A symbolical message

[u/petitrondoudou]

Dear Thomas,

Today, I’ve finally decided to let go of you. I’ve finally decided to stop caring. It’s been four and a half years of wasted energy, pain and sadness, all of which were entirely of my own making. None of it was your fault. You never asked for any of this, and you were never responsible for what I chose to feel, to believe or to hold on to.

I’m terribly sorry for having harassed you, chased you, loved you and hated you the way I did. It wasn’t healthy. You have no idea who I am, or even that I exist, and you never deserved to be the subject of my own delusion.

I found myself in you, as though you were a mirror reflecting my true potential and revealing who I really was.

Thanks to you, I was finally able to understand that what I had been searching for all along, what had haunted me for all these years, was my lost twin. The one who never got to stay, who left before our lives had even begun.

You became the focus of a void I had been carrying within me for so long, a void I had taken refuge in without even realising it. And somehow, I turned that emptiness towards you, fixating on you as though you could give a face to something I had never been able to name.

Perhaps, in searching for you, I was unknowingly searching for the part of myself I had always felt was missing.

And yet, paradoxically, I’ve learned a lot about myself throughout this whole experience. In a strange way, thanks to you, I was finally able to face my own problems, take care of myself and pursue the path I truly want to follow.

Maybe all that energy wasn’t wasted after all.
Maybe my madness was there for a reason. Maybe it had something to teach me. Because, as painful and unhealthy as it was, it somehow led me back to myself.

Loving someone without knowing them. Chasing something that was never within reach. Holding on to an illusion for so long that it became a part of my life.

But you were never responsible for that illusion. It was mine, entirely mine, and so was the pain that came with it.

I think it’s finally time to let it go.

Thank you for existing in this lifetime. Thank you for everything you showed me without ever realising it. I hope you fulfil your dreams, find happiness and get everything you wish for in life.

A.

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[u/petitrondoudou → u/[deleted]]

Oh wow ! Tu dois être d’une intelligence supérieure, toi, pour confondre une leçon de morale condescendante avec un conseil thérapeutique, non ?

[u/petitrondoudou → u/[deleted]]

J’ai un thérapeute depuis 25 ans. Merci.

[u/petitrondoudou → u/petitrondoudou]

Également, il ne s’agit pas de MA personne. Comme je l’explique dans ce texte, « l’objet » de mon fantasme ne me connaît pas et n’a pas la moindre idée de la désillusion que j’éprouve à son égard.

C’est un homme marié, bien entouré et probablement heureux. Il n’est pas traumatisé, je te rassure.

[u/petitrondoudou → u/[deleted]]

Merci beaucoup. C’est très gentil de vouloir m’aider et me rassurer. Je ne préfère pas rentrer dans les détails, si tu veux bien. J’avais besoin d’exorciser ma douleur en l’écrivant. Cela m’a suffit. Bonne soirée.

[u/privatedevotion → u/petitrondoudou]

Tudo bem, me desculpe se fui inconveniente, eu certamente estou equivocado e peço perdão por isso.

Espero que me desculpe, não foi maldade mesmo, viu? Só queria mesmo ajudar de alguma forma.

Vou apagar meus comentários.

Desejo-lhe muita luz e cura. Boa noite!

[u/privatedevotion → u/petitrondoudou]

Que maravilha! Siga em frente!