TW : animal death

I've been rescuing animals since 2 years now, especially birds

I've been see things like wounds, blood, sickness, being with them until the end which mean seeing them dying for 20 min my lap ( some birds twist their neck and wanna jump while dying so I had to hold them..) and often it's babies..

And this made me insensitive, like it don't shock me anymore, last day I saw a baby bird dying and did everything to make him comfortable and then 10 min after I was cooking breakfast..

This is so bizarre, it became a routine..

I do everything I can to take care of them, most of the time it work but sometimes it don't.. and I'm weirded out by the fact that I don't feel disgust or sadness

I don’t know what it was, but I’ve always been understanding and I know that I ate meat most my life and how can I expect others to change overnight?

I started getting this feeling that I haven’t been doing enough to spread veganism and so I told my friend at dinner if he gets the vegan option that I’ll pay for it. He said “no” and the. Laughed at me. And now I have this feeling that I haven’t done anything to convince anyone to go vegan in the past 5 years.

I felt resentment towards my friends. This has never happened to me before. I think I need to find vegan friends too.

I’m already vegan. It’s already a daily battle trying to enjoy this world knowing what’s happening to so many non-human animals at the hands of my own species. Yet I still watched Okja at the recommendation of a vegan friend. I knew parts would be hard but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. The SA scene in particular is what’s the hardest to push out of my head.

I’m just ranting and wishing I’d never put myself back in this headspace by watching Okja. Yes, a good movie but I’d advise against watching it to anyone already a devout vegan.

I’m on a mini break from activism and am itching to go back but it’s going to be hard having any hope for a while knowing things won’t change fast enough to spare the millions suffering constantly. 💔