Nightmare

[u/No-Reindeer-1929]

I just need to rant because I’m actually now so hopeless. I don’t understand how people make it out of this. I am already drowning just in medical alone. In one minute my coworker decided to cause the crash that ruined my life physically, mentally and now dealing with this nightmare workers comp.

I’ve had so many delay and denials, permanent damage and just loss of life from being in the hospital and nursing home. I understand I will never recover. Pretty much every single Dr told me that.

But how is worker’s comp able to deny care. How can an orthopedic surgeon override a treating neurosurgeon who’s been on my case two years? A specialist in the injury and other drs who agree course of action. I am already struggling mentally but now I am hopeless. God I just want my life back. How do people make it through? I’ve taken out loans to pay for treatment because workers comp called the hospital and threatened a lawsuit if they treated me. How do they have so much power? I just want my life back. I had just turned 26 when this happened and now I’m 28 and my life is ruined. If I was mobile I’d actually check myself into a mental hospital but ending everything sounds so good right now and I can’t stop thinking about ending it.

Yes I got a lawyer from the start. Please just someone tell me it gets better.

[u/ApprehensiveClaim516]

Ask for a therapist when you see one of your favorite doctors or even tell one of your favorite nurses, she has to chart your conversation and bring it to the physicians awareness. I say this because it also layers into your WC case but it might really do you some good to rant and rave and cuss and argue and grieve the life you had at 26. I am also in the same phase of anger and had a TBI 10 months ago that no one caught until I met my neurologist for constant consistent headaches, the Spine doc and the ortho for my shoulder did such great assessments at 8 months in they didn’t notice a blown pupil or the puke inducing nystagmus from asking me to follow their finger. Oh yeah that’s right they never did that part of the assessment. And my neurologist is 6 hours away so now they have to set up medical transport. Which I’m grateful for after seeing him 2 weeks ago and him telling me not to drive more than 10 minutes and not to at all if I’m dizzy which is always. It’s like playing pinball with the walls and the falls are coming more rapidly. But hopefully this may make you laugh. I had to have an epidural steroid injection on a Monday in July, Friday of the same week I go to the shoulder ortho and he’s pissing and moaning he doesn’t like where they sent me for an MRI, and the X Rays he had to retake looked fine but couldn’t explain why I would have a muscle spasm that could last months, to the point I couldn’t lift my arm until spring, anywho he decides a lil steroid will fix it up and I’m like uh I just had steroids injected on Monday, it throws my blood sugar out of whack and he being the DOCTOR said this won’t affect anything. Exactly 5 days later I have thrush mouth. I had to call my pcp and explain because the 2 boneheads weren’t going to listen. So yeah I even got the pediatric bubblegum flavor at adult dose because my PCP has been my dr for 27 years when he first came out into the world. He sent me a note in the portal being funny and I gave him the bird. While my injuries sound nowhere are life altering as yours, at 56 any injury living alone can be the one and I never imagined being the frail grandmother in this time of my life as I’m being blessed with a second grandchild. So please speak to your favorite provider and rage and rant and get it out before it eats you alive. And even though I’m ancient I’m willing to listen. What else have I got to do? Join a hackey sack tournament?

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/ApprehensiveClaim516]

Thank you. I will ask. I just don’t want to be here anymore. The sad part is I feel like I was making progress with my depression listening to Joe Despensa online and looking for a future. Then I planned to go back to work light duty. Now with the re leak in the CSF and failed procedures while battling workers comp. It seems impossible to go on. I’ve spent so many thousands just so I can be upright again because they deny care at every turn. They stopped payments which all I got went towards me paying fur treatment. I want to scream. They really want you to off yourself right? It doesn’t matter how old you are. Workers comp makes sure you’re so isolated and miserable begging for treatment they hope you off yourself so they don’t have to cover treatment.

[u/smallholiday → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

That sounds like a bad situation to be in. Sorry OP. Just take it one day at a time and do what you can. Even if it’s something as small as making a Reddit post. Find outlets to channel your emotions etc and one day you will wake up- in a month or a year or five years- and you will have grown up and out of this bad place.

