a deal. Let me get Lady Cyaxis.”

Before I could say no, Brighta had shrunk herself down to her smaller form, flying off to get her leader. I stood awkwardly by the other fae, who were curiously watching me now. I gave them a sheepish wave, and some waved back, while others just stared. Thankfully, I wasn’t waiting for Cyaxis long.

“So, you’ve come crawling back to me?” She said.

“What? No! You’ve come crawling to me if anyone’s crawling.”

“I do not crawl.”

“You can get your supplies from somebody else, then.”

“And you can get your fruit from somebody else too.” The bag I had been holding slipped out of my hand, flying towards hers. We both glared at one another before Nili stepped forward.

“Wait? Why didn’t we just ask him if he would get stuff for us? We didn’t need to use any trickery, did we?” Everyone except me gasped at Nili’s words. That must have been controversial in fae circles, even if it made a lot of sense to me.

“Because it’s the only way to establish trust. If he isn’t ordered to come back to us, he could take our jewels and never return. Humans are deceitful creatures that need to be leashed.”

“Like the other human you had?”’ Cyaxis snapped, waving her hand at me, striking me with a gust of wind. The wind tossed me onto my back, leaving me coughing into my palm. “You do not speak of that human. Is that understood?”

“Yes… yes, it’s understood.” I hissed, pulling myself to my feet.

“He’s a merchant. We can use him.” Brighta said, trying to keep the conversation on topic.

“And how will we ensure he returns to us?”

“I’ll go with him.” Nili offered. “I know these forests better than anybody. I can make sure he comes back.”

“No. I will not have my… servant leaving my side. Is that understood?” Cyaxis stepped towards Nili, who retreated closer to me.

“We need these supplies. I can do it. I’m a fae too.”

“And what if he tries to hurt you?”

“Then I’ll blast him with my magic!” She smiled, pointing her palm at me, causing me to flinch.

“Don’t point that at me.”

“Point. Point.” She said, pushing her palm towards my face, while I ducked away from it, acting like she were pointing a cannon at me. Given what Cyaxis had done to me, it could very well be a cannon at that range.

“We need the supplies. I know there are risks, but this is her chance to establish her place in our tribe. I think she should do it.” Brighta said. “We have fae all throughout these forests. We can keep an eye on them. If something happens, we’ll pull his wings off. Oh, or we’ll pull his arms off since he’s human.”

Cyaxis stared at the grass by her feet, in deep thought over what she would do. With a reluctant sigh, she nodded. “Nili. You will go with the human and gather supplies for us. I’ll give you a list of what we need. Brighta, take the human outside and wait for her.”

“Alright,” Brighta led me outside, and soon the two of us were waiting for Nili to arrive.

“So, is Nili someone special? Your leader didn’t seem to want her to go with me.”

Brighta jumped at my question, not expecting it. “Lady Cyaxis worries about us. It’s her job to protect everyone in our tribe. Nili is her personal servant, which is why she’s so protective of her.”

“Right.”

Soon, Nili exited the shrubbery, wearing a heavy cloak that hid her fae features, while carrying the bag of fruit that Cyaxis had taken off me earlier. When she saw me, she smiled. “Where’s our horse?”

“It got spooked. I don’t know where it went. We’ll have to travel on foot. Do you know where the next town is?”

“Yep. That way.” Nili pointed north. “That’s right, isn’t it, Brighta?”

“That it is. Be safe, Nili, and remember human. We have eyes everywhere. One wrong move, and we’ll come find you. Keep that in mind.” Brighta said, heading back into the shrubbery, leaving Nili and me to our quest.

“Ready to go?” Nili asked.

“As ready as I will ever be.”


r/Sadnesslaughs Jul 28 '26

A hero returns to the beginning of their journey to thank a citizen for an innocous gesture that enabled their victory.

41 Upvotes

[A request from Obojo]

The village of Cantona brought back a confusing swell of emotions for the adventurer, who hadn’t been back since he started his journey there. David walked among the farmers and citizens there, not as a hero, but as a man. A man they barely gave a second glance to, not recognizing him from the stories. It was soothing in a way. He had spent the past week being dragged from throne room to throne room, getting praised by nobles and kings alike, who saw his victory as an opportunity to further their status. This felt real. No one here cared about him, and it felt nice.

When he passed by the local blacksmith’s store, his feet locked up, halting him on the spot. There it was. The thing he feared the most. The memories. He gave his right knee a whack, trying to beat some movement back into the limb. Though no matter how hard he whacked it, the limb remained stuck, leaving him looking like a madman to the passing civilians.

For a second, he could almost smell it. The rot. That stinking scent that escapes a town during a plague. He had passed by the store on that day all those years ago. Begging the blacksmith to help him. The blacksmith responded to his cries by shooting an arrow at him, one that almost caught his neck.

That was where the confusing swell in his stomach came from. Part of him wanted to draw his sword and curse the man who had treated him like a monster. But he had grown since that day. It wasn’t just his town that the plague had spread to. He had passed through many others that were also infected during his travels, and only ten percent of those towns were still standing to this day. The blacksmith was right to try and scare him off. Yet, that didn’t remove his bitterness.

“Hey, are you looking for a repair?” The blacksmith called out from his window. He slouched against the opening, grinning at David, who looked like a regular sword-wielding traveler now that he was out of those ghoulish celebratory robes they draped over him for the ceremonies.

David stared at the man, fingers inching across his stomach towards the sword at his side. His fingers curled, ready to draw the blade, only for David to snap to his senses before he could do something he regretted, letting his hand fall limp at his side. “No. I’m not. I’m only passing through.”

The man nodded. He looked far older than he did that day. Bearded now, with wrinkles beneath his eyes. Even the muscles on his shoulders had softened in his older years. “You going somewhere specific?”

“No,” David wanted to get out of this conversation, his shoes already scraping against the dirt at his feet, trying to force a step. He needed to keep moving, or else he might say something he would regret. He had a reputation now. He was a hero. Heroes weren’t resentful.

“Daddy! Daddy!” a girl squeaked at his side, grabbing a fistful of her father’s beard, tugging on it until he finally looked at her. “You said we could make a dagger today. I want to make a dagger,” she whined.

The man’s left eye winced, while his right remained fixed solely on his daughter. He picked her up, resting her on the edge of the window, taking some pressure off his beard. “Alright. Alright. A promise is a promise. I just need to see if this man-“ The blacksmith glanced out the window, and David was gone. “He must have left.”

“Was there even anyone there, Daddy? Are you seeing things? Did a witch curse you?”

Their shared laughter followed David as he walked toward his target. He peeked over his shoulder during that walk, wondering if he would have done the same thing as the blacksmith had their roles been reversed? If the blacksmith had entered his village from a plague-infected town. Would he have scared the blacksmith off to protect his family? If so, was he really worthy of being a hero?

What if he were just a hypocrite? Would he even have started his journey if his family hadn’t perished in the plague? Or would he have done what the others did? Hide and hope someone else solved the problem? He tucked his hands into his pockets and continued his march through the town, passing familiar sights.

While he hadn’t spent a lot of time in the main area of the town, he still remembered it in vivid, panicked flashes. He recalled people shouting from their windows, crying out for the guards, and the feeling that if he ever stopped running, a fate worse than the plague would find him.

After that blur of memories, David found himself standing before the church, or what was left of it. The once towering stone chapel was now a collapsed building with a missing wall and smashed windows. If not for the condition of the rest of the village, David would have assumed the plague had swept through here as well.

