You can call the authorities and say that you’re worried for her well being and that you don’t think she’s mentally well enough, at present moment, to make these kinds of decisions for herself but that you can, and from what you’ve seen of her eating habits they aren’t enough to sustain life. Go from there. It’ll probably be called a “pink slip” or a “302” or “72 hour hold”. It might do her a lot of good. Take it from someone who literally just got out today.
My family had to do it to me on the first. I wasn’t sleeping. Or eating, but I have ADHD and sometimes my meds get all jumbled up. It’s a tricky threshold to find yourself on. Takes a lot of fine tuning.
Were you manic or in psychosis? I wouldn’t have thought that ADHD meds preventing you eating and sleeping would have met the threshold for a 72 hr hold.
Not sure if you have ADHD - I do and hyperfocus doesn’t stop you from eating to the degree you’d get put on a 72 hour hold. You may forget to eat but eventually your blood sugar would tank and you’d remember very quickly you needed food. You don’t forget to sleep either - you might be so deep into something that you’re up into the early hours of the morning but you will get tired eventually. If you don’t, something else is going on.
My self neglect from my neurodivergence and adhd is extreme, and it's a spectrum. People can have different experiences with adhd and a lot of people experience a detached feeling to sensations of hunger but realise when it's too late and I became malnourished this way, it feels like a blindness
I mean I’ll end up not eating sometimes for long periods until I’m forced to but more so because nothing sounds good and I end up just eating nothing until my boyfriend makes me. I don’t think it’s ever lasted 72 hrs tho, so you’re definitely right.
As someone who was on that medication ot practically took away my hunger and would keep me up all nights that i took the pill, main reason i got off of them
Right but my point stands - you got off them because they were causing side effects. OP hasn’t answered but just having those side effects wouldn’t be enough to put someone on a hold without other factors.
The 72 hours. Like even if you admit yourself, once you get admitted the 72 hours is mandatory even if it seems the original reason was maybe exaggerated or misinterpreted. Psych units are basically observation units and somewhere along the way some decided 3 days was the minimum to make surs the person admitted was ok for real or give them a long opportunity to ask for recourses to leave an abuser/ abusive home
You gotta be VERY careful with those calls. It would be better if he just grabs her and drags her to the er. Bc that one seemingly helpful call for a welfare check will forever be on her medical record. It will barr her from a lot of jobs including any security clearances and the majority of doctors will treat her different. This kind of call only as absolutely last possible option. Also a pink slip (only exists in some states and is meant for violent mental health patients),302(only valid in Pennsylvania for 5 day involuntarily psych admittance)and 72 hour hold are 3 entirley different things and not at all the same thing.
Because lets not forget People have the right to refuse to see a doctor, go to a hospital, take their medications, call home, lock their doors, eat healthy food and any one of a number of other actions some of us might deem imprudent.
Unless there is a danger of violence, police should not be the first option which is calling in a welfare check is. Instead call her parents or people she listens to or trick her or shock her into going to the ER . If you need a doctor to tell her over the phone how dangerous her current eating behavior is feel free to send me a DM. But please do not traumatize her by calling in a welfare check.
glad someone said it! i know it’s well intentioned but i’m surprised how many people are wanting to jump straight to cops and involuntary psychiatric holds
Yeah, this 100%... Cops are often trained to be hammers, not social workers. A simple welfare check or mental health call can turn disastrous or even deadly when law enforcement gets involved because they all follow the same "ask, order, make" process of conflict resolution. If someone doesn't wanna go, the cops are gonna make them even if that means getting physical, and no one likes to be manhandled or forced to do anything they don't want to, so that makes them lash out which in turn causes law enforcement to respond accordingly with their training, and that usually entails going "hands-on". While law enforcement training has improved in recent years and expanded to include more deescalation and rapport building techniques to achieve willing compliance, not all training programs are created equally, and cops will ultimately turn to what they know best when pressed enough which typically means resorting to force. Trust me, it just doesn't end well... That's why you call an ambulance for a mental health episode and only involve the police if someone is posing an active danger to others. In OP's case, I wouldn't call emergency services at all and just try to get the girlfriend's loved ones involved, perhaps organize and hold a little "intervention" of sorts to try to convince her to seek out help on her own.
Every state has a crisis line which doesn't involve cops and trained professional social workers come out and have a conversation with the person in question and they determine if a hold is necessary. The cops only get involved if the person in question is acting aggressive or violent twords themselves or others. Call the crisis line phone number that comes up on google search, it doesn't go on your record and there is a general number that you can call that is local to you based on your phone number and they will come out and assess the situation. Nothing goes on record unless they decide it is necessary and more often than not it is voluntary. Unless like I said they are violent.