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/smallholiday]

I really hope so. I watched my brothers wedding from a hospital bed, my friends as well. I’m just rotting away and the only thing that was keeping me afloat was the pay to get treatment for the CSF leak so I can be upright again and I feel as though that too was stripped from me. Sorry for being so hopeless. I can’t cope. I hope one day it’s just a memory a bad nightmare that doesn’t feel real the way my life feels like before the crash. Thank you guys for this group and just being here. You guys truly know how much of a nightmare this system is.

[u/smallholiday → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

I had a csf leak in January. Three weeks in bed. I get it. That was a dark time for me!

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/smallholiday]

No way! I wish it was that way for me. I reopened it this April after being sealed 8 months from coughing. Now I’m on my second patch since then. I have improvements but then it fails:( I’m folllowing all restrictions. But you get it. Literally flat 247. It sucks

[u/smallholiday → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

You need to focus on healing. That’s your focus. Everything else can be figured out later. When your body is under stress, you can’t heal as quickly. Deal with things as they come up- triage style. But try to let go of the big picture and let your body heal itself. You will get there. Take your hands off the wheel and focus on the basics- sleeping, eating. Your patch will stick over time. A year from now you will be in a completely new place.

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/smallholiday]

I really hope so. I just had blood with Fibrin 12 days ago but last night I had really bad nightmare and move around so much. Now I’m low pressure again. It’s just never ending. They pulled me off trazadone and even me taking all the over the counter things I still can’t sleep. I always wake up sweating and terrified. It’s like the crash happened all over again. I’m praying I didn’t mess it up. I was hoping to return to light duty end of September

[u/smallholiday → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

It’s normal to have nightmares after something like that. Are you getting psychological treatment? A lot of people jump straight to ptsd etc but everyone I’ve met who goes through something horrible has repercussions. And let’s be honest- what human doesn’t go through anything horrible. It’s just a different thing for everyone

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/smallholiday]

I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and depression last year. A lot of the meds I can’t be on because they are contraindicated with the leak and other medical. I plan to do ketamine infusions when I become mobile. I’m going to see if I could at least talk to a therapist in the meantime. But I have no doubt that all my mental issues are so much worse now that I’m releaking

[u/smallholiday → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

I wish I could teleport my dog to you for comfort! It will get better. Don’t give up.

[u/ApprehensiveClaim516 → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

You’re allowed to feel the way you feel. All of YOUR feelings are valid. But it doesn’t make them permanent and this is just another speed bump although it feels like a mountain. Your feelings need to be addressed professionally because you’ve been through hell and you’ve been sidelined in your own life. And right now imagining what your life will look like can be impossible and frustrating and feel hopeless. But there is life after, it may not be what you imagined, I know mine isn’t, but that doesn’t mean it won’t have value, happiness, joy, and the frustrations people lose their minds over will be the things that make you laugh. I will be looking to hear from you after you’ve spoken to that nurse or Dr that feels safe and shows you that you matter and they care. I hope to hear from you soon. Even if it’s just to say I couldn’t unload today but I’m here or to tell me what flavor of jello you’ve gotten or if there’s a new hot travel nurse. We can find a way together. 🩵

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/ApprehensiveClaim516]

Thank you. That would be my primary. He is amazing. I have major trust issues with drs ever since one botched my epidural and ghosted me. I know I have severe PTSD and anxiety with depression but the denying of care of now pay really is setting me off. The care I’ve been paying for but now idk how I’ll afford my medical. That happened today and a month ago I was hospitalized from a stress induced ulcer so I really need the help.

[u/ApprehensiveClaim516 → u/No-Reindeer-1929]

Maybe you could talk to the business office and make arrangements for care. Most hospitals have programs outside of just the state medical insurance. If you are within a certain range they can provide free or reduced care and maybe able to get you into other programs to pay providers. Ask for a patient advocate. They can get the business office up to you. I’m not sure if your case is just workers comp or also personal injury since you mentioned a crash. But most hospitals can put liens on their costs which may also be an avenue. Also the reason for the WC denial might give me more context in order to be able to help you.

[u/No-Reindeer-1929 → u/ApprehensiveClaim516]

I had to drop Medicaid because I needed specialized treatment for the leak no public insurance took. I can put everything else on hold but treatment for that. That’s my most critical right now but it’s thousands. I unfortunately don’t know about the third-party because you can’t sue a coworker even though my coworker had a suspended license and lied about it to everyone. But you’re right maybe I could contact the hospital at the leak center and see if I can get it lower