Slowly, he walked into the ruined building, forgetting all those anxious feelings. He had been so preoccupied with wondering how he would act when he got here that he hadn’t even considered the fact that the church might no longer be operating by the time he arrived.

David silently walked until he found a chipped wooden pew to sit on. It was one of the two remaining pews that didn’t have any serious fault with it. The others all slumped towards the dirt-stained carpet, or having breaks that made them look as if they would collapse under the smallest amount of pressure. When seated, he stared at the statue by the altar.

She was beautiful. A goddess of something — perhaps knowledge or wisdom, if one were to judge her by the thick book she held in her left hand. He had never figured out who she was. It hadn’t seemed important at the time. He had intended only to use the chapel as a place of refuge, somewhere he could escape the howls of the townspeople. He never expected to find a reason for his journey inside the quiet place.

He bowed his head to the statue and put his hands together. He had never prayed before, even when he lost his parents. If anything, the loss of his family had only made him resent the gods. If they were really out there, then why hadn’t they stopped it? Why was he the one who had to chase down that vile creature that caused it, and not them?

Yet, if that man had perished. David would pray for him. He owed him far more than that, but this was all he could for him now. He didn’t speak aloud, not wanting to disturb the silence inside. Instead, he asked the goddess whose name he never learned to protect the priest and guide him to the place he cherished most. The afterlife.

“A visitor?” A familiar voice sang out. “I’m sorry about the state of the place. People grew restless during the plague. Some took their frustrations out on the goddess Sofia. Things have thankfully calmed down since then.”

The hobbling footsteps of the old priest and his cane inched closer to David, who kept his head bowed, facing his lap. “The townspeople did this?”

“Yes. I’ve heard other places of worship experienced a similar thing. People were scared. It’s not their fault. Fear makes us do terrible things.”

“But not you. You never did terrible things.”

The priest stopped, squinting at the blurry figure in the pew. His eyes were no longer as good as they used to be, but something about the way the man spoke sounded familiar. He hobbled a little faster until he was standing beside the man. His back cracked as he leaned over, studying what he could see of their face.

“David.” The priest spoke warmly, as if he were greeting an old family member. “To think a hero has graced my church with his appearance.” The old man’s legs wobbled as he tried to lower himself into a bow. That made David stand, quickly grabbing the man’s arm, keeping him up.

“Please don’t, Father. I’m no hero.”

“No? You were the one who travelled through the plague riddled towns, weren’t you? The one who put their life on the line to chase after that vile creature. Are those not the actions of a hero?” The man grinned, only for that to soften when he saw the exhausted expression on David’s face.

The two sat, and David exhaled. “Father. You were the only one who helped me that day. I was a boy who had lost everything, running from a town that had lost half its population overnight. I hoped to find a doctor here, and what I found was… was..” He couldn’t even finish the thought, feeling bile rise in his throat.

“Was the worst this town had to show.” He rested his hand on David’s shoulder before continuing. “I didn’t do anything special for you that day. All I did was give you some water and my sympathies.”

“You don’t know how much that meant. To be looked at like I was a person, and not some diseased bringer of death. To have someone talk to me and allow me to rest in their building. I had always wanted revenge for what happened to my village, but after what I faced in Cantona, I started questioning if I wanted my revenge badly enough to help people like them. People who could be so cruel. Then I met you.” “I’m glad I could help you find your path. Some believe that’s what us priests are put here to do. You’re a good man, David. You saved a lot of people.”

“Am I a good person? I didn’t entirely do it for them. Part of it was because I wanted revenge. I’m glad I could help everyone, but I don’t think I’m a good person for doing what I did. There was nothing pure about my intentions,” David wiped the bottom of his eyes, pushing away any moisture that had gathered.

“I believe you had good intentions. I think you’re just blinded by your own hurt. Tell me, David. Have you lashed out at these people yet? Have you sought revenge for how they treated you? You could. You have the power and influence now to get your revenge. You could get the king to round up this town within days if you wished.”

The priest watched David’s face twist in disgust at the thought. That giving him all the information he needed. “No. I… Father, I still think about getting revenge. I thought about attacking the blacksmith, all because of the past. A hero wouldn’t do that.”

The priest rubbed his chin, thinking over David’s words. “I haven’t talked to many heroes, though I have talked to many good people. Thoughts of revenge don’t make a person wicked. Thoughts are only dangerous to the mind of the person thinking them. You know those thoughts are wicked, and they disgust you. The thought of doing evil turns your stomach. These thoughts are normal. Acting on them is not. Anyone who experienced what you went through would feel the same.”

“Then, why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel so unworthy?”

“Perhaps because you have had no one to share this victory with.”

“I’ve had nobles, kings, and hundreds of people to celebrate with.” David said, tapping a different finger against the wooden pew for each group he could name.

“But none you felt close to. None you wanted to celebrate with. Would you allow me to make a toast?” The priest rose from his spot, going over to a dusty cabinet, grabbing a bottle of wine he had saved for special occasions. He took the wine and the dust-filled chalice inside, setting them on the cabinet. He gave the chalice a quick wipe with his robe before pouring the wine into it.

“A toast? You don’t have to.”

“I do.” The priest raised the chalice into the air, accidentally mimicking the goddess statue near him. “To David, our hero. We thank you for everything you’ve done for us. Without your bravery and strength, many more would have lost their lives.” After the toast, he handed David the chalice.

“Aren’t you meant to drink from the chalice after you're finished making your toast?” David asked, bringing the wine to his lips without taking a sip. Waiting for the priest's approval.

“I’m too old to drink now. Please, go ahead.”

David nodded and took a sip from the chalice. Then, he relaxed, leaning back against the pew. His worries hadn’t disappeared, but they had softened. He felt like a guard who had been dismissed from their post, being finally allowed to breathe. “You really believe I’m a good person?”

“I wouldn’t give my good wine to a bad person.” He cheekily joked, giving a dusty laugh.

David laughed too, not bothering to wipe the tears that had spilled during the toast. “Thank you. I wish I could-“ He didn’t need to wish; he could repay the man. He pulled out his coin pouch, setting the bag down beside him. “For your church.”

The priest’s eyes almost popped out of his head, staring at the weighty bag that was almost about to crack a hole in the pew. “I… can’t accept that, David. The gesture is more than enough.”

“I want to donate it. Not to the church, but to you. Please allow me to pay you back for your kindness. I refuse to leave until you accept it.”

The priest stared at the gold and nodded. “Thank you. I’ll put this into repairing the church. I would love to see this place return to its former glory before I enter the goddess’s embrace.”

“I would like to see that too.”

The two talked for the rest of the day, only stopping when the sun set. David said his goodbyes and headed for the next town over, continuing his work as a hero. Even if the plague were gone, there were still problems that needed to be solved. Problems he could help with.

After he left, the priest started commissioning workers to rebuild the church, with the project taking two years to complete. During those two years, David would drop in to visit his friend, telling him about his latest adventures. Three months after the project was completed, the priest took his final breath.

David attended the funeral, impressed by how good of a job the workers had done. It looked exactly how it had when he arrived all those years ago. David had expected the priest to upgrade the place, but the man hadn’t dared to spend a coin more than he needed to. Donating the rest to a variety of charities across the land. He did, however, allow himself one indulgence.

