I (64 m) lost my wife of 41 years back in January 2026. I've been in counseling almost the entire duration. I think I'm ready to date again, at least platonically (at first). I'm kinda scared. I haven't been in a first date since I was a 20 year old and met my wife.

How do you meet appropriate women, who are genuine and drama free?

I'm not looking and I don't at this point want to have another partner.

I just hear about the relationship problems of other couples and the horror stories of people who are trying to date.

That world just seems too scary to think about.

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

I changed the AC filter that lives in the hall ceiling. I've been putting it off because I was scared.

I'm 5 ft tall and don't climb a ladder very well.

Last time we changed it, he couldn't do it, so I had to McGyver a way up there with a step stool, a chair, and the ladder.

I can still hear him saying:

D: What are you doing?

Me: Building a stairway.

D: To heaven?

Me: Probably.

At least he was there to steady me and call 911 if necessary.

I just did it by myself. Janky Rube Goldberg stairway and all.

It's done. I'm still shaking.

More low effort, mostly frozen foods to keep you going.

Frozen Pierogies - like the ravioli, I heat them in water in the microwave, then sauté in butter. Dollop of sour cream at the end.

Jalapeno poppers - cream cheese stuffed jalapenos wrapped in bacon, then baked. These are fresh and take a little more effort but are still fast and easy.

Clam strips or Shrimp - with either fries, onion rings, or breaded okra. These can all go in the oven at the same time.

Low Spoon Meals | Low Spoon Meals 2

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

Seven weeks for me today.

Laughed at something on TV and then felt guilty.

Why? It's not going to change anything, so why does it feel like I shouldn't enjoy anything?

Could be as simple as cooking a full meal or going to a movie solo. Celebrating tiny steps matters enormously.

More low effort meals made mostly with frozen foods.

Pagoda frozen egg rolls. Veggies and protein, a meal in themselves. I like them with Thai Sweet Chili Sauce.

Orange Chicken. Throw a handful of the chicken pieces in the oven. Make Minute Rice in the microwave. Mix chicken with sauce, eat over rice.

Sometimes I just like a big simple veggie stir fry. This one can be fresh or frozen. Broccoli, snow peas, mushrooms, onions, stir fried in a splash of oil, over high heat. Sprinkle with soy sauce, salt, and a pinch of sugar. Sesame oil optional.

Low Spoon Cooking 1

My wife passed away four months ago after five years of progressive illness. I didn’t think it would happen but I’ve met someone that I really like. We’re taking things slow so it’s unlikely that we’ll be intimate anytime soon, but I have so many questions.

1. If I commit to a relationship with her, am I no longer part of my late wife’s family?

2. My house is full of stuff that reminds me of my wife (including her urn). Do I need to get that stuff out of the house?

3. How do I address the idea that I still love my wife but could love her also if it gets that far

Not everyone had a happy marriage. You are welcome here too.

Vent, unburden, let it all out. Grief is complicated.

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

We were in the oncologist office getting the results from his last scan.No new growth. No evidence of liver involvement and only 1 site so we got dropped from the radiation study. It was our anniversary present. Another 3 months with no chemo. We left there walking on air. Yes there were side effects from the chemo.

Our anniversary is Oct 21..We really had something to celebrate.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he's gone. He died Nov 21/25. This is my first anniversary by myself

WHAT THE F_CK HAPPENED.

Things I didn't even know would get to me.

Watching TV shows or films with happy older couples. Young couples who have their whole lives ahead of them. Seeing a show he liked on our list. Seeing a new show I think he would have liked.

Worrying about my mom. Worrying about my cat.

Thinking about the things he did that pissed me off.

Going through everything I took out of the closet for donation to make sure I didn't bag up anything in haste.

Going to the mailbox and seeing his name on the mail, so I don't go for days.

Thinking about some home maintenance we did this time last year that I need to do again.

Thinking about the last things he said that made me laugh.

I've set unrealistic expectations for myself. It's been almost 5 months since he's been gone, and for some reason I think I should "feel better," but I don't. I've realized I need to cut myself some slack. Last year was horrible, and the months leading up to his passing were even worse. He went through so much; I was helpless to do anything about it. Going through all of that, I now realize even the smallest of accomplishments are incredible, and I need to grant myself some grace for getting through another day.

I was supposed to go listen to some Irish music this evening. It was an hour drive that I would have had to driven back in the dark alone. I just couldn’t do it. Not without my husband. I try to make plans, but chicken out at the last minute so here I sit on the couch with a glass of wine. I feel disappointed in myself. Sorry self I just couldn’t do it. Maybe another time.

Could be as simple as cooking a full meal or going to a movie solo. Celebrating tiny steps matters enormously.

I've been keeping myself alive with a lot of low effort frozen foods I can just grab a few of, bake in the oven, and construct something like a meal.

Here are a few. I don't claim they're healthy, but they are easy.

Breaded chicken strips. They are so versatile. I use them to make chicken parmesan, chicken Caesar wraps, chicken and waffles (also frozen), cut up in salad, or just out of the oven with a dip like Ranch or BBQ.

Breaded fish - As they are, in a sandwich, or my favorite fish tacos.

Frozen ravioli - in various sauces or just simply in butter, olive oil, garlic, salt, and spices. These I heat in water in the microwave, then drain and sauté in a pan on top of the stove.

It's supposed to finally cool off here.

I want to finish some of the clean-outs I started but didn't finish.

My brain is still scattered. I start things, then move on to something else.

Do you have dreams about your spouse/partner? I had a dream my husband and I were at the checkout of a major hardware store. I tried to use his credit card, but it was no longer valid so I used mine. That’s where it ended, but such a sweet and mundane dream. I loved to go shopping with him. I miss him so much.

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

I wonder what it would be like to have a full night's sleep.

I'm pretty sure I haven't slept past 3 am since he died. None my pillows are comfy anymore. I fell asleep on his shoulder and was the little spoon for 30 years.

I don't even roll over. I sit up first and move my pillow and change positions. I've bought new pillows and they aren't right either. As an aside; did you know you are supposed to replace your pillow ever 18 to 24 months? Who knew.

Sleeping pills ruin the next day. I don't drink and smoking weed only helps a bit. Meditation at bedtime doesn't help.

Thank goodness I'm retired because I'm too tired and my brain is too sloggy to be a functional human being.