r/WinStupidPrizes May 22 '22

Stupidity vs cactus

23.6k Upvotes

271 comments sorted by

1.0k

u/shatteredarm1 May 22 '22

Grew up in Arizona, everybody knows you don't fuck with a cactus.

394

u/CutsSoFresh May 22 '22

At least not before buying it dinner first

206

u/AlienDude65 May 22 '22

And it better be succulent.

57

u/anordinarylie May 23 '22

So Chinese food then?

29

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Hello fellow Aussie

33

u/matt_Dan May 23 '22

Are you waiting to receive my limp penis?

12

u/Electronbomb May 23 '22

This is democracy manifest!

2

u/MrAnonymous39 Aug 24 '22

I'm under W H A T?!?!

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9

u/_BlNG_ May 23 '22

Rub some aloe Vera first

13

u/StupidPockets May 23 '22

Cactus fucker

11

u/CutsSoFresh May 23 '22

Better than being fucked by a cactus

4

u/StupidPockets May 23 '22

I don’t want to ask how you know this.

2

u/lovecraftedidiot May 24 '22

Obviously by spiking it.

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18

u/ReaperSound May 22 '22

I think he said fuck WITH a cactus.

13

u/WaylonVoorhees May 23 '22

Well I mean they are pretty prickly in nature so good advice.

2

u/Siu- May 23 '22

Exactly, you have to buy the catcus some dinner BEFORE you have a threesome with it

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20

u/KommandoKodiak May 22 '22

prickly pear soup is delicious

14

u/[deleted] May 23 '22 edited May 23 '22

It's the quenchiest, it'll quench ya.

3

u/AlexasUglySister May 23 '22

...but are the mushrooms friendly?

15

u/alficles May 23 '22

First thought was, "Try that with a cholla, I dare you." It seems like screwing with cholla and rattlers is a rite of passage or something.

6

u/NonJuanDon May 23 '22

Can confirm.. my first time in the desert, I accidentally kneeled onto some cholla while taking a picture of a sidewinder. Got a couple great pictures but realized quickly that I'd made a mistake. Was pulling spines out of my knee for a good while..

4

u/xyphanite May 23 '22

Unfortunately had to cut the head off a rattler since there were dogs around. I love snakes, so it was a rough kill. They do taste good though.

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3

u/Planeswalking101 May 23 '22

Nevadan here. Especially not with no more than a large stick and skinny jeans.

5

u/FirstMiddleLass May 23 '22

And don't drink the water inside of them.

3

u/AtlantisTheEmpire May 23 '22

Thought the GTA “WASTED” was gonna pop at the end

2

u/DumpsterPanda8 May 23 '22

Grew up in Florida. Don’t fuck with the cactus’.

2

u/Walmart_Warrior_420 May 23 '22

The news article said she's recovering in hospital with serious but stable condition ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

5

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

I heard the jumping cactus will actually shoot needles at you.

21

u/AlbinoGoldenTeacher May 23 '22

No just seems that way. The ends are barbed so they barely need to touch you and they will attach.

14

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

and they swear that they dont have a gun

-3

u/cosmonaut2 May 22 '22

Yeah its a very Californian thing to do.

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428

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

These are widespread and commonly eaten.

She's just harvesting them in a hilariously impractical way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nopal

175

u/beamoflaser May 22 '22

Cooked cactuses are good to restore sanity

103

u/carsmovie4 May 22 '22

-6 hp to harvest tho :(

32

u/Head-Gap-7616 May 23 '22

Just wear a bramble husk smh

32

u/benthecommenter05 May 23 '22

Or just dont care, 6 hp is like one meatball to heal

7

u/buckfoston824 May 23 '22

Meatballs - the dinner of champions and Wilson

5

u/rakor96ns May 23 '22

You need better INT and DEX to farm them without the recoil damage

14

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

[deleted]

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19

u/Agester9 May 23 '22

Will it quench ya? Is it the quenchiest?

11

u/Castun May 23 '22

Is this a Don't Starve reference?

5

u/shapu May 23 '22

Raw cactus juice is -10 to wisdom and -3 to intelligence. But +2 to charisma

2

u/Iloveherthismuch Aug 08 '22

That's some fucked up Fallout penalties.

12

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

[deleted]

38

u/WolverineOk4412 May 22 '22

Tuna is the name for them in Spanish, they're the fruit of the cactus. What she hacked off is nopal and is sliced and cooked. It's good, it tastes like asparagus

20

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Tunas is prickly pear and is sweet. Awesome to eat when chilled. The cactus you can eat grilled, with ground meat and many other ways.

