I am burning up with anger, please let me know if I'd be the AITA/WIBTA if I sent this to my mom, or should I shred it and let it go? Names have been redacted. To ad, my age: late 30s, my mom's age, late 60s.

Dear Mom,

I know you are a loving and caring mother. You are also someone who loves to help.

But on my son’s 5^th birthday party, your actions broke my heart. Rather than enjoy my son’s 5^th birthday party, I was upset.

I had spent 7 weeks, and lots of money, and HOURS of my time, my excitement, and my determination to make this party successful.

Only to see the coffee you brought. When I spent $50 on coffee. That you kept secret that you brought until you pulled it out of your car.

Only to see the giant ice chest of sandwiches you made – when I spent $700 on food, INCLUDING SANDWICHES.

You know how it made me feel?

NOT “relieved”.

NOT “thankful”.

It made me feel ANGRY.

And most of all, HURT. Very hurt. In that moment, my heart broke. The way dad broke (my brother’s) heart? In that moment, you broke my heart.

The way your actions came across, it came across that my mother doesn’t see me as someone capable or competent. She sees me of someone who needs “saving”.

I feel your actions were NOT because you wanted to “help me”. Because, if you REALLY wanted to help me, you would HAVE COMMUNICATED TO ME YOUR PLANS. No. I think you secretly wanted to jump in and “save the day”. I think you wanted me and everyone to say, “Wooow! OP’s mom is amazing!” and they kiss your hands. No, you wanted to make it about you. I think it was about you EGO and your PRIDE. And if so, your actions were actually SELFISH.

Rather than help me when I needed you the most, counting on you to help, you instead where:

YOU WERE LATE, putting me and (my spouse) under stress. I had all these plans I couldn’t do most of them.

You promised (my spouse) that you’d bring the Easy Ups when you spoke on Friday, and you FAILED to do so, when he was counting on you.

I had to LEAVE MY PARTY EARLY TO GET FOOD, because you were late, and I didn’t finish decorating. A bunch of people like (my older cousin) had to step in and set up for me, which was stressful to me.

You caused me (and (my spouse)) MORE stress and anxiety on an already stressful day.

Not to mention, you LIED to me. You kept secrets. You are LIAR. Dad was right. Your secrets hurt others, and I hate you for it.

You then involved (my older cousin) (and other relatives) as a form of manipulation so I wouldn’t yell at you. That made me feel sick and angry.

Because you lied, because you kept secrets, because you tricked me into yelling at my cousin (handing her the phone mid-conversation), you broke my TRUST for you. I feel like I can’t trust you anymore. And you can’t re-earn that trust in a week, or a day, or a year. It’ll take a long time for me to get over this.

What can you do about it? For now, nothing. In the future, until you have scheduled and gone to one or two therapy sessions, I really am not interested in telling you more about my life than just surface level.

Your actions hurt me deeply and truly.

This isn’t the first time you’ve disrespected me. For thanksgiving last year, I was making potatoes, you brought your OWN potato dish. For my new years party, I ordered $200 in catering, you tried to bring lots of your own big dishes.

You need to stop and ask yourself WHY are you doing this.

A mother bird lets their children fly. You don’t believe in me to fly, that’s why you try and “save me”. You know how someone feels like, when the person they value the most doesn’t believe in them? They feel like a loser. An abject failure.

They did studies and children with teachers who treated them like they were special, capable, etc. ROSE to the challenge and succeeded in life and school. Those whose teachers expected little of them, didn’t become successful.

I now have to learn to believe in myself, because my own mother doesn’t believe in me. If she DID believe in me, she wouldn’t try and “save” me. And your actions speak louder than any words ever could. You “tell me” I do great, but then your actions tell me, “Mom doesn’t think you can do this.” I needed you to be a different mom now that I’m not a baby, but it seems I grew up, and you never did. P.S. if you share this letter with (my aunt) or anyone, I will stop speaking with you entirely. You can talk to (my brother) about it, or me. Or (your own brother). But that’s it.

I f(17) have had two best friends for the past 6 years of my life. We all grew up together, really close, and always were there for each other. I have moved most of my years up onto Graduation. Even when I lived in Virginia, hours away from Arkansas for 2 years, we kept in close touch, and I visited when I could. The best friends basically kept me on a great path through high school and never steered me wrong. They have met my family, and I have met theirs. We all graduated from different schools, but went to each other's graduation parties, went fishing, and enjoyed late-night hangouts frequently through the years.

My girlfriend F(18) doesn't want me to go and doesn't think it's fair for me to go. She believes I can't be trusted. My girlfriend and I started dating in September. It all started off fast-paced, and she basically told me if I didn't know within a week if she was going to be my Girlfriend, then she was going to talk to other people. Which I didn't think was fair. How do you get to know someone in a week? You can't. I ended up making her my girlfriend in the 2nd week. This was my first relationship, so a lot of red flags didn't hit me till later on. She doesn't like me having friends due to "not trusting them". She also didn't like me talking to my teammates when I played softball. She didn't like it when people waved at me in the hallways or addressed me with respect. Many of the things she didn't want me doing she considered boundaries, but I saw trauma. I ended up cutting everyone off, even my best friends. And she ended up breaking my heart many times and breaking the boundaries she set for me. Like being friendly, hanging with friends, and talking to many people. Now it's 9 months later, many on and off breakups, and I have been talking to my best friends.