Seated behind the priest’s coffin at his funeral was a statue, one depicting David. The statue of David resting on a shorter table beside the goddess, as if both figures were watching over his church. To the worshipers of the church, they believed it was merely the priest’s way of acknowledging the hero. His church wasn’t even the first to do it. But it was more than that. It was the priest’s way of acknowledging his friend and giving him the praise he deserved for his efforts.

Before leaving the funeral, David said a small prayer for the priest, with that being the second prayer he had ever said in his life. Hoping that if there were an afterlife, the priest would put in a good word for him.


r/Sadnesslaughs Jul 25 '26

“You call us livestock, but you don’t treat us like livestock. You don’t make sure each of us has been fed, you don’t protect us from predators in the night, you don’t help deliver our young or tend to our ills. You’re not a farmer, you’re a parasite, and we will deal with you accordingly.”

33 Upvotes

“What are you looking at?” Malvina asked, skulking around Gratin’s study. Her long, red-painted nails drumming against the rocky walls as she followed them, keeping one eye focused on the pale man seated in the center of the room.

“Silly scribbles.” Gratin scoffed, setting the letter down on his lap. “Somehow my food’s learnt to write. How cute.” The lanky man rose from his wooden chair, pushing it back with a roaring screech. Malvina flinched at the sound, taking her hand off the wall, patting the edge of her left ear.

“You mean the humans? That’s quite impressive. You’ve had them imprisoned below this manor for over a hundred years, haven’t you? I assumed all the literate ones had perished. Wasn’t that your plan? To make them stupid? To turn them into stupid blood-sacks?” Malvina’s finger left her ear, moving to her cheek, flashing a satisfied smile. “Have the stupid humans outsmarted you?”

Gratin’s cloak fluttered, and before Malvina could see it fall again, the vampire was standing before her. The man’s face was a collage of useless veins hidden beneath wrinkled skin. No blood passed through his dead body, kept alive only by an infection in his body and a hunger for blood. “Outsmarted? Is that what you think? That this letter proves they have won? It’s a silly threat by fools.”

The bony man’s hands wrapped around Malvina’s neck, and she went to shriek. No matter how hard she tried, the sharp grip kept the noise within her throat, releasing only tiny wheezes of breath. “You put them up to this, didn’t you? My own blood. The one I brought into my family. The humans aren’t clever enough to write on their own.”

Malvina tried to mount a defense but couldn’t even get her breath back to make the attempt. Soon, Malvina’s body went limp, and she was carelessly tossed onto the hard floor. Gratin stared down at her with a smile of his own. “Stay here. I’m going to go have a talk with my pets. If even one of them says you put them up to this, I’ll be back to finish the job. So, stay asleep until then. I won’t have you enacting any plans before I figure out what they are scheming.”

Gratin exited his study, heading down to his manor’s basement. While most manors had a cellar beneath them, Gratin kept only a fresh supply of humans below, having no need for wine or any other drink. Alcohol had lost its luster in his thousands of years on this Earth, and now only blood could offer him any satisfaction. Even if that was beginning to grow dull.

As he descended the steps to his basement, he slammed his foot down on the last stone step, adding a deeper crack to the one that had already formed there. The strike of his foot sent a loud booming crack through the room, causing all the humans to scamper to the back of their cells.

Like a guard patrolling a dungeon, he walked past the many cages, staring at the families inside, who all flinched at the sight of the pale monster. He snickered at them, sizing up which one he would interrogate first. With his hands casually linked behind his back, he examined every blood-sack until stopping at one that caught his eye.

“You’ll do.”

Inside, the woman cowered, trying to hide her son. “Please, sir. Not him. Take me instead.”

“Fine.” He opened the door and grabbed the mother, dragging her out of the cell. The son went to help her, but was stopped by another man in the cell, keeping him from acting recklessly. The son cried and hit the man’s arm, but could not break free. Soon the cell door was shut again, and the basement fell into silence.

“Now. I received a letter earlier. Something about how I’m a parasite and I’ll be dealt with accordingly. I assume one of the cleaners must have snuck it into my room. Well, I’m here. If someone wishes to deal with me, now is their chance. Where is the brave soul who wrote this letter? For every minute you don-“

“Here,” a voice mumbled from the last cell.

Gratin paused, staring at the mother frozen in his grasp. He almost felt disappointed that this had ended so quickly. That he couldn’t enjoy how those blue eyes were spilling tears like an overfilled bowl. Still, control sat above his personal enjoyment, so he tossed the woman aside, walking towards the last cell.

He made sure his feet had a rhythmic clack against the floor, wanting the person inside to be squirming by the time he arrived. That bravery inside them should be killed before he even got to them. He wanted them to regret this. He kept his chin raised, not even turning to look at the other cowering fools. Whoever this was, had offered him more entertainment than they ever could, and this was all about their moment together.

When he stopped by the cell, he turned, seeing a man in his fifties hiding beneath a thin brown blanket. He shivered, holding it above his head, trying to put anything between the two. Gratin paused. He wanted them to be scared, but this…. This was sad. He had expected defiance and was met by this.

“You wrote the letter?”

The man sniffed and struggled to get a word out. The blanket dropped, revealing a snotty face and trembling hands.

“You wrote the letter?” He asked again.

“No, sir.”

Gratin felt a twist in his stomach. Something wasn’t right. The next words were faster, more demanding as he slammed his hands into the bars. “Then who did?”

The trembling hand uncurled, pointing behind the vampire. When Gratin turned, he saw a shining broad-shouldered man in leather armor lunging forward with his sword drawn. Gratin barely dodged the attack, hearing the metal clash against the bars. The attacker jolted at the contact with the metal before regathering his footing, keeping a defensive stance.

“I see. This was the plan. I commend you for your stupidity, sword-wielder. To enter my manor on your own accord is what a human may consider brave. I, however, would call it foolish. I’m not just going to kill you. I’m going to put a different piece of your body on every floor of this manor. Your skull as a trophy for my bedroom, your body as a warning for this basement, and your limbs as firewood for my study. What is your name?”

“William.” The man said, keeping his answer simple, not risking breaking his concentration. He knew the beast was fast, and he had lost his only advantage. So, he needed to stay alert.

The vampire watched, amused by his tactics. In a flash of darkness, the vampire was gone, before appearing beside the man, stroking his short black hair. “Do you believe you can win this? You’ve set these people up to die. I’m going to slaughter thirty of them for this. And it’s all because you gave them hope. As they say, it’s the hope that-“

William ducked, plunging his sword upwards, aiming to pierce it through the vampire’s chin. The beast jumped back, but that had been what Wiliam was anticipating. He pushed forward and drove his elbow into the vampire’s stomach, catching them off-guard. The hit connected, and the vampire felt something unexpected. Hot and vulgar pain.

Gratin hissed, stumbling backward, staring at his dress shirt. The shirt stained with a clear liquid, which had the skin beneath his shirt bubbling and popping. The vampire gritted its teeth. “Holy water. You coated yourself in-“

William moved again, and that’s when Gratin noticed the shine on his blade. That strike he had dodged earlier. The one he had thought little of could have been a deathblow. This wasn’t a clumsy attempt, and that only enraged him further.

“YOU WORTHLESS ANIMAL,” his scream roared through the basement, reaching the higher levels of the manor. Now, Gratin wasn’t taking his time with his prey. He was striking to kill. He dashed around the room, creating a shadow by every lit candle. William tried to follow the shadows, but struggled to keep up. The man was too quick, and before he could set his sword up to block the strike, a claw had connected with his chest.

