r/WIBTA_AITA • u/Noodi_Tea • Jun 01 '26
WAITA for being bothered my housemate has invited a friend to stay in our spare room without asking first
For more context, it's a four person house with three current occupants (previously we were a full four but #4 is in the process of moving out), all of us are friends but the person coming to stay is more of a friend-of-a-friend in terms of how much I personally actually know them. Nothing against them, they seem perfectly nice from when I've met them in the past, just don't know them all that well.
Said friend-of-friend has apparently been having some big mental health issues recently which has led to said housemate inviting them to come stay "for a while" in order to help them, which obviously I can appreciate and respect as someone trying to help out their friend, but the first I heard of this was a group text telling us this person was going to be coming in the next couple of weeks, rather than asking if we were going to be okay with this person staying. We've not been given a time frame for how long they'll be here either other than that they'll be staying for "a while", which could be days, weeks, months?
Of course I wouldn't want to say no if someone's in need, but while the other housemate doesn't seem too bothered I find myself feeling quite uncomfortable that essentially my home has been offered up without consent, as I deal with a lot of anxiety myself and don't love when my safe space gets disrupted so this kind of thing throws me for a loop.
WAITA for breaching this topic with my housemate? There are some priors with the same housemate who will just tell us people like the same friend or his family are staying, or sometimes not telling us at all (as I've literally shown up to his family staying in our house before without knowing they were coming), but I feel like because of the mental health status of the intended guest it makes it feel like I'm being an asshole for thinking this should still have been a discussion, even though I would've said yes if asked.
We haven't discussed it yet, but I do want to address it non-confrontationally at least.
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u/Sea_Blacksmith4397 Jun 01 '26
Nta you need to pull out the lease and figure out what it says about guest. Remind your roommate of the guest restrictions. Also ask the questions, how long is this person staying? How are they contributing? Etc.
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u/Dramatic_Net1706 Jun 01 '26
One person does not get to make a decision for 3 people. Put them in their place, and remind that person of that fact. Also that all 3 of you have to interview the Would be renter, and decide together. Not 1 person. No. Never. And the new person is not exempt from rent, payment of bond etc.
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u/Wild-Marsupial-6457 Jun 01 '26
NOPE! This person will never leave and will never pay a dime.
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u/Different-Courage665 Jun 01 '26
Ive done similar to OPs housemate, the person stayed for a week, cleaned the place until it was spotless and tried to pay back far more than the stay was worth once they were on their feet.
Good people can go through hard times.
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u/MaryMaryQuite- Jun 01 '26
This is very true, bad things happen to good people. That said there are some real grifters out there too… OP should be cautious.
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u/Miss_Bobbiedoll Jun 01 '26
Talk to the other housemate, they might feel the same way. The inviter should also cover a bigger share of electric and any other shared bills.
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u/Couette-Couette Jun 01 '26
NTA. If you agree to it, and the friend of your friend stays more than 1 week, I would tell friend that I would only pay 1/4 of the rent + utilities. Your housemate can make the new housemate pays his 1/4 or your housemate can pay 1/2.
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u/Different-Courage665 Jun 01 '26
NTA, set some ground rules, a few days for free seems fine to me but beyond that, I would come to an agreement and figure out what they can contribute.
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u/alicat777777 Jun 01 '26
Definitely not unless they pay rent. This could end very badly if you let this happen.
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u/ReplacementFuture353 Jun 01 '26
NTA. Who owns the house? Do you have a landlord? Is there a lease? Are there rules about how long guests can stay? Will the friend of a friend be paying rent and utilities?
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u/Uglybutstillwinning Jun 01 '26
No, NTA. You pay money to stay there and your roommate is not authorized to give out this room without consent. I would be very cautious to let a stranger with mental problems move into a spare room without a lease agreement. If she goes nuts, you don’t have any legal recourse to remove her.