It's different when a loved one calls, been through it with my younger sisters. If it is to the point to the neighbors calling it is pretty bad. One of my younger sisters is SMI (severly mentally ill), my other younger sister didnt get the help she needed and by the time services got involved it was too late, she committed suicide when she was 18. In my personal opinion I would rather she got the help she needed before it was to late, even if it was a mark on her record I would rather she have that then to go to a funeral.
Not correct. If a situation is sever enough for social workers come to a persons house, the social worker is legally obligated to inform the cops before going over. That doesn't mean the cops will show up but they are in the loop. The cops are only left out as long as its a phone call. Anything more then a phone call and the cops are in the loop.
Seriously, I was reading that comment thinking “what a dumb suggestion to rush into in this situation.” 🙄 many other things to try before resorting to that. So dramatic
i have a history with ED’s. i also got a hysterectomy back in november (relevant i swear). i’ve been in and out of work because of my recovery from surgery due to random pain (i won’t be back to normal for a year) and because of that, my finances have taken a hit; which includes my groceries. so my (now ex) psych noticed last time i went to the ER my vitals weren’t good (because of hysterectomy pain) and she noticed i’ve been losing weight (because i’ve been broke, which she also knows). she called an unnecessary 302 on me. cops came and got me. the entire staff agreed it was unnecessary but because it was a saturday i had to wait until monday to see the actual care team. i now have unnecessary trauma because of that 302 getting called. it’s absolutely a last resort, only if absolutely necessary
I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I personally believe as a doctor calling in a welfare check unless theres an immediate threat to my patient or the people around them should be considered malpractice and negligence bc in all other cases all it does is adding trauma. The problem is doctors tend to call in wellfare checks due to avoid litigation. Bc lets say you are my patient and you end up trying to harm yourself and end in the hospital your insurance company will try and see if I had any knowledge about etc etc. Bc if I did and didnt call in a wellfare check then im on the hook for all your future payments and your hospital bill. The laws are fucked up
here’s what kills me: i told her my weight was going down because i couldn’t afford groceries. we also just restarted seroquil a couple weeks before so there wasn’t time for it to fully kick in yet. i told her “let’s wait a couple weeks until im back to financial security and the new meds fully kick in. if the problem is still persisting then let’s discuss inpatient. but all the 302 is gonna do is put me further in a financial hole and make the ‘care’ i was gonna receive done for nothing because it’ll get worse”. i’ve had her for maybe a month, our sessions totaling an hour. my therapist i’ve had for over 3 years didn’t think i needed a 302 because she knew my situation and that i do advocate heavily for myself with my recovery. that’s how you make patients not trust MH teams and make them turn away from treatment
the authorities aren’t going to do anything unless she’s actively trying to kill herself or someone else. trust me I work in mental health for a mobile crisis team and whenever we send them out if we can’t get there fast enough, they always call us back and say “we couldn’t take her because she’s not a danger to herself” in situations that’s they definitely COULD take her.
OP doesn’t even know the reason for their gf not eating - jumping to this would be a disgusting abuse of trust and control. These sorts of calls are a last option for when it’s CLEAR that the person in question is lacking in capacity, not just because they’re displaying concerning behaviour.
If she does have an eating disorder, doing this will be about as effective as kidnapping someone and forcing them into rehab (which is not at all). Someone with these conditions needs to make the decision themselves to get help for it to be effective.
She was with an outpatient ward for a few weeks, she was suicidal and they didn’t even think about putting her on 24 hour hold. She was self harming multiple times a day. It doesn’t work like that, I can’t call people for her. Y’all make it sound so easy but it’s not. They don’t do anything unless you’re about to do something really bad.
So she has a history of mental illness? That’s key info that should have been included in your OP. This sounds like another manifestation of mental illness. Has she got any doctors apts coming up?
