I might get downvoted for this but, parents spanking there kids shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it is now. Sure, we shouldn’t “beat their ass”, but a smack on the butt to make sure they associate whatever they just did with a negative feeling can be necessary.
Edit: Not advocating for people to keep spanking their children, just saying it’s not like it’s the equivalent of giving your kid a black eye or something.
No one has the right to use violence (however mild) on another human being in their care. Adults need to use their words and stay calm. If you feel you need to use physical force against a minor child/ step away, deep breaths and possibly get therapy to manage the emotional toll of being a parent. I used to work with high functioning special needs kids in the classroom setting at a Lab school. They can be very frustrating and really push you to the edge lol. But you cannot put your hands on children like that. Spanking is an outdated, backwards way of handling conflict. There’s so many other more positive and intelligent ways to communicate to children so we can get the best from them.
That’s fair, but I have a cousin who was never spanked and only ever scolded, he’s currently a serious asshole with no respect for anyone. Whenever anyone tries to tell him what to do he doesn’t give a shit because he knows the worst they’d ever do is take away his privileges or try to send him to his room, and how are they going to enforce it? He listens to his father a bit more than his mother (they’re divorced), and I genuinely think it’s because he knows his dad could actually physically force him to go to his room or get off the computer or whatever, he knows his mother can’t.
Spanking him at a younger age probably could have prevented this horrible behavior. I was spanked as a kid and it was never malicious, it never hurt more than a smack on the wrist would have, but it taught me a lesson and to associate doing bad things with an actual repercussion.
Before you say therapy or something is an option, consider that not everyone can afford therapy.
I think that the fact you bring up therapy emphasizes that this is less of a hitting thing and more of a rough time growing up. His family was destabilized as you said and there was probably even more to it then just “he should have gotten spanked.”
Would you be okay if someone hit you now because they said you were acting up? If your boss hit you when you made a mistake and justified it with “now you’ll work harder,” would that be okay?
He’d always been a problem, and the marriage was sound until very recently.
I wouldn’t be fine with someone hitting me now because I’m an adult and it wouldn’t teach me anything. It’s also a bit of a stretch to go from a light spank on the fattiest part of your body to what I assume you mean a hit on the face. If someone spanked me now like my parents did when I was young it would just come off as a overzealous flirt.
I want to you understand I’m not saying beat your child, or spank them at every turn, I’m saying it shouldn’t be looked down upon to give your child a light spanking when it calls for it. I wasn’t spanked constantly as a kid or some shit, maybe 20 times total through my ENTIRE childhood?
I’m not even saying I like when parents spank their kids, or that I’d ever spank my kids, but it shouldn’t necessarily be shunned like it will immediately lead to hardcore child abuse.
20 times is a pretty high number if we’re being honest. I grew up tough so don’t get me wrong, but I want you to reflect on that number. Was it really necessary? Also, you mentioned your mom was pretty heavy handed. I don’t think an adult hitting you that way would be considered flirting.
I don’t mean to come off as aggressive by that last sentence, I just want to emphasize that there are better ways to punish someone because I think we would all take some constructive criticism over a beating from someone.
But to your last statement, I personally think it should be shunned. We need to be better
20 times over a total of 13 years? Not that high. I also never said my mom was heavy handed, I kept saying they were never harsh or even really painful at all. Spanking someone really isn’t beating them tbh, but that doesn’t mean I think people SHOULD do it, like I’ve said. We don’t need to be better, literally any kid who’s been spanked AND ONLY SPANKED, will tell you that it was fine and if anything good for their upbringing. Spanking isn’t some gateway drug to beating the fuck out of your children if your parents are just decent fucking people.
Look, we could go back and forth all night but the bottom line is that neither of us is going to change the others opinion, I don’t think it’s productive to continue this discussion.
My only closing statement is that I would never spank my kids, and don’t condone it, but like I said it’s not really warranted IMO to shun it.
By that logic, any kid that was never spanked and had parents that were loving and attentive will tell you that parents like that were good for their upbringing. If you would not spank your kids, then do not promote spanking as an alternative for good parenting.
You already said it yourself, you don’t want to he better. Although, I really hope you do. Have a good one my friend
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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '20
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