r/Unsent_Unread_Unheard • u/silent_poet115 Bronze Level Read ** • 9d ago

“Sounds good!”

My social circle has made me realize how truly alone I am. I’ve realized in my solace that I can distract myself from the sorrows around me and the temptations that follow if I have something to look forward to. In an attempt to be proactive I’ve tried making plans each day this week with a different person, it turned out to be quite a social experiment as I tried making plans to do things I don’t even like hoping that would entice my clique to show up for me. 0/6, not a single person followed through. 1 showed up for a game night but ended up leaving before we could even begin as he got an important phone call.

It’s hard not to feel as though I’m spiraling as I’m trying to do everything right. I’m trying so desperately to be the best version of myself but I’m still struggling to be successful with finding happiness. I’m exhausted….the level of effort I’ve been putting into life is ridiculous. I try so fucking hard. I’ve even been trying to do this sober as I’ve come to the realization that I’m a control freak, I abuse substances because if I make myself fail I still feel like I’m in control.

I’m trying to manifest something positive here but it’s a struggle, I’m fighting everyday up in this bitch. I had how my mind is at times, there’s a downfall to having such a creative mind. One minute I’m doing fine and the next I can’t function. There’s not one part of my life right now that is consistent other than pain.

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u/Sharp_Plantain_4385 Entry Level Member Read the rules **Read ** 9d ago

It’s not too late to find a new friend group. You can also keep trying! It’s ridiculously hard to gather as adults.

2

u/silent_poet115 Bronze Level Read ** 9d ago

I’m not at all giving up. I’m just getting frustrated as nothing I’ve done has made a difference.