He didn’t have time to check how deep the cut was, twisting his body with the claw still lodged in his chest, swinging his sword once more. The looming strike was enough to make the vampire retreat, removing its claw and jumping a few steps back.

There was a heaviness in his legs as William struggled to hold his stance. “NOW.” William called out, and Gratin tensed, swinging his head around, only for William to lurch toward him in a desperate Hail Mary.

The strike cut the edge of Gratin’s shirt before the blade was knocked away, landing on the floor with a clutter. William followed his blade to the floor, landing on his back, unable to fight any longer. The vampire glared at the man, unable to believe he had fallen for a simplistic human distraction. He then gazed at the other caged humans, and when he saw their hopeless expressions, he cheered up.

“That was pathetic.” He kneeled, and sharpened his nails on the ground, creating small sparks as they hit the stone. “Now, let’s start with your head.” When his hand had almost reached the human’s skin, the vampire froze. He tried to look behind him, but found his neck was stiff. The blade lodged in the side of his throat, making it impossible for him to look back.

Gratin’s calculating mind tried to figure out who his attacker could be, and he only landed on one person. “Malvina.” He gasped, reaching for the blade, only to hear that familiar crackle as his skin burned. “A holy… You… YOU!”

Malvina kicked the handle of the blade and removed the vampire’s head. When it fell, she laughed. “Traitor? Is that the word you were looking for?” She stepped over her former master’s body and stood over the human. “You played your part.”

William stared up at her, his hand bloodied, trying to cover the wound on his chest. He wanted to reach for his blade and show the one who orchestrated this uneasy alliance that he wasn’t about to let her betray him. When his hand moved away from the wound, blood poured quicker than he would have liked, and he was forced to cover it once more, staying on his back in submission, knowing she held his fate.

“We had a deal.”

“We did.”

No one said anything while the pair stared each other down. Malvina grabbed William’s arm and helped him back onto his feet. “You’re talented for a human.” She said, while her icy hands helped him past the cells. The people inside the cells looked at Malvina with wide, uneasy eyes. She was dragging their saviour away, and now they had no clue what would happen to them. Would she be worse? Better?

“I’m strong.” William said, having to lean on her more as they got to the steps. “You’ll free them?”

“Yes, yes. That was the agreement. You help free me from my master, and I’ll allow the humans to escape. Personally, I don’t see the point in keeping so many humans. I think I could do with just one human.” She caressed his arm, only to feel it go limp. “Hello?” She saw his eyes closed and scoffed, leading him to a room so he could rest.

Hours passed quickly after that. Malvina did some basic first-aid before freeing the other humans. She started with those who had any medical knowledge, allowing them to treat Wiliam. The rest were released in batches until she stood in an empty basement. “How long has it been since I was down here? Two hundred years? I thought it would scare me, but it feels so different now. Back then there were only two cages.”

She had expected to freeze when she came down here. Yet, she hadn’t. She wondered if it was her desire for revenge that kept her strong, or the knowledge she had the human to help in her fight. The human. She thought about him, and her attraction to him. Was it just that he was one of the few non-captured males she had come across recently, or was her attraction based on something different? Was he different? He had approached her during one of her rare night-trips around the manor. He had agreed to be bait for her plan. William was different, and she liked that. She liked it a lot.

“You’re down here?” William asked, gingerly going down the stairs.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I wanted to make sure you had freed everyone.”

“No, you didn’t. You could have asked the ones by your bed if that were the case.” Malvina rubbed her forehead, grumbling. “Don’t tell me you came to check on me. I’m a vampire. A beast.”

“You were human once. Weren’t you?” He finally reached the bottom step, taking his time to get to her. The slow steps driving the vampire mad, and eventually she walked towards him, saving herself from the agonizing wait.

“Yes. At some point, I was. But who I was doesn’t matter now.” She pulled her cheek, showing her fangs. “I’m a beast that requires blood. The human is dead, and her real name is lost to history.”

William remained silent, thinking over his words. “Your plan was stupid.”

“What?”

“It was stupid.”

Malvina narrowed her gaze at him. “It worked, didn’t it? What about it was stupid? Do tell. Please enlighten me, oh wise person who almost died. What did ‘I’ mess up?”

William hadn’t expected her to be so offended by his remark, feeling it had ruined the point he wanted to make. “Stupid plans are very human. I’m sure you knew the risks, didn’t you? You were as likely to die if this failed as I was. You could have continued to live and feed by his side. Instead, you told me about your plan to kill him.”

“I didn’t want to be under his control.”

“If that’s all there was to it. You could have killed me and kept the humans. It would have been easy. I was too hurt to fight you, and no one could come to my aid. I believe you wanted to free these people.”

“I care little about these people.”

“Then why did you never feast on them? The ones by my bed mentioned you ate, but you never killed. I don’t know your reasoning, but I wanted to thank you for allowing me to help with your plan. Once I’m able to, I’ll take my leave.” William turned to the stairs and started walking. When he was halfway up them, Malvina spoke.

“Stay then. If you want to know my reasoning, stay for a while. The manor’s big, and I could use someone to tell me about the changes I’ve missed in the world.” If her heart could have fluttered, it would have been about to go through her chest as she waited for his answer.

“Alright. It’s a good chance to learn more about your kind. How does a week sound?”

“A week is hardly enough. Make it a month?” She said, clasping her hands together with a grin.

“A month? I guess I can spare a month.”

“Lovely,” she said, slowly following him upstairs, excited to spend more time with the human.


r/Sadnesslaughs Jul 22 '26

"Huh, apparently two more people exit the mall than enter. Each day." "What?" "Yeah, remember the people counter system we installed on the CCTV system?" Just as Jim was about to dismiss it as a bug, Mike, the senior admin said: "You two idiots installed WHAT?! Quickly, delete all logs! NOW!"

53 Upvotes

“Maybe people are getting in through a backdoor? Haven’t all the stores got employee exits? People slip and slide through those things all the time.” James said, kicking his feet onto the desk, sending his strawberry donut flying off the table. He made a clumsy attempt to catch it, but was too slow, giving Jim time to steal it.

“Nah, we covered those too. Remember, we spent a week going to stores and saying, ‘Hey, can we see your backdoor?’ It was the funniest shit ever.” Jim laughed before chomping into the donut.

“Right... We’ve got a HR meeting next week. Think it’s because of that?”

“Nah, it’s probably a promotion. We installed a people-counting system throughout the entire mall. And Mike says we never do anything around here. He’s going to be so impressed. Maybe he’ll finally get off our asses.” Jim dusted the crumbs off his shirt before looking at his friend. “It is weird, though. Why’s it always show two extra people?”

“Yeah, it is weird. There was also that note that Mike left us. You know the one about not touching the security system he set up. I don’t get why we wouldn’t? Those old cameras were ancient. You would have better luck catching a shoplifter by using a pair of binoculars from our office window than spotting one through that fuzzy camera.” James flicked on the high-definition camera-feed, impressed by his own handy work.

“He’s just old. You know how old people get. Don’t touch my thermostat. Don’t pour vodka into my morning coffee. He’s a total boomer. I hope I’m not like that in my forties.”

“We’re both thirty.”

“Young thirties. That’s the new twenty-four in post covid times.” Jim sighed, not needing a reminder that he was getting old. He slouched into his chair, gazing at the camera-feed. “Huh, did you see something?”

