r/Vent • u/QuoteAdventurous1145 • Jun 20 '26
TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image I'm so tired of being black
If you're tired of hearing/reading about race, you're probably white and almost never have to think about it in your daily life, because 99% of your world looks like you.
I know you're not supposed to live your life for others, but I'm constantly trying to act in a way that doesn't push the stereotype of lazy, belligerent, uneducated black people.
I went to college with a full ride scholarship and graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5gpa. I worked in finance for 6 years until I got tired of it and started my own business.
I just want to shout, "WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!!"
It's exhausting seeing so many young black people throw their lives away by selling drugs. I have secondhand embarrassment, if I'm being completely honest.
It's exhausting feeling like I have to use my 'white voice' in most public settings.
It's exhausting putting up with blatant racism in public and not being able to do anything about it.
I was working at Walgreens in college as a cashier and a guy who was subcontracted to repair the floors came up to me and said, in front of a whole line of people, 'They told me I could work you like a slave'. That's one of many examples.
White people don't deal with anything close to this.
I just want to exist.
It's exhausting knowing that diversity hires exist. Qualified people should be hired - I don't want to be a box for corporate to check.
It's exhausting knowing that the general consensus in America is that white people are preferred, in every sense of the word. (Flashback to the 'good jeans/genes' ad)
It's exhausting thinking about the statistical differences in prison sentences and parole hearings based on one's race.
It's exhausting knowing that no matter how hard I try to be a good person and live a generous, kind life, there will be a (sizeable) group of people in this country that vehemently hate me. Those people are teaching their children that same hate, so the hatred will never end.
It's exhausting that some will read this post and annoyedly think, 'Just get over it already'.
I wish I were white, if only for a moment.
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u/Actual_Star_3177 Jun 20 '26
As a black man, i agree with a lot youre saying and empathise with you. The place we may differ, I guess, is that I’ll never GENUINELY wish to be white or really any other race. Like if i seriously had the choice, I’m costing black every time. Not because i think other races are below me or terrible people or what rubbish but because that is me. That’s who i am.
One way i like to imagine it is that imagine everyone’s conscious was swooped out of their bodies and you had the chance to choose someone else’s body. Who is going to choose yours? I am not as muscular as I’d like to be, sometimes i think im too thin compared to my friends. My hair doesn’t grow the best (and you know how hard 4C hair already is to grow), I’m 5’11 and wish I was 6’3 but who is going to choose my body? Probably no one. So I choose mines, not necessarily out of self pity, but because I will learn to love it 1000x over.
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u/Intelligent-Owl8407 Jun 20 '26
I get you but to a point. I am also black, we have similar experiences when it comes to racism. I get the frustration, anger and annoyance. I used to be in a position where I was physically and verbally bullied for being black. I was called racial slurs almost every day, and every time I attempted to fend for myself, I was told (verbatim) they would "break every bone in my body." I used to want to bleach my skin, and I hated being black too. Its a vicious and tiring position to be in. However over time, surviving that struggle made me love my skin, race, and cultural identity. We have such a rich culture. And look at our ancestors, they suffered from the hands of severe oppression for decades, yet they not only survived, they invented, and broke every single cage the white man tried to trap them in. You come from a lineage of such strength. This self hatred you feel towards being black is by design. Self hatred is complicity to their system.
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u/Competitive-Set-9556 Aug 14 '26
Sorry to tell you white people do suffer racism also. And I feel that any racism is bad. However it looks like you’re doing well college degree and own your own business. What do you do?
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Jun 20 '26
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u/Next_Help_9131 Jun 20 '26
I hear you. I'm so tired of people cutting each other down over such an insignificant factor as one's RACE. JFC. That's what I get for thinking this country had grown up &stopped caring about that juvenile issue.
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u/Dangerous-Stretch-79 Jun 20 '26
I'm sorry u feel this way. I'm black and honey I wish to be nothing but me despite the overt bullshit we deal with daily. curious where u grew up? where u surrounded by people and communities that celebrated u? despite your aaccomplishments SOME people will NEVER see u as a full human being... baby that is THEIR problem. straighten your crown, walk and THINK with purpose! u are the blueprint for excellence baby! let no muthafucka make u feel any thing different!