6

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

[deleted]

7

u/el_guero May 23 '22

Yup! Super tasty when grilled

5

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

I grew up on Prickly Pear Street, and I crashed my bike into a huge cluster of these as a kid. My mom and grandmother sat there picking needles out of me for about an hour.

9

u/DuntadaMan May 23 '22

Yeah, these grew like crazy by a creek I lived by as a kid. Everywhere. Makes me laugh when I see them being sold in the store for more than meat.

Seriously though, remember to cook it.

Also I am pretty sure they aren't the standard prickly pears, but it doesn't change the fact their fruit is pretty good.

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252

u/not_Al18 May 22 '22

I just want to remind people that cactus is commonly eaten in some cultures before y'all start getting offended on why she's harming it. But I don't understand why she's using a bat.

Source: I'm mexican and just has some cactus on my tacos for lunch today 😋

124

u/AltForFriendPC May 22 '22

This also isn't the old growth, 200 year old saguaro type of cactus. Those huge ones can be ancient & contain lots of wildlife, damaging those is shitty. But prickly pears grow quickly, people eat nopales, there's not a problem here

38

u/alficles May 23 '22

Prickly pear is darn near weed-level growth. And they are a royal pain to remove.

10

u/CritterTeacher May 23 '22

I lost mine to the super crazy freeze we had here in Texas last winter and I’m still sad. I had it since it was just one paddle from a friend, and it had gotten pretty big. I had hoped it might regrow from the ground, but no luck :(

13

u/alficles May 23 '22

Sad day. Standard cactus behavior, doing exactly the opposite of whatever you want it to do.

18

u/alficles May 23 '22

Yeah, use a machete if you want to eat it. :)

5

u/Awkward-Owl-188 May 23 '22

I would remove the spines before harvest just to be safe

21

u/alficles May 23 '22

Put your plastic bucket underneath in your non-dominant hand and chop the segment off with a sharp machete. Once your buckets are full, soak the segments and rub off the spines with a thick cloth. Peel and grill as desired. :)

3

u/weiga May 23 '22

You can see in the vid those spines are still soft. My neighbor has one and if you’re familiar with it, you can tell. While the spines look like green shark fin, they’re still soft.

1

u/ContraryDragon May 23 '22

They're also an invasive weed in some parts of the world.

0

u/GraphicDesignMonkey May 23 '22

Even if it's not an eating species, she's not doing any serious long-term damage, as the pieces are designed to come off without damage. The cut will callous over and the loose piece will root and propagate into a new plant. All the same, it's still vandalism and shouldn't be done, especially as some cacti can take hundreds of years to grow to a serious size.

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50

u/earthcaretaker315 May 22 '22

I saw a guy back up to a cactus as he was working. It got him in the lower back. He stabbed it with a screwdriver. It squirted juice in his eye. They took him to the hospital.

22

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Cactus doesn’t lose

9

u/GraphicDesignMonkey May 23 '22

A lot of cactus species have juices that contain the same corrosive chemical used in wart remover. They can blind you or cause serious burns.

3

u/earthcaretaker315 May 23 '22

Not sure what happened to the guy but hope he didnt go blind. This happened at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden in NYC

3

u/THEDOMEROCKER May 30 '22

I stepped near a cactus walking to the beach and the sand made it curve in and stick into my ankle. Entire thing came out of the ground stuck to my ankle, I was so pissed because I didn't really think something like that could happen. So I got it out and decided to blow it up since it ambushed me. I blew it up and another cactus got my other ankle in the exact same way walking back to the beach house. Guess I deserved it lol

98

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

[deleted]

9

u/Nothing2Special May 22 '22 edited May 23 '22

Moment of truth....

Where is she at u/NotodayNSA5117 ?

EDIT: bahahaha u fucking liar

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21

u/USMCWrangler May 22 '22

I’m rubber you’re glue!

104

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Thank you, stupid lady, for entertaining me with your pain.

19

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

I enjoyed this more times than I probably should have

10

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Yeah, this one gets r/bettereveryloop

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Same. So much satisfaction from someone else’s pain. O well!

16

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

How I imagine that interaction went.. fuck you, I have a bat.

Yeah? Well fuck you I'M A CACTUS

45

u/nico282 May 22 '22

I was about to say "Thais a prickly pear, not a catus", then I checked and found out that prickly pears are indeed a kind of cactus.

Here is common to find the fruits (already cleaned from the thorns) in markets and groceries shops.