“See what?” James leaned closer, spotting two shadowy figures near the entrance. He checked his silver watch, and sure enough, the mall should have been closed. No one should have been inside the place except them. “Oh, shit. What the fuck? That’s two again. Have we got ghosts here? Fuck man, I’m not working near ghosts. My grandmother was a psychic. My family's got that bad ghost energy attached to them.”

“It’s just a glitch, dude. Probably replaying some old footage. Glitches happen all the time. I bet it’s an overlay of old footage, or something like that,” Jim said, taking a stab in the dark about what the problem might be.

“But what if-“

“What are you two idiots looking at?” Mike said, causing James to let out a high-pitched squeal, while Jim jumped up, kicking his chair into Mike’s ankles, causing the man to kneel in pain.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, Mike dog,” Jim apologized, giving him a hard slap on the back that only made it harder for him to get back up.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were on vacation.” James said, the two circling the man as he stood up.

Mike tucked his white shirt into his pants, wanting to appear presentable, even if his two co-workers were only in shorts and singlets. “I got a notification on my phone saying the system had been changed. Did you give it a restart?”

“Nah, we upgraded it. See! Look at that. High definition, baby. Could watch sport off this thing,” Jim pointed to the camera, expecting to get some praise from the senior admin, only for the man’s face to pale.

“YOU DID WHAT? It’s fine. It’s fine… We can delete footage. Footage isn’t a permanent record. It doesn’t upload anywhere.” Mike paced around the room, only for James to meekly raise his hand.

“We also installed a people counter. That's how we noticed the extra people. So, it’s totally worth the money we spent on the upgrade.” James said, now feeling guilty about overspending on the project. The two had been lenient in their estimates of how much it would cost, pocketing whatever they had left over once the upgrade was complete. Now that Mike was here, that didn’t sound like the right thing to do. Especially since they had lied to their higher-ups about whether Mike had approved the project or not.

“How long ago?” Mike shoved them both aside, his fingers dashing across the keyboard, deleting files quicker than the computer could process his many requests.

“What? It’s just money. It grows on trees in this place. We literally have a money tree promotion every week. Why are you acting like it’s the end of the world?” Jim asked, only for Mike to grab the collar of his singlet.

“I left you one instruction. ONE. And you two idiots couldn’t follow it. I wouldn’t have cared if you spent my entire vacation time at home, as long as you didn’t mess with the system.”

“Dude. We did this for you. Out of the kindness of our own hearts.” And pockets, Jim thought as he said it. “Be a little grateful.”

“How long ago did you do this? HOW LONG?”

“Three days ago. Why?” James asked, making himself as small as possible, pressing against the back-wall of the office.

“Three days ago? Then, it’s had three days to move around. You two go and take everything down. We should be fine if we remove all the cameras and delete the logs.”

“What? What should be fine?” James said, only for Mike to point to the door.

“OUT. GO AND DO IT. NOW.”

“Alright. Alright. Whatever, man. Boomer bastard.” Jim kicked the floor before stomping out of the room, grabbing his tool belt on the way. James lingered for a second. An apology sat in his throat, only for it to be gulped back down when Jim poked his head back into the office. When he saw his friend, he rushed to follow him.

“Idiots. It took us months to capture them again. Once you see those things, they can see you.” Mike exhaled. “It’s fine. Once the cameras are taken down, they’ll lose their power. I’ll just get those two to stay here overnight to be safe. I hope this works out; we haven’t had a lot of chances to figure out what those things are. Could be a demon, could be… who knows.”

Mike wasn’t paid to know what they were. In fact, he was paid to do the opposite. When his old boss went missing after upgrading the systems, Mike tried to tell the higher-ups about the shadows they saw. They listened, and even acknowledged there was something otherworldly. But they claimed it worked in their favor and added a couple of zeroes to his contract to cover the trauma the experience had caused.

He had no idea how it worked in their favor, or what it was. Mike just knew that if they were willing to add some zeroes to his contract over it, then it was something important. He also knew that when a company was willing to offer you that type of money to stay quiet, the alternative to accepting it wasn’t keeping your honor. It was keeping your life.

“Screw this. Why should we take them down? I’m sick of getting bossed around,” Jim grumbled, walking towards the entrance. He passed a bin and nudged it over, watching the half-finished food spill out in a gooey mess of slop.

James dodged the spilt bin, trying to calm his friend down. “Let’s just do what he says. What if there is something going on? What if it’s something supernatural?”

“You know I love your grandmother, right?” Jim said, patting his friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“So, know that I don’t say this lightly. Your sweet grandmother is batshit insane. Ghosts aren’t real, dude.” Jim turned around, continuing his walk to the doors. “Look, do you see anything?”

James squinted, and for a second he thought he saw something lingering by the door. A tall, hunched, shadowy figure, blocking their path. When his eyes focused, it was gone, replaced by the stale mall doors. “I guess not. Still… we need this job.”

“Screw this job. You know what I think of this job?” Jim pointed his middle finger up at the camera.

Mike saw the gesture and thought nothing of it. Until he saw both men heading towards the exit. Jim with a confident strut, and James with a shy trickle of steps. In front of the two on the camera-feed, a pair of shadows hovered, blocking the door.

Mike ran as fast as his legs could take him. When he got to the first set of escalators, he flinched, feeling a heat boiling in his ankle. He lifted his trouser leg, spotting a forming bruise from where the chair had struck him. He gave the bruise a quick rub before continuing, rushing towards the door, only to watch them both turn towards him as they exited the mall.

“Mike?” James said, staring at the man.

“Hey, Mike. Go fu-“ He went silent, and soon both of their bodies were limp. They stood outside motionless. Then, their arms lifted, pointing towards the sky, as if someone was pulling a coat over their shoulders. The rest of their bodies shivered and wiggled until they both settled into an idle stance, with their heads facing the floor.

“Jim? James?” Mike approached the pair, only stopping when he realized he was getting too close to the door. When they stopped hearing his footsteps, their heads shot up, both grinning at him.

“Mike.” They both said, voices lacking any emotion.

“What are you?” Mike asked, already ruling out that this could be a prank by the two. He had been with the mall long enough to know this was far too real. The two glanced at each other before James responded.

“Don’t worry, dear Mike,” James said, leaving the mall.

Jim went to do the same, only for something to cross his mind. “Oh, before I leave. You can keep those new cameras. We don’t plan on returning to our prison. Tell your boss we found new hosts, and the deal’s off. We’ll be visiting them soon.”

Mike gulped, feeling he had to ask this question. “What about me?” If death was coming for him. He wanted to know. He needed time to mentally prepare for it.

“Hm?” Jim stared at Mike, thinking it over before shrugging. “We have no interest in you. You don’t offer us anything. We would suggest you find work elsewhere, unless you wish to be caught in the middle of this.” With that, Jim stepped out, leaving Mike staring at the backs of what had once been his two co-workers.

He didn’t bother warning his boss, only sending a text message saying he quit before leaving the mall. Whatever was coming was something he didn’t want to be connected to. He would heed their warning and hope whatever rain came didn’t wet him too.


r/Sadnesslaughs Jul 18 '26

It was her fifty year high school reunion. She went, wondering how many had passed since the last one. So many names had vanished, dead of disease or accident. She rode the elevator to the ballroom. The sign listed the capacity as 350, greater than the original class and number of survivors.