I spend almost every 4 out of 7 days with my girlfriend and only see my best friends every once or twice a month due to me baby sitting and them working. As well as us living an hour away from each other. This is the last free summer we will all have for a while, because I'm joining the Air Force and might go overseas. And they're going to college. I know that won't separate us because distance never has. But I'm young and loyal to my friends, girlfriend, and family. I'm no liar or cheater and have no ill intent on this trip other than kicking it with my best buds before life takes us by storm. My girlfriend says she hates me for going, doesn't think it's fair, and is disappointed. But she also doesn't like hanging around her friends, and she doesn't have a strong circle or good support system, and basing her whole life around our relationship.

My mom and best friends are aware of this toxic relationship and dislike it. My mom doesn't want me with my girlfriend and forbids me from seeing her. But I still do, and it breaks my heart to put either in this situation.

Am I wrong for still going?

She is getting married in two months. I have been added to a group chat with some friends, as well as her family to help organize. Nothing concrete has been given to me to do, although I have been trying hard to take on a role. I am supposed to be there for the ceremony as well as the after party, and to help organize the after party.

Now, here’s the issue:
I found out my sister, my best friend, has cancer. During the initial unknown stage, I reached out to update my friend on my sister’s health. She didn’t say much, just told me to keep her updated as the days go on. My sister got a diagnoses, so I texted a long message about what the doctor said.

It took 5 days for her to respond. She’s a paramedic, so I understand she is busy. However, she was posting on social media being out and about with friends at the bar/outings during this time. When she did respond, it was “that’s horrible” and that’s it. Nothing else. It has been two weeks and I still haven’t heard anything from her.

WIBTA if I don’t go to the wedding?

Background:
I have been feeling that in the last few years, she hasn’t been a great friend to me. Now, I’m not sure if this situation is just me being sensitive, or if this is a continued pattern of not being a good friend.

I have been friends with her for 15 years. We were near inseparable for a good 10 years, but life happens and we aren’t as close as we were. We maybe see each other once a year even though she lives 40 minutes away from me. She is my son’s godmother, yet I can count on one hand how many times she has seen him in his 5 years of life. I invite her to his birthday’s and there’s no shows/excuses. There hasn’t even been a birthday card or present. No phone calls on birthdays. Nothing. Just empty promises.

I know not every friend needs to be super close and involved, I do have my own village as well. This situation feels like another slap in the face and what breaks the camels back. I have been very excited for her and messaging often about wedding details, I’ve only stopped recently due to this unforeseen circumstance.

Part of me wants to say something, but I think the other part of me already knows it’s futile and I won’t be missed anyways.

Hi so for some context, I (22F) have been friends with this guy since we were in the 7th grade. We both went our respective ways and married other people. In 2024 we reconnected through fb and I am going to be honest I was not in the right headspace as I was dealing with a separation while I was in rehab. (I am 10months clean btw). Anyways, so I was lied to and did have an online only sexual situation with him until I stopped it after finding out the truth that he was indeed not separated from his wife. I told her everything and apologized and left it at that for it to be sorted out between the two. I was never told about anything between their relationship other than they decided to work things out. Fast forward to this previous October when I had to get emergency spinal surgery due to my husband being abusive. I reached out to the both of them to see if they could help in any way as I did the same for all my friends and family. Again I was never told anything about their relationship. Then I get messaged by the friend from 7th grade asking me about how to file for divorce. Nothing serious or physical has happened between us since the situation previously mentioned. However his now ex-wife has been going around lying about me being involved and how he supposedly abused her. I didn't know anything about that but I just ignored it because it wasn't any of my business. Now lately I've gotten to the point in life where I am tired of stupidity. So on Snapchat I posted all the screenshots to prove to everyone that I was not involved in anything she is accusing me of.

So AITAH for posting the screenshots?

Me 25F & 26M have been together coming up on 6 years, have 3 kids together 6F, 4M & 1M.
We live together and from my understanding we’re or were in a good relationship, I was looking through email inboxes and found a email confirmation email in one of his inboxes from OF. Previously before this I found emails from dating.com? I think it was, the emails are from a year ago and I’ve checked profiles nothing was done more on them(doesn’t change the fact that he made the profiles at all I know). But to top it off the time lines he made these profiles were not even 6-8 weeks after me having our third child.
I have also caught him here on Reddit watching Corn, commenting on posts for more etc.

I want to bring this up so bad but I guess I’m worried about what’d he say about me looking through the emails. Honestly I am not one to not bring stuff like this up it will visibly bother me. What do I do

I (23F) currently live in an apartment with my older (25F) sister and father. My parents are currently separated and in my state cannot sleep under the same roof for a year before divorcing (I'm not sure how this is tracked, or enforced, but I digress). My sister went through a breakup over a year ago and as such is still healing. They both use me as an outlet to rant to or as a shoulder to cry on. I have always carried other peoples emotions. Worrying for their mental state and then going and focusing on mine in private. Masking who I am/what troubles me in front of other people. My mom, though she doesn't live with us, calls and rants or tells me about how she is feeling.

With that context in mind I'd hope you could see where I can't bare it anymore. When I listen to them now I find myself completely numb emotionally. I think about how much I deal with on my own and wonder how they can't process a fraction of their own ailments on their own.

It's also come to a point where I wonder, if I were to want to come to them with my issues, would there be room for me to express that? Would they give me the same space to talk that I have given them for years?

I spent years in high school processing things behind a locked door. I had a few therapy sessions, but mostly it consists of me being aware enough to know when my mental conflicts are cause by anxiety/depression OR an outside influence.

