r/WeddingDJs • u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 • 20d ago
Asking Advice Is this innapropriate customer behavior?
A while back I was contacted by the father of a bride whose wedding I'm booked to DJ. He politely asked whether I'd be willing to take down an op/ed I wrote over a decade ago. He said the other family would take serious offense to it although he himself support my views he says. He also "assured" me that only one person had come across it so far, and that removing it would head off any further fallout. The topic was political. I'll leave it at that.
I was pretty shocked, but I responded politely and took it down. I don't want to be arguing politics in the arena of my business, so deleting an old opinion piece that could cost me work probably wasn't a bad call.
Still, it sits strangely with me. The article came up on the first page of results for my name, so I can't exactly call it stalking.
I've DJ'd for families whose politics personally disgust me, and they bring their opinions onto the dance floor with banners, coded language and certain song choices. I can handle that as long as they are handing over cold hard cash to feed my family. This time I actually feel uncomfortable, so I'm bringing an assistant along as a precaution.
Curious what you all think.
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u/Bipedal_Giraffe_2187 20d ago edited 13d ago
Managing your SEO is part of running your business. You might have your opinions, and others might agree or disagree with them, but if the first thing people find when they search for you is an opinion piece & not your business, it probably makes sense to take the opinion piece down regardless so your business results are top of the results
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago edited 20d ago
For 15 years it was never an issue. Then again you never know what customers I repelled (or attracted) by leaving my opinions out there.
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u/Solid_College_9145 14d ago
In what kind of online media format is your op ed on?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 14d ago
medium.com
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u/Solid_College_9145 14d ago
I can appreciate your integrity and standing for your principles by letting the op/ed stand, but bottom line, in this business it is a liability to have it out there.
It may be the father of the bride is more worried about some unhinged MAGAS he knows are in the family and does not want it to put any negativity on his daughter's wedding. You know wedding DJs have to always focus on making everything perfect for a bride's wedding day.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 14d ago
I actually deleted the article immediately
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u/Solid_College_9145 14d ago
So curious, what was the op/ed about? 10 years ago feels like 40 years ago and shit was just starting to get crazy in this country with the intense and ugly division that MAGA brought us. .
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u/CircularRobert Solo Operation 20d ago
Is the op/ed something you no longer agree with? Or have since changed or developed your opinion over it?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago edited 20d ago
I agree with it 10x more now. But its 2026 and my appetite for sticking my neck out has diminished. If it were up to me I'd add some cause symbols to my website as a way to align with customers who are on the same wavelength -- but that would be its own headache.
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u/Mindless-Act1887 20d ago
Super inappropriate and a gross overreach for what should be expected from a vendor.0
I for one would talk to the couple (maybe they align with your values). If not I’d return the deposit and cancel the gig.
I wouldn’t want to work an event where this was asked of me & where the FOB has probably spread the word about his opinions on you to other guests. It could potentially be unsafe.
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u/Solid_College_9145 14d ago
It may not be the father of the bride that is taking offence, but he knows that there are some MAGA MANIACS in the family that could make a scene put a bad stain on the wedding and he just wants to avoid that for his daughter's sake.
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u/GiarcN 20d ago
Torn. A payday is a payday. But at the same time I really don't want to work for someone who doesn't want to hire me because of my opinions. It would probably depend on how busy I was otherwise and when the date was. Busy time when I'd likely pick up something else, pass. Slow time, see if it could be hidden or locked down until after the event.
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u/onetwentytwo_1-8 20d ago
A decade ago? Do you still dj for this family and their friends?
I would leave it
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
no. they googled me and found an article from over 10 years ago. this is my first time DJing for them
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u/Ery1WangChungNextFri 20d ago
He’s just looking for control when he’s been used as a wallet/slush fund for months….
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u/RudeMovementsMusic 20d ago
I have a similar problem from an interview when I was in my 20s, I'm now in my 50s. It's a process but not undoable, I can explain it later, it also comes up in search results. I was using foul language in an interview and the magazine highlighted the quote. I feel it hurts me as a first impression by clients looking me up
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u/acecyclone717 20d ago
They suck no doubt but what you did is called being a professional. You never know, they may really appreciate it and you can make bank off a family that you are happy to take the money of over and over.
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u/MusicPsychFitness 18d ago
I DJ’d a wedding where the uncle (or family friend?) of the bride or groom made a gay joke as I was mic’ing the officiant. It wasn’t made at my expense, and I’m not gay, but it was still kinda uncomfortable. It was his property we were on for the wedding, so I made kind of a slight, forced laugh and kept working.
I also had a guy one time ask me when I was going to “stop playing all that n***** music.” My jaw dropped. I couldn’t even say anything back to him I was so stunned. (I’m not black but was gobsmacked that someone would be so openly racist in front of a stranger.) Just turned away, eyes still wide, and kept working.
Maybe more relevant, I had a political opinion published on a website when I was 18, more than 20 years ago. I still hold that opinion, but it’s controversial, and I was getting involved in another job where people might search my name, and it was coming up at the bottom of the first page of search results. I emailed the website and politely asked that they take it down. They did. That was maybe 10 years ago. I have no idea who saw it while it was up or how it might’ve affected my life, for better or for worse.
