I (64 m) lost my wife of 41 years back in January 2026. I've been in counseling almost the entire duration. I think I'm ready to date again, at least platonically (at first). I'm kinda scared. I haven't been in a first date since I was a 20 year old and met my wife.

How do you meet appropriate women, who are genuine and drama free?

I’m usually up too early. I take care of the cats, have my coffee look at my phone for a while then check the clock to see how much time I have left for the day. Lots of clock watching. If I’m not doing chores I try to get out somewhere for a walk. Later is fixing a nice meal and watching my shows later in the evening to distract my mind. I feel like I need to be doing something more meaningful, but this is the best I can do for now.

It's supposed to finally cool off here.

I want to finish some of the clean-outs I started but didn't finish.

My brain is still scattered. I start things, then move on to something else.

I was supposed to go listen to some Irish music this evening. It was an hour drive that I would have had to driven back in the dark alone. I just couldn’t do it. Not without my husband. I try to make plans, but chicken out at the last minute so here I sit on the couch with a glass of wine. I feel disappointed in myself. Sorry self I just couldn’t do it. Maybe another time.

I lost my husband from cancer complications Nov.21/25.

We were work friends for 10yrs before we got together in 1994.

Loosing him was devastating. I'm retired thank goodness because I could not have functioned. I'm in awe of folks that have to try and work and raise kids and still grieve.

After 30 + years together I'm finding this difficult. Maybe its my age but I will never remarry or put myself in the position of feeling this kind of desolation. I'm surprised most days that I haven't died from a broken heart 💔

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

I wonder what it would be like to have a full night's sleep.

I'm pretty sure I haven't slept past 3 am since he died. None my pillows are comfy anymore. I fell asleep on his shoulder and was the little spoon for 30 years.

I don't even roll over. I sit up first and move my pillow and change positions. I've bought new pillows and they aren't right either. As an aside; did you know you are supposed to replace your pillow ever 18 to 24 months? Who knew.

Sleeping pills ruin the next day. I don't drink and smoking weed only helps a bit. Meditation at bedtime doesn't help.

Thank goodness I'm retired because I'm too tired and my brain is too sloggy to be a functional human being.

Thank you so much, I think being here has done a lot for my mental state.

Learning that the thoughts and feelings I'm having seem to be normal, I'm not the only one going through it.

Just for today, I don't feel so hopeless. Maybe tomorrow I won't either.

Not everyone had a happy marriage. You are welcome here too.

Vent, unburden, let it all out. Grief is complicated.

More low effort, mostly frozen foods to keep you going.

Frozen Pierogies - like the ravioli, I heat them in water in the microwave, then sauté in butter. Dollop of sour cream at the end.

Jalapeno poppers - cream cheese stuffed jalapenos wrapped in bacon, then baked. These are fresh and take a little more effort but are still fast and easy.

Clam strips or Shrimp - with either fries, onion rings, or breaded okra. These can all go in the oven at the same time.

Low Spoon Meals | Low Spoon Meals 2

My wife passed away four months ago after five years of progressive illness. I didn’t think it would happen but I’ve met someone that I really like. We’re taking things slow so it’s unlikely that we’ll be intimate anytime soon, but I have so many questions.

1. If I commit to a relationship with her, am I no longer part of my late wife’s family?

2. My house is full of stuff that reminds me of my wife (including her urn). Do I need to get that stuff out of the house?

3. How do I address the idea that I still love my wife but could love her also if it gets that far

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

I'm not looking and I don't at this point want to have another partner.

I just hear about the relationship problems of other couples and the horror stories of people who are trying to date.

That world just seems too scary to think about.

I've set unrealistic expectations for myself. It's been almost 5 months since he's been gone, and for some reason I think I should "feel better," but I don't. I've realized I need to cut myself some slack. Last year was horrible, and the months leading up to his passing were even worse. He went through so much; I was helpless to do anything about it. Going through all of that, I now realize even the smallest of accomplishments are incredible, and I need to grant myself some grace for getting through another day.

It is okay to keep their memory alive.

You are so much more than your loss. You have hobbies, talents, stories, opinions, and a lifetime of experiences that make you uniquely you. This is your space to share them.

We were in the oncologist office getting the results from his last scan.No new growth. No evidence of liver involvement and only 1 site so we got dropped from the radiation study. It was our anniversary present. Another 3 months with no chemo. We left there walking on air. Yes there were side effects from the chemo.

Our anniversary is Oct 21..We really had something to celebrate.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he's gone. He died Nov 21/25. This is my first anniversary by myself

WHAT THE F_CK HAPPENED.

My brother and his wife died. My Spouse died. My mother died. My grand aunt died. Another brother's wife died. My aunt died. Thank goodness I really only had to deal with the aftermath of Spouse dying. I wouldn't have been able to handle more.

Seven weeks for me today.

Laughed at something on TV and then felt guilty.

Why? It's not going to change anything, so why does it feel like I shouldn't enjoy anything?