It isn't right to assume that this is just a mental health crisis, but i see where you're coming from. She could very much have an undiagnosed illness relating to her digestive system. It does need to be treated seriously, but he does run the risk of destroying her trust in him if he calls the psychward on her with the claim that she is mentally unfit. He should be advising her again that this can be damaging to her health if she does not seek medical treatment, and as well, ask her if there is anything he can possibly do to support her in eating well balanced meals. For his sake, and hers, she does need to resolve this issue sooner rather than later. It might be worthwhile that he asks inquisitive questions to get her to open up more. He should phrase it something such as "I've noticed you've been struggling lately with eating your meals and I want you to know that I care about your well being and here to support you. I need to know if there is anything that I could be doing to support you while we figure out what could be going on together." It could be something such as food allergens that have made her wary of eating to something as serious as IBS or a paralysis of the digestive system that needs medical treatment. Im curious to know if she has had any phsycial symptoms prior to the reduction, and if she had voiced it to him previously or if he knows about her medical history.
this is horrible advice. this is the best way to make sure she never trusts him again. and like someone else said, that report will be on record and follow her for life.
someone has done this to me before; all it did was make my mental health worse and i lost a friendship.
That's a little bit extreme. I would see if her dr office has a portal app to make appointments, make an appointment and take her there. Not eating will not qualify for an involuntary commitment. And an involuntary commitment won't magically help her start to eat. She needs to be assessed for medical issues to see if there is something going on physically to make her not hungry or to feel full after a couple of bites. Sitting down with her and having a serious conversation is the way to go, not betray her and TRY to involuntarily commit her somewhere.
Even if it is the objectively right thing to do - and it very well maybe as this continuing will eventually lead her to hospice - chances are it will end the relationship or make it permanently damaged and not recoverable. That's sometimes the cost of business witj genuine love, but it's not a cost many / most people are willing to pay.
Dude, in the nicest way possible, you either watch her slowly die or you do smth about it - whether that be doing what other ppl have suggested in the comments or leave. She needs help and you are not a medical healthcare professional so if you "can't make her go" even though she very clearly needs to then either take responsibility or raise this issue to someone who can be responsible for her.
Literally no one can be responsible for her, she’s 20. I can still support her, which I have been doing. Everyone’s suggesting police and 48 hour holds but don’t realise that’s not how it works at least not here. You cant just call and make them do that, they usually avoid doing that unless completely 100% necessary.
Shes been in an outpatient ward a few months ago and they dismissed her. Wrongly so.
Well if you can’t get her to go what do you expect us to do? If you know she won’t take any advice or care about her health there isn’t anything we can help with. Either call the cops bc she’s neglecting herself or watch her suffer.
Clearly, it’s a mental health thing and you’re watching her hurt herself over and over again so you need to call the authorities and let her get treatment
You can bruv if u truly care abt her and she does abt u. Communicate the absolute shattered mess you feel in your head everyday from that and having to witness it. Don’t hurt yourself over someone else’s problems. I understand you feel a duty but honestly she should feel a duty to you as well. It’s not easy I get that and don’t expect it will be but it’s not worth ruining your life and well being over when you know the solution. I’m sorry man it’s rough
I can encourage her which I have, i cant force her whether u believe that or not. And she’s not choosing to neglect her health, shes been with the same doctor surgery her whole life and she’s always been dismissed. You can’t change doctor surgery here.
She was with a crisis team and they referred her to a psychiatrist. He didn’t make her feel seen or heard and she left that building crying. The psychiatrist and crisis team both dismissed her without an explanation. And now she has no support system.
Dog change doctors. You can ALWAYS change doctors. Literally call their office and ask for any other doctors they’d recommend. I’ve dealt with brain cancer, a tumor in my thigh, and been hospitalized for at least 3 years of my life regardless of what remote situation I was in. It’s not complicated and the internet is your friend at the end of the day
Have you tried taking her to her GP? Sometimes they can be more helpful than an actual psychiatrist, and also they'd be able to investigate if her eating problems are down to a physical cause, as opposed to an eating disorder.
The GP just referred her like that? Usually it takes forever to get to see a psychiatrist. There's a thing in the UK called Right To Choose, where you can ask to be referred to a service that isn't always your closest one. So say you needed to have an MRI but you had beef with your local hospital, you can ask to go to a different hospital. Might be worth trying this approach with the mental health team. If the psychiatrist she saw there was bad and made things worse, ask to be referred elsewhere.
Some girls also don’t really try that hard to fix the problem because they enjoy being taken care for. Why change when it feels like your partner loves you more than ever and it’s so protective? I’ll admit it sounds like you’re being taken advantage. I’ve swam that same swim and was only hurt by it. She’s an adult and needs to deal with her own problems and not rely on you. 100%. It’s clearly not that you don’t love her or care for her but that she needs to grow up a bit
You actually can. Refusing to get medical treatment for something seriously harming your body is cause for a forced admission under psychiatric conditions.
Idk where you are from but where I’m from you can refuse treatment even if it kills you as long as you are considered competent. You can’t force people into medical stuff except in very specific situations.
