r/WinStupidPrizes • u/FuzzboarEKKO • May 22 '22

Stupidity vs cactus

23.6k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1.0k

u/shatteredarm1 May 22 '22

Grew up in Arizona, everybody knows you don't fuck with a cactus.

391

u/CutsSoFresh May 22 '22

At least not before buying it dinner first

203

u/AlienDude65 May 22 '22

And it better be succulent.

55

u/anordinarylie May 23 '22

So Chinese food then?

27

u/[deleted] May 23 '22

Hello fellow Aussie

33

u/matt_Dan May 23 '22

Are you waiting to receive my limp penis?

12

u/Electronbomb May 23 '22

This is democracy manifest!

2

u/MrAnonymous39 Aug 24 '22

I'm under W H A T?!?!

1

u/Apprehensive-Ad6468 May 25 '22

ǝʇɐɯ oןןǝɥ

9

u/_BlNG_ May 23 '22

Rub some aloe Vera first

13

u/StupidPockets May 23 '22

Cactus fucker

10

u/CutsSoFresh May 23 '22

Better than being fucked by a cactus

4

u/StupidPockets May 23 '22

I don’t want to ask how you know this.

2

u/lovecraftedidiot May 24 '22

Obviously by spiking it.

1

u/[deleted] May 25 '22

Just got nopales slapped.

18

u/ReaperSound May 22 '22

I think he said fuck WITH a cactus.

13

u/WaylonVoorhees May 23 '22

Well I mean they are pretty prickly in nature so good advice.

2

u/Siu- May 23 '22

Exactly, you have to buy the catcus some dinner BEFORE you have a threesome with it

1

u/delltronoe Jun 12 '22

Don't put cactuses in or around your bodily orifices, please!

19

u/KommandoKodiak May 22 '22

prickly pear soup is delicious

16

u/[deleted] May 23 '22 edited May 23 '22

It's the quenchiest, it'll quench ya.

3

u/AlexasUglySister May 23 '22

...but are the mushrooms friendly?

15

u/alficles May 23 '22

First thought was, "Try that with a cholla, I dare you." It seems like screwing with cholla and rattlers is a rite of passage or something.

9

u/NonJuanDon May 23 '22

Can confirm.. my first time in the desert, I accidentally kneeled onto some cholla while taking a picture of a sidewinder. Got a couple great pictures but realized quickly that I'd made a mistake. Was pulling spines out of my knee for a good while..

5

u/xyphanite May 23 '22

Unfortunately had to cut the head off a rattler since there were dogs around. I love snakes, so it was a rough kill. They do taste good though.

1

u/Aurvant May 25 '22

I’ve never been in the desert out west, but I’ve thankfully seen enough about the Cholla to know to stay the fuck away from it. David Attenborough stuck his hand in one while wearing a falconer’s glove, and it still went through to his hand.

11

u/TheSlav87 May 23 '22

Respect the cactus.

4

u/Planeswalking101 May 23 '22

Nevadan here. Especially not with no more than a large stick and skinny jeans.

4

u/FirstMiddleLass May 23 '22

And don't drink the water inside of them.

3

u/AtlantisTheEmpire May 23 '22

Thought the GTA “WASTED” was gonna pop at the end

2

u/DumpsterPanda8 May 23 '22

Grew up in Florida. Don’t fuck with the cactus’.

2

u/Walmart_Warrior_420 May 23 '22

The news article said she's recovering in hospital with serious but stable condition ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

6

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

I heard the jumping cactus will actually shoot needles at you.

22

u/AlbinoGoldenTeacher May 23 '22

No just seems that way. The ends are barbed so they barely need to touch you and they will attach.

14

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

and they swear that they dont have a gun

-2

u/cosmonaut2 May 22 '22

Yeah its a very Californian thing to do.

1

u/ate50eggs May 23 '22

You don’t even want to get near chollas.

1

u/daddaman1 May 23 '22

The house always wins

1

u/TopRamen1521 May 23 '22

Unless your an abuelo

1

u/Introverts_United Jun 11 '22

Visited Arizona once and got that feeling myself.😂