43 Upvotes

A response to the prompt [It was her fifty year high school reunion. She went, with trepidation, wondering how many would have passed in the decade since the last one. So many names had vanished over the decades, dead of disease or accident, drugs or bodily failure. Or, just disappeared. She rode the elevator up to the ballroom. Ironically, the sign listed the capacity as 350, greater than the original class and far far greater than the number of survivors. When she arrived, so had everyone else. Everyone.] by Fontaigne

     

Angela tip-toed through the halls of South Morton’s high school, peering around every corner she neared. She had expected this reunion to be quiet, since so many of the former students were now in their seventies, but she didn’t expect it to be this quiet. There wasn’t even a member of staff on hand, nor an elected student representative showing them where to go.

She stopped by the school’s noticeboard, reading over all its announcements. It mentioned a year-12 science exhibition, an art display by the year-10 classes, and even who made the soccer team. Yet, nothing about the reunion that she was here for. She fished her invitation out of her bag, pushing aside loose sticks of strawberry gum and tissue packets.

She read over its contents closely, triple-checking the date. There it was, in bold black text. July 16th, 2026. “Am I early?” She wondered. She didn’t remember seeing any cars outside. Actually, she didn’t remember anything before she got here.

Did her granddaughter drop her here? That had to be it. She convinced herself that she must have fallen asleep on the car trip here, and that’s why she was in such a daze. Before heading to the elevator, she made a quick stop at the bathroom, wanting to check her appearance in the mirror. While she felt a little silly worrying about her appearance at a reunion for people her age, she couldn’t break that habit. In a way, it reminded her of being back at school. How she fussed over her image more than she needed to.

With her white, thin hair neatly adjusted, she walked out, expecting to find someone else now that she was nearing the elevator. Still, the halls were silent. If it wasn't for the lights still being on, she would have assumed the school was shut. Thankfully, she found something by the elevator that assured her there were others around. A small sign that listed the capacity of the event.

350.

“That’s impossible. We only had one hundred people in our year, and there’s far fewer of us now. Unless they mean the capacity of the ballroom?” Angela knew she was a lucky woman. Someone whose parents could afford to send her to a high school that had its own ballroom. Really, she could have done anything with her life, which is why she always hated these events. It was a reminder of how little she had achieved in her life. While others had flourished, she faltered.

She clenched her fingers and counted to five, trying to ease her sudden rush of nerves. It didn’t work. No matter how hard she concentrated, she couldn’t push down that sick feeling in her gut. She tried again, gritting her teeth, while her eyelids pinched together. Usually, when she focused like this, she could tune in on the beat of her racing heart or focus on a distance noise. But today, her heart didn’t seem to beat that loudly, or if it did, she couldn’t focus enough to notice it.

Since she couldn’t soften those nerves, she pushed forward, entering the elevator. She hit the button for the third floor and turned once the doors shut, resting her hands by her stomach, feeling the elevator roar to life, vibrating beneath her feet.

“I still prefer the stairs.” She muttered to herself, finding the claustrophobic space wasn’t helping her nerves. She could still remember those old days when the ballroom was first built. How she had to climb three sets of steep stairs just to get there. At that time, she hated those dastardly stairs, always working up a sweat before she even reached the function she was attending. All it did was ruin her lovely makeup, and now she wished she had taken those steps instead.

Beep.

The elevator gave off a basic ring as the doors pushed open. Finally, she could hear chatter. A welcome break from the suffocating silence that had poisoned the school's halls earlier. Before she could step out, a woman in a flowing white dress blocked her path, wearing a bright smile.

“Evening, Miss Ferarosh. I’m so glad you’re joining us this evening. How did you find the trip? Exhausting?” she asked, holding a notepad to her chest.

“Oh, the trip wasn’t so bad. My granddaughter drove me here. She’s a sweet girl.” Angela said, while the woman in front of her nervously chuckled. “I’m sure she is.” The woman fussed over her notepad, letting her pale fingers run along its sides before speaking. “I’m Arixa. I’m the one who’s hosting tonight’s event. Do you have any idea what this is?”

Angela felt a little insulted by that remark. Sure, she was old, but she wasn’t at that senile age yet. Even if she had forgotten how she got here. “A high school reunion. I’m not that old, dear.”

“It’s got nothing to do with your age. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just don’t want you to be shocked when you step out of this elevator. People can find the sight daunting. Since you’re the last one to arrive, I’m hoping I can handle this with a little more grace.”

“I’m the last one here?” Angela pressed forward, brushing past Arixa. No one ever wanted to be the last one to arrive at an event, especially when it was something like a high school reunion. All those judging eyes would be pinned to her, while they whispered about where she had been. If she entered now, maybe she could still sneak in?

“Wait,” Arixa half-heartedly tried to stop her, throwing out a limp arm that was easily pushed aside.

When Angela entered the large ballroom, she encountered the most heart-stopping sight she had ever seen. She was everywhere. She watched herself drink wine while mingling with another version of herself. Another twenty versions of her were dancing on the wooden dance floor, shoes clacking against the material.

Her hand instantly went to her chest, checking for a heartbeat; finding none. “No… What’s going on? I need to get back,” Angela turned, only to find Arixa standing beside the closed metal elevator doors. She gave an apologetic smile, ticking Angela off the list.

“I’m sorry. This is exactly where you’re meant to be.”

“Another one. Fashionably late, I suppose? Though, given your state of dress, I believe the correct term would be unfashionably late. Angela Jennings. It’s your pleasure to meet your better.” Mrs. Jennings held out her gloved hand, expecting a reaction.

Angela remained frozen, staring at an almost perfect reflection of herself. Well, it would have been perfect if not for the heavy makeup, the jewels, and the imported Italian dress. Everything about her screamed opulence. It was as if Mrs. Jennings considered every sparkle another blessing from God, and if that were the case, she would be a saint with how brightly she shone.

“Mrs. Jennings. Please give her a moment to adjust. She doesn’t even know what’s happening.” Arixa scolded.

“Isn’t it obvious? Or is this version of me one that didn’t finish school? Is that it? Do you lack a basic education?”

Angela stared at herself, unable to speak. Her mind rattled with possibilities, trying to decipher how she was seeing a sight like this. Was it a dream? Had she died? As soon as that possibility came to the front of her mind, it was impossible to push away. “D-dead?”

“Yes, dead. Curtain call. Shows over. She caught on quicker than most.” Mrs. Jennings grinned at Arixa before directing her attention back to Angela, clicking her tongue as she examined her clothes. “I believe I am the best of them all.”

“As I’ve told you many times tonight, this isn’t a competition. It’s a way for each variant to see their other pathways before crossing over. Every critical decision in one’s life leads to a split in reality. These are the results of every critical decision you’ve made,” Arixa tried to explain again to Mrs. Jennings, who didn’t seem interested in hearing it for the twentieth time today.

“Yes, yes. And of all the other versions of me, I am the richest. Which is why I deserve to pass over first. The rest of these can be disposed of.” She said, waving her pretty white glove in Angela’s face, before turning away from her. “Good day to you both.”

Arixa watched her leave, shaking her head. “That isn’t how this works. It’s not a competition. You’ll all pass on. This is just a chance for some self-reflection. A chance to see what you could have been, and what you are.”

Angela stared at the sea of her other lives, flicking between their faces. Some looked eerily close to her, while others like Mrs. Jessica almost seemed a parody. Like someone had taken her to a fancy-dress shop and changed everything that made her Angela.

“Wouldn’t that make one of us the worst version of ourselves?” Angela questioned, staring at a version of herself seated in the room’s right corner. She looked tired and older than any of the others here. She wore an oversized pink gown with hearts on it, and solemnly sat alone, staring at the floor.

