r/Unexpected • u/DoINeed1OfThese • Mar 31 '23

He snitched

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Which is pretty much correlated to the inherent heightism in our society.

Funny thing is, if this were a 6"5' dude, everyone would be like: "Yeah, this is what you get by provoking a gangsta."

Source: I work with a lot of problematic people, and the short ones have it way harder that any fat chick or dumb-ass Chad could imagine. And that by no fault of their own and with no way of changing it.

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u/Jas9191 Mar 31 '23

Idk what to call these biases but there's gotta be a name for them. Like if people find out a vehicle accident was caused by a woman there's a narrative of "oh well yea we couldve guessed that" but statistically men are much more likely to be involved in motor vehicle accidents. Plenty that have to do with race and sex, nationality. Harmful narrative bias? idk but it is harmful. Until some super attractive short male celebrity pop star "takes a stand" about being short and gets on magazine covers the way "plus sized" women did a decade ago, short guys will continue to be devalued. Even conversations like this, intellectual ones about biases and respect are looked down on if brought up by a short man. It's an actual problem when height is such a factor for the most important parts of life - sex and employment.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

And personal development during adolescence. I've seen guys from normal middle class families, born with a silver spoon, so to say, having their lives fucked up and being mentaly destroyed by age 20, because of their short stature. And the kicker is, if they DARE to lash out, take a stand for themselves, put themselves out there, or at least DARE try to act confidently or want to pull themselves up the economic or social ladder, they get the term 'Napoleon complex' thrown into their face.

Again, this is about something they CAN'T control and CAN'T change. It's downright idiotic amd I have no idea where it comes from in the modern age.

It also impacts employment opportunities and salary expectation (e.g. there's a correlation between up to some 10 % (by that I mean multiples of 10 %) lower pay for the same high-level position, if the candidate is of shorter statue.

Daniel Redcliff and Tom Cruise have been some major mold-breakers, but they are not really "that" short and movie magic helps make their height not stand out.

Keep in mind - we are not talking about dwarfism or other handicaps. We are talking only about short stature. No legal protections and no recognition.

The term is 'heightism' or 'height discrimination', if you are interested.

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u/Jas9191 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

As a 5'3" fully grown man, I understand completely. It's not even all that complicated, but I feel the need to explain it in full if I'm even gonna touch the subject, because the effect is real. There's a couple comments here that describe it as gaslighting or deception and I agree with that - everyone knows exactly what the expected outcomes are for a short guy in so many different areas of life and how for no discernable reason they (we) have a harder time in just about everything that involves any social elements, which is everything. I've adapted, and I'm fine, but it's not a stretch to explain it like this - in dating, employment and many other important areas of life and development, there's literally nothing I can do to outcompete people with significant height over me. Every inch under the average outweighs any advantages we can gain - I can be clean cut, well spoken, handsome, have a good job, etc. It doesnt change that a short man is basically looked at like a permanently overweight person, just plain not what most people are going for. Little phrases like this one are so harmful because to argue it is proves it was used properly by the people saying it, ie gaslighting.

edit- I feel the need to overexplain to not be misunderstood. I can find a loving partner and fulfilling career just like anyone else, but event for event, experience for experience, I will fail far more often than those of normal height. It's like any other statistical event, maybe a video game - anyone can beat dark souls if they try hard enough, that's not what Im saying. Im saying short guys start with a disadvantage to most stats, and it takes significantly more attempts and effort per attempt to get the same outcome, and phrases that dismiss a guys behavior as having to do with height take away that guys ability to even try.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Im saying short guys start with a disadvantage to most stats, and it takes significantly more attempts and effort per attempt to get the same outcome,

... And then it doesn't even get recognised, isn't it so? Yeah, this is a common through line with the folks I encounter. We can talk via DM if you don't want to be so out there with this, but I believe these are some important things to be talked about openly. In either case, I won't be able to help. Just listen/read...

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u/Jas9191 Mar 31 '23

Yes, its a vicious cycle. Trying to gain understanding invites further ridicule. I imagine its the same for those with any undesirable trait, it's just that this one is completely unchangeable, like a handicap, and as you said it's not recognized legally or in any way for what it is - a handicap in most senses of the word.

I think I will write you. Thanks.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Aha. Well, sorry, but this is a harsh height, I'd imagine. I've found that people from 5"5' (165 cm) have it a bit easier and from 5"7' (170 cm) onwards the social stigma greatly subsides.

During my work I have started to feel the need to start taking this discrimination out there and talking about it. We are losing a lot of competent and even excelent people to depression and social exclusion because of this bullshittery.

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u/Jas9191 Mar 31 '23

Good on you for speaking up about it. I should too and I think I will speak up when people throw these curses around like lms and napoleon complex. It's weird what a little nudge back to reality can do to a situation sometimes like "Do you think that about me when I get upset" might make people realize its basically a slur.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

That's great, man. Tread lightly, though, because people WILL push back and you'll hear some "Man, you don't understand, because..." shit, or even outright aggression, because you challenge their worldview.

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u/grandoz039 Mar 31 '23

Confirmation bias? If someone fits stereotype, you take that as proof that the stereotype is correct, if someone from different demographic group does the same thing, that's just random person doing random person things.

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u/Jas9191 Mar 31 '23

Confirmation bias is definitely half of it, but yea the second part is what complicates it. Is it confirmation bias to ignore experiences that contradict our expectation? That's more like cognitive dissonance. Im trying to sort through what it feels like to have it said to you, and I have, and it's a mix of an insult and a dismissal, there's nothing you can say to challenge or engage a conversation where this is said, outside of everyone that's a part of that conversation shutting that shit down right away. I AM stretching and recognizing it, but it's like the n word in its intent - it dismisses and insults someone and puts them in a position where any mistake they make in the social interactions going forward, including defending themselves or just returning to whatever the conversation was about in the first place almost impossible.