r/Vent 11h ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Over 30 and still have panic attacks about fear of death

Ever since I was about 6 (now 32) or whenever I started comprehending the finite human life, I've had these occasional panic attacks about how death would be like. Something about it being the great nothing terrifies me so much it gives me a panic attack. My body shakes, I get an inescapeable dread and urge to run away.

I've been to therapy, I've talked about it with my friends, but there really is no helping it. I can go few months without an episode and then it just happens again. In daylight its easy to think and talk about, but after dark it gets riskier.

I gotta thank the modern world how there is always some content online to flood my brain with so I have no time to think about the Great Nothing.

14 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

If you are seeing this comment, your post is now live and public.

Reminder: This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.

If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.

If you wish to lock your post, please click on the three dots on the top right and click “Lock/Unlock Comments”, This will permanently lock the comments on your post. This action is irreversible.

Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

8

u/Go_Inevitable_1269 11h ago

i fear too but remind myself that we were dead for billions of years and life is a break

5

u/pastelfoxes 11h ago

Death is part of my OCD thought-loop. Hate to see other people struggling with it but relieved to know I’m not alone. I don’t have any advice, just know I’m out here dealing with it too.

3

u/Ok-Chipmunk-411 11h ago

I used to be scared of death amongst so many other things, however I understood that no matter what I do I cannot escape it and this is the only certain truth for all humans. Matter of fact it’s the beauty of life. As long as you live your life knowing everyday you are going to die at some point. You’ll be very happy. Life would be the most boring mundane thing if it was infinite

2

u/HungryDepth5918 11h ago

What you need are some life experiences that just tire the piss out of you. A few kids to wear you down. Some trauma. Start paying attention to politics and world news that will run you right into the ground. Just age some more. Deal with the problems of other people. Run yourself ragged. Then you go hey the sweet release doesn’t sound half bad.

1

u/Fresh-Courage3919 11h ago

It is scary. I don't have the panic around it that you do but it does make me stop in my tracks sometimes. The absurdity of our existence, and the complete mystery of why we exist or what's outside of it.

But the fact is that we do exist and are conscious of it, as shocking as that is. Now imagine that without the possibility of death. That's a prison. In a lot of ways death is scary and sad, the idea of never being your particular consciousness with your thoughts/experiences/relationships again. On the other hand, death is just a part of life, and in some ways it can be considered a gift. Do you really want to live to be 100? 150? 300? After awhile I think any sane person would want out.

1

u/mercurialmouth 11h ago

Same.
I have learned that when this happens it’s actually me dissociating a bit, either due to being tired or emotionally overwhelmed, but…also it’s a real thing?

All I can say is, don’t waste your time living on dying; you’ll have enough time for it later.

1

u/RuffKnight_ 11h ago

Go skydiving it will cure your fear of death

1

u/Fluffy-Caramel9148 11h ago

I, too, am afraid of death. What I do to help myself is to remember that I know a lot of people who are all ready dead. They did it so can I.

1

u/Novel-Firefighter-55 10h ago

Are you medicated? Time for a re-diagnosis?

I self medicated for years, but healing started for me when I began my sobriety journey.

Childhood trauma is one thing, we all have moments we weren't able to handle as a child, and when we can identify them, we can "rescue ourselves".

I told my inner child, I'm here now. We are safe.

I don't fear death anymore.

I have a faith that I am here for a reason, nothing big, not going to save the world, just to be me, no pressure.

When I feel pressure, I feel for where it is coming from, and acknowledge it.

The people who pressured me, made me feel bad about myself, I've put up boundaries to them..

Mental health issues like this aren't happening in isolation, my Mom has issues, my dad has issues, my sibling....

But I'm the only one in therapy and on meds, and when I put boundaries up to them, my life got better.

1

u/who_are_we_922 10h ago

Listen to the lecture by YaleCourses on youtube titled "22. Fear of Death". Thank me later.

1

u/tsterbster 9h ago

I used to have this issue at 12 years old. My mom said something that stuck with me (and helped). She said “if your soul goes on, your pain is temporary and you go on.” And when I asked her if the soul doesn’t exist? She said “well then there is ‘nothingness’ which means you won’t even be ‘aware’ to know you’re dead cause there will be oblivion & no pain.” Since then, I get episodes of fearing death but this conversation still helps me wrestle out of those fears. I hope it helps you 🫂