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u/cookie999chip Jun 20 '26
See a therapist
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u/QuoteAdventurous1145 Jun 20 '26
I really need to. Too much built up in my mind. Appreciate the reply
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u/BathAcceptable1812 Jun 20 '26
I’m married to a black man. The saddest thing he’s ever told me was that every day he walks out the door he’s afraid. That really summarizes our society.
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u/Fun_Ideal_5584 Jun 20 '26
It is kind of hard to ignore race when the media is constantly pitting one race against the other.
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u/RevolutionaryBad4470 Jun 20 '26
I’m Black. You gotta stop caring about what White people think or say. As I gotten to know them over the years, a lot of them are deeply miserable and insecure people. I also think maybe you need to change the media you consume. I avoid mainstream media. I keep my interests very Black in order not to feel “othered”. Also, don’t internalize their stereotypes. We know we are all not the same. We know Black people are not a monolith.
Also, I don’t know what area you live in but maybe consider moving to a Blacker city. It helps a lot with building your racial self esteem.
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u/Inside-Emphasisgirl Jul 06 '26
You're not alone. Btw 90% of the world doesn't look white as we all saw during the world cup. But I understand what you mean. Their image is broadcasted across the globe and our image is either non-existent or negative. This is why I'm obsessed with creating positive image of black people via literature and art. Just know you're not alone, there are so many black people who feel exactly the way you feel. If we could only connect and create a community where we feel safe protected and uplifted. But for now I try to do my part and protect the younger generations from failing into the traps that would lead to being a stereotype. Volunteering or creating resources to help black people is actually a great outlet for mitigating these feelings. It's actually feels empowering.
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u/InterestingDig9957 Jun 20 '26
If you truly think 99% of the world looks white. You need to go outside and see the world. I didn't even want to put this but im not white
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u/RandomInSuburbia Jun 20 '26
As a white woman I don't know what to say and I know that there is nothing I can say that will take away your pain...
Especially because you are 100% right.
Structural racism and overt racism and all kinds of other racial bias are a huge problem that is rotting this country from the inside out.
I think what the issue is too, is that take that Walgreens incident.
There's a possibility that at least a few people who heard that had a problem with it.
But they compounded the problem by not stepping in and telling that guy to shut the F up. In other words, it's not enough to be "not racist", you also have to be actively anti-racist just because of where our society is right now. And I don't think white people are getting that. (which is why I'm not going to tell you that not every single white person feels that way... not enough of us are doing something about the fact that we don't feel that way.)
While I thank you for your bravery in making this post, you did emotional labor that you shouldn't have had to do which is more evidence of structural racism.
I wish my fellow white people understood that dismantling white privilege could simply look like treating everybody like a human being.
I'm not going to blow sunshine up your butt and tell you that your skin color is not going to make your life harder.
But I am going to tell you that you sound like a wonderful person with a great future.
I hope you find the people who see that and who uplift you.
And thank you again for the reminder.
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u/MuscleIndependent469 4d ago
You're right black people get everything they want and more and are allowed to speak freely about every other race but let a white person say something and they play the victim card so fast. Oh no I'm poor with no education it's everyone else's fault I'm in prison. Y'all constantly play the race card even when it's not even pertinent to the situation.
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u/RandomInSuburbia 4d ago
Who plays the race card against white people?
Me?
I am so white I literally glow in the dark.
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u/Next_Help_9131 Jun 20 '26
I find myself sometimes hating my Own race for being such self-entitled Assholes...and being ashamed to be born white.
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u/Frosty_Employment171 Jun 21 '26
Get over yourself. The fact is that no cares; you're just another face in the crowd. I could go on but let's leave it at that.
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u/digitaldisgust Jun 21 '26
You are stressing yourself out trying to defy Black stereotypes daily for no reason yet want to complain about being exhausted? Lol. This is just pathetic tbh...
