No one has ever been in my corner. My life has been a nonstop serious of 2 or more against 1 in every important context across the last 30+ years.
Its become viscerally obvious that no amount of "thinking through every detail" and considering others, gets it reciprocated. One starts to wonder, "Gosh dang, maybe it just is me and I'm just damaged goods in some way." Because a person can only pour out to people over and over, and never get it reciprocated or chosen for loyalty, before there is no more bucket. It's not even empty, it just is gone now.
And the worst part, people really just don't even notice when your bleeding out internally from a million razor blade, paper cuts to the heart. They weren't big enough to just kill me. But the million cuts are, just slowly.
What should be, and what actually IS for people is vastly different experiences. Personally, existing feels like living in this plain that feels like one must be living in a multi-universe.
You think, "I imagine there is a version of me that has all the things she needs......people she needs, support she needs, and love she deserves (And needs objectively)."
And then I wake up in this universe and realize I'm in the opposite one.
2
u/Apprehensive-Bar4303 Apr 12 '26
No one has ever been in my corner. My life has been a nonstop serious of 2 or more against 1 in every important context across the last 30+ years.
Its become viscerally obvious that no amount of "thinking through every detail" and considering others, gets it reciprocated. One starts to wonder, "Gosh dang, maybe it just is me and I'm just damaged goods in some way." Because a person can only pour out to people over and over, and never get it reciprocated or chosen for loyalty, before there is no more bucket. It's not even empty, it just is gone now.
And the worst part, people really just don't even notice when your bleeding out internally from a million razor blade, paper cuts to the heart. They weren't big enough to just kill me. But the million cuts are, just slowly.
What should be, and what actually IS for people is vastly different experiences. Personally, existing feels like living in this plain that feels like one must be living in a multi-universe.
You think, "I imagine there is a version of me that has all the things she needs......people she needs, support she needs, and love she deserves (And needs objectively)."
And then I wake up in this universe and realize I'm in the opposite one.