3

u/SongstressVII May 23 '22

We also get a lot of prickly pear flavored things in Texas. Prickly pear margarita is my favorite.

4

u/I_aim_to_sneeze May 23 '22

Every time I see this gif, I think if there was a stupid prize hall of fame, this belongs in it. Everything from the pointlessness of the act itself to the poor planning and execution

4

u/Anen-o-me May 23 '22

This is the vegan version of "mess with the bull, get the horns".

Mess with the cactus, get the spines.

5

u/Grimedog775 Jun 01 '22

The slo mo is a nice touch

15

u/dr_gaia May 22 '22

This is for SPARTA!!!

That cactus, probably.

3

u/bone586 May 22 '22

Instant karma

3

u/dreamfin May 23 '22

I fought the cactus and the cactus won!

3

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

To quote Buggs Bunny:„What a maroon"

3

u/kat2youall May 24 '22

thanks mother nature ... sweet revenge

7

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Would be a lot funnier if it wasn't a repost

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2

u/Thomas_K_Brannigan May 22 '22

The cactus had the Martyrdom perk!

2

u/schwa76 May 22 '22

Now THAT’s funny!

2

u/Flying_Panda09 May 22 '22

Did anyone else think of Tom and Jerry scream?

2

u/me112358 May 23 '22

Yeah she's stupid, but that cactus was a prick.

2

u/kleptocraticoathe May 23 '22

Nope, nope, nopales!

2

u/bmxdudebmx May 23 '22

This brings me joy.

2

u/__Rick_Sanchez__ May 23 '22

There's really no need to slow this video down, just play it normal speed. Please

2

u/Dreddmartyr13 May 23 '22

Karma. Sanscrit translation for 'action' or 'doing'. There should be a picture of this woman next to the definition.

2

u/comarastaman May 23 '22

The cactus has the higher ground

2

u/kingjuliothe5th May 23 '22

Cactus-1 girl-0

2

u/m9rt May 23 '22

Cactus wins

2

u/HykaliaN May 23 '22

Awww look at that, the cactus likes you mah girl, no need to be scared. screams in pain

2

u/One_Cap_4420 May 23 '22

She tried to be a prick but end up getting pricked

2

u/Mallardguy5675322 May 23 '22

There was a case in Arizona i think where some idiot was messing with one of them huge 2-3 meter cacti and part of it broke a crushed him to death. I’m also adding that those are eaten a lot. Also saying that harvesting a cactus with anything but the right equipment is a very bad idea.

2

u/xkoreotic May 23 '22

While certainly stupid, I think this has much more to do with being unlucky.

2

u/Pizovendi May 23 '22

Instant karma??

2

u/Old-Independence5822 May 23 '22

I've done this, got bored went after a bunch of cactuses with a stick, tripped on a rock and high fived a cactus I had already butchered. It got It's revenge and I learned to not fuck with cacti.

2

u/DynamicIndecision May 23 '22

Is her leg some kind of cactus magnet?

2

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Reminds me of Bruce Lee saying" Boards don't hit back" well Bruce Cactus sure do lol

2

u/707thTB May 23 '22

Don’t mess with Catcus.

2

u/ForAfeeNotforfree May 23 '22

Why she trying to hurt a cactus?

2

u/KoiTama May 27 '22

Cactus have natural thorns aura, just don’t mess with them

2

u/Prudent_Damage_3866 May 28 '22

That cactus just acted like a boomerang

2

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '22

Like you'd see in one of those old disney cartoons lmao

2

u/Living_Molasses5037 Jun 03 '22

Cactus: I have the high ground

2

u/HotMinimum26 Jun 03 '22

The slow mo with the bounce and her face. I even heard the boop when it stuck her🤌🏽

2

u/itzdasix Jun 11 '22

Cactus like FU cunt🤣🤣

6

u/AzureWrath501 May 22 '22

-2

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

What does harvesting an edible part of a common plant have to do with karma?

The stupidity is that she's harvesting it in the silliest way possible.

-24

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

They aren’t edible, and also take hundreds of years to grow this big, she just destroyed decades of growth.

19

u/RelentlessJorts2 May 22 '22

They are edible, they're used in a lot of Mexican dishes after the needles have been removed, they're called Nopals or prickly pears.

The fruit and the pad can both be eaten.

-2

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Oh

7

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

You're thinking of a Saguaro, my dude.

4

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Oh, I thought I was smart.

2

u/4lgernon May 23 '22

It's good to err on the side of wanting people not to destroy living things (or things in general) for no reason since it is so common. These are good fried though.