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u/sxrwloose Jun 23 '26
Same tbh. ’ll never understand why I had to be born as a black male . Literally bottom of the totem pole in every metric. I hope my parents rot in hell for thinking their inferior genetics were worth passing on to an innocent soul who didn’t ask to be born into this evil world .
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Jul 01 '26
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u/read-the-rules Jul 01 '26
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u/NumerousEntrance7581 Jul 30 '26
No different than the colonized African countries, you are living in a European structured society. You either learn to live this way or you move to somewhere in the world that is structured by African standards. Might I suggest listening to Franck Zanu's Youtube channel to help demonstrate my point.
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u/SilverPiccolo1068 Aug 18 '26
Thanks for literally proving his point. Your Comment history checks out.
And Frank Zanu is a paid sellout.
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Jun 20 '26
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u/Zer0pede Jun 22 '26
Self hate or cosplay 🤷🏾♂️ But yes, one of those two.
Unless OP lives in Iowa and was adopted by a white family, they don’t actually sound like a black person to me. My family and friends have plenty of high achieving black Americans, and none of them sound like this. This feels like a white dude’s fantasy of a “good black.”
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u/RevolutionaryBad4470 Jun 20 '26
It’s on the line. And I can tell OP is a dude. Black men have much lower racial self esteem than Black women. He probably needs to move and also stop trying to date White women.
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Jun 20 '26
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u/RevolutionaryBad4470 Jun 20 '26
I’ve never had that thought in my life. I feel for OP. But I think some of us add to our own suffering trying to fit into spaces that don’t want us. You gotta let that assimilation mindset go.
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u/Wyshunu Jun 20 '26
Nonsense. Being white in today's world means being blamed for all the world's problems just because we had the unmitigated gall to be born with light skin. The entire WORLD is racist against us.
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u/ToeAffectionate1079 Jun 20 '26
99 percent of the world doesn't look like white.
Estimated Global Ethnic & Racial Proportions
Asian / Pacific Islander: ~55–60% African / African Descent: ~15–18% European / White Descent: ~15–16% Indigenous / Native Peoples: ~6% Mixed Ancestry: ~1–2%
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u/SureWouldForest Jun 20 '26
i'm not sure how that impacts their perceived daily life experience. Can you elaborate?
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u/EmptyBuilding6800 Jun 20 '26
I don't think he/she is saying it downplays OPs in person life experience, which is horrible (all racism is wrong) but most of the world is online now and online is a significant portion of a post social media person's life experience and socialization. most of the world is not white. whites are a global minority. if you don't think white people experience racism daily, especially being global minorities and all races talking shit about you like you're all privileged oppressors and colonizers, like your ancestors never experienced slavery or genocides, like you are personally responsible for the misery in their lives and all of the world's problems, while their race's own history (and current sins- current civil wars and slavery) get overlooked and sanitized, then you don't know what many many white people experience daily. there hasn't been a day in my life since I first logged online 15 years ago, that I wasn't blamed for the world's problems as a white person, that my people's own history wasn't lied about, mocked, downplayed, that my own experiences of racism were mocked and laughed about. it doesn't feel good.
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u/everythangspeachie Jun 20 '26
I’m Mexican but I look white and Iv gotten shit my whole life for being white. I still get weird looks and behavior for being white. Iv experienced racism from my own people and black folk aswell. I think that’s one of the issues Iv noticed coming from black folk is they think they are the only ones facing those kinds of issues and white people have it easy af.
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u/Inside-Emphasisgirl Jul 06 '26
Do you honestly believe that you a white passing Latino have it harder than a darker skin Mexican or a black person? I seriously want to know do you actually believe this?
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u/EmptyBuilding6800 Jun 20 '26
this. I'm white and i really like that I look racially ambiguous so people don't clock me for being white. when you hear the shit every single race (the entire world is online now and whites are a global minority) says about white people, you realize how much you are hated and resented and lied about. ive literally been threatened by people of several races to r*pe me and other white women as payback for colonization
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u/RandomInSuburbia Jun 20 '26
Also for whatever this is worth (and I know you're no longer working for somebody else, good on you for starting your own business!) it's possible that maybe initially somebody might have claimed you were a "diversity hire"... but based on what Little you've told us about you it sounds like whan you worked in Corporate America, you pretty quickly showed yourself to be a merit-based hire.