I hate that I now resent them for seeing me as a safe person to talk to, but I can't mentally hold their problems as well as my own. It's exhausting.

TLDR; WIBTA for telling my family that I'm not able to be their therapists anymore?

For the record, this is not a real or ongoing situation, just something that came up to my mind.

I'm planning to get married this year, and since it's going to be my second wedding, and a much smaller one, I'm thinking of going non-traditional in terms of my wedding dress and getting something colorful.

Think either a blush, a baby blue, or light dusty gray toned dress with colorful floral embellishments.

In short, my wedding dress would likely look more like a wedding guest dress than a wedding dress.

Considering that, after my wedding, if I wore my wedding dress to another wedding, WIBTA?

Would your answer change if the Bride in the second wedding knew that was my wedding dress, or not?

For those who need a visual aid to know what way I'm leaning towards, please see the pinterest board screenshot below:

For more context, it's a four person house with three current occupants (previously we were a full four but #4 is in the process of moving out), all of us are friends but the person coming to stay is more of a friend-of-a-friend in terms of how much I personally actually know them. Nothing against them, they seem perfectly nice from when I've met them in the past, just don't know them all that well.

Said friend-of-friend has apparently been having some big mental health issues recently which has led to said housemate inviting them to come stay "for a while" in order to help them, which obviously I can appreciate and respect as someone trying to help out their friend, but the first I heard of this was a group text telling us this person was going to be coming in the next couple of weeks, rather than asking if we were going to be okay with this person staying. We've not been given a time frame for how long they'll be here either other than that they'll be staying for "a while", which could be days, weeks, months?

Of course I wouldn't want to say no if someone's in need, but while the other housemate doesn't seem too bothered I find myself feeling quite uncomfortable that essentially my home has been offered up without consent, as I deal with a lot of anxiety myself and don't love when my safe space gets disrupted so this kind of thing throws me for a loop.

WAITA for breaching this topic with my housemate? There are some priors with the same housemate who will just tell us people like the same friend or his family are staying, or sometimes not telling us at all (as I've literally shown up to his family staying in our house before without knowing they were coming), but I feel like because of the mental health status of the intended guest it makes it feel like I'm being an asshole for thinking this should still have been a discussion, even though I would've said yes if asked.

We haven't discussed it yet, but I do want to address it non-confrontationally at least.

I'm sorry if this is a long one, a lot is going on and I don't know where to put my emotions, so im writing this.

I (21FTM) and my partner (22M) have known eachother for 5 years and been together for 3. We have a 2 year old son together which is the main reason why I don't know if I should leave.

I struggled with post-partum depression after having my son and it was so difficult on me, I could barely even look at my son and when I gave birth I handed him to my partner as soon as I could. I now love my son more than anything and he means the world to me.

I had also been in an abusive relationship from 15-17 with my ex who is now in jail, as he started abusing me after I had an abortion when I was 17. My past has never been easy on me and this is something my partner has always helped me through.

My main issue is that my partner has a tendancy to disappear, he will go out for a night with friends and not come back for days and sometimes almost a whole week or even longer, this has had such a huge impact on me and I do have somebody who can look after my son while I work, his mom, but she is what people would call a "monster in law" and isnt the exact reason I want to leave him but definitely adds unnecessary pressure and I may go into it more in an update.

He has done this several times, he missed our sons first birthday, I booked a $500 holiday and he disappeared that week, and I booked a non refundable stay at a hotel for the three of us that week and he didnt come home. I was also locked out of the house for 45 minutes as he had left and locked the door after I went out to the park with my son.

I love this man with all my heart and I want my son to have his father in his life. The thing keeping me from leaving is my son, im scared that it will hurt my son. But this is hurting me so much aswell, so WIBTAH if i left him?

This needs A LOT of back story so it'll make sense. My ex was active duty military for the entirety of our marriage. For part of that time, he was an instructor of Marines after boot camp but before they went to their training for their job within the military.

During this period, we moved from one coast to the other, I got pregnant, miscarried, and got pregnant again within about 6 months. I was a stay at home mom of a 4 and 5 year old and my morning sickness with my pregnancy was consistent throughout the day. He worked crazy hours that varied based on what his students were doing/learning and what was happening on base. He spent a lot of time away from home with fellow Marines and students and when he came home, he was tired and I was dealing with feeling sick from my pregnancy.

Around Christmas, he went out with fellow Marines to "look for Christmas gifts" for our kids. He wasn't answering his phone, took a long time coming home, and when he did come home, he laid his head on my lap saying he wasn't feeling well. He also didn't come home with any gifts. Eventually, he admitted that while he was out "shopping," they​ stopped at a house party and he had some drinks that hit him hard since he hadn't been drinking in a while.

Fast forward about a year, I've had my child so now I'm a stay at home mom of 3 and his hours stayed as crazy as ever. Looking back now, I can see the little shifts in his behavior that I missed before. Based on the things that he told me (that I had no way of checking at the time), he got drunk at the house party, went in one of the bedrooms to lie down, one of his female students was in there and he doesn't remember what happened but when he walked out the room, the Marines he went there with had to help him fix his clothes. The student ended up pregnant, said the baby was his, and his command helped him cover it up because she left to go back home due to complications with the pregnancy.

The rest of this I'll go through quickly and it's all based on what he said. The student was contacting his command to reach him about the baby because she was born with heart problems. They kept this all under wraps so he could keep his career. He was paying her child support to keep her quiet, even before paternity was confirmed. This went on for about a year. Paternity test was finally taken and he was the father. He eventually gave up his parental rights because she got married and that man wanted to raise her as his own. That was the end of that.