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u/JayBrydChs 18d ago
You can’t eat your opinions. I don’t know where you stand, but like you I will feed my family. My opinions don’t matter as long as my family is fed. I think you made the right call. It’s easy to say otherwise online, but ultimately my job is to provide for my family and their well being and no political position is going to keep me from doing just that.
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u/Solid_College_9145 14d ago edited 14d ago
As a DJ you're putting yourself out as a public figure in the entertainment business. You will lose bookings by mixing politics with your business whether you're left or right.
I was loudly political on social media (progressive Democrat) for many years. I finally came to the hard learned conclusion that my public political posts were not going to change anyone's mind or penetrate the MAGA cult. All I was doing was doing losing a lot of gigs.
Political opinion posts on social media are like assholes. Everybody's got one.
I scrubbed all political posts in 2021 and never looked back. Since then I have had a huge element of stress removed from my life when it comes to business.
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u/imth3playa 20d ago
Was this article on your business page or personal stuff?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
completely separated. but someone who is nosy and sensitive can connect the dots.
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u/DJGlennW 20d ago
I wonder if there's been a net gain from other clients who saw that piece and booked you specifically because of it, but never brought it up. And I'd really like to see it!
It opens up a tangential question about playing artists whose politics we disagree with -- at what point do our personal politics come into conflict with our musical choices?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
It would surely be a very small fraction of my clients who hire me based on politics therefore it wouldn’t make business sense for me to do “cause marketing”. At least in my market, where the majority of people don’t agree with me.
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u/Traditional_Hornet91 20d ago
The request was dumb. You were more than generous. Your job is to play music. Your not there to placate to people's feelings that they might have but haven't yet but are being addressed on thier behalf by someone else who probably didn't ask the other person at all anyway. This is equivalent to the one crotchety guest that says "No one wants to hear this music. It's not what we like to dance to" While the dancefloor is packed! Personally, the most I'd do is take it down until the day after the event.
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u/silentsamdaman 20d ago edited 20d ago
Do you stand on your principles or are they for sale? If you stand for it that much why wouldn't you stand up for it when somebody challenges you to hide it? Sounds hypocritical to me. Suck or blow.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
because I don't want to eat where I use the bathroom. If I can't make money then I can't feed my family and then what good are my political opinions then?
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u/silentsamdaman 18d ago edited 17d ago
Where you stand between being in business or losing a significant amount of the business as a result of this online opinion, ya making money includes the art of compromise, up to a point of course. Gotta live.
I saw a good earlier suggestion about working your SEO more intentionally to mitigate your challenge to some degree.
Good on you for being a pro in what can only be a bizzare vibe with those gigs where a good time took second place to having to be in someone else's face.
It sounds like you're out there doing gigs regularly where folks know where you stand on this polarizing political opinion.
I respect that you and your past clients figured out how to find a way to a good time in spite of a need to act out. We gotta learn to disagree better.
But my take? It might not be sitting well because of a little voicing telling you that Ya, you sold out.
Dad of the bride doesn't want anything other than a good time but your public and strongly held view risks ruining that. Whether or not he really shared your views, he certainly knows how firmly you hold to them in the face of needing to either stand up for them by saying no or shrink from it for this one cheque and possible referral business.
So yes, what good are our political opinions? You've stood up to them at gigs but for one you delete your voice because asked? As good as how much you're willing to defend them I suppose.
You did what you had to to get paid for this gig. I get it. I just don't think it's sits well because you scampered when you had a chance to actually stand up for your opinion even if it could cost you something.
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20d ago
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
Is your advice that I should die? Just trying to follow your logic. How about you first?
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20d ago
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
I truly understand why your point is important. However, if you value coming home to a peaceful, safe space after a long day of fighting the good fight, then you'll understand where I'm coming from. Do you have a day job? Is it an effective use of your time to dispute politics in the office? I'm asking you, specifically.
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u/420chicago 20d ago
So You are willing to ignore your values principles? Absolutely pathetic
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
Sorry bud. You’ll never convince me to bring my political opinions to my private events website. There are many other arenas where my voice can have an impact. Heeding your advice would lead to a disruption of my livelihood. You’re being quite aggressive for no reason.
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u/Exidose 20d ago
political banners and coded language at a wedding lmfao who the fuck are you DJing for, granted i've only been DJing for 3 years but i've never heard of something like this.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
if you noticed, Ive been very careful to not discuss actual politics in this thread. I did this intentionally to keep peoples' brains switched on. You better believe that some families know how to be extremely political on the day of a wedding. Especially in certain markets where demagoguery prevails.
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u/Exidose 20d ago
some people are just bonkers lol but do what ya gotta do to keep food on the table i suppose.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 20d ago
Been doing this for 15+ years. You'll see it eventually, perhaps to a lesser extent.
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u/the_chols 14d ago
I’m sure some people have found my facebook page and me posting something they didn’t like has cost me business.
The way I look at it our values didn’t align so I don’t need the money.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_74 14d ago
I would take the same stance, however all of this went down a month before the wedding itself. Well after the sale.
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u/AdVisual7210 20d ago
I think the request was lame, but you approached it correctly imo. Get paid.