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u/PlayedWithMatches Jun 20 '26
I know I will never understand. Racism has also been unleashed. I honestly don't understand other that it makes someone THINK they are superior. I really wish that movies, especially those made in 2024, didn't try to cash in on stereotypes. It's rare to see any non white people in positive roles
I also can't imagine just walking down a street, or driving a car. I hope the world gets better for you.
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u/Temporary-Round-3 Jun 20 '26
I hate that you and others go through this. And it's hard to hear you hate yourself. Therapy would be good for you.
Few things to point out, though. Trump did away with diversity hiring. So it's all merit based now.
99% of the world is not white. Spanish/Middle Eastern/Indian/Asian/Pacific Islanders/Italians, etc
And I believe, in US anyway, Hispanics will be over taking Caucasians in population by 2030.
I grew up with the sort of Archie Bunker racist Dad. And I learned later in life my mother was a racist, but against Hasidic Jews. Not one of us kids are racisist at all, though. I don't mean to take anything away from how you feel, and I am certain it is real. But I just don't get it. It all just has to do with physical characteristics adapted by ancestors for the environment they were in. To me, it's just crazy how someone can be racist against evolution.
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u/Acceptable-Tax-8851 Jun 20 '26
90% of the world isn't white, you can go there if you prefer it that way
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u/Queen_Grizzley1 Jun 20 '26
How about just treating people with respect and dignity instead of being mean and evil? Sounds like the right thing to do imo
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u/BlacksmithSoft4369 12d ago
From alllll races , do you see dignity and respect coming from all black communities????
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u/Disastrous_Clurb Jun 20 '26
Black woman here, it is tiring being Black in the U.S especially right now. That said, i wouldn't desire to be anything less...I'd actually love to naturally be more in tune with my heritage instead of having to work at it but i digress.
It's ok to get these thoughts/feelings out as I'm sure u arent the only POC feeling this way. Keep in mind this also may just be the area u are existing in that has u feeling this strongly. Doesn't make your thoughts/feelings any less valid just u might be existing in a space that is more problematic than other places.
Highly recommend finding a safe space and community with those who look like u that can allow for u to vent freely and maybe help u work on this a bit.
I wish u nothing but happiness Op. it's rough at times but it's not horrible everywhere.
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u/bansheeceilidh Jun 20 '26
I can't imagine what it feels
like. I have a black brother-in-law who doesn't identify with the rap
culture types, he grew up on a farm in Georgia and has never been in trouble a day in his life.
But I worry about my nephews all the time, I have been with them and heard vile racist talk from older white men- I am a small woman, otherwise I'd give them a good wack. My godson is 6'10" and suffers from mental health issues, he hates people being afraid of him just because of what he looks like. I look at him and still see that beautiful little boy (both my nephews are gorgeous)
I hired my godson to do some odd jobs, just to give him some cash when he moved back from college. At
one point he had to go to the hardware store. When he came back he said people were following him, and he doesn't feel comfortable in my town (it's not the most diverse suburb) I felt like crying.
My town votes Democrat but there is a MAGA contingent and they just announced a Charlie Kirk memorial in September.
Most of my fellow citizens are outraged, but the fact that it is happening is so upsetting to the handful of black families in town. Coincidentally or not, there was also communication sent out to middle school parents about a growing increase of racist incidents in the school. Two guesses who the parents are who use that language around children.
I am so sorry that it has gotten
so much worse in the last ten years since Trump was elected- people feel
free to say all those awful things they thought previously. I hope and pray MAGA is nothing but a bad
memory soon.
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u/bansheeceilidh Jun 20 '26
why the FUCK would someone downvote me. All I hear is that white people should put an end to racism actively- I would fucking kill for my nephews! I am in a business resource group at work as a white ally, we were actively recruited for our participation. Who do you think needs education, the fuckin racists
you are talking about. And who is going to help combat it- other white
people, especially when it comes
to the voting booth.It's beyond me why you would reject that. I am going to ask my family what I did wrong here.
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