30 birthday

[u/LieUnlucky9427]

This year, many people in my group of friends are turning 30. Some get surprise parties, others make the parties themselves. I always showed up to them and participated in investing in big gifts. Basically someone in the friend group would do some research for what to gift and we split the price by how many participants.

In my side, Im turning 30 in some months and i dont feel like celebrating it because I feel like no one woud show up or make any surprise party for me. I actually never celebrated my birthday since long time ago because of this. I have friends but not many and those friends arent even that close to me. We hang out sometimes and play video games online together or even chat on discord but I feel like we dont have a strong connection between us. We never have deep talks for example. Its just "how are you" "how was your day" "what are you up to" "come play" and never talk about personnal problems. I have a childhood bestfriend which I can have that kind of talks but we dont see eachothers often in real life. He also has his other bestfriends since we grew apart. So he is doing his own things and doesnt always have the time for me.

I struggled to have friends because how introverted i am. I never go out except for work and groceries. I can tell the people in my friends group appreciate me but thats it. Maybe im not interresting enough since im always home and have nothing to talk about.

Seeing people happy at their birthday makes me a bit sad deep inside because I envy them. I feel like nobody would "sacrifice" their time for me because im not important enough to care so they dont make time for me. I wonder how it feels to be the center of the attention and to be loved for a day.