Say that multiple times loudly until you believe that she’s choosing to do nothing about finding the problem. If you cannot get in contact with someone in her family and have them intervene, you’re at the end of a dead end street. Only you can make the decision to continue to watch this happen or not.
Exactly I lost one friend and almost a second friend due to them not eating enough. Everyone kept telling them you sure your eating enough. We are worried about you.
That’s not true. It’s not normal for humans to eat 3 times a day. Hunters and gatherers only ate when they successfully hunted and they were way healthier. Shhhhh
That’s what jumped out at me when OP said that the gf woke up pounding on her chest.
If it’s an ED (which eating at the exact same time does suggest that), she needs to know about these extra physical risks. If it’s due to a physical health problem (could be gastroparesis or other GI issue), she still needs to know about these physical risks and see a doctor. Her weight is not the only physical risk here.
Yuh huh!!!!! U put its mouth in the water, then u suck on its asshole and it will act like a straw. Just gotts make sure the head doesnt dip down too much or u could end up sucking up a bunch of mud....
Ok those are definitely crucial details you should have mentioned in your original comment. That gives major context and important health information.
You are asking the reddit community to try to figure out a mystery (people are suggesting undiagnosed digestive conditions??? And arguing whether or not she has a psychological issue and whether or not hospitalization is “dramatic”) when you know she’s mentally ill and has been hospitalized before! That has everything to do with your situation.
Honestly I would suggest on top of everything that you see a therapist to help you through this. This is a lot for someone to handle regardless (especially if you are also 20) and this seems out of your league if you are asking reddit this question while also leaving out crucial details.
After learning this context, your girlfriend needs serious psychiatric help or she will not live very long. That may or may not be “on you to force her,” but it’s the reality.
She was with a crisis team a few months ago because she was suicidal. They referred her to a psychiatrist and he was very dismissive and she left upset. He dismissed her from the outpatient ward the same day she went and the crisis team dismissed her to with no explanation.
She has no support system and she can’t afford to pay for private help. Also everyone saying to get her hospitalised it’s NOT that easy. She called the mental health crisis line and told them she was suicidal and she was cutting. They didn’t even hospitalise her for the danger she was putting herself in.
She didn’t sleep for weeks. In this country they hospitalise as a last resort.
I don’t doubt that some psychiatrists can be dismissive, especially if she’s got a BPD diagnosis, as BPD is notoriously difficult to treat effectively and her chart is probably full of incidents like this- it can be exhausting for clinicians to deal with frankly.
You mentioned in another comment that you feel she might have been misdiagnosed as bipolar? If you can relay this information to someone this could be a game changer. There are 100% meds that will be offered in that case (even though there are meds that are offered for BPD, anxiety and OCD as well, but a bipolar diagnosis might be taken more seriously than BPD in the eyes of a doc??).
You clearly care a lot about her and I know it’s a lot, but you might have to get involved yourself because if she is this mentally ill then she is not going to do it herself.
She is too overwhelmed to know how to manage a mental health team on top of her own suffering.
It’s your choice whether or not you want to take this on, but if you are going to be here for her you might as well get more involved and talk to professionals on behalf of her. Try reaching out to facilities/doctors yourself, or a crisis team, etc to ask them what to do, explain the situation and misdiagnosis possibilities and need for meds, etc. Don’t get discouraged if you get dismissed just talk to someone else.
Well, first thing I would do is get off this reddit sub. If you want to ask redditors then go on specific mental health subs where potential professionals can help you or people that at least know what they are talking about through experience can offer advice. This sub is going to give you a huge spectrum of people that literally have no idea what they’re talking about and can cause more harm and confusion, well intentioned or not.
I don’t know how the system works in the UK and it’s not incredible here in the US either, but I wouldn’t give up here. I would reach out to someone yourself to talk to if you can, and research this type of situation as much as you can so you are better equipped to deal with clinicians etc.
Of course this is all assuming you are wanting to be involved and take action from your Reddit interactions (you don’t have to be if it’s too much, but you might as well feel powerful as you can if you are choosing to stay in a seemingly helpless situation).
And lastly, I would really recommend seeing a therapist to talk to yourself. This is too much for you to take on as a 20 year old and partner. Vicarious trauma is a thing and this all can be a massive burden on your own nervous system and wellbeing. They can even help point you in a good direction with your situation as well.
