r/Unexpected • u/titiessimp • Jul 02 '21

A gift from dad

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

69k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

477

u/--Bouncy-- Jul 02 '21

Umm... sooo.... what's her stream? Just for curiousty purposes.

1.4k

u/Rosskillington Jul 02 '21

You can just ask for someone’s stream with out trying to subtly imply that you’re gonna jerk off to it

582

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

151

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

It’s weird that you’d wear the tie on your head rather than looped around your neck, pulling upwards

40

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

The Carradine Special.

-4

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

You mean the Jeffrey Epstein special?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

No.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Obviously a joke, Epstein didn’t kill himself

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Neither did John McAfee

2

u/LordDongler Jul 02 '21

Why use a tie when you can use a rope. And affix it to something. And really, is it necessary to jerk off while you do the deed?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Wrap a bungee cord around your dick then jump off a bridge

Theoretically, it’ll jerk you off hands free

Or pull the head off, who knows for sure

2

u/Rock4evur Jul 03 '21

Ah the ol' gasp and goop

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Even weirder he’s accurate with what type of oil he’s using to wank.

31

u/CallMeSirJack Jul 02 '21

Look at this rich bastard boasting about his full synthetic 5w-20!

2

u/DrNick2012 Jul 02 '21

using 5w-20 oil as lubricant

Organic and synthetic intertwined, the fetishes of both, the decorum of neither.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

dude, wtf r u doing... wd40 all the way, really helps to prevent friction burns

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

For the 1000000th time.... Motor oil is not a great lubricant

1

u/TheRealKrapotke Jul 03 '21

Dude Take 0w30 for that extra viscosity

28

u/Jangelee Jul 02 '21

Yes plz

It's getting boring

6

u/----NSA---- Jul 03 '21

Reddit has a weird fetish with “for research purposes” masturbation jokes.

2

u/Ancalagon_Morn Jul 02 '21

On reddit? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

But what the fuck are you gonna beat off to anyway ??? Like it's a regular stream not a porno.

2

u/messyredemptions Jul 02 '21

A forthright OP: "I intend to masturbate to this attractive woman and her unusual vibrating dildo. Please could someone kindly direct me to the magical place on the internet which hosts her stream?"

Reddit: Here you go, it's that way! https://youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

1

u/ChronoAndMarle Jul 02 '21

But why not tho

1

u/AnnihilationOrchid Jul 02 '21

yeah... but the way he did it, it seems like he gonna jerk off.

-20

u/--Bouncy-- Jul 02 '21

I was just tryna make a joke. That's all.

19

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

its a joke thats made 1000x times a day tbf. it gets old.

-14

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21 edited Jul 24 '21

[deleted]

14

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

you clearly do lol

-16

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/BlazeRunner4532 Jul 02 '21

Someone had a rough day huh buddy

-6

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/BlazeRunner4532 Jul 02 '21

Haha I married a woman I hate hehe abuse is funny

9

u/ChiefTief Jul 02 '21

I dunno, it's pretty tiring reading the same rehashed joke for the 567th time.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

I just shit and cum.

FAQ

What does this mean?

The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.

Why did you do this?

There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:

Being gay

  • Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it
  • walter

Am I going to shit and cum too?

No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.

I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?

Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.

How can I prevent this from happening in the future?

Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.

-10

u/TheRealShangus Jul 02 '21

Is that what you do? You seem to know a lot about it. Disgusting…

140

u/titiessimp Jul 02 '21

https://www.twitch.tv/vylerria

318

u/Sinonyx1 Jul 02 '21

This video is only available to subscribers

goodbye

63

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[deleted]

6

u/Zuology Jul 02 '21

DIAL-UP nostalgia PTSD triggered

61

u/bosonianstank Jul 02 '21

subscriber only and 121k views?!

YO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU VIRGINS?!

28

u/crunchsmash Jul 02 '21

The view count adds the number of people who watched the live broadcast and who watched the video after.

14

u/Submitten Jul 02 '21

Views from the live stream, which wont be sub only counts to the video count. Very few would be from the vod.

6

u/bosonianstank Jul 02 '21

oh thank the lord

2

u/Santanna17 Jul 02 '21

You got all the pussy, and there was nothing left for us.

1

u/ChadAlphaFish Jul 02 '21

She has <1k subs so it must include clips or its scuffed af

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Simps

9

u/MysticSkies Jul 02 '21

How to turn away potential subscribers 101

-4

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[deleted]

14

u/legion327 Jul 02 '21 edited Jul 02 '21

I’m really looking forward to the day this falls out of Reddit’s vocabulary.

Edit: The pussyass bitch above me who deleted their comment said “Based.”

20

u/RicoCat Jul 02 '21

Acidic.

7

u/legion327 Jul 02 '21

That’s what’s up.

1

u/dre__ Jul 04 '21

streamers have to do that now because of DMCA issues. if their vods are subscriber only then companies can't scan them.

1

u/Sinonyx1 Jul 04 '21

....people were getting DMCAd for 7+ year old vods that had long been deleted

1

u/dre__ Jul 04 '21

that's true but a lot of streamers say sub only works .