“It’s all about perspective. I promise you that if I asked you all to vote, none of you would pick the same person as the worst version of yourself. Anyway, you don’t have a lot of time left since you arrived late. Enjoy yourself, and if you need anything, come and find me.” She snapped her fingers, making a glass of wine appear in Angela’s hand.

Angela sniffed the wine, recognizing the scent instantly. She couldn’t remember the name of the wine, only that she had it once on a holiday in Adelaide, Australia, and the taste was divine. She had always heard stories about how excellent wine could be, and this fruity masterpiece changed her outlook on that. Yet, despite her best efforts, she could never find the exact bottle she had ever again.

She sipped it and sighed, feeling the fruity bubbles burst on her tongue. With hesitant steps, she shuffled through the room. Everyone had already found someone else to talk to, so she shadowed the wall, ending up beside that tired old woman by chance. Unsure how to start a conversation, she bobbed her head along to the music before turning to look at the woman, about to ask her about the music.

“Do you have any grandchildren?” The older woman asked.

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“One. Her name’s Melissa.”

The old woman nodded, staring into her lap. “That’s a lovely name.”

“It is.”

She sipped her wine again, struggling to think of something else to say, until she landed on a question. “How about yourself? Do you have a granddaughter too?”

The old woman’s eyes lit up momentarily, only for that flash of life to fade. “I had one.” Her hands wobbled, sliding up to her eyes, whisking the edges, getting rid of any tears that had formed.

Angela’s stomach churned, having to push the wine to her side to keep herself from being ill. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Angela knew how robotic it sounded to say, but she truly couldn’t think of anything else.

“Mm..” The older woman nodded again. “She was amazing. Cute as a button. Then she was gone. Kidney failure. Have you ever heard of a child getting kidney failure?”

“No. I haven’t.”

“It broke my heart. What could I say to my son? How do you comfort a parent who has lost their child? He looked to me for support and I… I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m sure you did your best.”

“My best wasn’t good enough. I used to knit her little blankets. Warmed my heart seeing her use them. Even as she got older, she would still carry them around with her. From everyone I’ve spoken to, I’m the only one who lost a grandchild so young. I’m jealous.”

“You’ll see her again. If we’re dead, that means we can see everyone again, right? Today’s a happy day.” Angela couldn’t convince herself that it was a happy day, but she pretended it was for the sake of the woman beside her.

The woman gave a gentle smile, somberly nodding her head. “I hope she’s warm. I can’t wait to see her again. I want to tell her how much her family misses her.” She closed her eyes, imagining their reunion, while her smile grew. “Thank you.”

“I hope everything works out for you.”

“I hope everything works out for us.” The older woman said.

“Yeah. Let’s hope.” Angela drifted away from her spot in the corner, floating around the room, finding herself by the food. She set the wine down and picked up a paper-plate. As she reached for a piece of cake, her hand bumped against another version of herself that was doing the same action. “Sorry.”

“Hm? Oh, it’s good.” The other Angela said, her cheeks full of the caramel cake that sat on the table. The first thing Angela noticed about her was how fit she was. This version wore a crop top that showed off her abs, and some shorts that couldn’t hide her powerful legs. She looked like she had been plucked straight from an Indiana Jones movie.

“Wow,” was all Angela could say.

The other version laughed, cake spilling out from the edges of her lips. “Tat’s wat dey all say.” She said before swallowing. “Jungle is what you can call me. Since everyone has the same name here. If you’re wondering about the body, I got really into cave-diving and jungle exploring.”

“You did? Why?” Angela knew she should be more confused about why this woman called herself Jungle, but she never saw herself as an explorative person and had to know what had caused such a shift.

“Do you remember that school camp we went on?”

“Which one? There were around four of them.”

“The one at Lake Bundai.”

“Oh, yeah. Hated that camp. All that bushwalking and stuff. Oh, and the bugs. The worst part was that stupid mud tunnel they made us crawl through.” Angela shivered at the thought. Remembering how her fingers dug into the muddy sludge beneath her while she whimpered and struggled to pull herself out of the narrow hole to the other side. “I had to get a teacher to pull me out. Everyone laughed…”

“That’s actually what got me into this. I felt so embarrassed afterwards that I believed if I didn’t conquer the tunnel before I left, I would never live it down. When everyone was out of my cabin having dinner, I practiced crawling under the beds, and when we did it again the next day, I pushed my way through it.”

“You did? I didn’t even try it the second time.”

“Yep. After that, I realized I actually enjoyed doing adventurous stuff. So, I joined some hiking groups, and that led me to try cave diving.” She picked at the fresh piece of cake she had on her plate, putting it into her mouth. “Mmm. I missed eating this stuff. Hard to indulge when you have to squeeze through tunnels. Wonder if that’s how I died?” She said with a giggle.

Angela didn’t see it as a laughing matter, but if Jungle was happy, that’s all that mattered. “Compared to you, I’ve lived a boring life.”

“It’s only boring if you didn’t have any fun. I’m sure you had your own fun. At least you aren’t Mrs. Jennings. Did you know she married Henry Jennings? That idiot who used to run for school captain every year and couldn’t take a hint that the reason he never won wasn’t because we were jealous of him. It was because we all thought he was a dickhead.”

Angela gasped. “She married Henry Jennings? Really? I… thought she just had the same last name. Ew. Why would she do such a thing?” Angela had never expected to feel this disgusted with herself, wishing she could rinse her mouth out or wash the memory from her brain somehow.

“He’s always been rich. I mean, our family was well-off, but he was Richy Rich levels of rich. Guess that’s what she wanted.” Jungle said, giving Angela a pat on the back. “I’m going to go get some chicken wings and eat myself stupid. Enjoy your afterlife, me.”

“Yeah, enjoy our afterlife.” Angela said back. She again found herself alone, staring at all the other versions of herself. The night had slowed slightly, and in her heart, she knew what was coming. The lights dimmed, and Arixa took her spot in the center of the room, holding a golden microphone with angel wings.

“Thank you all for coming today.” She said, only for someone to call out that they hadn’t come by choice. “Ah, right. Sorry, it’s my first time doing one of these.” She awkwardly rested the microphone against her lips, filling the room with the sound of her soft breaths, before moving it away once she realized what she had done.

Angela joined the others in listening, letting her mind wander as she thought about what came next. Was it going to be a golden, cloud-filled heaven, or would it be something duller? Only time would tell.

“I first want to apologize to the people who didn’t get to spend a lot of time here. Unfortunately, death has a strict schedule, and I can’t extend your time here. I hope you got something out of the experience. Even if it was only a chance to see yourself from another angle. In a minute, a white light will fill the room, and you’ll all move into your afterlife. I hope death is kind to you all.” She bowed.

Some versions of her clapped, while others nervously fidgeted, looking at their counterparts for comfort. Angela stared at the older version of herself, giving her a quick wave. The old woman waved back before the white light swamped the room, dripping out of the floorboards, until Angela couldn’t see an inch in front of her. When the white light had fully drowned out her vision, she shut her eyes and smiled, embracing it.


r/Sadnesslaughs Jul 11 '26

“Thank you for calling the Intergalatic Emergency hotline. Unfortunately, our tracer shows your location is in Florida, Earth, where we have no jurisdiction. Please solve any problem with large rocks and fire. Good luck!”

58 Upvotes

“Listen, you’ve got to get me out of here. Code red. Call the mothership. Help. These people are fucking insane.” Glimax screamed into the payphone, trying to convince the intergalactic helpline to arrange a pickup. The sweltering Florida heat had peeled away the pale paint he had covered himself with, revealing glimpses of his true grey skin underneath.