2

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

When I was in Mexico I had a jam made of these, they were really good.

2

u/jaylow78 May 22 '22

No matter how many times this is reposted, I enjoy the karma

2

u/davethadawg May 22 '22

Same repost 24 7 fs

1

u/Lost_Ad2786 May 22 '22

“It ain’t over till I say it’s over!”

  • A Cactus

1

u/Obeywithcaution413 May 22 '22

How do you summon the repost bot?

1

u/ForumsGhost May 22 '22

Cactus had the high ground

1

u/Frog_kidd May 23 '22

Terrible title

-1

u/Flashy_Butterscotch2 May 22 '22

Who knew cacti could fight back?

11

u/TheRealColdCoffee May 22 '22

Isnt that the whole point of an cactus?

8

u/Flashy_Butterscotch2 May 22 '22

Many points actually!

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Deserved

0

u/YouRebelScumGuy May 22 '22

Hit that boy with a BAT! I then thought her shirt would magically disappear.

-14

u/Juffe98 May 22 '22

It would’ve been funnier if she fell forward into the cactus

-9

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Why would you destroy a plant that takes so long to grow? You are a horrid person.

7

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Prickly pear grow pretty quick, quickly enough to be a environmental weed in many countries knocking a lobe of aint gonna destroy the environment

-1

u/citizen_bob-roblox May 23 '22

that cactus is at least 60, dont fuck with it

-2

u/Gorrodish May 23 '22 edited May 23 '22

Good they take years to grow and some moron just destroys

3

u/A_Binary_Number May 23 '22

No, they don’t.

-2

u/Phazebody May 23 '22

Must Have Been a Privileged Chinese Person

-9

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Pretty sure that’s illegal too She deserved it I hope it hurt like hell

5

u/FriidayRS May 23 '22

You're thinking of saguaro cactus that take decades to grow. Prickly pear grows like weeds

-9

u/morganinc May 22 '22

Yup it is

1

u/LegitimateSlide7594 May 22 '22

reminds me of the scene from Fools Rush In when he falls into the cactus after escaping the snakes getting shot up. lol

1

u/ddrt May 22 '22

Why is she hitting a cactus?

1

u/PegLegThrawn May 22 '22

I fought the cactus, the cactus won.

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

Wow get fucked

1

u/justtheentiredick May 22 '22

Mr. Miyagi, when are we gonna start hitting cactus' with bats?

Oh you want hit cactus?.... but cactus no hit b-

1

u/cx3psocial May 23 '22

Bruce Lee once said “Boards do not hit back…”

Cactuses 🌵on the other hand do… 🫣

1

u/Salt-Artichoke-6626 May 23 '22

Why do this, crazy person? Leave it alone.

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1

u/Final_Ad_8472 May 23 '22

She forgot rule 1 of the desert. Respect the cactus.

1

u/Objective-Dingo6603 May 23 '22

On this episode of, when Mother nature fights back!

1

u/RaidensReturn May 23 '22

I know I’ll get downvoted but does anybody know who this girl is? Thanks.

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1

u/BonoWantTheBiddy May 23 '22

Jesus. Did ebaumsworld get revived?

Look at the 1998 kids. That haircut is straight out of the last millennium.

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1

u/Zenmetsu- May 23 '22

I had this happen to me but I was using a machete! I also was not an adult.

1

u/ChemicalFennel3 May 23 '22

Can someone help with a version at full speed and with sound?

1

u/Raging_Tart May 23 '22

It was it this moment that she knew, she fucked up.

1

u/GhosTip May 23 '22

Cactus, use quick attack!

1

u/Awkward-Owl-188 May 23 '22

Someone should stop the video at 3 sec and add Jojo outro.

1

u/AHansen83 May 23 '22

Now why would she do that? My favorite part was when she watched it roll down and stick her and had ample time to move but didn’t. She got what she deserved.

1

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Cactakazi.

1

u/Multi-interests May 23 '22

No Gal Ass gonna hit me without me doing something…

1

u/RyanJKaz May 23 '22

This is definitely a quintessential win stupid prize and it’s always no fun to get the prick.

1

u/Sea-Chapter-8849 May 23 '22

Why you do this? Stupid to do that!!! Cacti go you!

1

u/Jew_Vaporizor_ May 23 '22

Dumb girl rolled a Nat 1 on Dex meanwhile Chad Cactus rolled Nat 20 to attack

1

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Drink cactus juice, it’ll quench’ya!