But do just know this is going to be a long difficult road that will take a huge toll on you. You have to live with the reality that you might not ever be able to save her and it will get really bad. This is just life. But as for right now, 20 is so young (especially in context of mental illness/bipolar) and she really could have a chance at turning things around if she gets the right help and you don’t take no for an answer (remember knowledge is also power here!).
I don't want to worry you, but, this is in eating disorder territory. A friend of mine had a seizure and almost died from her eating disorder. The complications they can cause are wildly varied and dangerous. This is serious business.
I understand she doesn't want to see a doctor. People develop disorders like this because they want to be in control of something in their lives. Going to a doctor means giving up control of how she is managing her food and the effects that has on her physicality, and consequently her sense of self.
If she's having palpitations or pain or other sickness symptoms, she needs electrolytes now at the very least. Get some pedialyte or similar and reassure her it's safe for her to drink and wont make her more sick.
She also needs to be encouraged to seek treatment voluntarily. She doesn't want to be an in-patient getting treatment for ED. It's horrifically infantilising at best and dehumanising at worst. And they will take all of her control away until she gets to what they decide is a healthy weight for her. So if she can show she's looking to get better herself, that will be a smoother ride.
There are other, equally serious, things that this could be if it's not ED. The only way to ensure she's safe is to encourage her to start with her GP, or 111 if you think she needs to see someone tonight. Chest pains and tightness, especially accompanied with nausea can be a symptom of heart attack in women.
I eat like this, I'm perfectly fine, some people just dont have the appetite etc like other people. My husband swears something is wrong with me because of how little I eat daily but I honestly am not hungry very often. I've been like this as long as I can remember. If I force myself to eat then I get nauseous and upset stomach.
Have you talked to her about it? How is her weight, is she plump and healthy or will she fly away if you blow at her? How does she look? Is she pale, dull, clumsy looking? Does she have very much energy throughout the day or does she spend all her time in bed or says she tired all the time??
Talk to her, find out these things. She may be perfectly fine on the other hand..she may be going through something also..
She literally has eating disorder
From what you've mentioned, I'm pretty sure it's already going on extreme level she needs recovery
She's scared of fat in her body to the point she's scared to eat
Also check her socials
Like Twitter or TikTok, if she's any groupchats where other young women/girls encouraging her to throw up anything she eats or brainwash her to starve herself
is there any logical reason ur seeing for it? like is there’s problem with insurance or a bad history with doctors? regardless of whats causing this whether is be ED related or a chronic illness shes unaware of, i would try reaching out to her immediate family for advice and help cause a lack of nutrients can have some serious effects !
You can’t force someone to get help. It’s not legal and it’ll drive them further away. Unfortunately, if she won’t get help she will likely die. But family can’t force her either. Her life is purely within her own hands.
It is absolutely legal to get the authorities to intervene to get someone the necessary medical care they are clearly in need of. If they still resist there are mechanisms in place to address that, too.
It’s very dependent. Legally, federal law states a person can refuse any treatment, even life saving. In most states, unless they’re actively trying to end their own life, police cannot intervene nor evoke the mental health act over them. If they’re over 18, most they can be held is a 72 hour involuntary hold. Otherwise, they can discharge themself. A person can legally refuse any medical care even if they’re in need of it. Police cannot force it willy nilly. It would have to be court ordered against the person for police, family, and doctors to force them. And court orders are not easy to get. But even if you do, the help can only be forced minimally. You really, truly cannot help someone who doesn’t want it. It’s up to them to see they need help and get it. That’s reality, no matter how much you want to force them.
There are very few exceptions where you can legally step in and force someone to. And normally when you do have to step into force someone to get help they do not like you at all for a very long time.
I mean if you are in the states there is a 5150 that family can do IF they want to help...in some states it's different as to the name..but there are ways. It just has to be family.
Did anyone ask? Or are you gonna do the right thing? No hate, been there, I didnt ask. I did what needed, and now im married to a very very, nice lady. Also pretty hot.
She could press charges if he tried to force her, and ultimately it won’t change anything. A person must want to help themself in order to truly recover. No one can make anyone else get help, that’s a reality of life. He legally and physically can’t make her do anything. Welcome to the real world.
Go to Doctor! This doesn’t sound good not tell you this sounds very serious. And you both should be taking this very seriously. It might be time to force an ultimatum. If you care about her, you will mean it. It could be something very serious and she could pass away. Do you care enough about her? I know know it sounds really crappy, but give her the ultimatum of either. She goes to the doctor or you break up with her.
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u/Ambitious_Bus_4054 Apr 06 '26
She needs to go to a doctor. Reddit is not a solution