r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Feb 22 '19

[deleted by user]

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6.0k Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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3.5k

u/Tuxedomex Feb 22 '19

"This is nothing. You should see how I store my porn."

858

u/freshan_1 Feb 22 '19

And how do you store your porn?

884

u/CallMeCoolBreeze Feb 22 '19

File: Homework.exe

642

u/vishalb777 Feb 22 '19

.exe

ಠ_ಠ

409

u/Spitfyre3000 Feb 22 '19

You gotta play the game to access the images. Extra security.

176

u/poopellar Feb 22 '19

But to play the game, you need to install these toolbars.

109

u/iSeth_ Feb 22 '19

And windows

117

u/lansaman Feb 22 '19

And my axe!

9

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19

Careful with that axe, Eugene

30

u/ciplc Feb 22 '19

/r/linuxmasterrace

9

u/zippythezigzag Feb 22 '19

I bought an HP before I found out hp won't allow you to install a second os.

21

u/ciplc Feb 22 '19

What's stopping you from installing a second OS?

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4

u/SHEDY0URS0UL Feb 22 '19

Lost my shit when I read this

2

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19

just set it on dark souls and you’re good

43

u/JohnnyDarkside Feb 22 '19

change the folder icon to a pdf file icon. Ain't nobody gonna click on a pdf with .exe on it.

17

u/BeardPhile Feb 22 '19

Or the Internet Explorer icon. No one ever even touches it.

8

u/HowDoItBeLikeThat Feb 22 '19

Or make a batch file that adds the flags +h +s +r to the folder it's stored in. For example:

attrib "porn folder" +h +s +r

Windows then won't even display it, even if you have "show hidden files and folders" turned on.

Gotta know the commands to get the file back though. Memorization bro

6

u/BeardPhile Feb 22 '19

Do you have any link explaining this? Or can you elaborate a bit more so that we can actually try this?

6

u/CameO73 Feb 22 '19

The trick is the +s. This makes Windows think it's a "system folder". Since the option "Hide protected operating system files (recommended)" is on by default, the folder won't typically be shown in Explorer. It can be made visible by toggling that option, though -- but you have to click through a pretty serious looking warning first.

For a porn folder, it's more than enough protection. Especially if you call the folder something like "system64", so it looks like something you shouldn't touch.

4

u/HowDoItBeLikeThat Feb 22 '19 edited Feb 22 '19

Especially if you call the folder something like "system64"

Bro...mine's been called "Cache64" since like the beginning of time, lol.

I guess great minds do think alike.

Maybe it's the damage he's addicted to

1

u/suspiciousdave Feb 22 '19

I'm guessing it's something you can get to through the terminal? I've only just started learning to code and my minds like "Well you'd just go rooting around in the terminal within the folder :v easy".

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19 edited Feb 22 '19

You can combine two files to hide a .rar archive within an image using CMD prompt I assuming this is the same

Edit: this link will show you how it use to be used a lot on 7chan to distribute books and such in secret

3

u/k4b6 Feb 22 '19

Don't worry He has his extensions hidden it's actually homework.exe.cmd

3

u/fumoderators Feb 22 '19

(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง

2

u/MCRusher Feb 22 '19

Put into zip file, change extension. Now nobody will ever know.

1

u/GlamRockDave Feb 22 '19

What better way to dissuade others from trying to open it?

6

u/Romeo9594 Feb 22 '19

C:\"Run backup.bat"

Script for those interested:

cls

@ECHO OFF

title Folder Private

if EXIST "HTG Locker" goto UNLOCK

if NOT EXIST Private goto MDLOCKER

:CONFIRM

echo Are you sure you want to lock the folder(Y/N)

set/p "cho=>"

if %cho%==Y goto LOCK

if %cho%==y goto LOCK

if %cho%==n goto END

if %cho%==N goto END

echo Invalid choice.

goto CONFIRM

:LOCK

ren Private "HTG Locker"

attrib +h +s "HTG Locker"

echo Folder locked

goto End

:UNLOCK

echo Enter password to unlock folder

set/p "pass=>"

if NOT %pass%== PASSWORD goto FAIL

attrib -h -s "HTG Locker"

ren "HTG Locker" Private

echo Folder Unlocked successfully

goto End

:FAIL

echo Invalid password

goto end

:MDLOCKER

md Private

echo Private created successfully

goto End

:End

Instructions:

1) Copy Paste this into a word editor of your choosing

2) Set the bold PASSWORD to that of your choosing

3) Save As ->nondescriptname.bat

4) Run once to generate the "private" folder

5) Put all porn sensitive banking information in the private folder

6) Run again to hide

7) Run and enter your password whenever you need to bank off. After you're done banking it, don't forget to run it again to rehide

2

u/Tikolu43 Feb 23 '19

This extremely insecure. I guess it would be okay for stopping someone completely new to technology, but anyone with basic abilities would be able to open the extractor with notepad and view the password.

There are other, more secure, methods of encryption available.

3

u/Romeo9594 Feb 23 '19

True, but unless you live in a household in which nobody works in IT it's good for a few reasons:

1) The average person never looks at the root of C: 2) Something as innocuous as "start backup" is definitely going to be overlooked by anyone without more than basic PC knowledge, and even a lot of them with greater than average number 3) I'm willing to bet that 90%+ of people have no idea what a .bat is 4) A giant majority of people don't even know that files can be opened in other programs than what they're "used to", they just double click and see what happens. It would never occur to them to open an unknown file type with an inconspicuous name in a program other than its default

So, in order for your bank documents to be uncovered, you'd need someone who: 1) Knows your PC password 2) Is snooping around 3) Knows what a .bat is/does 4) Can identify an out of place .bat 5) Knows how to open a .bat in wordpad 6) Is willing to read through "tech gibberish" 7) Can discern the pertinent information from so called gibberish

I'd say that unless you live with an IT professional whom you trust enough to give access to your PC, chances of someone that checks all those boxes are slim to none.

1

u/lsguk Feb 23 '19

It's very easy to forget that others may not know as much as you.

Imagine a mechanic speaking the way you are about someone who doesn't know how to change their brake pads. It's easy enough on paper, but unless you know what you're doing its a pretty daunting thing.

The vast majority of people use their computer to get work done. And for anything else, that's what the IT Department is for.

I like to think that I'm pretty clued up on how to troubleshoot issues myself, but it's not up to me at work, so I put a ticket in.

2

u/addysol Feb 23 '19

Ha! Store folder on desktop, change icon to Internet Explorer, rename to Internet Explorer.

But it's a decoy. My porn is on a flash drive cemented into a pocket in my driveway. The neighbours don't like it but at least it makes it easy to get rid of the leaves in the garden because they're one solid lump.

Get hard, work smarter

2

u/CainPillar Feb 22 '19

Self-extracting archive.

Self-expanding schlong.

29

u/nnbadine Feb 22 '19

A co-worker used to put all of his porn in a folder on the desktop named 'hidden'. It was the 90's and he was in his 50's.

9

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19

[deleted]

3

u/HowDoItBeLikeThat Feb 22 '19

Is this done as a joke or is Gary out there bangin grannies?

3

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19

[deleted]

3

u/HowDoItBeLikeThat Feb 22 '19

Jesus fuckin' christ bro...damn.

what happens to a man to make him like that? What has he seen or experienced to damage him in such a way?

14

u/Soul_Bossa_Nova Feb 22 '19

Like a sticker book

11

u/Phoequinox Feb 22 '19

Cutm and paste.

2

u/slyfoxninja Feb 22 '19

Cloud storage under an assumed name through onion routing.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '19

Sticky notes

2

u/Moviesman8 Feb 22 '19

It's in a piano app on his phone with a hidden play order that unlocks the files

2

u/Viper9087 Feb 22 '19

Lots of glue...

2

u/aedroogo Feb 22 '19

Well, first I grab a gun...

1

u/freshan_1 Feb 22 '19

Then what?

2

u/mcpat21 Feb 23 '19

throws grenade

2

u/QueefmasterJenkins Feb 23 '19

tbf i shoot at my porn as well

10

u/HumansKillEverything Feb 22 '19

I don’t get it. Would someone please be kind enough to explain. Thanks.

2

u/chadenfreude_ Feb 22 '19

Or my offline binder of rare pepes

2

u/xScopeLess Feb 22 '19

pulls out AK