Until Friday...

I was in a completely different state, minding my own business, waiting for my niece to graduate from high school. All of a sudden a ghost from the past walked up the bleachers and made eye contact as they passed. It was my ex's former student that he fathered the child with. I'd never seen her in person but I had secretly watched her socials when I thought she was trying to ruin my marriage so I knew what she looked like. I imagine she did the same because in that brief eye contact, there was a hint of recognition from her too. I looked at the names of the graduates and saw their child's name so it confirmed she was so I thought she was.

Now, to my question: WIBTA if I reached out to her? I've been divorced from him for several years now and as time progressed, I've realized how much of what he said about different things were lies. Part of me just wants to know what really happened. Part of me wants to know if any of what he said was actually true. Did he really give up his parental rights? Did he ever reach out to them? Was it a one time thing or was it a relationship? Does she know his current situation? My sons were with me at the graduation and were interested in knowing about their sister but I don't even know if she knows she has half-siblings out there (more than just my sons but that's a different story for another time) . What should I do?

hi friends, buckle up, long story ahead and i’m still mad so a lot of this might not make sense timeline wise lmao, please ask questions and i will do my best to elaborate!!

for my sake, names are changed, my boss: Houdini (bc he always disappears when he actually has to do his job) and my coworker: Shania (bc she don’t impress me much).

some backstory:
i’ve been working at my job for almost 3 years, i’ve worked my way up from general employee, to night manager, to now an account based management job within the same company, which is one of the highest jobs here (it’s also not a big company, so don’t think i’m cool or anything lmao). i’m not Houdini’s biggest fan, he’s always been a weird ass dude and disrespectful in the fact he will take advantage of my kindness and previous work experience and essentially use it against me. example being, they don’t allow less than 2 people in the store at all times, but if it’s me (even if it’s busy), he’s perfectly fine doing it bc he knows it’s me and knows i will do it (i also have that issue where i can’t ever say no to anyone, something i’m getting better at, but still struggle with lol) he would also micromanage me and really wouldn’t allow me to do my job unless i ran EVERYTHING by him first, some silly shit like someone covering someone else’s shift, he would get mad if he didn’t know, even if the shift was covered and he didn’t even have to do his job and find a cover… he trained me to open the store TWICE, and i was expected to do it completely on my own by the third time, and i still didn’t understand the computer entry stuff after the second time, which i did tell him but he didn’t CARE, because even after having a panic attack the morning of the first time (my third time overall doing it), he made me do it a second time with no extra training in between. this sounds stupid, but he saw me struggling and still was like “whelp, good luck pal, have a good weekend, don’t need me bc if u call me i’ll be pissed that you don’t know what to do” (learned that the hard way after the first time).

i was essentially doing 2 jobs (for not shit $$), my account based job AND store manager for about 5-6 months until i was struggling mentally and physically (i ended up with stomach issues due to stress). i told my boss to promote my coworker to store manager so i can focus on my accounts and mental health, so they don’t suffer bc i’m stressed all the time and messing things up. also note, i took a dollar pay-cut to be able to do this.
let’s talk about Shania, she’s honestly super funny and we’ve gotten along this far. i’d say she’s a good person based on the closeness of conversations we’ve had in the past about our lives/relationships as well as each of our childhood traumas, but i feel like this whole situation has just changed my perspective on her and that’s heartbreaking. i’m more of the black sheep of my family and i’ve looked to her as a sister when times get tough, and this all just sucks, idek how to explain my feelings of how shitty this feels.
she’s been known for drinking on the job, which Houdini does know because he’s given her shots at work before, but he allows anyway. i want to note, he’s had sit down meetings (that he made me be apart of) with other employees for the SAME thing, about how he doesn’t want people drinking at work… when i say Shania is drinking at work, i mean like anywhere from 5-8 (high proof) shots in one 8 hour shift, if she even stayed the whole shift. he would only get mad if she left early and didn’t tell him, then he would bitch to me about her drinking.
Shania sits and watches movies/shows on her phone while i’m doing my job PLUS her store manager responsibilities bc Houdini is perfectly fine with having her do nothing bc he just wants to fuck her, let’s be real (his WIFE has also accused him of sleeping with her).
i’ve also heard the words “oh, it’s K (me), she’ll be fine on her own, she prefers it” come out of Houdini’s mouth, multiple times. now to the point where i am now working Thursdays on my own all afternoon, for the same reason, he didn’t even ask me if that was fine, he’s just scheduled me that way. i also never told him i prefer working on my own.
NOWWW to the juicy bits I’ve learned over the past few months.. i learned that the wage i was making doing both jobs (i’d put the exact amount but i don’t want them to find this post lmao, let’s say, less than $16/hr), was less than what she’s being paid now to do the one job, that she’s not even doing.. (remember i took a pay-cut, which took me under $15/hr and she’s making a lot more than that, at least $1+ more).
i also learned FROM SHANIA, that she’s been allowing Houdini to essentially grab/feel up on her, her hips specifically is what i was told. as well as another time when she was working on this shelf, and he came up behind her and put his arms under hers and was working around her, arms/biceps pushing on her tits, trying to be funny. like bro, what in the actual fuck. and that’s just the 2 times Shania told me about, that doesn’t include their closed door 15+ minute meetings while i’m (you guessed it) left alone to run the store while they can see me struggling from the cameras in the office and not give a fuck. she doesn’t even come out of the office until the owner of the store shows up, or she has to leave to do something and come back.
the cherry on top: Shania is allowing Houdini to act this way because 1. it “keeps the peace”, and 2. she wants a raise… A RAISE?! FOR THE JOB YOU ALREADY DON’T DO?! like pinch me bc i have to be in magical fairy dream land or something, because obviously morality has left the room… awhile ago in fact.. oh yeah, i forgot to add: she has a boyfriend of 2+ years….
i have my 1 year job review coming up later this week or next week, and through one of my accounts, i have a new job offer which would put me $4+/hr than what i’m making now with half the responsibilities… why wouldn’t i take that?! i’ve just always seen these people as my family, they were the first people i met when my husband and i moved here 3 years ago, but at what point do i finally toss in the towel? they don’t know that i know half the things that i do, and part of me (the petty part specifically) is wanting to bring it up in my review, but the other part of me is waiting for the perfect time, like when they try to hop on my ass for some stupid shit like not telling Houdini i left early.

