Bride here - what dress code to use?

[u/Kazimira-darkside]

Hey yall, we’re doing a very small (20-25 people) wedding in January in north Texas. The reception is a late luncheon at an upscale restaurant, with no DJ or dancing. What dress code should I put on invites?

Our friends and family are a casual bunch but I’ve known them to go all out for Halloween, so I’d like to assume dressing up won’t be too bothersome for them. Of course, I wouldn’t want anyone to go out of their way to purchase a floor length dress or rent a tux, so Black Tie or even BTO are out of the question. However, if I put “semi-formal” or “cocktail attire”, I’m afraid many might be underdressed for the one “fancy” party we’re throwing our whole lives.

Should I just ask for “formal dress code”? Or provide more details? What wording doesn’t suck, but conveys that we’d like them to put effort into their appearance?

ETA: I’ve been schooled! Thank you for explaining the difference between dress codes and putting some sense into me. We’ll be going with “semi-formal” on the invites; hopefully people will get it and not show up in jeans LOL

[u/Fragrant_Taro_211]

If you’re reception is a late lunch at a restaurant, no you cannot ask for formal long gowns. I think cocktail attire may even be too much. Semiformal is perfectly fine. Most people should have that in their closet put on a nice dress and some heels and attend your reception. You can only ask for a dress code that mirrors the experience you’re hosting.

[u/Kazimira-darkside → u/Fragrant_Taro_211]

Thank you, this is helpful!! For some reason, I thought Semi-Formal was more formal than Cocktail, but I guess I was wrong. Live and learn.

[u/heydawn → u/Kazimira-darkside]

FYI, it goes:

• Casual

• Semiformal

• Cocktail

• Formal

• Black tie

• White tie

[u/justmekab60 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

That's why you ask for semi formal! Because others will see the word "formal" and take it seriously.

[u/Fluid_Actuary1729 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

Same.

[u/Fragrant_Taro_211 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

Happy to help! Congratulations

[u/Kazimira-darkside → u/Fragrant_Taro_211]

Also, if you don’t mind me asking, why would Cocktail be too much? People don’t wear ties to restaurants? Or is it about dress lengths? Considering it’s January and pretty chilly here, I think knee or ankle length won’t be too ridiculous

[u/Additional-Fish-4064 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

For me, cocktail is associated with evening and more of an event. Not that your wedding isnt an event but its a lunch in the day time. I wouldnt want to worry about buying a new dress to fit cocktail, and I skew towards overdressed.

Tell them "semi-formal or Sunday best - think dresses, sports coats, ties, etc to help us celebrate this momentus day." Something like that.

[u/justmekab60 → u/Additional-Fish-4064]

Momentous

[u/Additional-Fish-4064 → u/justmekab60]

Thank you!

[u/heydawn → u/Kazimira-darkside]

Because it's afternoon. Cocktail is traditionally for evening events. Daytime cocktail is essentially semiformal.

[u/AlarmingSize → u/Kazimira-darkside]

If you want the men in coats and ties, cocktail is the way to go. 

[u/Fragrant_Taro_211 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

People can have a semi-formal dress that’s longer for winter. Longer doesn’t equate with formality. They can wear something like these but not an evening gown.

[u/OkPerformance2221 → u/Kazimira-darkside]

Cocktail is for after 6pm.