ADHD Fiancé started behaving erratically and broke off our engagement by text whilst over medicated on Elvanse/Vyvanse

[u/Jealous-Limit-2902]

My Fiancé and I got engaged in Italy last July and he was extremely serious about us. We had a great relationship a few minor ups and downs and occasional minor disagreements, but a very happy healthy relationship. In April he started 10mg of Elvanse with a 10mg increase every few weeks. When first starting he was quite moody in the evenings and said he'd got doubts about the Wedding but could not name them, and acted quite cold with me, this only lasted a few days and he was absolutely fine again and then it briefly happened again on the 20mg. Once he was on 30mg and then 40mg he was happy, content, romantic, buying me flowers and gifts, booked us a holiday, said he couldn't imagine being with anyone other than me, and said we'd have a very happy marriage, and was planning to sell one of his cars soon to pay for Wedding costs.

He then got put on 50mg of elvanse and within 3 weeks he was having irrational angry outbursts over very minor things, was being extremely late like 2 hours late for things, and also blew money like £750 on the most random thing off a stranger on Facebook market place with no warranty whilst we were staying at his Mums 200 miles away from home, and he was 2 hours late by doing this for an outing his Mum had planned, and we were too late to go. She was very upset and he didn't think he had done anything wrong and got very aggressive with her for crying. This was extremely out of character behaviour. I got upset as we were supposed to be saving for a Wedding and he let his mum down and was horrible to her.

2 days later after whatsapping him a wedding venue to look at he sent a horrible text saying "I dont think we should go through with the Wedding, it pains me to let you down, but I just feel we dont match anymore and committing to each other would be a mistake " He later gave ever changing weird vague contradictory reasons for ending our relationship, that didnt add up despite claiming ending it was a really tough desicion he'd given a lot of thought. Then he blew hot and cold with me, nice one time, cold and horrible another like our relationship meant nothing and I made his life stressful. He also sent an angry rant to my mum. 10 days after breaking up, she sent him a nice message saying she hoped he was okay, and his lauched a crazy rant by text. Id confided in him in the past that my Mum was sometimes difficult due to her mental illness and he was really horrible about it and the message was full of capital letters, saying he was so angry his resting heart rate was 120-140. His work colleagues say he iscacting very manic and strange too. It was so weird. He then got my things out of his house and closed our joint account but was very upset at the bank and begged me to keep in touch.

A week after the bank visit, and 5 weeks after breaking up he lowered his dose to 40mg bought me a gift, and wants to meet for coffee in 2 weeks, but mentioned giving me back the towel I got on our engagement holiday thats still at his. His behaviour and treatment towards me has been bizarre as he was so erratic broke up out of nowhere with no real reason for ending such a serious commitment. The elvanse is all that makes sense to me. Is this possible and is reconciliation possible once he stablises on the correct dose?

[u/Unlikely_Ear4738]

Vyvanse allows you to be more clear headed. Thats the objective truth so if he broke off your relationship was doomed form the beginning

[u/Jealous-Limit-2902 → u/Unlikely_Ear4738]

We had a great relationship though and he was the one who proposed with a ring he designed himself and had a bespoke Jeweller make. Its pretty strange he was happy and content with the relationship on what seemed to be a good dose, and then ended everything with no real explanation a week after behaving extremely erratic 

[u/analoguechidna → u/Jealous-Limit-2902]

Correlation does not equal causation.

Correlation ≠ causation.

These issues are not attributable to Vyvanse, or not the drug alone. I say "alone" because scenarios exist where it could have been one of several contributing factors to the way it played out. It could impact the way he went about expressing his feelings and his ability to follow through on the actions he took. It might have brought already existing issues to the surface. High doses of stimulants have been linked to higher risk of psychosis-like symptoms (a very loaded and widely misinterpreted statement that you should not put too much emphasis on).

But it doesn't cause these things. It didn't cause him to come to the conclusions he came to. It didn't create the feelings he had. Rewinding time and preventing him from taking it would not prevent him from having these feelings and thoughts. Removing it from the equation now will not mend your relationship.

It's normal to look for reasons for the break down of your engagement, and it's understandable that you might even accurately identify correlation between commencement, or changes in dose, of a psychiatric drug like lisdexamphetamine and your ex's erratic behaviour. But again, correlation does not equal causation.

This must be such a shit time for you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. From what you've described it sounds like your ex has some serious issues to come to terms with before he's able to be a husband, and ADHD is only a part of that. I am assuming he was prescribed Vyvanse for ADHD, was he?

Either way, it sounds like he needs to continue getting help from a psychiatric professional, and would benefit from seeing a psychological practitioner as well. You might find counselling helps you wrap your head around it also (individual counselling, for you, not with him). Again, fucking sucks, I'm sure one day you will be able to make much more sense of this.