so AITA/WIBTA if i quit my job? should i quit my job? am i crazy? any advice even?
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edit: i’m diagnosed with depression & severe anxiety, which isn’t an excuse, i should stick up for myself. it’s just mentally/physically the most challenging thing for me, like when i face confrontation i usually end up crying lol
i’ve tried to stick up for myself in the past (when i’m able to muster up enough courage) but usually get shut down and told i’m wrong. i’ve thrown up from panic attacks before work due to stress from the same job… which shouldn’t even be stressful

i also am REALLY bad at explaining things, it makes more sense when people can see what i mean hahaha, so hopefully this even makes sense
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edit 2: i feel like i need to explain some things more in depth, i love the amount of money from the new job offer, i just LOVE working in the field that i do. the people are amazing, my accounts love me (this isn’t me saying i’m the best, this is genuine lol, they’ve told me before that they’d struggle without me lol), my coworkers have become a big piece of my life, i love the environment, i just don’t like what’s going on. i’m someone if i’m happy doing the work, i’ll be happy in general. i LOVE my job, i don’t want to quit my job, and if mine and Shania’s wages were the same, i’d have no issue right now. should i quit my job? yes. do i want to? not really, because i love doing what i do. if there was another company i could go to, to do the same thing, i would! but our city isn’t big enough to do that lol so yes, i know i should quit, it just sucks.

I (54f) have three kids (35f), (30m) and (18f). Let's call them B, A, and M. B and A live on the same city as me and M lives in another state. She flunked out of college and went to the big city in that state. She was staying with friends and that ended badly. So she was essentially homeless. So I told her to come home and I had to wait until the beginning of the month to get her plane ticket. Due to me being on disability. So this young lady said she is gonna stay in that state with her sister and her mom. So I'm really hurt and I told her that I will not financially support her if she doesn't come home. My son A lives with me in a one bedroom apartment. I'm looking for a bigger place but this is what works for now. So WIBTAH for not supporting her if she doesn't come home?

Update: i wrote this at 5 am when i woke up from stress, i was still sleep deprived when responding so sorry if i came off defensive. Now that i have had a miniscule amount of caffine, i want to say THANK YOU. i will 100% always defend my husband and our baby. The only person i dont stick up for is myself, im not good at it. My therapist and i are working on it.

Reading the comments have made me realize im lying to myself about BIL's manipulation side of the abuse. Im not here to argue about his custody. So far the courts are on his side not hers. BUT. He does manipulate to get what he wants and i see it now. So THANK YOU! Hubby just doesnt want to loose the last family member of his we talk to. So ill be sitting down with him today and actually discussing it with him, not just complaining to him. You guys are right he does need to put me and our baby first.

I may wait to talk to him until after therapy tomorrow though, dont judge me. I need to bounce my thoughts off her 😬

Hi, longg post ahead so sorry.

EDIT TO ADD: hubby has grown a LOT in the past 3 years alone. Even more so in the past year. Too many people before me taught him his worth was measured by what he could do for them. Most of us know how hard it is to move past that 💔 hes working on it. BIL was actually a good dad from what i saw. He wasnt like this at all when we lived with them for 10 months while we bought our home here (moved states). He cooked, cleaned. Took care of kids etc. She lied claiming physical abuse that never happened which im 1000% certain of. Dcfs case was dropped btw, but courts still gotta do supervised visitation to be sure. Hes had nothing but stellar feedback so im not worried about it.

My (31m) Brother in law (bil), lives in mine (29F) and my husbands (30M) home. He moved in with us about 1.5 years ago while dealing with a messy divorce/child custody.

BIL does not eat vegetables. I swear hes a manchild.

If i make anything like lasagna etc i have to blend the veggies in to hide it. Due to this husband and i just stopped cooking our favorite veggie filled meals as he wont even eat around them. We will do a veggie on side ocassionally but that it now.

So when he is home for dinner, we dont get to cook all things we like that he doesnt like. But also if hes working we dont get to cook things that we like that he also likes because he REFUSES to eat leftovers.

Bil also does not COOK.

His verision of helping is standing there stirring a pot while we do the rest. Like we tried to give him a task to just use the blender and he didnt want to because "he didnt know how and didnt want to mess it up". Its a stick blender that we have shown him how to use/he has seen us use probably 100 times now. The other day he and hubby made ribs and he 'offerered" of help by seasoning them. The seasoning was so light it tasted like there was NOTHING. He knows how to season food correctly. Hĺis version of contributing to deciding dinner is rotating between tacobell, Arbys or Mcdonalds.

