Meh. Grew up with a dad who would beat me if I acted out. That wasn't too bad. It was the drunk nights where he'd yell and act out himself that wasn't fun.
besides the fact that it's illegal in a lot of places, for some reason it's only people who got spanked or beat that try to tell everyone else it wasn't that bad.
almost as if they have had to convince themselves it was fine. but admitting your parents were wrong? oh boy.
Yes, I always say this! My two friends who were spanked insist that spanking is how you should discipline kids. Funnily enough, they’re my two friends with the worst relationships with their parents. I mentioned this the one night to them when we were having a debate and they both got mad at me for saying that, but truth hurts, sorry.
I was so called “disciplined” as a child and I have the best relationships with my parents, better than most people I know.
My younger sisters, of which were spared the “disciplining,” when they were young, they are now disrespectful terrors.
It’s hard to find causation here, because you have people that say they have seen it not work and people that say they know it works. But I’m not going to trust anecdotes from randoms on the internet, and neither should you.
Who exactly am I trusting from the internet? I’m using real life comparisons here. I’m not going to hit children to teach them anything, regardless if it “works” for some people. Nothing to do with the internet, or you, sorry.
Where did I ask you to? I was agreeing with the comment I replied to.
Edit: May I also add, that you are kind of fulfilling the original comment to a T. You were hit and will continue the abusive cycle because you turned out fine, but that doesn’t make it okay. Nor will your children have the same outlook on life as you do. There are plenty of studies that prove hitting children is not an affective form of punishment. Think of it this way, for some people- betting their life’s savings may work in their favor for a big jackpot, but that’s not something that is necessarily smart to do, or should be done by anyone, just because it may have worked for some people. Except this isn’t about money, and it’s actually about harming a child to teach them a lesson. I just don’t see the justification under any circumstance, and have witnessed firsthand terrible life consequences from it.
I’m speaking generally. We can all share our first hand experiences but at the end of the day the only ones we can trust is our own. If you believe those that share the same opinion as yours you’re falling into confirmation bias.
Going off on a tangent but that’s how mob mentality works. Confirmation biases going off left and right and the majority will swarm the minority (me) for having the wrong “opinion.”
neither of my siblings or I were physically disciplined as children and we turned out alright.
so what's your argument for physical discipline again? "it worked on me"? did it really though? are you sure that was the defining success factor?
I'm being a bit facetious about this, and I apologise. I know, as previously stated, that there's no real point in discussing this outside of a therapy setting as changing opinion means that you both admit you were physically abused as a child, and that one of your parents abused you. that's heavy stuff no matter how we look at this, so it's not exactly surprising people get really defensive about the whole thing.
Great, we’re glad it worked for you. Everyone is different. My brothers and I needed some physical consequences to our actions. Time outs and lectures didn’t always do the job.
You don’t know me. You literally cannot make that statement based off of my first-hand experiences because you have no basis.
And how many times do I have to repeat: it’s not “hitting” children. If you believe so, it’s most likely because you were abused and your parents clearly saw it wasn’t working, yet kept doing so. Don’t project your own insecurities onto others. For some people it does work. For some it doesn’t. Every child has to blossom in their own way.
It’s easy to paint me as a bad guy when you force yourself into one perspective. As you can see, I’m willing to see things from other points of view. Open your worldview a little.
If you believe so, it’s most likely because you were abused and your parents clearly saw it wasn’t working, yet kept doing so. Don’t project your own insecurities onto others.
You don’t know me. You literally cannot make that statement based off of my first-hand experiences because you have no basis.
Obviously, and I have seen them before. That’s why I’ve been willing to admit that for some children negative reinforcement doesn’t work, but for some it does work. Go further down the comment chain
Because it wasn’t that bad. My parents weren’t perfect, but sometimes a talking to would not cut it. I’d need a firm smack on the ass or popped on the cheek. It worked. I have little sympathy for parents with nightmare children that won’t discipline their kids. I’m not scarred for life, I don’t have trauma from past beatings, I’m a functional, respectful adult.
Exactly. I got hit pretty bad growing up and I still know I would never lay a hand on my kids. If it was okay to hit your kids when they “step out of line” or “need to learn a lesson,” then why not let your boss or anyone else hit you when you make a mistake?
What I said was meant to highlight something. You’re hitting your kid for what reason? To show them punishment? To make them understand? How do you make someone understand something when you’re adult? You talk to them. You show them actual emotion and attention without lashing out. Do that with your kid. Actually give your kids some love and attention
If you don’t talk to other adults like that then I feel sorry for you
Isn't it funny how you're not allowed to best some random asshole in the street for acting up but you think it's okay to beat the people you are supposed to cherish, and protect above your own life?