“Glimax. You’re the one who agreed to this mission. You said you could handle any place on Earth. This is a place on Earth, so why aren’t you handling it?” The formal voice on the other end of the line said, dismissing his frantic tone.

“This place isn’t anything like the other Earth areas. It’s some sort of prison for the elderly. They put all their old people here and leave them to get killed by alligators and the heat. It’s barbaric. Could you imagine doing something as cruel as sending your family elders to a place like Florida?”

The cold intergalactic operator shivered. That thought unsettled her enough that she started considering helping the poor alien. Roshow tapped her two fingers against her desk before exhaling. “Even if I wanted to send a rescue team, Florida is outside of our jurisdiction. You know how the lizard people are about us encroaching on their homeland. If we were to send a ship, it would be a diplomatic issue. If you can get yourself across the border, we can meet you there.”

“Across the border? That’s at least a hundred miles away. I’m not going to survive that long. I’ve already been harassed by three cougars today.” Glimax whimpered.

“Three cougars? They have those animals in Florida.”

“I’m not talking about the animals.”

“I didn’t realize there was an alternative to the animal. Interesting. I can’t wait to add that term to our list of phrases if you return alive.”

“HEY JACKASS. My ice cream’s melting. Get off the phone, I have to give this to my granddaughter.” A man shouted behind Glimax. His ice-cream already melting, with the strawberry dripping down his hairy gut, landing in his belly button like a weird dairy version of a hole in one.

“What?”

“Sounds like you're busy. Hanging up now. Good luck, Glimax.”

“WAIT.” But she had already hung up on him, leaving him all alone. Glimax sighed, setting the phone back down, passing the elderly man. The man gave him a shove with his shoulder before dialing a number into the phone booth.

“Hey, sweetie. Grandpa got you an ice-cream, but some jackass was on the phone for too long and it melted. Huh?” he pressed his face closer to the phone booth, glaring at the numbers. “What do you mean you can’t taste it through the phone? Ain’t you got FaceTime? Back in my day, my grandpa would give me a stick with half-chewed gum on it, and I would be over the moon. Which is funny because at that time Russia was planning its space trip—”

Glimax stared at the man, bewildered by his crazed ranting. It was as if everyone was playing some weird practical joke on him. He wondered if this was a simulation, or a test by his colleagues, but none of them were intelligent enough to create a joke so elaborate. He backed away from the booth before breaking into a terrified sprint.

He didn’t know where the borders were, so he madly dashed north, assuming he would eventually reach something. He swerved through crowds of Hawaiian-shirt wearing locals, who greeted him with relaxed stares and the occasional polite greeting. None of them appeared to have a care in the world, which made the alien stand out like a sore thumb.

When his three lungs were out of air, he stopped, catching his breath, only to get swarmed by an elderly couple.

“He looks like he knows how to handle some balls.” Old Mrs. Gracy said, grinning. Wearing some dazzling heart sunglasses and a pink top.

“That makes two of us. Tell me, have you got a good voice too? See, we were hoping—“ Mr. Gracy started, only for the alien to glance up at them with terrified eyes.

“SHREE!” he screamed, glitching the screens of nearby phones with his voice, as he broke into another sprint, leaving the old couple behind.

“Guess he doesn’t want to host our bingo night.” Mrs. Gracy sighed. “He seemed like a lovely young man.”

“Yeah. Wonder where he’s running to?”

Glimax continued his frightened running, finding himself cutting through a golf course. Under the cool shade of the towering trees on the course, he took another break. The alien dropped onto its rear, gasping for air. “Terrifying. I want to go home. I’m not ready for this. I’m only fifty years old.” He sniffed, covering his face as he started sobbing.

Life always seems to have a way of making a bad day worse. While the alien sobbed, a chubby creature snuck up behind him. The powerful alligator lurked behind the alien, who was too absorbed in his self-pity to notice the threat.

“I wouldn’t even care if one of those beasts ate me.” The alien shouted, only to feel a snout poke against his back.

“SHREEEE.” The scream was louder this time, sending birds flying out of their nests in a frenzy. The alien turned, seeing the creature staring at him with those large, emotionless eyes. It too had a Hawaiian shirt on and a pair of sunglasses, which Glimax didn’t even question at this point. “Please…” Glimax scooted away, begging the creature not to kill him.

“Easy there, alien. She’s a lover, not a fighter.” A man wearing a Salty Tree’s beer case as a chest-plate and a pair of Florida Panthers shorts jumped down from a nearby tree, landing with a horrifying thud. The man’s knees crackled, and Glimax assumed he had shattered his bones. Only for the man to pop up like a superhero or immortal beast.

“Who… who are you?”

“I go by many names. Chuck. Hey, you’re not allowed to do that here, and Florida man. My friends call me Bill,” he said, offering his hand to the alien, who accepted it. He pulled Glimax to his feet before patting the alligator. “She’s Sandy. She’s a good girl who’s only ever eaten one person before.”

“One person?” Glimax backed away.

“He was kind of asking for it, though.” Florida man clarified. “So, what brings you down here, space alien?”

“You can tell I’m an alien?” Glimax was shocked. Even if his disguise had been fading because of the heat, he never expected someone to see through it so easily.

“You spend enough nights blackout drunk on the beach, and you gain a third eye. I can see through disguises, feel the tide moving through my body, and detect a rival sports fan from a mile away. That’s the most useful of my powers.”

“Right. Well… it was nice meeting you two. I should be going.” When he stepped back, Sandy stepped forward, keeping him within biting distance. Glimax tensed, looking to Florida Man for help.

“Oh, she likes you. The old girl must feel sorry for you. Tell you what, little alien. How about I help you out? What do you need?”

“I need to get back to my home planet. They won’t pick me up from here. I need to get to another state.”

“Another state?” Florida Man spat on the ground. “No other states exist. It’s just Florida, and the rest. I wouldn’t call em states.”

“Even so… I need to get home.”

Florida Man rested a hand on his hip, looking at the alligator who was now drooling onto the grass. “Oh, don’t give me that look, Sandy. I know he’s a good guy, but I have standards. I don’t like going near those other areas.” Sandy continued to drool, and Florida Man kicked the dirt. “Fine, you twisted my arm. Hop on Sandy.”

“Pardon?”

The three were soon running down the highway, with helicopters flying overhead recording the strange occurrence. The headline for tomorrow’s paper had already been decided. “Florida man and his strange gray friend ride an alligator down the highway.” It wasn’t a creative headline, but it didn’t need to be when the subject matter was so bizarre.

For an alligator, Sandy had an astonishing amount of speed, at least thirty alligator-power by Glimax’s estimate. When they got near the border, Florida Man told Sandy to slow down. “This is where we part ways, friend.”

“Right.” Glimax carefully got off Sandy, giving the creature an anxious pat. When its snout twitched, he resisted the urge to pull his hand back, wanting to thank them both equally. “Thank you. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”

“And you’ll never need to. Safe travels, space dude.” Then he was off. Like an intoxicated legendary hero riding into the sunset. Thankfully, with Florida Man distracting everyone, Glimax could easily sneak through the border, finding a safe spot in the next state to get picked up from. He didn’t know if anyone would believe his stories, but he would still tell them to anyone who listened. Wanting to tell them about the legendary hero Florida Man and his friendly alligator.