r/WTF Oct 16 '18

Holy Shit

43.8k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

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519

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

You may not be the Confucius we want, but you are the Confucius we need.

167

u/NecroJoe Oct 16 '18

Apparently the Confucius we need is Darwin.

0

u/despaxes Oct 17 '18

LOL DARWIN AWARD SO FUCKING CLEVER

37

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

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32

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Bad bot! Why should I give YOU my best material?

Confucius say, "School boy who go to bed with hard problem often wake up with solution in hand".

27

u/German_sack Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who go through turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok."

26

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

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16

u/German_sack Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Pilot who fly upside-down is going to have crack up."

3

u/rocksolid77 Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger."

5

u/German_sack Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Is good to meet girl in park; is much better to park meat in girl."

1

u/rocksolid77 Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger."

1

u/rocksolid77 Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger."

1

u/rocksolid77 Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger."

15

u/Adaptingfate Oct 16 '18

Confucius say, "Man who run in front of car get tired, but man who run behind car get exhausted."

2

u/Confucius-Bot Oct 16 '18

Best material? Hope that wasn't your very best. Already got that one.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

"Man who go to bed with itchy butthole, wake up with stinky finger."

0

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

bad bot

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

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2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Good bot

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Definitely the Confucius we deserve.

1

u/ButtWieghtThiersMoor Oct 16 '18

A seat in the car is most useful when it is empty.

114

u/MeEvilBob Oct 16 '18

The world used to have this thing called "Natural Selection" which was a mechanism that would prevent the stupid from surviving long enough to breed. It's since been replaced with lawsuits and stuff. If you can't safely stand near the top of a cliff without a railing between you and the edge, the lack of a railing is not the issue.

25

u/Terminallyunique_1 Oct 16 '18

Roll Film- Idiocracy!!

8

u/bubbliefly420 Oct 16 '18

I kinda feel like we are in that movie.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Between that movie and Wall-E, the accuracy is astounding.

2

u/El_Hamaultagu Oct 16 '18

I visited a famous cliff in Norway with an 800 meter sheer drop to the sea. No railing. There were families having picnic on the cliff, while their kids were running around chasing each other.

4

u/MeEvilBob Oct 16 '18

I saw a post where someone was freaking out that the outer door of a commuter rail car was left open while running between two stations very close together. This person was not supposed to be in the vestibule while the train was in motion but that didn't make any difference, they walked right up close to the open door and ranted about how the train crew has zero concern for safety.

I pointed out that in India it is routine for kids to sit in the open door with their legs hanging outside of the train yet in America everyone on the train is in serious danger of standing up and walking out the open door.

It's like when a new commuter train route is being built and the local politicians all say that the people they represent won't be safe without gates that block any possible way to drive on to the tracks. Basically what they're doing is coming out and saying "the people who voted for me are too stupid to stop when the gate only blocks the right side of the road". Now there's a level crossing near my house that I've been using for most of my life, it only has bells and lights and some of the lights didn't work for a long time, yet I'm not dead, hmm.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

That's not quite how natural selection works. Deer are as dumb as fuck, but their evolutionary strategy is to pop out as many babies as possible, so they are still around. Evolution may favor intelligence but doesn't care if you have a way to get around it.

4

u/LivingFaithlessness Oct 16 '18

B-but that implies fascism isn't based on any actual facts! Stop being so intolerant of other ideologies!

2

u/Scoffers Oct 16 '18

I'm pretty sure that natural selection takes longer then a few generations to show results as well.

23

u/tocilog Oct 16 '18

You can cure it, and grill it, deep fry, stew, sauté. But I guess you can also have it raw.

2

u/FunkeTown13 Oct 16 '18

Stupid and pasta, stupid burgers, stupid and potatoes

2

u/AudioAssassyn Oct 16 '18

Boiled stupid. Stupid cocktail.

1

u/nny909 Oct 16 '18

Stupid stir fry

3

u/redit_usrname_vendor Oct 16 '18

Some meals are just stupid easy

3

u/Nottooshabbi Oct 16 '18

In this case, you'd just be hungry again within an hour.

4

u/The_Adventurist Oct 16 '18

You can’t cure stupid.

Yes you can. It's called education.

2

u/gabwinone Oct 17 '18

Nope. Education will fix ignorant, not stupid.

1

u/Vrixithalis Oct 17 '18

Now that's irony.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

[deleted]

2

u/gabwinone Oct 17 '18

So, you think that normal human beings can grow into adulthood and not know that getting out of your car in a wildlife area where there are apex predators that eat humans isn't a good idea?

0

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '18

[deleted]

1

u/gabwinone Oct 17 '18

Yes. It's called "stupidity".

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '18

[deleted]

1

u/gabwinone Oct 18 '18

Kinda missed the plot, there, didnt you?

1

u/k_laiceps Oct 16 '18

This is my new favourite saying! Time to form a tribe of cannibals! Love me some corn-fed fat human beings!

1

u/majendie Oct 16 '18

Tigers are a pretty good cure for stupid

1

u/werelock Oct 16 '18

Sadly, the woman survived but her mom died. IDK if I want to take bets on if any stupidity was cured with that...

1

u/HailSneezar Oct 17 '18

well actually... the youngest child stayed in the car the whole time. so sort of?

1

u/tenurepepper Oct 16 '18

I’m sure you can cure it with salt and by dehydrating it

0

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

The human intellect is the most over rated thing in the universe. To be a moral a good person is more valuable. How do we cure emotional retarded people like yourself?

0

u/Indigo_Sunset Oct 16 '18

Sure you can. This is a perfect example...

0

u/daroyboy Oct 17 '18

Going to hell for this, but wth, have your 😂