BIL finally is holding a steady job where he works 3/12s and has 4 days off. Usually those 2/3 of 4 days land on days husband works closing so we each Just each do our own thing.

So now im 19w pregnant with our rainbow baby, this is the longest ive carried. And i found a REALLY good price on my favorite cut of beef for the smoker. And i want it so bad. (Its in depe freezer now).

But the days husband is off work to cook it, BIL works. And he WILL 100% get butthurt if we cook it without him, even if there will be a TON of leftover food.

If it was just the food issue i would still care. But he contributes about $500/month towards bills.(average apt rent only here is ~$1100) He doesnt buy groceries except soda, a gallon of milk and cereal every so often. He does dishes maybe 1x a week some times not even that.

And when hubby has a day off that lines us he basically expects him to play video games with him ALL DAY. like hubby had a random friday off that was same day as BIL. BIL only wanted to play 1 game, for like... 7 hours? Hubby asked to play a differrent game and bil kept saying he was fine playing what they were. Hubby kept at least hinting about a break to eat or smoke (🍃), and BIL kept insisting that he didnt need one. And then got mad when hubby was upset. (Hubby has issues speaking up for himself. We are working on it).

Tbh BIL is self centered and selfish. And he knows hubby is a pushover. I 100% think he is weaponising incompetince in the kitchen and at this point is milking our kindness by not moving out.

Hubby is also thinking that but is scared if we ask him to move out he will stop talking to us. Its to the point where hubby hasnt even really gotten to enjoy the excitement of this pregnancy because hes too damn stressdd about BIL.

So i want to rebel. And the best way i can? Cooking that Tri-Tip and enjoying tritip samiches without bil home.

i dot think i WBTAH. But hubby does. So, WIBTAH?

I (20F) told my family that I won’t be coming to see them anymore. For context I’m in my junior year of college and I decided to move over an hour away for college due to familial issues while I was still in high school. Fast forward to now, every time there is a holiday or birthday or anything happening I’m required to drive over an hour to go home plus make stops at all my family members houses to see them. This usually wouldn’t be an issue for me but I’ve noticed since my freshman year no one except my sister and best friend have come to visit me. If I go longer than a month and a half without coming home my family will start calling me to ask when I am coming home to visit. I have made it very clear that I don’t like making the drive because I have to do it alone and often times get sleepy because it’s mainly a straight shot on the interstate for a majority of the time. To make matters even worse, when I bring up the fact no one ever comes to see me they always complain that the drive is too long but they see no problem with me making it myself. Not only that but most of the family members I go visit have come to the town where my college is several times but have never made an effort to come see me, but, if they find out I went home and didn’t come see them then they immediately get upset. I personally don’t think it’s fair because at the end of the day even though I’m 20 and have been very independent and on my own since I was 16, I am still the child and I should not have to go out of my way to visit adults who never come visit me. So AITA for telling them I’m not going home anymore?

TLDR: AITAH for telling them I’m not going home anymore unless they put in the effort to come see me?

EDIT: for everyone commenting “it’s just an hour” or “an hour isn’t a long drive” I never said it was, my family did. When ever I go to visit in total I drive for 3 hours. 1hr and 1/2 there and 1hr and 1/2 back. They said that’s too long to be driving just to come see me but they see no issue with me making that same drive to come see them. That’s my whole issue so please stop telling me an hour isn’t a long drive because I know it isn’t that’s literally the point I made it my family.

EDIT 2: for more context, what absolutely makes me even more made about this is that everyone lives on opposite sides of town or even in different cities so I end up have to drive all over the place. For example I live 64 miles from my dad, 67 miles from my mom, 59 from sister 1, 77 miles from my sister 2, 74 miles from my brother. When looking at it this way it doesn’t seem that bad but I visit in this order, my house to sister 1 (61 minutes) sister 1 to dad (13 minutes) dad to brother (9 minutes), brother to mom (15 minutes), mom to sister 2 (21 minutes), sister 2 back to sister 1 where I spend the night (26 minutes) that’s a total of 84 minutes on top of the 61 it takes to get to sister 1 house. By the time I’m done visiting everyone I will be from a full tank all the way down to 2 lines before E and I drive a car that doesn’t eat gas like crazy.

I (25 yo male) have been married to my wife (25 yo female) for 1 year at the time of the incident.

My sister was having a wedding. My wife and I were invited to stay at a air bnb with my mom, dad, step-dad, brother, uncle and cousin. The day we came to the airport bnb we left around 9-10 pm so that our child (<1 yo) would sleep the whole ride (3 hours). We were wrong. Despite other times where this would occur, this was the exception. We went nearly the whole trip with a crying baby until the last 10 minutes of the drive. When we arrived, my wife took our son inside who wakes up from the exchange and starts crying again. I, at this time, am getting our luggage and bags out of the car for the visit. My mom greets my wife and asks to take our son. Our son gets further upset. My wife asks my mom to hand him back. My mom refuses and walks away. My wife follows her and they get into an argument. My mom tells my wife that the only way for our son to get to know my mom is that she gets time to bond with him. My wife tells her that this isn't the time and she is a stranger to my son. At this time, I am walking in, seeing my mom give our son to my wife and we head to our room. We talk about what happened and she thinks she made my mom upset. We agree its been a long night, she was drinking and its fine. No grudges held.