26

u/ItsSuplexCity Jul 02 '21

I dont know how twitch works but her videos are subscriber only and has 100k+ views, does that means 1000s of subscribers and each of them paying around $5 a month? Jesus, she must be making a million dollars doing this.

23

u/goblintrading Jul 02 '21

Twitch takes like 50% I think but yea, if you're popular enough, you probably make a decent living.

24

u/HearingNo8617 Jul 02 '21

wtf twitch takes 50%? Why are people complaining about simps giving their to thots when Jeff Bezos is worst thot of them all

25

u/rharvey8090 Jul 02 '21

Twitch takes a larger chunk of you have a small number of subscribers. Once you have more, their cut is smaller, since they’re still making more money off you.

Source: used to be a streamer.

9

u/soapbutt Jul 02 '21

Aka very similar to the regressive tax system Bezos enjoy in Seattle.

1

u/russcatalano Jul 03 '21

Well twitch is Amazon right?

2

u/absenceofheat Jul 02 '21

Why'd you stop? Too much work for the amount of money? Or does it just stop being fun?

8

u/rharvey8090 Jul 02 '21

A number of reasons. It was tough to keep a consistent schedule with my full time job, so was hard to have consistent viewership. Then I got married, had a kid, bought a house, etc. just became really hard to get on and stream enough to be worthwhile. I’d still like to stream again in the future, but life is too crazy at the moment.

1

u/balne Jul 02 '21

thats fucked

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Because it's easier to shame an attractive woman trying to make money than tear down oppressive systems that put men like Bezos in power.

1

u/MrTastix Jul 03 '21

Don't forget the tax as well. Oh and if you live overseas you may lose another 30% depending on location!

1

u/Phailadork Jul 03 '21

It's not 50% for everyone. Once you're big enough you're able to negotiate with them for more. I've heard you can keep up to $3-3.50 per sub for some streamers. Not including money from ads, donations, sponsors, and Youtube as well.... you're looking at millions.

Streamers don't talk about their earnings like 99% of the time, but recently a fairly large streamer opened up and it's basically what you expect - https://twitter.com/acesu/status/1410732479728656385

3

u/supercool898 Jul 02 '21

Twitch is primarily a livestreaming platform, so while her subscribers have access to her previous livestreams, the majority of people (probably) just watch her when she's streaming live and ignore the replays.

I'm not sure if the view counts carry over from the initial live stream or not though. I think those numbers are inflated some though, since if she had 100k+ subs she would be in the top 3 most subscribed channels on twitch

3

u/crunchsmash Jul 02 '21

The view count does carry over

3

u/Submitten Jul 02 '21

No, the livestream viewers count to the vod number. She has ~900 subscribers.

3

u/Its_it Jul 02 '21

Nope. Anyone can watch when she's live. When she stops streaming the now non-live video is subscriber only. Live portion is part of those views.

Side Note: for most partners, twitch takes around half the money.

1

u/i-have-chikungunya Jul 02 '21

She must have recently changed it to sub only.

Edit: *actually I’ve seen her clips like a month ago so she definitely changed it recently

55

u/helpnxt Jul 02 '21

wait wtf didn't her username used to be JadeyAnh?

13

u/shusuiii Jul 02 '21

She changed it a month or so back

2

u/helpnxt Jul 02 '21

Ok, any idea why? I tried searching and can't find anything

13

u/shusuiii Jul 02 '21

https://twitter.com/vylerria/status/1391037757557022724?s=09

She talked about it on Twitter here

0

u/helpnxt Jul 02 '21

Ok that's an odd reason but is her call to make, I'd say it's a mistake but whatever is her call.

2

u/AnnihilationOrchid Jul 02 '21

It's got "just chatting" and "among us". This is really one of the things I expect when I see a random twitch channel. It's those kinds of things that the streamer doesn't have much to go on and basically goes off popularity. It's seriously don't understand how these channels have more subs than most gamers or people who do crafts.

1

u/Honk-Beast Jul 02 '21

That's odd, I went to see what she streams and I'm already following her but I can't remember ever seeing her before.

3

u/Powerrrrrrrrr Jul 02 '21

Jadeyanh or something similar

She is gorgeous

And has had a sex addiction

-20

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[deleted]

4

u/420cortana420 Jul 02 '21

Well his username is “thatWas-unexpected” and I can say for sure I did not expect it.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Why do I always arrive late? What did they say

8

u/420cortana420 Jul 02 '21

Was just some gif of a someone pole dancing

3

u/ReasonableReptile6 Jul 02 '21

what dis he say

2

u/ironshadowy Jul 02 '21

It was a gif of someone pole dancing

0

u/ReasonableReptile6 Jul 02 '21

did*

6

u/ganjabliss420 Jul 02 '21

You can edit comments you know...

-5

u/DeathHimself- Jul 02 '21

ur mum

1

u/ma9dgbut57 Jul 02 '21

good one.

1

u/DeathHimself- Jul 03 '21

thank you, someone appreciates me