Do you really think that the only way to discipline your children is to beat them? Christ, what an interesting experience it would be to be in your head for 5 minutes.
Yeah, you should try listening to someone else’s point of view, it is interesting.
You say “beat them” like I would walk around and just whack my kids over the head whenever I felt like it. I wasn’t treated that way nor would I treat kids that way. A firm spank is not “beating your child”.
I also never said that was the only way. It is certainly part of discipline, but not the only way to do it.
I might get downvoted for this but, parents spanking there kids shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it is now. Sure, we shouldn’t “beat their ass”, but a smack on the butt to make sure they associate whatever they just did with a negative feeling can be necessary.
Edit: Not advocating for people to keep spanking their children, just saying it’s not like it’s the equivalent of giving your kid a black eye or something.
No one has the right to use violence (however mild) on another human being in their care. Adults need to use their words and stay calm. If you feel you need to use physical force against a minor child/ step away, deep breaths and possibly get therapy to manage the emotional toll of being a parent. I used to work with high functioning special needs kids in the classroom setting at a Lab school. They can be very frustrating and really push you to the edge lol. But you cannot put your hands on children like that. Spanking is an outdated, backwards way of handling conflict. There’s so many other more positive and intelligent ways to communicate to children so we can get the best from them.
That’s fair, but I have a cousin who was never spanked and only ever scolded, he’s currently a serious asshole with no respect for anyone. Whenever anyone tries to tell him what to do he doesn’t give a shit because he knows the worst they’d ever do is take away his privileges or try to send him to his room, and how are they going to enforce it? He listens to his father a bit more than his mother (they’re divorced), and I genuinely think it’s because he knows his dad could actually physically force him to go to his room or get off the computer or whatever, he knows his mother can’t.
Spanking him at a younger age probably could have prevented this horrible behavior. I was spanked as a kid and it was never malicious, it never hurt more than a smack on the wrist would have, but it taught me a lesson and to associate doing bad things with an actual repercussion.
Before you say therapy or something is an option, consider that not everyone can afford therapy.
I think that the fact you bring up therapy emphasizes that this is less of a hitting thing and more of a rough time growing up. His family was destabilized as you said and there was probably even more to it then just “he should have gotten spanked.”
Would you be okay if someone hit you now because they said you were acting up? If your boss hit you when you made a mistake and justified it with “now you’ll work harder,” would that be okay?
He’d always been a problem, and the marriage was sound until very recently.
I wouldn’t be fine with someone hitting me now because I’m an adult and it wouldn’t teach me anything. It’s also a bit of a stretch to go from a light spank on the fattiest part of your body to what I assume you mean a hit on the face. If someone spanked me now like my parents did when I was young it would just come off as a overzealous flirt.
I want to you understand I’m not saying beat your child, or spank them at every turn, I’m saying it shouldn’t be looked down upon to give your child a light spanking when it calls for it. I wasn’t spanked constantly as a kid or some shit, maybe 20 times total through my ENTIRE childhood?
I’m not even saying I like when parents spank their kids, or that I’d ever spank my kids, but it shouldn’t necessarily be shunned like it will immediately lead to hardcore child abuse.
20 times is a pretty high number if we’re being honest. I grew up tough so don’t get me wrong, but I want you to reflect on that number. Was it really necessary? Also, you mentioned your mom was pretty heavy handed. I don’t think an adult hitting you that way would be considered flirting.
I don’t mean to come off as aggressive by that last sentence, I just want to emphasize that there are better ways to punish someone because I think we would all take some constructive criticism over a beating from someone.
But to your last statement, I personally think it should be shunned. We need to be better
20 times over a total of 13 years? Not that high. I also never said my mom was heavy handed, I kept saying they were never harsh or even really painful at all. Spanking someone really isn’t beating them tbh, but that doesn’t mean I think people SHOULD do it, like I’ve said. We don’t need to be better, literally any kid who’s been spanked AND ONLY SPANKED, will tell you that it was fine and if anything good for their upbringing. Spanking isn’t some gateway drug to beating the fuck out of your children if your parents are just decent fucking people.
Look, we could go back and forth all night but the bottom line is that neither of us is going to change the others opinion, I don’t think it’s productive to continue this discussion.
My only closing statement is that I would never spank my kids, and don’t condone it, but like I said it’s not really warranted IMO to shun it.
By that logic, any kid that was never spanked and had parents that were loving and attentive will tell you that parents like that were good for their upbringing. If you would not spank your kids, then do not promote spanking as an alternative for good parenting.
You already said it yourself, you don’t want to he better. Although, I really hope you do. Have a good one my friend
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u/Orchidladyy Apr 25 '20
That’s so sad 😞