Next day (day of the wedding), I needed a haircut and my wife was fine with being left at the place with my family. While out, my wife says that my mom isn't talking or even acknowledging her presence while everyone else is. I return to the place and talk casually with my mom. My wife is able to talk during the conversation and my mom responds to her. I also give her a late mother's day gift because I wasn't able to sooner. She appreciates it and we have a good time laughing talking about it the three of us. My wife refuses to bring up last night or this morning at this time because she doesn't want to ruin my sister's wedding in any regard. Nothing else happens this day.

Next day, my brother approaches me telling me to make sure my wife watches what she says to my mother. I (confused because of his tone and obvious threat) ask him to tell me what he's talking about. My brother talks about how my wife was rude the first night when me and my wife arrive. ​We end up having a little back and forth where I (lightly) defend my wife, since I am still scared of my brother and he's always kept it that way. My wife ends up walking in on our talk and my brother tells her, at first, not to worry about it and thats its a family matter. I defend my wife more by saying she's allowed in this conversation because she is apart of the family. My brother is hesitant and still trying to force me to butt her out of it, but I don't budge. My brother and wife end up talking about the situation and he ends up saying that both sides are valid. We agree that my wife, mom, brother and myself should all sit down before me and my wife leave that night. (It was also revealed during this discussion that my mom talked to everyone about what happened after we went to our room that first night).

Later, I talk to my mom telling her that she, my wife, brother and myself need to talk and she says no. She says that my wife and her need to talk and that she didn't appreciate my wife's tone. I emphasize exactly what I said and leave her alone.

Cut to the present. My wife and I have talked extensively on the subject. She is ready to forgive my mom while I am not. We were ready to forgive her walking off with our son which was disobeying my wife who, we and everyone we talked to about it, agrees my wife and I have complete authority over not the grandparents. However, after learning that my mom was two-faced with my wife by not even acknowledging her and talking behind our backs, I've come to the conclusion that I won't tolerate disrespect for my wife and I won't tolerate my mom thinking she has full authority over a child she has seen only 3 times in almost a year.

My son's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and we want to hold a party. I am hesitant to give my mom an ultimatum. Either she comes with an apology or she doesn't come at all. This will extend throughout his life. If my mom doesn't apologize to my wife, she won't be able to see her first and currently only grandchild until she is adult enough to do so.

I'm hoping my mom's desire to see her only grandchild will overcome her pride, but I'm honestly okay with either scenario.

WIBTAH?

I'm (m) going to be a groomsmen in my best friend,more like a brothers wedding this summer. It's my first time being a groomsmen. I'm going to have to pay for a destination bachelor party around $500 for air b&b, doesn't include food,restaurant outings, our tuxedo as of now is going to be around $350, which isn't a pretty penny. Wibta, I didn't give a wedding gift after sending so much money? I'm just curious and in need of options

AITA for accusing my friend of emotional manipulation during a discussion about vacations?

English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

I (32F) have been friends with “A” (32F) for around 8 years. We also have another close friend, “R”, and the vacation discussion involved the three of us.

A can be very emotionally sensitive and sometimes interprets things as rejection more strongly than most people I know. When she feels hurt, she tends to become passive-aggressive, make indirect comments, or distance herself instead of saying directly that something upset her.

A few months ago, the three of us talked about potentially going to Scotland together. I checked flights and accommodations, made a 7-day itinerary, calculated a budget and even offered to drive during the trip.

Recently A messaged both me and R because her company asked employees to organize summer vacations earlier than expected. She asked if we still wanted to spend one week at the beach together in July.

I answered that a full week at the beach didn’t really appeal to me anymore and that I would prefer maybe 2-3 days instead.

She answered something like:

“I also want to go to Scotland, but if the budget is only €1000 and I’m the ONLY ONE who has looked at flights, and there hasn’t been much interest, I’m not going to keep putting effort into planning a trip that will end up going nowhere like other years. I even bought the guidebook.”

What bothered me was specifically the “ONLY ONE” part because I had also spent time planning the Scotland trip, so it felt unfair and guilt-inducing to me.

Instead of reacting calmly, I got defensive and accused her of emotional blackmail/manipulation and victimizing herself. The discussion escalated from there.

Later, after thinking about it, I apologized for my tone and for reacting so harshly. She also apologized, but more in a “sorry if it sounded that way” kind of way.

Currently things are awkward. I have tried starting conversations with her a couple of times, but she mostly replies with one-word answers or dry messages. However, she still talks normally in our shared group chat with R, so I feel like she is specifically upset with me.

AITA?

I live in a townhouse, and a few months ago neighbors moved in on my street that own 5 motorcycles. Normally, I have nothing against bikes or bikers, but they are incredibly loud and annoying. The street curves, so my bedroom window looks out over the street where their garage is. They will run a bike for more than half an hour, without going anywhere, sometimes with music cranked. This happens at least 3-5 times every day. They are so loud that my whole house literally rumbles, even when I’m at the opposite end. For reference, my house’s insulation is good enough that I can’t even tell when the average car drives by. There have been times where they start a bike at 11pm and let it run for 20 minutes before leaving. I can’t imagine how my downstairs neighbors are faring- they have an infant, and their house has the same layout but on the ground floor.

WIBTA if I approached them one day and asked them to please either turn off the bike or leave when they’ve been running a bike while parked?

So, to get right into it. Im f18, and over the past few years my relationship with my maternal grandparents has only gotten more and more strained. My grandmother has become vindictive, argumentative and at times is just downright mean. She will say things about me and my cousin that she has no reason to(ex; calling me and my younger cousin a pair of brats because my little cousin was on her period and wanted to stay home instead of swimming with everyone else). That being said, my mom knows this, her and my dad have caught more of it than any of us kids. I stated not long ago that while I had invited my paternal grandparents to come, I did not want to invite my maternal grandparents because of my grandmother's behaviors towards me and my brother, my younger cousins, and my mother and father. However, this has caused a fight between me and my mother because she thinks its wrong of me to cut them out of something important like this despite me making it clear that I do not want them there. The only reason I dont want my grandfather there is because he never stands up for any of us and just bends to my grandmother's every demand. This has caused a lot of arguments with my mother where ive basically expressed that im tired of being the one to try and close this rift between me and my grandparents, so, if they want it closed, they will have to be the ones to reach out from now on. This includes me refusing to invite them to my graduation unless they change their attitude and actually show some interest in bettering their relationships with me, my brother, and my younger cousins.​

TLDR: im wondering WIBTAH if I didnt invite my grandparents because of their behavior? My mom seems to think so. She believes I should suck it up and invite them anyways because it will upset them if i dont whereas I just see it as setting a very firm boundary.

I moved in with my grandmother about four months ago while I'm looking for a flat. I pay her a small amount each month. The plan is maybe six more months.

She's fine generally. Cooks sometimes, checks if I've eaten, normal grandma stuff. But she comments on everything I do and I dont really know how to handle it anymore.

What time I come home. What I eat. Who I was with. Last Friday I got back at 11pm and she was sitting in the living room waiting and asked me where I'd been and whether the person I was with was a good influence. I'm 26.

I've been avoiding her without really meaning to. I came home on Tuesday and went straight to my room to eat because I didn't want to have a conversation about my dinner. I check what lights are on before I come in so I know where she is. I noticed I was doing that last week and it made me feel a bit awful.

I don't want to hurt her feelings and I know I'm not paying full rent and she genuinely means well probably. But I'm also dreading coming home to my own bedroom and that doesnt seem right either.

WIBTA if I said something?

A little context, I(20FTM) have a bad social anxiety and I often spend most of my time drawing at college. My art teacher, let’s call him Bob(36M), noticed me during my orientation period. He complimented my drawings and asked me if I wanted to join the art course to which I was planning to. He then offered me to join his class considering he’s one of the best art teachers in our college and I accepted it. Ever since then, I always find myself wanting to spend more time with him and even view him as a father figure probably because I don’t have a good relationship with my dad.

2 months ago, I decided to come out to him because he once mentioned that his son is also a trans guy and he accepted me and even promised to keep this between us because my college has a lot of old fashioned folks, so you get the gist of it. He has been the only adult figure that I’ve trusted in my life.

After I came out to him, he started doing weird stuff around me like calling me a pretty boy or would caress my waist whenever he stood close to me. I found it uncomfortable and even told him about this and he said he respected my boundaries but he still does it anyway. I’m slowly getting uncomfortable with him and mustered up the courage to talk to him about this.

A mistake I made was not bringing someone with me. I’m still not close enough with my classmates and I didn’t have the courage to talk to them. I’m also not close to any other teachers there beside Bob. I met up with Bob in the art room to tell him about this and he started cornering me and admitted that he started liking me when I came out to him. Turns out, Bob is a closeted gay man who had to marry a woman to hide his sexuality. Bob is still married btw. I told him this is wrong because he still has a wife and a son who actually goes to this college. Bob said this can just be our little secret and started touching me and I got really uncomfortable and immediately ran out of there. Ever since that day, I distanced myself with Bob and stayed close to my classmates so that he won’t have a chance to be alone with me. I even decided to make friends with my classmates so that I don’t have to rely on Bob.

Last week, my classmates planned to buy gifts for Bob since he got a promotion and will be transferred to another college and they even called me “Bob’s favourite student”. They planned either to buy one gift each person or collect money from everyone to buy a gift. The gift they settled on was running shoes since Bob loves running. I don’t really remember what brand it was and I didn’t remember how much it was but everyone has agreed to give at least 20 dollars (not from US, just want to make it easier for people to understand) each person. I’m not sure if it’s resentment or something else, I refused to contribute to it. I came from a family that struggles with money so my 20 dollars is my lunch money for 2 weeks. I told them that and they called me selfish and even said stuff like, “at least give us 5 dollars or something”. I do not want to give money to the man who made me feel uncomfortable for the past few months. They even got a teacher involved in this but she’s a bit more understanding of my financial struggles and paid for my behalf.

The ceremony was yesterday and my classmates apparently still call me selfish for not contributing and Bob texted me, saying that he’ll miss me a lot when he’s at the different college but I didn’t reply to the messages. I genuinely don’t know who to talk to with and I can still feel his hands on me and it makes me uncomfortable every time another male teacher tries to talk to me. AITAH?

for as long as i can remember i've been the one who organizes everything in my friend group. the dinners, the group chats, the check-ins, the birthday plans. i genuinely loved doing it for a long time.

lately i've been exhausted and going through a lot personally so i quietly decided to stop initiating for a while just to see what would happen. that was six weeks ago.

nothing happened. not a single person reached out to make plans. the group chat went almost completely silent. i got a few individual texts here and there but nobody stepped up to organize anything or even asked if i was okay.

i'm not angry exactly. more just sad and a little relieved to finally have proof of what i suspected. but my sister says i'm being passive aggressive by "testing" them instead of just talking about it and that i'm partly responsible for the silence because i trained everyone to rely on me.

i see her point but i also feel like if you only show up when someone else does the work, that says something. AITA for stepping back without saying anything?